How not to be afraid of anything: recommendations of a psychologist. How to overcome fear

What would you do — whether it’s life or work — if you weren’t afraid of anything? This simple question awakens countless fantasies, desires, and regrets.

If your fear of failing or appearing like a complete idiot has ever held you back from what your heart called for, some very important advice from business consultant Sandja Bruegmann will come in handy. There is no need to fight fear. Just embrace it and don't let your worries hold you back on your way to your dream.

We usually view fear as an unpleasant emotion that we do our best to avoid colliding with. Fear literally paralyzes, so instincts, willy-nilly, switch to survival mode. Alas, this behavior can lead to actions that have nothing to do with the movement towards our goals.

Sandja Bruegmann, Business Consultant

In other words, if you are allowed to rule you, you can forget about success.

This is especially dangerous for entrepreneurs. Doing business is quite frightening and exciting in itself: here you have to take on financial obligations, and communicate with annoyed clients or subordinates, and the realization that the decisions you make affect not only your well-being, but also the lives of other people.

On the other hand, says Bruegmann, fear is an emotion inherent in humans by nature. You won't be able to get rid of him once and for all, and you don't need to.

We are not faced with the task of curbing fear and preventing it from occurring in the future. Our goal is to understand what he is, and learn to act, relying on willpower and not burying our heads in the sand.

Richard Branson phrased the same idea in a slightly different way.

Fear sometimes makes you wet yourself, but courage makes you act even in wet pants.

Richard Branson, entrepreneur, founder of the Virgin Group

The metaphor is not the most elegant, but it conveys the essence absolutely correctly: do not give up dreams because of fears, just accept them as part of life. Here are some tips to help you stop being afraid and start doing something.

1. Accept your fear

"What if I told you that your fear is a gift?" - asks Brygmann. Pain and tension help us fill our life with true depth, because without all this, it would be boring. Fear indicates the direction of growth and ultimately helps you understand who you really are. When we view fear from this perspective, it evokes curiosity or even gratitude.

2. Control your instincts

When faced with something intimidating, people usually exhibit one of the following behaviors: trying to fight, running without looking back, or falling into a stupor. If you have noticed this with yourself, know: instincts guide you. They make us trust fear to make decisions. What will come of it? Nothing good for sure.

3. Treat each situation as your choice.

Entrepreneurs know that things often turn out the way you never planned. As Eckhart Tolle said, "Whatever the present moment brings you, treat it as your own choice." For both you and your team, this is the most humane way to deal with what has happened. By fully accepting the current state of affairs, you rid yourself of various forms of emotional resistance, including fear.

4. Give your work everything you have.

This is not about savings under the pillow, I mean the ability to be as complete as possible. This is how easily you engage with coworkers and activate your thinking skills to look at a problem from a non-standard point of view and find creative ways to solve it.

5. Be positive about objections and criticism

“If you’re doing something really new, be prepared to be hostile to traditional thinkers,” says Bruegmann. By creating something that did not exist before, you are challenging the status quo. Some are frightened by innovations, while others are forced to feel ashamed that they themselves have not thought of it before.

You can measure your success by the amount of criticism you receive.

Sandja Bruegmann

6. Make Fear and Failure Work for You

If, like most people, you are afraid of failure, make fear your helper. What is needed for this? Sandja Bruegmann advises revising the definition itself. "Failure for me is not the exact opposite of success, failure is what happens if I don't get out of my comfort zone."

Look at any business from that angle, and the fear of failure will force you to act.

7. Don't let unnecessary thoughts take over.

You will never be able to control everything that happens, but you are free to choose how to react to it. When something bad happens, we tend to look for the cause of it in ourselves.

For example, you worked for a long time on the launch of a large-scale project or negotiated with an intractable client, but in the end everything went to pieces. Does this mean that the project or idea was so-so? No. This does not say anything about you as a person at all, so do not exhaust yourself with reflection in vain. Think better about the next step towards achieving your goal. And remember, your path to success is by no means tied to just one particular person or opportunity.

