Should you be afraid of death? - Thanatophobia: obsessive fear of death

Most modern people know very little about death, how the transition takes place, and what awaits a person after it. What does death mean? What does it mean to die? Do I need to prepare for death and how to do it? This topic touches the deepest feelings of people. And at the same time, this topic is the most difficult to talk about. If you try to talk about it with someone you know, you will probably hear: “I don’t want to talk about it.” Or they may ask: “Why think about it and what to prepare for? It doesn't depend on us. All people die sooner or later. Our time will come someday. "

For people who have never seriously thought about death in their entire lives, its arrival is a shock, it is a tragedy, it is the end of earthly life, the end of the existence of an individual. And only a few know that only the body dies, and some part of the person continues to exist, retains the ability to see, hear, think and feel.

We, oddly enough, think about anything. Reflections on serious topics do not attract us much. There is neither desire nor time for this. And this is facilitated by the way of life that we lead - or, as we sometimes think, are forced to lead.

Why should we think about death if we are healthy and happy? Moreover, we are always busy, our day is scheduled almost by the minute. If there is time for reflection, then, as a rule, we think about the prospects for the future, about what we have not yet managed to do. Everyday hustle and bustle, work, family chores, summer cottage, TV ... We are practically all the time busy with some "important" affairs, and we have absolutely no time for any thoughts about the meaning of our life. What for? After all, everything is fine anyway ...

Even if some such thought arises, then the mind will immediately throw up a decision - if the existence of a person ends with death, then why acquire new knowledge, cultivate new qualities in oneself, why think about the future at all? While there is still time, you need to take from life everything that it can give - you need to eat, drink, "love", gain power and honor. Why think about something unpleasant?

Doesn't that seem strange? After all, death is the most important event in a person's life on Earth. Any event may or may not happen. But with a 100% probability it can be argued that sooner or later we will die. There is nothing more definite and more definitive for a person. There is not a single person who could choose a different fate for himself. Everyone knows this, everyone understands it, but we still don’t want to think about it.

Why don't we want to think and talk about death? Is there any explanation for this? Of course have. The thought of death itself is unpleasant. It is unpleasant that the discussion of this topic confronts us with the fact - the prospect of our own death. We will very quickly come to the disappointing conclusion that we ourselves are mortal. This conclusion is frightening. After all, we, as a rule, think not about the death of the physical body, about death as something terrible and incomprehensible. Any normal person in such a situation triggers a kind of defense - not to discuss this topic in order to save himself from unnecessary worries. This behavior can be compared to the "policy of the ostrich" - if I do not see it, then it does not exist at all.

Be that as it may, for all of us the problem of facing our own death remains. Even if we ourselves do not want to think on unpleasant topics, life will always give us a reason to think. No matter how happily and joyfully we live, sooner or later we will come across phenomena that will make us think about the frailty of earthly existence. This can be the loss of a loved one, friend, colleague, accident, natural disaster, attack of a dangerous illness, etc. But having gone through another misfortune, we, as a rule, quickly forget about everything.

Lev Nikolaevich Tolstoy once said about this:

"Only those who have never seriously thought about death do not believe in the immortality of the soul."

If we talk about the process of thinking in general, then human thinking is very lazy, although we often think otherwise. Most people live with the same worries day in and day out. They think mainly about various trifles and entertainment. So it turns out that some people have no time to think, others are simply afraid to think. Thus, we know very little about death. But the worst thing about death is the unknown. And the question "What will happen to me later?", and remains unanswered.

Almost all of our modern civilization is aimed at denying death. If earlier a person was treated by a zemstvo doctor right at home, now a large number of hospitals are at the disposal of patients. Rarely, when his relatives constantly sit by the bed of a seriously ill patient. If a person has died, then his body is in the house for a very short time. Sometimes he is taken from the morgue directly to the cemetery. The loved ones of the deceased do not sit with him, they say goodbye to him very quickly, they do not perform the funeral service according to the church rite, and the funeral itself takes place in a great hurry. As a result, we do not see death and try not to think about it.

But you won't be able to close your eyes and not think about death. Death is both natural and inevitable. If we remember and think about death, then we are not afraid of it. The memory of death is essential for a full and dignified human existence. Even in ancient Rome they said: "Memento mori" ("Remember death").

Once Saint John Damascene taught:

“The thought of death is more important than all other deeds. It gives birth to uncorrupted purity. Mortal memory encourages the living to work, to patiently accept grief, to abandon worries and to pray. "

There is also a wise life advice for all time:

"You need to live each day as if it were the last day of your life."

§ 2. Why are we afraid of death?

Almost all of us are afraid of death to one degree or another. The fear of the unknown is intense fear. How is this going to happen? Will I suffer? What will happen next? These are all specific questions that require specific answers.

First, let's figure out why almost every person has a fear of death. If we look at this issue more broadly, then we will inevitably come to the conclusion that such fear is associated with the instinct of self-preservation. Any living creature will be reluctant to part with its bodily shell. Attachment to your body is born with the birth of this body. Such attachment is inherent in Consciousness by nature itself. The instinct of self-preservation, and hence the fear of death, helps to preserve life. In other words, the fear of death is a natural feeling necessary for life. Life is a precious gift, and in order to preserve it, we have been given the fear of death along with life. It's quite normal.

It's another matter when this fear of death is stronger than it deserves, if it acquires a panic character. Then in death we see exclusively the unknown, dangerous and inevitable. But most of our fears come mostly from ignorance. And the most powerful cure for ignorance is knowledge. Everything that we were able to understand and explain is no longer scary. In ancient times, people were afraid of thunder and lightning in panic. But later they were able to explain the reason for these natural phenomena and the panic disappeared.

The main reason for the fear of death is the identification of a person with his own body. Asking questions about the meaning of life, a person will inevitably come to the question: "Who am I really?" And without thinking too much about the answer to this question, a person decides that he is his body. Or decides that the body is primary and the Soul is secondary. "I am Russian. I am an engineer. I'm a Christian. I am the head of the family ”- these are typical examples of this identification with the body.

