Include charm on the method of special services. Turn on charm on the method of special services - Jack Schafer, Marvin Karlys

Jack Schafer, Marvin Karlins

THE LIKE SWITCH:

An Ex-FBI Agent "S Guide to Influencing, Attracting and Winning People Over

Published with the resolution of Touchstone, A Division Of Simon & Schuster, Inc. and literary agency Andrew Nurnberg

Legal support for publisher provides the law firm "Vegas Lex"

© John Schafer, Ph.D. and marvin karlins, ph.d., 2015

© Translation into Russian, publication in Russian, design. Mann, Ivanov and Ferber LLC, 2015

This book complements this book:

Robert Caldini, Steve Martin and Noa Goldstein

Paul McGee

Susan Vainshenk

Mark Gowleston and John Ullman

Mark Gowstone

My wife helen, gifted by love, strong character and, moreover, patience, which allowed her to demolish my eccentrics during the thirty years of our marriage.

Jack Shafhers

My wife Edith and daughter Amber. Thank you for being there, for what you have achieved, for the love that enriches the lives of many people.

Marvin Carliners

Introduction

How to arrange the location

It would not have occurred to anyone to decipher the FBI abbreviation as a federal bureau of the Raduchia. In this organization, I worked for twenty years by an agent specializing in behavioral analysis, and over the years have developed the ability to quickly evaluate people, understand their characters and develop a strategy of behavior with them. My responsibilities included convincing people to cooperate with the FBI, acting against their native country, or to identify criminals and to decline them to recognize, sometimes without uttering a single word for it. As a specialist in behavioral analysis, I developed a strategy to recruit spies and make friends from sworn enemies. In other words, I have acquired skills and created technical techniques that have turned the enemies of the United States of America in friends and voluntary spies in favor of my country. In short, in front of me stood the challenge to conquer the sympathies of people.

The case with Vladimir (I changed the names and personal characteristics The people mentioned in the book and sometimes created some kind of character from several to make examples more visual) excellently shows what the essence of the case. Vladimir illegally arrived in the United States for the purpose of espionage. He was caught when trying to take possession of secret documents of the Ministry of Defense. To me, as a special Agent, the FBI was instructed to work with him. In the first interrogation, he stated that he would not talk to me under any circumstances. In order to overcome the resistance of the arrested, I began with the fact that at interrogations just sat in front of him and was accepted to read the newspaper. I read for quite a long time, then folded the newspaper, put on the table and, not a word, leaned out of the Cabinet. Day after day, a week for a week I came to question, read the newspaper, left her on the table and left, and Vladimir was sitting on the contrary, chained with handcuffs to the table.

Over the next month we spoke about anything, except spyware. Then, one day, Vladimir suddenly said: "I am ready to talk about what I did." He began to express his thoughts freely and frankly because he was forced to this by force, but because I liked him and he began to consider me his friend.

The interrogation technique that I applied in working with Vladimir may seem meaningless. But in fact, I carefully planned my actions to get from the arrested desire to admit and cooperate with the FBI. In this book, I will reveal my secret and explain how I won the location of Vladimir, and how, using the same technique, you can cause sympathy from almost any person for a while or for life. I can do it, because, as it turned out, the skills of communication, developed by me in order to gain friendship of potential agents and their recruitment, can be equally efficiently used to establish friendly relations at home, at work and in any other places and communication situations.

I must confess, at the beginning I did not understand that you can use my professional skills in everyday life. Such an opportunity attracted my attention only at the very end of my career in the FBI. At that time, I taught young intelligence officers to recruit agents. One day, before the start of a new semester, I came to work for half an hour before practicing to prepare a classroom. To my surprise, there were already two cadets in the classroom. I did not recognize them. They sat like approximate disciples, in the first row, putting hands on the table. This behavior of the cadets surprised me a lot: they rarely were on classes in such a year. I asked what happened who they were and why they came so early.

- Do you remember Tim from the previous group? - asked one of the cadets.

"Yes," I replied.

- A couple of weeks ago we were with Tim in the bar. He told us about your lectures to influence and build trust relationships.

- So what? .. - I asked, still not understanding where he was clone.

- Tim boasted that in the classes learned how to pick up any girl.

"And they decided to experience him," the first continued. "We chose the first woman that fell, which was sitting in the bar, and offered Tima without a single word to invite her to sit at our table to drink.

- And what did he do? - I asked.

"He took the challenge," the cadet exclaimed. "We decided that he was crazy and takes too much." But after forty-five minutes, the woman really went to our table and asked if she could not sit in our company. We did not believe our eyes, but everything happened this way.

I looked at them testingly.

- Did you find out how he did it?

- Not! - exclaimed one of them, and then they admitted to unison: - We came to learn!

Initially, I felt bewilderment and reminded them of our profession. I said that the purpose of classes is to train cadets to work in intelligence, and not the upbringing of pickup masters. But after a short meditation, I suddenly, to my own surprise, dawned. By reflection about Tim's mind, I realized that the methods for recruiting spies can be used for victory in love games. Moreover, in a broader sense, this technique can be used in all cases when it is required to win the location of the person in almost any interpersonal interaction. This illumination became the initial point of work on this book and determined its content.