8. Learn to hear your fear

Try to recognize the signs of fear as early as possible and understand how it affects you. Yes, it’s not that easy. Sandja Bruegmann believes that clarifying who we really are is one of the most difficult tasks. The biggest lie, in the truth of which we believe ourselves and make others believe, is the idea of ​​ourselves as an integral and unchanging person.

In fact, we are made up of many subpersonalities. Our task is to thoroughly study each of them, finding positive features and those that are worth correcting. There is no room for condemnation. This is just a path to growth, change, the ability to curb fear and make informed choices based on your inner strength.

9. Find Peace in the Heart of the Storm

“Find a stable and balanced position within yourself and stay in it for as long as possible,” advises Sandja Bruegmann. This is the point of your self-confidence, this is where you can draw strength in order to follow the goal during periods of ups and downs at work and in your personal life.

If your well-being, peace and happiness depend solely on external factors, the level will be too high and eventually become an obstacle to success.

Let go of your event orientation. This way you will be able to follow the chosen course for as long as you like. You will gain the ability to make the right decisions and stop postponing them for later, justifying yourself with fear and the tension generated by it.

Each of us is familiar with the feeling of fear. Moreover, some people are so much afraid of certain things that they cannot control themselves. Often, fright leads to trembling knees, numbness and inability to do anything. In cases where completely ordinary objects, people or events become the cause of phobias, fear can significantly darken everyday life, so it is imperative to fight it.

Dealing with fear is a difficult task. Very often, men and women who are tormented by a particular phobia turn to a professional psychologist for advice. There is nothing reprehensible in this, because a strong fear in its essence is a rather serious disease, for the treatment of which the help of a qualified doctor may be needed.

At the same time, in most cases, you can cope with your phobias on your own, without resorting to the services of a specialist.

In this article, we offer you some useful tips and tricks that will definitely help you understand that in life you do not need to be afraid of anything or anyone.

What fears do most people have?

Most people are afraid of the same thing.

So, the most common phobias among the population are the following:

How to learn not to be afraid of anything in life?

Despite the fact that people have various phobias, the mechanism for getting rid of any fears and fears is by and large the same. In fact, it is not so difficult to overcome the fear of someone or something, but for this you need to do serious work on yourself. Professional psychologists, through various conversations, trainings and influences on the human psyche, make it so that he understands that he has nothing left to fear.

To cope with fears on your own and understand how to be afraid of nothing and no one at all, the following tips and tricks will help you:

There is no need to be afraid of anything at all!

Shyness in front of people and fear of communication is a common problem. It is most often encountered by introverted people and adolescents. It is extremely important for them what impression they make on others and whether others like them.

What is shyness? In psychology, this is the state of a person and the behavior caused by it, the main features of which are insecurity, indecision, awkwardness, constraint in the movements and manifestations of one's own personality.

Different psychological schools in their own way explain the root causes of shyness and, accordingly, offer different options for solving the problem. Each person decides for himself which of them is closer to his personality, character and life experience.

1. Differential psychology. According to this theory, shyness is an innate quality and is inherited. Confidence is impossible to learn. A rather pessimistic view of the problem, since an innate personality trait does not lend itself to change.
2. Behaviorism. According to the theory of behaviorism, any human behavior is a reaction to incoming stimuli, which, under certain circumstances and the strength of emotional involvement, becomes part of the personality. So it is with shyness - people could not master with a feeling of fear of the stimuli of the social environment, which ultimately led to pathological insecurity in communicating with people.
3. Psychoanalysis. Psychoanalysts explain shyness by the presence of an unconscious conflict in the structure of the personality. In their opinion, this is the reaction of the unconscious to unmet instinctive needs and the conflict between moral norms, reality and instincts.
4. Individual psychology. Followers of this trend actively explored shyness and the “inferiority complex” closely related to it, which appears in childhood, when a child begins to compare himself with his peers, often meets his own imperfections and begins to be ashamed of his appearance, his abilities, family, etc. If a child has insufficiently formed self-confidence, he becomes fearful, withdrawn, passive. However, it is in this direction of psychology that special attention is paid to the possibilities of personality self-development, i.e. shyness is not a predetermined problem, which means that it is possible to get rid of it by working on oneself.
5. The theory of "high reactivity". According to her, the tendency to be shy is the body's response to overload. Moreover, the consequences of this reaction can be of two options:

• the child seeks to "avoid", does not like to communicate and get acquainted, becomes insecure and fearful in public;
• the child enters into a struggle, is overly self-confident.

Shyness can be based on two reasons: natural and social. Natural means character, temperament, type of nervous system. Social - the influence of upbringing, the environment, communication within the family.

Why is shyness dangerous?

Shyness and fear of people have common roots.

• the second is more related to personality pathologies and manifests itself in the experience of a feeling of fear in the presence of strangers and in the process of communication;
• first, it is considered a common phenomenon and does not cause anxiety among parents if their child is inclined to be shy in the company and avoid strangers, is afraid to get to know each other. An adult considers this quality to be a character trait and specificity of temperament, with which one does not need to do anything, but one has only to come to terms.

Pathological fear of people is dealt with with medication or through sessions with a psychologist, and shyness is often ignored. However, this is not entirely true.

In the context of life, shyness and inability to communicate can sometimes bring a person a lot of problems and missed opportunities, if you do not start working with her.

Shyness in most cases leads to:

• narrowing the circle of communication. It is difficult for a shy person to get to know each other independently, to communicate freely. Usually, such people are limited to interaction with the family. At the same time, most often they suffer because of this - because in fact they need diverse communication;
• shyness affects the objectivity of the perception of the situation. When a problem or a stressful situation arises, a shy person often becomes not logical, forgetful;
• a shy person can rarely speak openly and defend his opinion;
• shyness is the cause of depression and a lowered emotional background, shy people tend to feel dissatisfaction;
• poor emotional and social life of a person who is inclined to be shy, leads to physical weakness and rapid fatigue, muscle clamps, stoop.

Based on the consequences of shyness listed above, it becomes obvious that it must be dealt with.

Shyness leads not only to negative experiences of fear and insecurity, but also reduces social adaptation, significantly affects the mental and physical level of personality development.

What to do?

Psychologists have developed exercises, by performing which a person will understand how to stop being afraid of people, reduce the general level of anxiety and the tendency to be shy in relationships with people and overcome their shyness.

1. In any communication situation, when you start to be afraid of others, remember that shyness is an ordinary feeling that has no objective reasons. It arises on the basis of the chain of thoughts that follows the feeling - I will be funny, I look ugly, I will not be able to speak with dignity, I am afraid to answer, etc. And all this happens in your mind, although in fact everything may look exactly the opposite. Always keep this in mind when you start to feel shy or afraid of people.
2. Act in spite of the feeling of shyness that appears. Try to meet new people more and talk openly about your feelings.

Each time, acting overcoming your fears, you put a new positive experience in the “piggy bank” of your consciousness, on which your courage and confidence in relationships with people will subsequently be built.

1. Learn to speak and respond, thinking only about your purpose of communication, discarding all other thoughts. Forget all "what if". Keep in mind only your goal and options for achieving it.
2. When communicating with people, avoid being too polite and a lot of introductory phrases. Be clear and don't mumble. Learn to speak a little, but to the point.
3. In moments of extreme anxiety and fear, use breathing techniques. In yoga, they are actively used and help to manage their condition and minimize embarrassment.