It is quite natural that having come to such a conclusion, a person begins to care exclusively about the needs of his body. Although, if you think a little about the needs of the body, then you can find out that in fact our body needs very little. But a person identifies himself and his consciousness with his own mortal physical body. And the time comes when a person is no longer aware of himself without this body. Now his body constantly needs air, food, sleep, pleasure, entertainment, etc. A person becomes a servant of his body. The body does not serve a person, but a person serves his body. And when a person's life comes to an end, the fear of death takes over him entirely. He convulsively clings to his weak body, thinking that with the disappearance of the body, the person himself will disappear, his Consciousness and Personality will disappear.

The pattern is straight forward. The more we are attached to our body, the more we are afraid of death. The less we identify ourselves with the physical body, the easier it is for us to think about the inevitability of death. In fact, we fear death more than it deserves.

What else are we afraid of? First of all - the inevitability of death. Yes, death is inevitable. But we already know that only our physical body, our temporary bodily suit, is dying.

Let's say for a second that you are buying a new suit from the store. The style you like, the color suits, the price is reasonable. Already at home you demonstrate the costume to your loved ones and they also really like it. You wear this suit to work every day. And after a year you notice that the suit is a little worn out, but it may still serve you well. A year later, the suit worn out even more. But it has become so dear to you that you are ready to spend a lot of money on repairs and dry cleaning. You don't even think about buying a new suit. You have practically merged with your old suit. You carefully store it in the closet, regularly clean it, iron it, do not react to the surprised looks of your family and colleagues, but only avert your eyes. More and more often, the thought comes to your mind that sooner or later you will have to part with this suit. This thought robs you of peace and sleep, you are close to insanity. You will say: “This cannot be! This is complete absurdity! " Of course, this is unlikely to happen to a normal person. But this is exactly how most people relate to their body, to their temporary suit!

There is not so much to understand in this case - our temporary suit will sooner or later become unusable. But in return we get a new suit, a new body. And it is likely that this body will be even better than the old one. So is it worth it to be sad?

We are also afraid of the unknown. "What will happen to me next?" We often think that after death we will completely disappear. As we said, the best cure for fear and uncertainty is knowledge. The knowledge that life goes on beyond the threshold of death. It takes on new forms, but this is the same conscious life as life on Earth.

There is another reason for the fear of death. For some people, especially those who consider themselves an atheist, this reason may seem irrelevant. For many years, over many centuries, people were called to order with the help of threats and punishments, promising them long torment in hell. The fear of hell is one of the reasons for disbelief throughout our lives. Who wants to believe in life after life if this future will bring us only suffering? Now no one is intimidated by anyone, but fear, driven into the subconscious by many generations, is not so easy to eradicate.

What else scares us? The feeling of painfulness of the forthcoming transition is terrifying, it seems to us that death is prolonged suffering, very painful sensations. The thought may even come to mind: "If I die, then I would like to die immediately or in a dream, so as not to suffer."

In fact, the transition itself occurs almost instantly. Consciousness turns off for a short time. Pain symptoms act only until the very moment of transition. Dying itself is painless. After the transition, all symptoms of the disease, physical disabilities disappear. The human personality, having crossed the earthly threshold, continues to live in new conditions of existence.

However, if we could not get rid of fear, then this fear will remain, because after the transition, Consciousness is not lost and the Personality does not disappear. As a rule, we see in death an enemy who wants to take our life. We cannot fight this enemy and we try not to think about him. But death, because they don’t think about it, will not disappear. The fear of death will not only not disappear, but will go even deeper, into the subconscious. There, without awareness, he will be even more dangerous and harmful.

Let's say that a person died while sleeping and he had no near-death experiences. After the transition, a person will see himself in a different environment, but all his thoughts and feelings, from which he could not get rid of, will remain. What was in our consciousness and subconsciousness before the moment of transition does not disappear anywhere. A person only loses the ability to control his no longer needed physical body. All his thoughts, experiences, fears remain with you.

Wanting to leave life in a dream or in another unconscious state, we lose a lot, we lose the entire period of the growth of the Soul. You will learn about the growth period in Chapter 6.

Let's look at this problem from a philosophical and religious point of view. It doesn't matter if we consider ourselves to be believers or not. At least in our souls we are all philosophers.

First, we must find out our purpose, and then fulfill it. This is also evidenced by the parable of Jesus Christ about talents, where the master at the end of the centuries asks the slaves how they used the time and talents given to them (Gospel of Matthew 25: 14-30):

14. For He will act like a man who, going to a foreign country, called his servants and entrusted them with his property:
15. And to one he gave five talents, to another two, to a third one, each according to his strength; and immediately departed.
16. He who received five talents went and put them into business and acquired other five talents;
17. Likewise, he who received two talents acquired other two;
18. He who received one talent went and buried it in the ground and hid the silver of his master.
19. After a long time, the master of those slaves comes and demands an account of them.
20. And coming up, the one who had received five talents brought the other five talents and said: "Master" you gave me five talents; behold, I have acquired five other talents with them. "
21. His master said to him: “Well, good and faithful slave! you have been faithful in little things; I will put you over many things; enter into the joy of your master. "
22. Likewise, the one who had received two talents came up and said: “Master! you gave me two talents; behold, I have acquired two other talents with them. "
23. His master said to him: “Well, good and faithful slave! you have been faithful in little things; I will put you over many things; enter into the joy of your master. "
24. And the one who received one talent came up and said: “Master! I knew you, that you are a cruel man, you reap where you did not sow, and gather where you did not scatter,
25. and being afraid, he went and hid your talent in the earth; here's yours. "
26. His master answered him: “Sly and lazy slave! you knew that I reap where I did not sow, and gather where I did not scatter;
27. Therefore, you had to give my silver to the merchants, and when I came, I would receive mine at a profit;
28.So, take the talent from him and give to him who has ten talents,
29. For to everyone who has it, it will be given and he will increase, but from him who does not have, what he has will also be taken away;
30. Throw away the worthless servant into the outer darkness: there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. " Having said this, he cried out: He who has ears to hear, let him hear!