Current page: 1 (In total, 20 pages) [Available excerpt for reading: 5 pages]

Marvin Carlice, Jack Schap
Turn on charm according to the method of special services

Jack Schafer, Marvin Karlins

THE LIKE SWITCH:

An Ex-FBI Agent "S Guide to Influencing, Attracting and Winning People Over


Published with the resolution of Touchstone, A Division Of Simon & Schuster, Inc. and literary agency Andrew Nurnberg


Legal support for publisher provides the law firm "Vegas Lex"


© John Schafer, Ph.D. and marvin karlins, ph.d., 2015

© Translation into Russian, publication in Russian, design. Mann, Ivanov and Ferber LLC, 2015

* * *

This book complements this book:

Psychology belief

Robert Caldini, Steve Martin and Noa Goldstein


Mastery of communication

Paul McGee


Laws of influence

Susan Vainshenk


Art of influence

Mark Gowleston and John Ullman


I hear you through

Mark Gowstone

My wife helen, gifted by love, strong character and, moreover, patience, which allowed her to demolish my eccentrics during the thirty years of our marriage.

Jack Shafhers

My wife Edith and daughter Amber. Thank you for being there, for what you have achieved, for the love that enriches the lives of many people.

Marvin Carliners

Introduction
How to arrange the location

It would not have occurred to anyone to decipher the FBI abbreviation as a federal bureau of the Raduchia. In this organization, I worked for twenty years by an agent specializing in behavioral analysis, and over the years have developed the ability to quickly evaluate people, understand their characters and develop a strategy of behavior with them. My responsibilities included convincing people to cooperate with the FBI, acting against their native country, or to identify criminals and to decline them to recognize, sometimes without uttering a single word for it. As a specialist in behavioral analysis, I developed a strategy to recruit spies and make friends from sworn enemies. In other words, I have acquired skills and created technical techniques that have turned the enemies of the United States of America in friends and voluntary spies in favor of my country. In short, in front of me stood the challenge to conquer the sympathies of people.

The case with Vladimir (I changed the names and personal characteristics of the people mentioned in the book and sometimes created some kind of character from several to make examples more visual) excellently shows what the essence of the case. Vladimir illegally arrived in the United States for the purpose of espionage. He was caught when trying to take possession of secret documents of the Ministry of Defense. To me, as a special Agent, the FBI was instructed to work with him. In the first interrogation, he stated that he would not talk to me under any circumstances. In order to overcome the resistance of the arrested, I began with the fact that at interrogations just sat in front of him and was accepted to read the newspaper. I read for quite a long time, then folded the newspaper, put on the table and, not a word, leaned out of the Cabinet. Day after day, a week for a week I came to question, read the newspaper, left her on the table and left, and Vladimir was sitting on the contrary, chained with handcuffs to the table.

Over the next month we spoke about anything, except spyware. Then, one day, Vladimir suddenly said: "I am ready to talk about what I did." He began to express his thoughts freely and frankly because he was forced to this by force, but because I liked him and he began to consider me his friend.

The interrogation technique that I applied in working with Vladimir may seem meaningless. But in fact, I carefully planned my actions to get from the arrested desire to admit and cooperate with the FBI. In this book, I will reveal my secret and explain how I won the location of Vladimir, and how, using the same technique, you can cause sympathy from almost any person for a while or for life. I can do it, because, as it turned out, the skills of communication, developed by me in order to gain friendship of potential agents and their recruitment, can be equally efficiently used to establish friendly relations at home, at work and in any other places and communication situations.

I must confess, at the beginning I did not understand that you can use my professional skills in everyday life. Such an opportunity attracted my attention only at the very end of my career in the FBI. At that time, I taught young intelligence officers to recruit agents. One day, before the start of a new semester, I came to work for half an hour before practicing to prepare a classroom. To my surprise, there were already two cadets in the classroom. I did not recognize them. They sat like approximate disciples, in the first row, putting hands on the table. This behavior of the cadets surprised me a lot: they rarely were on classes in such a year. I asked what happened who they were and why they came so early.

- Do you remember Tim from the previous group? - asked one of the cadets.

"Yes," I replied.

- A couple of weeks ago we were with Tim in the bar. He told us about your lectures to influence and build trust relationships.

- So what? .. - I asked, still not understanding where he was clone.

- Tim boasted that in the classes learned how to pick up any girl.

"And they decided to experience him," the first continued. "We chose the first woman that fell, which was sitting in the bar, and offered Tima without a single word to invite her to sit at our table to drink.

- And what did he do? - I asked.

"He took the challenge," the cadet exclaimed. "We decided that he was crazy and takes too much." But after forty-five minutes, the woman really went to our table and asked if she could not sit in our company. We did not believe our eyes, but everything happened this way.

I looked at them testingly.

- Did you find out how he did it?

- Not! - exclaimed one of them, and then they admitted to unison: - We came to learn!

Initially, I felt bewilderment and reminded them of our profession. I said that the purpose of classes is to train cadets to work in intelligence, and not the upbringing of pickup masters. But after a short meditation, I suddenly, to my own surprise, dawned. By reflection about Tim's mind, I realized that the methods for recruiting spies can be used for victory in love games. Moreover, in a broader sense, this technique can be used in all cases when it is required to win the location of the person in almost any interpersonal interaction. This illumination became the initial point of work on this book and determined its content.

After dismissal from the FBI, I continued to work on a doctoral dissertation on psychology and began to teach at the university. It was at this time that I embrace my plan, writing a book designed to help people establish successful interpersonal relationships at home at work and in all places where such relationships are necessary. For example:

Newslands can use these methods to attract new customers;

Experienced sellers will also benefit from the book, learning to support and develop existing relationships, as well as, naturally, attract new buyers;

All employees, from Wall Street managers to restaurant waiters, can use the proposed tactics for more efficient interaction with management, colleagues, subordinate and clients;

Parents can apply new knowledge to correct, maintain and strengthen relations with children;

Consumers will learn to get better service, enter into more favorable deals and attract favorable attention from the service personnel;

And, of course, people wishing to establish friendly or romantic relationships will be able to take advantage of the proposed techniques for the development of skills to overcome difficulties in this difficult business (which is becoming more complex in the digital era).