How to remove shyness from your life

In addition to certain exercises that reduce situational shyness, allow you to manage your condition and not be shy in communication, psychologists have identified the rules for attitudes towards life, yourself and other people. Building your way of life according to them, the question of how to stop being afraid of people will be closed:

1. Find out (on your own or with the help of a psychologist) the reasons for your shyness. Where did it come from? Why should you be ashamed and afraid, and what benefits do you have from this? Write down the insights you gain and refer to them periodically.
2. Live with the understanding that people are primarily occupied with themselves, and no spotlights are directed at you.
3. Know your strengths and weaknesses... Do not forget that there are no ideal people, they are not divided into "good" and "bad" and you are not alone with your problem.
4. Always find reasons to praise and thank yourself. This should be done regularly.
5. Strive to communicate more, get acquainted with new opinions, be interested and study others, less "delving" into your own experiences. Reflection is an important quality, but in moderation. Excessive introspection drives you in circles, removing you from reality and interaction with others. Strive to do, not dream.
6. Exercise regularly. Movement is the foundation of life. Sport allows you to release the accumulated negative energy of fear and anxiety.
7. Always be prepared that you may be rejected or not appreciated. Understand why it scares you and what is the worst thing that can happen? You should learn to accept the word "no", do not seek to please everyone.
8. Give yourself the right to make mistakes. Perfectionism will be a bad helper for you. Remember, it's impossible to learn without mistakes.

Only the one who does nothing is not mistaken.

1. Don't waste the opportunity to practice your social skills and communicate more. Learn from the experiences of those who you think have dealt with their shyness. Go periodically to trainings on communication skills or public speaking skills, during which you can learn not to be shy and speak openly about your feelings and desires.
2. Find comfortable societies for yourself. You should not do like everyone else - if in your environment most people like to have fun in clubs and chat at parties - this does not mean that you should do this too.
3. Always be aware of what you say and how. Notice people's reactions. Forget and get distracted from your fear. In moments of anxiety, repeat: "I am not afraid of people, they will not do me anything bad, I should not be liked by everyone."

Final comments

Shyness lowers our life potential and deprives us of many opportunities. This personality trait has long been recognized in psychology as a problem and is being actively investigated. The ability to communicate is the key to success in social life.

Based on most psychological theories, shyness is not a congenital defect and not a disease.

You can cope with it yourself if you regularly work on yourself. By doing certain exercises when you need to communicate with other people, it is possible to cope with shyness here and now, and by making the above rules the basis of life - to enjoy communication and forget about the problem of shyness.

Internal fears sometimes prevent a person from developing and moving on. But without courage, you can never achieve success and your goals. How to stop being afraid and start moving towards your dream?

Often a person is afraid of something. It can be fear of the dark, airplanes, girls, the public, illness, work and life in general. Fear signals danger to us, but what if it interferes with action and paralyzes our whole life?

How to stop being afraid

Comfort zone

A person was taught from childhood that life is dangerous. His parents took care of him for a long time, and he almost never faced the difficulties of real life. When a person grows up, he begins to be afraid and afraid of everything. A person tries to protect himself from everything. He sits in a frightened comfort zone and is not going to leave it.

What to do and how to stop being afraid? The most interesting and promising things are outside the comfort zone. There are interesting acquaintances, travel, work, success, the opposite sex and a new life. You cannot achieve anything different by doing old things. It's time to try to see what's beyond the horizon and study it.

Fear of mistakes

People think it's embarrassing to make a mistake and their self-esteem will suffer. Mistake is not defeat, as some believe. It's okay to make a mistake. Only the one who does nothing does not commit them.

How to stop being afraid? Stop taking care of yourself and your self-esteem. A person is not a crystal vase, and there is no escape from abrasions and bumps. It's like riding a bike. In the beginning, you will fall many times until you learn to ride.

How success works

Sometimes people have no idea how life and success work. People who succeed right away on one try are rare. Many successful people have been defeated several times. Big failures did not stop them, but taught them how to deal with problems and look for solutions.

How to stop being afraid? Luck loves the brave and stubborn, not the cowardly and giving up after a couple of attempts. Act, don't expect a miracle. Create opportunities and seize them. Try it over and over again. Time passes very quickly, and you will not have a second life.