Now you yourself can come to the conclusion, why are we still afraid of death? The conclusion is simple. In the depths of our subconsciousness, a certain task has been formed - the fulfillment of a specific purpose. If we have not yet fulfilled this purpose, have not fulfilled our program of being on Earth, this will bother us at the subconscious level. And this anxiety, penetrating to the level of consciousness, will cause a specific fear in us.

Thus, on the one hand, this fear reminds us of an unfulfilled destiny. On the other hand, such fear, expressed in the instinct of self-preservation, makes us take care of our lives. And vice versa. People whose life on Earth has been spent in constant labor and for the benefit of others often feel that they have fulfilled their destiny. When the time comes to die, they have no fear of death.

Perhaps the Abbot of Mount Sinai is talking about this in the "Ladder"?

"The fear of death is a property of human nature ... and the thrill of the memory of a mortal is a sign of unrepentant sins ..."

Also, one of the Orthodox saints wrote:

“It would be strange if at this time we did not have a fear of an unknown future, there would be no fear of God. The fear of God will be, it is beneficial and necessary. It helps to cleanse the soul preparing to leave the body. "

Individuals may develop exactly the opposite attitude towards death. People who live according to the principle "after us - even a flood." Why think about death at all, if you can enjoy well already in this life? Someday I will die. So what? We will all die someday. Why think bad? Let's enjoy life now without thinking about the consequences.

There is also another extreme. Archimandrite Seraphim Rose in 1980 published a book in English "Soul after death"... He writes that the testimonies of people who have survived the temporary death of the body often paint a false and dangerous picture. There is too much light in it. One gets the impression that there is no need to fear death. Death is, rather, a pleasant experience, and after death, nothing bad threatens the soul. God does not blame anyone and surrounds everyone with love. Repentance and even thoughts about it are superfluous.

Father Seraphim writes:

“Today's world is spoiled and does not want to hear about the reality of the spirit and responsibility for sins. It is much nicer to think that God is not very strict and that we are safe under a loving God who will not demand an answer. Better to feel that salvation is assured. In our age, we expect something pleasant and often see what we expect. However, the reality is different. The hour of death is a time of devilish temptation. The destiny of a person in eternity depends mainly on how she herself looks at her death and how she prepares for it ”.

In principle, it's not bad when we don't dwell on our future, because everything is in the hands of the Lord. You need to live here and now. Live and be aware of every minute of your existence. If these are pleasant moments, then we should share our joy with others. If these are sad moments, then this can push us to understand the meaning of life. But in any case, no matter how we treat our life on Earth, our purpose remains. Whether we take everything from life or more of this life and give to other people - this purpose does not disappear anywhere. Accordingly, the task becomes a little more complicated - every minute we must remember our mission and every minute we must use it to fulfill it. And this, you must admit, does not fit with the principles "after us - even a flood" and "take everything from life."

Many people may argue with us: “We are happy and satisfied with life now. We have everything - a good job, a good family, successful children and grandchildren. Why should we think about some mythical future ”? We do not deny that there are many really wonderful, kind and sympathetic people on Earth who, with their qualities, deserve such a happy life. But there is another option. It was in their past life on Earth that these people were kind and sympathetic. And they have developed a certain Spiritual potential. And in this life, they do not gain this potential, but simply waste it. Indeed, in this life everything is good with them. But the potential is rapidly diminishing. And in the next life, they may have to start all over again.

Of course, you can not believe in all this. And this is a separate topic for conversation. Therefore, we invite the reader to simply reflect on such questions. In principle, all people have almost equal opportunities. A person is born, goes first to kindergarten, then to school. And here the paths of people diverge. Some go to college, others go to the army, some go to work, some have a family, etc. That is, everyone follows their own path: someone is growing, someone is falling, someone is happy, and someone is not. That is, everyone seems to have the same opportunities after leaving school, and as a result, in 5-10 years, the gap between people can be simply enormous.

They may object to us: "It's not just about the possibilities, but also about the abilities."... And this is what we propose to think about. Where did people get their abilities and capabilities? Why is someone born a genius, while someone is not even able to finish school? Why is one person born into a wealthy family, while someone is born sick or into a family with one parent? Why was such an injustice inherent in the first place?

Who is running this? God or man himself?

You can ask: "Are you getting this fear man needs?" But you yourself can already answer this question. Needed, but only as an instinct for self-preservation. And nothing more. To get rid of this fear, in fact, not much is needed - only knowledge. The knowledge of why we are on Earth and the knowledge that this life on Earth is only a part of one big life of ours. You can read about all this in our book “Life is only a moment. Knowledge of the XXI century ".

In any case, having received this knowledge, and you, having taken this book in your hands, have practically already received it, you will be able to remember your immortality and get rid of the fear of death forever. And if it will be just one person, we will consider our destiny already fulfilled.

§ 3. Why is there no need to be afraid of death?

It is, of course, very easy to take and say: “Do not be afraid of death. Death is as natural as life itself "... It is much more difficult not only to get used to this thought, but also to realize it in full. If a person has never seriously thought about what awaits him after death, then it is difficult for him to accept new information. We live in a material world, in a materialistic society, and this knowledge still seems unusual and implausible.

Our ancestors knew that death is a phenomenon as natural as life, and they accepted it calmly. The dying person experienced a feeling of grief; he was sorry to leave close people, nature, home, everything that he loved on earth, but, you see, such a feeling is quite natural.

We have already said that the transition itself is painless. This is confirmed by everyone who has been outside this world, experienced clinical death. Pain symptoms were associated with the disease itself, but they only lasted until the moment of transition. During the transition and after it, there was no more pain. On the contrary, a feeling of calmness, peace and even happiness came.

For many people, even the very moment of transition was imperceptible. Some talked about losing consciousness for only a short time. Thus, at the moment of dying, there will be neither pain nor any other unpleasant physical sensations.