This book is intended for anyone who wants to find new friends or strengthen existing relationships, make more pleasant. random meetings, as well as get more tips and bonuses.

How to cope with friendship challenges

People are public creatures. Human species is programmed to find friends. This desire is rooted in our distant primitive past, when unity gave the best chances to take up the top places in the food chain, when we left the caves and began to fight for survival in a hostile and merciless world. If you think that at that time the search for friends was pleasant and easy business, unfortunately, mistaken. Today, the results of many sociological surveys and research show that the world has a growing number of people who feel lonely and incapable even to start acquaintance, not to mention that to build meaningful, deep and long-term relationships. The problem is exacerbated by widespread introduction into our lives. social networkswhich are even more isolated people from each other, prevent the establishment of trustful personal relationships.

To come into contact with people, especially unfamiliar, is always difficult. Moreover, these contacts are associated with unpleasant and even frightening experiences. It does not matter, a man you or a woman. In any case, you are experiencing fear: the fear of embarrassment, the fear of failure, the fear of offending and hurts other people's feelings, fear to make a bad impression and even fear of possible manipulation and unsuccessful use of you with another person.

Fortunately, the establishment of relations does not necessarily lead to a catastrophe. If you want, contrary to difficulties, make friends or simply improve existing relationships with anyone, be careful. You are not alone, and your situation is not hopeless. I wrote this book specifically in order to reduce your alarm due to maintaining relationships at work and at home, with your favorite people or the need to enter into new relations with strangers. The methods described in it are based on advanced scientific data, so they will give you a chance to learn how to people, without pronounce a word. In this book you will find different tips on the use of non-verbal signals, with the help of which, as well as with the help of words, you can instantly seek the location of any person. However, in the end you will still have to speak. Words turn a sense of sympathy into friendship, and sometimes in long-term long-term relationship.

Fruitful personal relationships, no doubt, are available to you. This is not a question of chance or luck. Friendly, trusting relationships are established thanks to the use of tested scientific knowledge and proven interaction methods with others.

So, now from the unconditional ability to make friends of you are separated only three steps.

1. You must penetrate the sincere desire to master the methods and receptions described in the book, and do not regret it. These methods resemble electric tools that enjoy building workers. All the cunning is to allow the tool to work. For example, in early youth, I saw wooden blanks with manual hacksaw. One day, my father allowed me to take a recently bought circular saw. I began to work by clicking on her the same way as on the hand saw. Seeing this, my father patted me on the shoulder and said that I would not give me so much and allowed the saw calmly and well to fulfill my job. The techniques described in the book require exactly the same common approach. Applying them, be calm, stay yourself and give them to work for you. You will be quite surprised by the result.

2. You must constantly apply new knowledge to interact with people surrounding you in everyday life. What is known to you best way Actions, well only in cases where you use it in practice. Remember that knowledge without practical application - Dead knowledge.

3. Reinforce the learned material by constant practice. Friendship skill is similar to any skill. The more often you use them, the better you get. The less often you apply your skill, the most likely to lose it. Having done these three steps, you will understand that you make friends for you, it has become the same familiar and inconspicable thing to breathe.

The ability to cause sympathy is available, it is in front of you. In order to master this art, simply use the information set out in the book, and follow how your LQ will grow (Likability QUOTIENT), or a sympathetic coefficient.

1. Formula friendship

I realized that people would forget what you were talking about, and forget what you did, but they would never forget that you made them feel.

Maya Angel 1
Maya Angel (1928-2014) - famous American poetess, writer and wrestler for civil rights. Approx. ed.

Operation "Seagull"

The code name of this person is a seagull. He was a high-ranking foreign diplomat. If we managed to recruit it, it would be a big and valuable acquisition for the United States of America.

However, we had to solve one difficult question: how to convince a person to give up devotion native country? To do this, it was necessary to somehow make friends with the seagull and make it a proposal from which it is impossible to refuse. To cope with such a task, we needed patience, careful collection of information about all the sides of the life of this person and the establishment of friendly relations between him and the American, who would have become trusted.

According to our data, he went around several times with an increase in service, and, moreover, our employees managed to overhear how the seagull said his wife, that he likes life in America and he would love to resign and settled in the United States if it It was possible. In addition, the seagull was concerned about the fact that he had a small pension in his homeland. Armed with these information, security analysts suggested that the diplomat would be able to incline on our side if they offer him sufficient financial compensation.

Now there was a close relationship with the seagull, without scaring with its prospect of coarse recruitment, and this is a difficult task. The Operational Officer of the FBI Charles was instructed to establish contact with the seagull, gradually get close to him and bring the relationship of relationship to such an extent when it is possible to make a specific proposal. So good wine Conduct to the necessary maturity to enjoy his bouquet. The agent was warned that if he would show an excessive hasty, the seagull would most likely be prevalent and to avoid contacts. To begin with, the agent should adhere to the tactics of establishing friendships. The first thing Charles had to like the seagull, without uttering a single word. The second step would be an expression of sympathy with the words with a hint for a long friendship.

Preparation for the first, the most important meeting of Charles with the seagull lasted for several months. Outdoor observation established that once a week the object came out of the building of the embassy and went shopping at the grocery store located in a pair of quarters from the embassy. Charles received instructions to regularly come across a seagull on the eyes in different places of the route. The agent was warned so that he would not approach the seagull, in order not to cause suspicion, but simply came across to his eyes: it was, so to speak, "here" so that a foreign diplomat notice him every time.

Being an intelligence officer himself, the seagull very soon noted the FBI agent, which, must be recognized, and did not strive to conspire. Since Charles did not attempt to get closer to the seagull or speak with him, he did not feel any threat. He just got used to the fact that American from time to time comes across his eyes.