We also need to get rid of other concerns: "What if after death I disappear completely?"... We need to understand that death is not the destruction of the person himself forever. The main part of a person is his Personality, his Consciousness continues to live even after the physical body ceases to function.

Of course, even having understood this, we will not cease to be afraid of death. But if you believe that death is not an enemy, but a part of our life, the process of getting rid of fears can be faster and easier. If we refuse to think and receive new knowledge, then we make the unknown even darker.

If we are able to understand that the transition itself is not terrible, then it will be easier for us to understand that life beyond the “threshold” is also not terrible. There will be no loneliness in this new life. We will be surrounded by people like us. We will get all the help we need. But the ultimate fate of the Soul cannot be predicted. Just as “our deeds follow us,” so our destinies will be different for all of us.

Elder Ambrose of Optina taught:

“Before the judgment of God, it is not the characters that matter, but the direction of the will. The main thing in the Christian attitude to death is fear and uncertainty ... but this fear is not hopeless. People of a good life are not afraid of death. "

But a perfect attitude towards death is free from fear. In the "Bulletin of the Russian Christian Movement" (No. 144, 1985) there is an article by the Christian philosopher O. Matt el Meskin. He's writing:

“The first and definite sign that the life of God has begun to operate in us will be our freedom from the sensation of death and its fear. A person living in God experiences a deep feeling that he is stronger than death, that he has come out of its grip. Even when he dies, he will not feel it; on the contrary, he will have a strong sense of an ongoing life in God. "

Also, one of the Church Fathers advises:

“Try to live according to the commandments of Christ, and you will cease to be afraid of death; your life will become full and happy, emptiness will disappear, dissatisfaction, uncertainty and fear of the future will go away. "

There is also another side to the issue. Our Universe is created very intelligently and harmoniously. Even atheists and scientists, for whom the concept of God is unknown, recognize that there is an all-encompassing force that controls all objects and processes in the Universe. Our Universe is a living organism that develops according to certain laws and undergoes its own evolution. A simple conclusion follows from this - human life on Earth makes sense only if the death of the body is not the end of the existence of a person, his Personality. Another conclusion follows from this conclusion - there are other, higher conditions for human life, other plans of the Universe, where humanity leads the same intelligent and conscious life as on Earth.

Coming out of the deceased body, the human Soul passes into other conditions of existence and continues to live there. With our limited senses, we are able to sense only the manifestations of this visible material world. But there are other worlds as well. On Earth, we have limited Consciousness and limited feelings, therefore we are not able to see these worlds. But they really exist. Life is in full swing in these worlds too.

Death is only a transition from the earthly world to another. And birth is coming to Earth from other worlds. We need to understand that we do not have two lives, but one. Life on Earth is a kind of business trip. The business trip is over and we are returning to our homeland. During the transition, the personality of a person does not change and his individuality is preserved. After the death of the body, the development of the Soul continues, but already in other spheres of Being.

The question may arise here: “If a person comes to Earth on a business trip, then why should he just die? Is it possible to somehow simplify this process? For example, a man got into some kind of aircraft and flew away. Why die? Why injure yourself and your relatives? "

There are explanations for all this. We come to Earth for a reason, but for specific tasks. One of the main tasks on Earth is to cleanse our Spirit, our Consciousness from the accumulated dirt. It is on Earth with its unpredictability that such a deep cleaning is possible. It is after a business trip to Earth that we determine the direction of our movement, towards light or towards darkness.

Death, with all its inherent experiences, is a very powerful cleansing process. It allows us to finally get rid of energy dirt in our Consciousness. Therefore, the very process of death, the very process of leaving the physical body, is extremely important for us. To put it simplistically, at the moment of death the purified part of our Personality, our Consciousness, let's call it the Soul, dumps the remnants of dirt into the physical body and leaves this body. If a person could somehow avoid death, then he would take these remnants of dirt with him. And so they remain in the physical body. In the future, the body is interred in the earth, and the remnants of the energy mud are processed by earthly energies.

Also, as we already wrote, the death of a loved one is a certain test for his loved ones. Strong experiences are also energetic clearing. After such experiences, a person may reconsider his views on life and, perhaps, even become better. Such tragic events, oddly enough, allow a person to develop such qualities as mercy, sensitivity and compassion. And all this leads to the appearance of sprouts of Love and Faith in a person.

Agree that with this understanding of death, it is quite easy to accept the fact that death is the most important event in a person's life. On the one hand, at the moment of dying, a person finally cleans his Consciousness from dirt, and, on the other hand, the very phenomenon of death is a kind of stimulus for the loved ones of the deceased. A person's departure from life is always a test for someone and a chance to start self-improvement. It seems that the death of a loved one is a tragedy. But by his departure, this person gives those who remain the opportunity to reevaluate their life, the opportunity to feel God. Agree that for many people who have lost their loved ones, this is really a chance.

And, finally, the last aspect, why death, as a phenomenon, is necessary on Earth. Imagine for a moment that you took a new job, for example, as a painter. The working conditions of the painter require certain equipment, the same work suit. The firm you work for is pretty successful. She has developed a new work suit based on new materials. Now this suit does not need to be washed, neither by the worker himself, nor by the company itself. When a suit is completely dirty, it is not washed, but recycled as waste paper or even burned.

Planet Earth is a specific energy and natural environment. To live on planet Earth, you need a certain physical body, a certain "suit", which is most adapted to the conditions of life on Earth. When this "suit" has worn out and a person's working time (business trip) on Earth has run out, this "suit" is not erased. The old suit is thrown off and the person gets a new suit, a new body. Well, and certain laws of the planet itself, the laws of the Universe do not allow a person to just “jump” from one suit to another. To change the costume, a person must first die (drop the costume), and then be born again (get a new costume).

As an example of why there is no need to be afraid of death, let us cite the story of a soldier who experienced clinical death. It happened in 1917.

“Physical death is nothing. You really shouldn't be afraid of her. Some of my friends grieved for me when I passed away. They thought that I was really dead. And here's what actually happened.

I remember very well how it all happened. I waited in the bend of the trench for my time to take over. It was a beautiful evening, I had no presentiment of danger, but suddenly I heard the howl of a shell. There was an explosion somewhere behind. I involuntarily squatted down, but it was too late. Something hit me so hard, hard and hard - in the back of the head. I fell and, while I was falling, without noticing even for a time no loss of consciousness, I found myself outside myself! You see how simple I am telling this so that you understand everything better. You yourself will find out how little this death means ...

Five seconds later, I stood next to my body and helped two of my comrades carry it through the trench to the dressing room. They thought I was just unconscious, but alive. I didn’t know if I had jumped out of my body forever or for a while due to a shell shock. You see how little death means, even a violent death in war! ..

My comrades need not be afraid of death. Some are afraid of her - of course, behind this is the fear that you might be destroyed, that you will disappear. I was also afraid of this, many soldiers are afraid of death, but they rarely have time to think about it ... They put my body on a stretcher. I all wanted to know when I would be inside him again. You see, I was so little "dead" that I imagined I was still alive ...

I started a new chapter in my life. I'll tell you how I felt. It was as if I had been running long and hard until I got sweating, lost my breath and threw off my clothes. This garment was my body; it seemed that if I had not thrown it off, I would have suffocated ... My body was taken first to the dressing room, and from there to the morgue. I stood next to him the whole night, but I didn’t think about anything, I just looked ...

I still felt like I was awakening in my own body. Then I passed out and fell fast asleep. When I woke up, I saw that my body had disappeared. How I was looking for him! .. But soon I stopped looking. Then the shock came! It fell on me suddenly, without warning: I was killed by a German shell, I am dead! ..

What is it to be dead! I just felt free and at ease. My being seemed to expand ...

I, probably, am now in some kind of body, but I have little that I can tell you about it. It doesn't interest me. It is comfortable, does not hurt, does not get tired. It seems to resemble my previous body in shape. There is a subtle difference here, but I cannot analyze it ...

It seems that I fell asleep a second time ... and finally woke up. "

We will also give a famous story about the prayer of a soldier. During the Patriotic War, the Red Army soldier Alexander Zaitsev was killed in battle. His friend found in the pocket of the victim's tunic a poem written on the eve of the battle.

“Listen, God, not once in my life
I did not speak to you, but today
I want to greet you.
You know, since childhood, they always told me
That You are not, and I am a fool believed.

I have never contemplated your creations.
And so tonight I watched
To the starry sky that was above me.
I realized suddenly, admiring their flicker,
How cruel deception can be.

I don't know, God, will you give me your hand?
But I will tell You and You will understand me.
Is it not strange that in the midst of the most terrible hell
Light suddenly opened to me, and I saw You?
And besides that, I have nothing to say.

I also want to say that, as you know,
The battle will be wicked;
Perhaps at night I will knock on You.
And so, even though until now I have not been your friend,
Will you let me in when I come?

But I seem to be crying. My God,
You see what happened to me
That I have received my sight today?
Goodbye my God! I’m walking, I’m unlikely to return.
How strange that now I am not afraid of death. "

Faith in God came quite suddenly and this faith destroyed the fear of death.

Thus, death as a phenomenon has many aspects, none of which can be called tragic. Death is not a hopeless situation, but a transition from one plane of existence to another. This is not an event to be feared and feared.

We need to understand that our deceased loved ones do not go anywhere. They live in the same universe as we do. The difference is that they are freer than we are. Both of our worlds are one and the same.

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Of course, it's very easy to just say, “Don't be afraid of death. Death is as natural as life itself. " It is much more difficult not only to get used to such a thought, but also to fully comprehend it. If a person has never seriously thought about what awaits him, then it is difficult for him to accept new information. We live in the physical world, in a materialistic society, and this knowledge still seems extraordinary and implausible.

Our ancestors knew that death is a phenomenon as natural as life, and they accepted it calmly. The dying person experienced a feeling of grief; he was sad to leave close people, nature, home, everything that he loved in earthly life, but, you see, this feeling is quite natural.

Death, with all the experiences that are inherent in it, is a very powerful cleansing process. It gives us the opportunity to finally get rid of the energy dirt in our Consciousness. Therefore, the very process of death, the very process of leaving the physical body, is extremely important for us. To put it simply, at the moment of death the purified part of our Personality, our Consciousness, let's call it the Soul, dumps the remnants of dirt into the physical body and leaves this body. If a person could somehow avoid death, then he would take with him these remnants of dirt. And so they remain in the physical body. In the future, the body is interred with the earth, and the remnants of the energy mud are processed by earthly energies.

Also, the death of a loved one is a kind of exam for his loved ones. Strong experiences are also energetic clearing. After such experiences, a person may, perhaps, reconsider his views on life and, perhaps, even become better. Such tragic events, oddly enough, make it possible for a person to develop such qualities as mercy, sensitivity and compassion. And all this leads to the appearance of sprouts of Love and Faith in a person.

Agree that with this kind of understanding of death, it is quite easy to accept the fact that death is the most important event in human life. On the one hand, at the moment of death, a person finally cleans his Consciousness from dirt, and, on the other hand, the very phenomenon of death is a kind of stimulus for the loved ones of the deceased. The death of a person is always a test for someone and a chance to start self-improvement. It seems that the death of a loved one is a tragedy. But by his departure, this person gives those who remain a chance to reevaluate their life, the opportunity to feel God. Agree that for many people who have lost their loved ones, this is actually a chance.

And, in the end, the last aspect, why death, as a phenomenon, in earthly life is necessary. Imagine that you took a new job, for example, as a painter. The working conditions of the painter require certain equipment, the same work suit. The firm you are hired for is quite successful. She has developed a new work suit based on new materials. Now this suit, it is not necessary to wash, neither the worker himself, nor the company itself. When a suit is completely dirty, it is not washed, but recycled as waste paper or even burned.