Several weeks passed, and once, being once again close to the American, the seagull looked into his eyes. In response, Charles nodded his head, giving understanding that he noticed this gesture, but more Interest did not show and did not attempt to establish verbal contact.

A few more weeks passed, and only after that, Charles began to intensively contact the seagull at the non-verbal level. : More often to look into his eyes, throw your eyebrows, tilt your head and put a little forward a chin. The human brain interprets these gestures as "friendly signals."

The next step in rapprochement with Challend Charles did another two months. He entered him to the store, but held at a respectful distance. Now, with each next visit to the store, the Charles diplomat followed him, still following the distance, although several times passed by the seagulls in the passages of the supermarket. At the same time, the agent began to look more likely to look into his object. Charles noticed that the diplomat always bought a peas in the store. After a few more weeks, Charles headed after the seagull to the shelf with a peas and, when he reached for a jar, smiling, also took the peas from the shelf, and turned to the seagull: "Good afternoon, my name is Charles, I am a special FBI agent. He smiled back and said: "For some reason I thought so." After this harmless meeting and dating between Charles and Seull, a strong friendship was established. In the end, the seagull agreed to supply his friend from the FBI with valuable information.

A random observer Multi-month trample of the Charles agent could seem unnecessary and incomprehensible, but he did not accidentally wait for so long. In fact, the recruitment strategy was carefully thought out and worked as a virtuoso psychological operation, the purpose of which was to establish friendly relations between the two people who themselves would never only make friends, but did not meet.

As a specialist of the analytical center of the FBI, I, together with my colleagues, participated in the development of the seagull recruitment script by our operational employee. The goal was to force a seagull to get used to the presence of Charles and make the first acquaintance to turn into friendship - if, of course, the agent will be able to make a good impression on the recruitment object. The task was complicated by the fact that the gull and himself was an experienced officer of intelligence and could consider any attempt with suspicion any man to meet him. Then in the future it would be at any cost to avoid a suspicious stranger.

In order for Charles to successfully implement our plan, it was necessary to create such conditions so that a foreign diplomat would be psychologically comfortable to communicate with the American agent. Therefore, Charles had to take several specific actions that he fulfilled with great andm success. These steps are no different from those who have to do any person who wants to establish with someone short-term or long friendly relationships.

Taking advantage of the case with a seagull as an example, we are now investigating that led Charles to the success in recruitment. In this case, the FBI agent used formula friendship.

Formula friendship

Formula of friendship consists of four main components: proximity, frequency, duration and intensity. These four variables can be written in the form of the following non-good mathematical equation:

Friendship \u003d Proximity + Frequency + Duration + Intensity

Proximity is a distance between you and another person, as well as your regular appearance in the field of his vision. In the case of a seagull, Charles did not just approached him and introduced himself. Such behavior, on the contrary, would only pushed a foreigner. Features of the situation required a more cautious and weighted approach. It was necessary to give a seagull the opportunity to get used to Charles and not to perceive it as a threat. To achieve this goal, a factor was used nearby. Proximity - the indispensable component of all interpersonal relationship. One point in the field of view of the recruitment object is critical to identifying personal relationships. The proximity awakens in the subject sympathy for you and causes mutual attraction. As a result, people begins to pull each other, even if they are not exchanged in words.

The main condition for creating proximity is to be in a safe setting. If a person feels a threat from an overly obsessed and too close presence of another person, he is alarming and tries to catch up, avoiding further convergence. In the scenario of contacting the chairls, the Charles retained a sufficient distance so that he does not perceive it as a source of danger and did not include the response of struggle or flight 2
According to the theory of American physiologist Walter Kennon, developed in the 1920s, negative emotions, such as anger or fear, are biologically appropriate: they prepare the body to develop the most intensive muscular activity, entering into a fight or escape by flight. This physical phenomenon received the name of the response of struggle or flight. Approx. ed.

The frequency means the number of contacts in which you enter with another person per unit of time, and the duration is the duration of each contact. After time, Charles added the impact of the second and third factor of friendship - frequency and duration. He did it, more often by the diplomat on his eyes during his campaigns to the store (frequency). After a few months, Charles turned on the component of the duration, starting spending more time with the seagull whenever he fell into the field of his vision - for example, he segained it in the store, increasing the duration of each contact.

Intensity is the ability to satisfy psychological and (or) physical needs of another person by verbal or non-verbal behavior. The latest component of the friendship formula, intensity, was added gradually as the seagull got used to the presence of Charles and realized the visible reluctance of the FBI agent immediately go to direct contact. In this case, the intensity was expressed in the factor curiosity. When a new stimulus appears in the habitual environment (in our example, a stranger appeared in our example), the brain defines, presents this incentive true threat or imaginary. If he identifies it as a real threat, then a person will try to eliminate or neutralize it, the response of struggle or flight will be included. If, on the contrary, the new stimulus is not perceived as a threat, it becomes an object of curiosity and a person seeks to find out who is it? Why is he here? Can I use it for your benefit?

Being at a safe distance, Charles caused an curiosity from the seagull, which prompted him to find out who this person is and what he wants.

Later, the seagull admitted that at first glance, recognized the FBI agent in Charles. The truth is or not, but the seagull caught the friendly signals that Fabeerec sent him. And his curiosity only increased after he found out that Charles actually works in the FBI. Definitely, a foreign diplomat understood that he would want to recruit, but he wished to know, for what purpose at what price. Since the seagull was dissatisfied with his career growth and worried about a rapid retirement, he undoubtedly lost in the mind of different scenarios of interaction with Charles, including spyware in favor of the United States.