Planet Earth is a certain kind of energy and natural environment. To live on Earth, you need a certain physical body, a certain "suit", which is most adapted to the conditions of earthly life. When this "suit" has worn out and a person has run out of working time (life in the physical world) on Earth, this "suit" is not erased. The old suit is thrown off and the person gets a new suit, a new body. Well, and certain laws of the planet itself, the laws of the Universe do not allow a person to just "jump" from one suit to another. To change a costume, a person must first die (throw off the costume), and then be born again (get a new costume).

Here is the story of a clinical death survivor from the book by Michael Sabom:

“I could not endure the pain any longer ... And then it darkened in my eyes and I fell ... After a while ... I was sitting somewhere upstairs and looking down, and I didn’t notice before that the floor was made of black and white tiles. This was the first thing that I noticed when my consciousness was switched off. I recognized myself down there, as if curled up in a semi-embryonic position. Three people lifted me up and lived on a cart ... They tied my legs and began to move me. The first time they threw me on the table, (the doctor) hit me, he raised his fist over his head and hit me exactly in the center of my chest. And then they pressed on my chest ... They put a plastic tube into my mouth ...

That was when I noticed another table-like device with a bundle or apparatus on it. I later found out that this is the machine they use to shock you ... I could see my right ear and this part of my face because I was turned. I heard human speech ... It (the measuring device) was like an oscilloscope. It made the same strip over and over ... They put a knitting needle in me - like one of the rituals of the Aztecs-Indians, when they gouged out the heart of a virgin. They took it with both hands - I thought it was very unusual ...

Then they took these round discs with handles ... They put one over here, on top - I think it was larger than the other - and put one here, down (the patient pointed to the appropriate positions on the chest) ... They hit me, but I did not react ... I thought they were giving my body too much stress. Horror, I was jumping two feet from the table ... It seemed very strange to me that I decided to try to go back into my body and give them a chance to bring me back to my senses, or I could only go ahead and die if I was not dead yet ... I know that I would be completely safe if my body died ... They hit me again ... I re-entered my body ... ”.

Another example:

“I saw my (natural) face. It was about four feet shorter than me, and I could see it ... I saw that they (doctors and nurses) were very busy. In fact, one time the nurse I was looking at looked directly into my (immaterial) face. I tried to say something, but she didn’t hear anything ... She was like looking at the TV screen, who cannot object and does not see that you are there. I was real and she was unreal. That's how I felt. "

In the intensive care unit of a Florida hospital, the doctor of a cardiac arrest survivor came face to face with the details of resuscitation described by his patient the next day:

“When Dr. V. saw me, he told me that I was on the verge of death and all that. I told him: “Dr. V., I could not die. I know everything that happened. " I told him how he got under my right mouse but then changed his mind, going to the other side. He said that this could not be, I could not see it in any way, that I was officially dead at the time. He was simply shocked by what he heard. He couldn't understand it. And I asked, "Am I right?" He said: "Yes, you are right!" He was shocked and went out for a walk. "

Another man reported on his experiences with cardiac arrest in February 1976:

“I could walk away from my body whenever I wanted to ... There were no mechanisms to move like a car or anything. It was just a thought process. I felt that I could think of something to be where I wanted to be immediately ... It was even fun to feel the power. I could do whatever I wanted ... In fact, it is more real than here. "

Here is another famous story about the prayer of a soldier. During the Patriotic War, the Red Army soldier Alexander Zaitsev was killed in battle. His friend found a poem written before the battle in the pocket of the victim's tunic.

“Listen, God, not once in my life
I did not speak to you, but today
I want to greet you.
You know, since childhood, they always told me
That You are not, and I am a fool believed.
I have never contemplated your creations.
And so tonight I watched
To the starry sky that was above me.
I realized suddenly, admiring their flicker,
How cruel deception can be.
I don't know, God, will you give me your hand?
But I will tell You and You will understand me.
Is it not strange that in the midst of the most terrible hell
Light suddenly opened to me, and I saw You?
And besides that, I have nothing to say.
I also want to say that, as you know,
The battle will be wicked;
Perhaps at night I will knock on You.
And so, even though until now I have not been your friend,
Will you let me in when I come?
But I seem to be crying. My God,
You see what happened to me
That I have received my sight today?
Goodbye my God! I’m walking, I’m unlikely to return.
How strange that now I am not afraid of death. "

Faith in God came absolutely unexpectedly and this faith destroyed the fear of death.

Thus, death as a phenomenon has many aspects, none of which can be called tragic. not a hopeless situation, but a transition from one plane of being to another. This is not an event to be feared and feared.

How not to be afraid of death? We should understand that our deceased loved ones do not go anywhere. They live in the same universe as we do. The difference is that they are freer than we are. Our worlds are near.

If you are overwhelmed by the fear of death, and thoughts of an imminent end poison your present, try changing your attitude towards the future and adjusting your own behavior.

Fullness of life

Those people who live to the fullest are not afraid of death. It is important to enjoy every day and even moment you live, to realize your own abilities and talents, to achieve what you want and be with those people you love and whom you value.

Otherwise, you will join the group of those people who do not live, but exist. They vegetate and waste their own lives on trifles. Such individuals rush from one entertainment or pleasure to another, abandon the path to their dreams at the slightest obstacle and do not dare to claim more that they already have.

Expand your horizons, don't be afraid to live and feel. And then you will not have the feeling that life is passing by, and the world has not revealed for you the best that it has. Understand that it is the feeling of wasted time that leads to fear.

And those who do their best to take everything out of life are more philosophical about the future end of life.

Death is like a dream

Some people are not afraid of death because they understand that when death comes, they will no longer be there, but they are afraid of something that is not meaningless. This is a fairly simple and logical statement, and if you delve into it, the fear of death recedes. When a person, he plunges into eternal sleep and no longer feels pain, fear, or anxiety.

Treat death as endless peace and stop being afraid of it.

Procreation

There are people who regard death more calmly with the appearance of their children and then grandchildren. They see their offspring as an extension of themselves and understand that with the onset of death, parts of their personality and soul will continue to live in their descendants.

Children and grandchildren take a lot from their mothers, fathers, grandparents. Appearance, character, mind - all this is a combination of ancestral genes. Therefore, a person who has successors of the family can overcome the fear of death.

No fear

Finally, there are people who do not feel fear at all. They are not afraid of heights, or darkness, or disease, or even death. On the contrary, these individuals feel the need to constantly be in extreme situations. Such people in life do not have enough adrenaline and fear they do not know at all.

How to lose and grieve, how to die and at the same time continue to live, how to find strength to support those who may be even worse than you? All this is not taught in any school in the world, so KYKY met with oncopsychologist Dmitry Litsov and asked for an answer why death is not a tragedy, but a reason for life.

Initially, the topic of this interview was supposed to be “fear of death”, but during a conversation with Dmitry Litsov, the picture took on completely different outlines. Dmitry, an oncological psychologist, psychotherapist, head of the VITALITY psychological center, told why you should not be afraid of death, even if it is your immediate future, and why you should not encourage sick people with the terrible phrase “everything will be fine”. Dmitry works with people with cancer, he himself survived the death of two of his closest relatives. "What should I ask him about?" - I thought. But while preparing for the interview, I came across a book by Irwin Yalom “Peering into the Sun. Life without the fear of death ", I wrote out a quote from there, with which we began our conversation:" Personally, I often found consolation in the thought that the two states of nothingness - before our birth and after death - are exactly the same, but nevertheless we are so afraid the second black eternity and there we think little about the first ... "

"Defending ourselves from death, we begin to defend ourselves from life."

Dmitry Litsov

Dmitry Litsov: I once gave a seminar in Moscow for a group of 15 people. In the course of the development of the action, it turned out that 5-6 people from those present now have cancer, 2-3 people are in remission, the rest have lost loved ones or are living next to him in the stages of accepting and fighting the disease. At that time, this did not affect me personally in my life. You know, they say, we will all die from oncology, but not all will live to see it.

It is very difficult to be in so many suffering people, it is such an intense experience of pain. After the first day of work, I left the seminar completely devastated: I did not understand how I would work tomorrow, I knew that the coming night would not be easy for all of us. It was October or November, VDNKh station, I wandered where my eyes were looking, and came across an old cemetery. As psychotherapists say, "I suddenly found myself" standing near the grave. Some artist was buried there - unfortunately, I don't remember the last name, but it was Armenian. On the tombstone, with my growth, I read the inscription: "The living close the eyes of the dead, the dead open their eyes to the living." I stood, thought, and there, probably, I realized the main phrase of all my activities, the main idea that guides me in the profession: death is a reason for life.

In the morning I came to the seminar surprisingly alive. So "alive" that the members of the group later told me: "Dima, you infected us with life." Such a paradox, when the grave does not just breathe in the back, but right now looks in the face. And suddenly - an infection with life. How? Someone from the clever and great said: the one who saw death need not be afraid of life.

The main problem associated with oncology is not the fear of death, as many people think, it is the fear of life. The whole point of neurosis is a way to escape from life. Someone runs away into alcohol, drugs, someone runs away to work, into destructive relationships or diseases, someone into social networks. And life is so many questions, so many nuances, do you understand? Defending against death, a person begins to defend against life. Life narrows down to one path, a tunnel, a basement. The breadth of perception of the world is lost. I can't be jailed, I'm my own prison, Vysotsky sings.

So the person is diagnosed with cancer. He has some vague prospects, there is a month left (a year, two - unknown), despair, powerlessness of both him and those close to him. Oncology is a disease of impotence.

Everything that was quietly snoring inside rises: all fears, all phobias. That's horrible. But all this horror does not repel from life, but on the contrary - invigorates. Not in the sense of an adrenaline rush, but in the sense that it is the awareness of my own finitude that allows me to feel the fullness of being. A person, fearing death, tries to control his own life, control tomorrow and other things that cannot be controlled. Tomorrow is alarming because we do not know what will be there and how. Control is the illusory way in which we often go from real life to virtual. We are afraid of what is not, and we try to "spread straw" without knowing where we will fall. We are quite sophisticated in how not to live.

Before meeting you, I looked in the mirror and found that my head was gray. All. I think that this is the main fear of man. He feels in his life the presence of an aunt with a scythe and, wanting to hide from death, begins to hide from life. And then he becomes clever: to be or not to be - that is the question ... Yes, not a question. Be, of course. The real question is how to be.

Remember the film "Favorite mother-in-law" with Catherine Deneuve: a good comedy, many parallels, several planes. A simple story, mother-in-law and son-in-law fall in love. One day they accidentally intersect at the airport, and to avoid an awkward situation, she offers to eat ice cream. And here's the question she asks: How do you eat ice cream? Do you eat the tastiest things first, or vice versa? And if you die before reaching the most delicious? How sad it is to die on the lips with the taste of what you do not love.

"The death of a son is such a grief that it is better to die yourself"

KYKY: I know that you still had a chance to survive the death of your mother. Is there a difference between theory and practice? Did you stick to a professional scheme when it got personal?

D.L .: I found that there really is no theory. Colleagues can argue with me, but I do not work with oncology as a disease, I work with a living person. When my mother was dying, in my gut I realized what “be yourself” was: you have tears - cry, take your mother by the hand, if you want to say: “don't leave, I need you,” say about it. She wants to talk about death - don't avoid, talk. I managed to be close to my mother in a very natural way: just like that - with pain, fear, hope. Without any "psychological tricks" from the series "how to do it right and how not to do it right."