The decision to become a spy is not accepted in one day. A potential candidate takes time to rationally justify its tactics and justify the refusal of devotion to its state. The recruitment strategy envisaged the time to climb the seeds of betrayal. The imagination of the seagull itself supplied material for the maturation of this thought. In addition, this period he spent to convince his wife to join him. When Charles finally appealed to the seagull, the diplomat no longer considered the FBI agent as a threat, on the contrary, he saw in it a symbol of hope - hopes for best life in future.

After the seagull has already decided to consent to work on the FBI, he had to wait some time to wait until Charles finally appeal to him. Later he admitted Charles that this period was most painful. Curiosity reached apogee. Why does the American does not take the next step? Indeed, when Charles introduced a seagull in the store, he asked: "Why did you wait so long?"


Marvin Carlice, Jack Schap

Turn on charm according to the method of special services

Jack Schafer, Marvin Karlins

THE LIKE SWITCH:

An EX-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

Published with the resolution of Touchstone, A Division Of Simon & Schuster, Inc. and Literary Agency Andrew Nurnberg

Legal support for publisher provides the law firm "Vegas Lex"

© John Schafer, Ph.D. and marvin karlins, ph.d., 2015

© Translation into Russian, publication in Russian, design. Mann, Ivanov and Ferber LLC, 2015 *

This book complements this book:

Psychology belief

Robert Caldini, Steve Martin and Noa Goldstein

Mastery of communication

Paul McGee

Laws of influence

Susan Vainshenk

Art of influence

Mark Gowleston and John Ullman

I hear you through

Mark Gowstone

My wife Helen, gifted by love, strong character and, moreover, patience, which allowed her to demolish my mind for thirty years of our marriage. Jack Schafer

My wife Edith and daughter Amber. Thank you for being there, for what you have achieved, for love, which enriching the lives of many people. Maryvin Carlice

Introduction

How to arrange the location

It would not have occurred to anyone to decipher the FBI abbreviation as a federal bureau of the Raduchia. In this organization, I worked for twenty years by an agent specializing in behavioral analysis, and over the years have developed the ability to quickly evaluate people, understand their characters and develop a strategy of behavior with them. My responsibilities included convincing people to cooperate with the FBI, acting against their native country, or to identify criminals and to decline them to recognize, sometimes without uttering a single word for it. As a specialist in behavioral analysis, I developed a strategy to recruit spies and make friends from sworn enemies. In other words, I have acquired skills and created technical techniques that have turned the enemies of the United States of America in friends and voluntary spies in favor of my country. In short, in front of me stood the challenge to conquer the sympathies of people.

The case with Vladimir (I changed the names and personal characteristics of the people mentioned in the book and sometimes created some kind of character from several to make examples more visual) excellently shows what the essence of the case. Vladimir illegally arrived in the United States for the purpose of espionage. He was caught when trying to take possession of secret documents of the Ministry of Defense. To me, as a special Agent, the FBI was instructed to work with him. In the first interrogation, he stated that he would not talk to me under any circumstances. In order to overcome the resistance of the arrested, I began with the fact that at interrogations just sat in front of him and was accepted to read the newspaper. I read for quite a long time, then folded the newspaper, put on the table and, not a word, leaned out of the Cabinet. Day after day, I came to questioning week, I read the newspaper, I left her on the table and left, and Vladimir was sitting on the contrary, chained with handcuffs to the table.

Over the next month we spoke about anything, except spyware. Then, one day, Vladimir suddenly said: "I am ready to talk about what I did." He began to express his thoughts freely and frankly because he was forced to this by force, but because I liked him and he began to consider me his friend.

The interrogation technique that I applied in working with Vladimir may seem meaningless. But in fact, I carefully planned my actions to get from the arrested desire to admit and cooperate with the FBI. In this book, I will reveal my secret and explain how I won the location of Vladimir, and how, using the same technique, you can cause sympathy from almost any person for a while or for life. I can do it, because, as it turned out, the skills of communication, developed by me in order to gain friendship of potential agents and their recruitment, can be equally efficiently used to establish friendly relations at home, at work and in any other places and communication situations.

I must confess, at the beginning I did not understand that you can use my professional skills in everyday life. Such an opportunity attracted my attention only at the very end of my career in the FBI. At that time, I taught young intelligence officers to recruit agents. One day, before the start of a new semester, I came to work for half an hour before practicing to prepare a classroom. To my surprise, there were already two cadets in the classroom. I did not recognize them. They sat like approximate disciples, in the first row, putting hands on the table. This behavior of the cadets surprised me a lot: they rarely were on classes in such a year. I asked what happened who they were and why they came so early.

- Do you remember Tim from the previous group? - asked one of the cadets.

"Yes," I replied.

- A couple of weeks ago we were with Tim in the bar. He told us about your lectures to influence and build trust relationships.

- So what? .. - I asked, still not understanding where he was clone.

- Tim boasted that in the classes learned how to pick up any girl.

"And they decided to experience him," the first continued. "We chose the first woman that fell, which was sitting in the bar, and offered Tima without a single word to invite her to sit at our table to drink.

- And what did he do? - I asked.

"He took the challenge," the cadet exclaimed. "We decided that he was crazy and takes too much." But after forty-five minutes, the woman really went to our table and asked if she could not sit in our company. We did not believe our eyes, but everything happened this way.

I looked at them testingly.

- Did you find out how he did it?

- Not! - exclaimed one of them, and then they admitted to unison: - We came to learn!

Initially, I felt bewilderment and reminded them of our profession. I said that the purpose of classes is to train cadets to work in intelligence, and not the upbringing of pickup masters. But after a short meditation, I suddenly, to my own surprise, dawned. By reflection about Tim's mind, I realized that the methods for recruiting spies can be used for victory in love games. Moreover, in a broader sense, this technique can be used in all cases when it is required to win the location of the person in almost any interpersonal interaction. This illumination became the initial point of work on this book and determined its content.

After dismissal from the FBI, I continued to work on a doctoral dissertation on psychology and began to teach at the university. It is at this time that I embrace the flesh of myself, writing a book designed to help people establish successful interpersonal relationships at home at work and in all places where such relationships are necessary. For example:

Newslands can use these methods to attract new customers;

Experienced sellers will also benefit from the book, learning to support and develop existing relationships, as well as, naturally, attract new buyers;

All employees, from Wall Street managers to restaurant waiters, can use the proposed tactics for more efficient interaction with management, colleagues, subordinate and clients;

Parents can apply new knowledge to correct, maintain and strengthen relations with children;

Consumers will learn to get better service, enter into more favorable deals and attract favorable attention from the service personnel;

Jack Shafhers

Former Special FBI Agent, Professor of Psychology, Consultant. For more than 15 years, he was engaged in counter-terrorism studies, taught special equipment to techniques of influence and belief. The author of six books and numerous articles. His company Schafer and Associates teaches lawyers, law enforcement officers and security services.


Marvin Carliners

Professor of the University of South Florida, defended his candidate degree in psychology at Princeton University. Author of 24 books, including bestsellers What every Body is Saying and It's a Jungle In There, and more than 200 articles in professional, scientific and popular magazines. Advises major international companies.

I will say frankly: the words "according to the method of special services" in the title of the book alerted me and took a desire to read it. I am not that not a supporter, but even a zealous opponent of hypnosis, NLP and other manipulations with human consciousness. Namely, such associations for some reason arise from me when the concepts are found in one sentence. human relations"And" special services ".

But, after this book recommended the man of one with me a mind warehouse and with similar tastes, I took reading. The book turned out to be an interesting, understandable and practical. In addition, my concerns were not justified, and I broke up with another cliché about the methods of special services.

Of course, the information obtained from the book can be used to the detachment by the other, misleading them about the sincerity of their own intentions. But if you sincerely want to make friends with other people, establish or return lost relationships, then this book will definitely like it and will be useful.

Books Book - Spy Stories

One of the features that strengthens interest in the already exciting book is real stories From the life of the Special FBI, helping to understand how the friendship formula works in practice.

Formula friendship

And all these miracles happened thanks to the friendship formula, which was so simple that it was difficult for me to believe in its effectiveness if there were no vital stories. Here is this formula:

Friendship \u003d proximity + frequency + duration + intensity.

Think of the formula as a real foundation on which the house is built. At home have a wide variety of forms, like friendship, but the design of the foundation is usually always the same.

Our body is our letter

Several book chapters are devoted to the non-verbal signals that we send others and get from them. Recently, there are many and often on this topic, but the problem is that many people unconsciously wear hostility mask and sincerely surprise that others face them.

Therefore, information from these chapters will not only help you learn friendly and hostile signals, but also teach them to file them to others. To facilitate the perception of the material, the book is equipped with a sufficient number of photos. Naturally, you will learn to "read" other people and get advice for those situations when you receive hostile signals.

You will be amazed by how many non-verbal signals people exchange at a meeting. But even more surprised that, having lived so many years, did not know how many non-verbal signals send all your life.

"Turn on charm according to the method of special services", Jack Schaphers and Marvin Carlice

It's not just information

After we figure out with non-verbal signals, it will come to establish our speech. Many people think that the main thing in a conversation is to correctly formulate the thought we want to express. But it is not so.

Communication is not only in the exchange of facts and ideas; When interacting with live people, any ideas should be properly represented.

"Turn on charm according to the method of special services", Jack Schaphers and Marvin Carlice

In conversation, not only the logical component is important, but also the coloring of the words that your interlocutor will hear. Important intonation, facial expressions, gestures. But the most important skill in the conversation is the ability to listen to the interlocutor. After all, to learn how to talk, a person needs two years. And to learn to listen - all life. The book will help you learn the latter much faster.

Friend online

And under the curtain, we get a pleasant bonus in the form of a whole chapter on the online relationship. The authors will tell why communication on the network attracts people as he has the advantages over offline communication, and will give some tips on etiquette.

The considerable part is devoted to security: how to recognize fraudsters how to check the accuracy of information on the network and real lifeHow to detect deception in user profiles, how to reduce the likelihood of being deceived on the Internet and how to derive a deceiver for clean water.

Your relationship in your hands

What tasks and problems are in front of you in the area of \u200b\u200brelations with other people? Find a soul mate or restore the destroyed relationship with the available? Defeat shyness and acquire friends? Make friends with an interesting person for you? Networking?

So know:

Fruitful personal relationships, no doubt, are available to you. This is not a question of chance or luck. Friendly, trusting relationships are established thanks to the use of tested scientific knowledge and proven interaction methods with others ... The ability to cause sympathy is available, it is in front of you. In order to master this art, simply use the information set out in the book, and follow how your LQ will grow (Likability QUOTIENT), or a sympathetic coefficient.

"Turn on charm according to the method of special services", Jack Schaphers and Marvin Carlice

Formula friendship

I realized that people would forget what you were talking about, and forget what you did, but they would never forget that you made them feel.

Operation "Seagull"

The code name of this person is a seagull. He was a high-ranking foreign diplomat. If we managed to recruit it, it would be a big and valuable acquisition for the United States of America.

However, we had to solve one difficult question: how to convince a person to give up devotion to their native country? To do this, it was necessary to somehow make friends with the seagull and make it a proposal from which it is impossible to refuse. To cope with such a task, we needed patience, careful collection of information about all the sides of the life of this person and the establishment of friendly relations between him and the American, who would have become trusted.

According to our data, he went around several times with an increase in service, and, moreover, our employees managed to overhear how the seagull said his wife, that he likes life in America and he would love to resign and settled in the United States if it It was possible. In addition, the seagull was concerned about the fact that he had a small pension in his homeland. Armed with these information, security analysts suggested that the diplomat would be able to incline on our side if they offer him sufficient financial compensation.

Now there was a close relationship with the seagull, without scaring with its prospect of coarse recruitment, and this is a difficult task. The Operational Officer of the FBI Charles was instructed to establish contact with the seagull, gradually get close to him and bring the relationship of relationship to such an extent when it is possible to make a specific proposal. So good wine is adjusted to the necessary maturity, then to enjoy his bouquet. The agent was warned that if he would show an excessive hasty, the seagull would most likely be prevalent and to avoid contacts. To begin with, the agent should adhere to the tactics of establishing friendships. The first thing Charles had to like the seagull, without uttering a single word. The second step would be an expression of sympathy with the words with a hint for a long friendship.

Preparation for the first, the most important meeting of Charles with the seagull lasted for several months. Outdoor observation established that once a week the object came out of the building of the embassy and went shopping at the grocery store located in a pair of quarters from the embassy. Charles received instructions to regularly come across a seagull on the eyes in different places of the route. The agent was warned so that he would not approach the seagull, in order not to cause suspicion, but simply came across to his eyes: it was, so to speak, "here" so that a foreign diplomat notice him every time.

Being an intelligence officer himself, the seagull very soon noted the FBI agent, which, must be recognized, and did not strive to conspire. Since Charles did not attempt to get closer to the seagull or speak with him, he did not feel any threat. He just got used to the fact that American from time to time comes across his eyes.

Several weeks passed, and once, being once again close to the American, the seagull looked into his eyes. In response, Charles nodded his head, making it clear that he noticed this gesture, but did not show more interest and did not attempt to establish verbal contact.

A few more weeks passed, and only after that, Charles began to intensively contact the seagull at the non-verbal level. : More often to look into his eyes, throw your eyebrows, tilt your head and put a little forward a chin. The human brain interprets these gestures as "friendly signals."

The next step in rapprochement with Challend Charles did another two months. He entered him to the store, but held at a respectful distance. Now, with each next visit to the store, the Charles diplomat followed him, still following the distance, although several times passed by the seagulls in the passages of the supermarket. At the same time, the agent began to look more likely to look into his object. Charles noticed that the diplomat always bought a peas in the store. After a few more weeks, Charles headed after the seagull to the shelf with a peas and, when he reached for a jar, smiling, also took the peas from the shelf, and turned to the seagull: "Good afternoon, my name is Charles, I am a special FBI agent. He smiled back and said: "For some reason I thought so." After this harmless meeting and dating between Charles and Seull, a strong friendship was established. In the end, the seagull agreed to supply his friend from the FBI with valuable information.

A random observer Multi-month trample of the Charles agent could seem unnecessary and incomprehensible, but he did not accidentally wait for so long. In fact, the recruitment strategy was carefully thought out and worked as a virtuoso psychological operation, the purpose of which was to establish friendly relations between the two people who themselves would never only make friends, but did not meet.

As a specialist of the analytical center of the FBI, I, together with my colleagues, participated in the development of the seagull recruitment script by our operational employee. The goal was to force a seagull to get used to the presence of Charles and make the first acquaintance to turn into friendship - if, of course, the agent will be able to make a good impression on the recruitment object. The task was complicated by the fact that the seagull himself was an experienced officer of intelligence and could take a suspicion of any attempt to meet him. Then in the future it would be at any cost to avoid a suspicious stranger.

In order for Charles to successfully implement our plan, it was necessary to create such conditions so that a foreign diplomat would be psychologically comfortable to communicate with the American agent. Therefore, Charles had to take several specific actions that he fulfilled with great andm success. These steps are no different from those who have to do any person who wants to establish with someone short-term or long friendly relationships.

Taking advantage of the case with a seagull as an example, we are now investigating that led Charles to the success in recruitment. In this case, the FBI agent used formula friendship.

Formula friendship

Formula of friendship consists of four main components: proximity, frequency, duration and intensity. These four variables can be written in the form of the following non-good mathematical equation:

Friendship \u003d Proximity + Frequency + Duration + Intensity

Proximity is a distance between you and another person, as well as your regular appearance in the field of his vision. In the case of a seagull, Charles did not just approached him and introduced himself. Such behavior, on the contrary, would only pushed a foreigner. Features of the situation required a more cautious and weighted approach. It was necessary to give a seagull the opportunity to get used to Charles and not to perceive it as a threat. To achieve this goal, a factor was used nearby. Proximity is an indispensable component of all interpersonal relations. One point in the field of view of the recruitment object is critical to identifying personal relationships. The proximity awakens in the subject sympathy for you and causes mutual attraction. As a result, people begins to pull each other, even if they are not exchanged in words.

The main condition for creating proximity is to be in a safe setting. If a person feels a threat from an overly obsessed and too close presence of another person, he is alarming and tries to catch up, avoiding further convergence. In the scenario of the establishment of contact with Chaull Charles kept a sufficient distance so that he does not perceive it as a source of danger and the response of struggle or flight did not turn on.

The frequency means the number of contacts in which you enter with another person per unit of time, and the duration is the duration of each contact. After time, Charles added the impact of the second and third factor of friendship - frequency and duration. He did it, more often by the diplomat on his eyes during his campaigns to the store (frequency). After a few months, Charles turned on the component of the duration, starting spending more time with the seagull whenever he fell into the field of his vision - for example, he segained it in the store, increasing the duration of each contact.

Intensity is the ability to satisfy psychological and (or) physical needs of another person by verbal or non-verbal behavior. The latest component of the friendship formula, intensity, was added gradually as the seagull got used to the presence of Charles and realized the visible reluctance of the FBI agent immediately go to direct contact. In this case, the intensity was expressed in the factor curiosity. When a new stimulus appears in the usual environment (in our example, a stranger appeared in our example), the brain determines, presents this stimulus a real threat or imaginary. If he identifies it as a real threat, then a person will try to eliminate or neutralize it, the response of struggle or flight will be included. If, on the contrary, the new stimulus is not perceived as a threat, it becomes an object of curiosity and a person seeks to find out who is it? Why is he here? Can I use it for your benefit?

Being at a safe distance, Charles caused an curiosity from the seagull, which prompted him to find out who this person is and what he wants.

Later, the seagull admitted that at first glance, recognized the FBI agent in Charles. The truth is or not, but the seagull caught the friendly signals that Fabeerec sent him. And his curiosity only increased after he found out that Charles actually works in the FBI. Definitely, a foreign diplomat understood that he would want to recruit, but he wished to know, for what purpose at what price. Since the seagull was dissatisfied with his career growth and worried about a rapid retirement, he undoubtedly lost in the mind of different scenarios of interaction with Charles, including spyware in favor of the United States.

The decision to become a spy is not accepted in one day. A potential candidate takes time to rationally justify its tactics and justify the refusal of devotion to its state. The recruitment strategy envisaged the time to climb the seeds of betrayal. The imagination of the seagull itself supplied material for the maturation of this thought. In addition, this period he spent to convince his wife to join him. When Charles finally appealed to the seagull, the diplomat no longer considered the FBI agent as a threat, on the contrary, he saw in it a symbol of hope - hopes for the best life in the future.

After the seagull has already decided to consent to work on the FBI, he had to wait some time to wait until Charles finally appeal to him. Later he admitted Charles that this period was most painful. Curiosity reached apogee. Why does the American does not take the next step? Indeed, when Charles introduced a seagull in the store, he asked: "Why did you wait so long?"

Frequency and durability

Such a variable friendship formula, as a duration, has a unique feature: The more time you are near a person, the greater influence it has on your thoughts and actions. Mentors who spend a lot of time with their wards are very positive affect them. People who have bad habits and inclinations have a negative impact on others. The best example of effectiveness in this case is the relationship of parents and children. The more time parents pay children, the stronger they affect them. If parents neglect this duty, then children begin to communicate more with friends, givey to their influence; But such buddies can be members of some local criminal grouping. These people have more influence on the child simply because they spend more time with him.

The duration is back proportional dependence From frequency. If you often meet with the other, then your meetings are in short. On the contrary, if you meet rarely, then the duration of each meeting increases significantly. For example, you see each other daily, but not long, because you support regular contacts depending on the onset of new events. However, if you meet twice a year, the duration of your meeting will be much longer. Recall how you have dinner in a restaurant with a friend who have not seen for a long time. Surely sat at the table for several hours, catching every word of the story about the events that took place in his life. Duration of lunch with a friend is reduced by regular meetings. On the contrary, in love relationships are very high both frequency and durability, since the pairs, especially those who have formed, want to spend each other as much time as possible. The intensity of such relations is also very large.

Independent assessment of relationships

Remember how your present relationship or relationships arose, which today remained in the past. Surely you will make sure that they have developed according to the laws of friendship. This formula can be used to determine what you need to fix. For example, a married couple who lived in marriage for several years, understands that the relationship is spoiled, but does not know how to save the situation. It can be attempting to independently evaluate if you figure out the state of each component of the friendship formula. The first condition subject to verification is intimacy. Are the spouses nearby constantly, or they, in fact, live separately, only occasionally meeting in the same apartment? The second condition is the frequency. Are the spouses often spend time together? Third condition - duration. How much is the spouses pay each other when you see? And the fourth - intensity. This is cement, reliably fastening a family. Spouses can have everything: proximity, frequency and duration, but without intensity. An example of such a married couple can be a husband and wife, who all the time are sitting at home, look together TV, but do not have any emotions from communicating with each other. Such relationships will improve if there is an intensity in them. For example, spouses can go to the restaurant and arrange a romantic date to refresh the feelings that they experienced each other during the first meetings. You can also turn off the TV for a few hours a day and talk to revive the fading relationship.

The number of combinations of four components of friendship is almost infinite and depends on the style of communication between spouses. In many cases, one of the partners is all the time in business trips and is very rarely at home. The absence of proximity does not affect the relationship, because it leads, as a rule, to a decrease in frequency, duration and intensity, but it can be overcome using it modern technologies. The frequency, duration and intensity can be supported by email, chat, communication in Skype and social networks.

Knowing major friendship variables, you will learn how to evaluate the available relationships and develop new, consciously adjusting the four base elements. In order to practice in an independent assessment of relationships, learn from this point of view the relationship in which you are now, and see how each of the four components of the formula affect them. If you want to strengthen the relationship, think about how to adjust the friendship formula to achieve the desired result.

In addition, you can get rid of unwanted contacts if you become gradually cutting each of the main elements of the friendship formula. Such a soft, gradual approach will allow to stop the relationship, without causing a pain partner, as it will not seem to be a sudden break. In most cases, a person himself will come to the conclusion that the old relationship is not visibility, and will begin to build new ones.

Recruitment of spies with the help of a neutral partner

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