It is important to honestly answer the question: who is in front of you? Is it an object or a subject? If an object, then I give some instructions, methods, do something with it. I suggest art therapy, or something else. And if the subject - then I just go to him at the level of "human-human". In the first case, I do something with him, and in the second, I’m just around. Working with cancer patients is considered one of the most difficult. Probably because it requires "inclusion". After all, if as a psychotherapist it is difficult for me to work with a client, then I could not solve the question of the finiteness of life for myself, I could not solve the issue of fear of death. With a person suffering, dying, you feel your own boundless powerlessness. You need to learn to be with this.

It is easier for a psychologist to hide behind techniques: art therapy, NLP, whatever - and at the same time, you can avoid "contact", "meeting". This is not condemnation. This is the reality. Lack of prospects for healing is a situation in which a person becomes completely alone. After receiving the diagnosis, he closes in, his connections with people are broken. As before, it will no longer be, how it will be - it is not known, everyone around is scared: a person moves away from the environment, goes deep into himself. When my mother was brought home after the hospital, she asked me to take a pen and paper and began to dictate the names of her friends, about 5-10 people. I wrote it down, and my mother said to me: “These will call, tell them that I am not there. I am anywhere: in a store, in a movie, on a date ... ”At that time, my mother practically did not go. I asked: "Why?" It seems strange, but only at first glance. Mom replied: "They will tell me all sorts of bullshit." And it is true - they will always say. Out of fear and anxiety, people simply give positive attitudes: hold on, everything will be fine, relax, do not push or pray. And a person has completely different problems, and he is alone with them: illness and uncertainty are his present, his “today”.

KYKY: And you need to live it somehow?

D.L .: Quite right, and for the first time people "learn" to live in the present. Because it is impossible to hide from pain in the past or the future. The soul hurts right now, the body hurts right now. And we must somehow be with it. Be right now. When we don’t know what to do, we start to worry - and this is the hardest thing to deal with. The dumbest thing to do is call and say: "Everything will work out, don't be nervous, don't cry!" And the person is figurative, and not without reason.

KYKY: What would be appropriate to say?

D.L .: Something real, something like: "I'm with you, and I'm scared too." But most of the time we can't say that. A sick person hurts us with his suffering, and we unconsciously strive to avoid it. Hiding behind a positive attitude is a good way to "avoid".

In 1999 my son died, he was 10 years old. I know what hell is, I've been in hell.

The moment that I remember most vividly: we are at the funeral service in the church, I look into the coffin where my son lies - and from there the abyss looks at me. It is impossible to convey how you feel when you bury your child. Try to imagine that you are standing on the edge of an abyss, an abyss, ice blocks are flying past you, and you are waiting for one of them to hit you in the head and carry you into the abyss. You are waiting for salvation.

I look up and see the smile of the priest, who is also looking at the child in the coffin. He looks at my son and smiles, he emanates such peace, such calmness. I was struck by the thought that the priest, a young guy, perhaps knows or sees something that I do not see and do not understand. In the next instant, I felt something like a hug, a touch of something most important that can be. With all the horror and despair that befell me, I felt incredible love. Although I am more of a believer than a religious person. Six years later, I went to study to be a psychologist. I was in hell, I was at the bottom, and I know for sure that it is on this day that life begins.

KYKY: What is inherently scarier: dying or losing?

D.L .: I lost and saw others die. It hurts to lose, but dying is probably more scary. Although, if you personally immerse yourself in my experiences, what I experienced with the death of my son (not with my mother, but with my son) is such a grief that it is better to die myself. There is nothing worse than losing children - this is contrary to the normal course of events, it is against our nature. Mom was dying in my arms, at some point her gaze became like this ... It was the gaze of the abyss that I saw when I buried the child. I saw horror in her eyes, but I had no horror. It sounds crazy, but I understood that what is happening is the fulfillment of the inevitable, that it must be so, it must be so. A few seconds before her death, my mother's gaze cleared, and she looked over me. Her face brightened as if someone had illuminated it on purpose, and she caught my eye, smiled, shook her head, as if she wanted to say: "No, dear, you won't see, this is just for me." This was the last inhalation and exhalation.

"It's a shame to be sick with cancer"

A person usually needs someone to let him go. Someone makes his own decision and leaves, someone is waiting to be released, and can live in agony for a long time. We won four months. This is exactly how long my mother lived after the diagnosis. I deceived her. The doctors told me that my mother had cancer, but I did not tell her. He reported that it was either an ulcer, or a benign tumor, or a malignant one. I knew the truth. But this lie allowed my mother to gather her spirit and fight. When it became clear that it was fading away, my mother said, “Let me go, I’m very tired.” I asked: “Mom, what did you want to do for me, but didn’t do in your whole life?” Then she says: "I wanted to kick you in the head many times." Close to the 40th day, I left the cafe, got into the car and broke my eyebrow - there was a huge bump and a bruise. At two o'clock in the morning I heard a voice: "Got it?" Was this a dream? Got it, mom.

KYKY: You deceived mom. Let's talk about this: a person has the right to know the diagnosis, but does he have the right not to know?

D.L .: Answer yourself to this question: would you like to know? In Russia, it happens in different ways, often the diagnosis is communicated to the family, and not to the patient. In Latvia, where I live, the practice is different. The person is informed of the diagnosis, treatment tactics are offered. But all people are different, and not every psyche is ready for adequate perception. There was one woman in our support group; metastases were found in her lungs. My colleague and I knew about this.

She comes to the next meeting and says: "You know, some nodules were found in my lungs." This woman is holding an extract in her hands, where it is written in black and white - metastases.

But her psyche does not perceive this word, she has nodules in her lungs, which probably remained there after the pneumonia suffered in childhood. My colleague and I exchange glances and do not mind. I ask: "Will you be treated for these nodules?" She replies in the affirmative, says that she has been prescribed a treatment regimen and will take medications. Six months later, the "nodules" dissolve, she comes to the group and says: "You know, but it turns out that I had metastases, and they passed." What should I have done? I did not admit that I knew about the metastases, I supported her, and sincerely (I want to emphasize this word) I was glad that the nodules disappeared. As for mom - if she knew that she was sick with cancer, we would not have had those four months that we both needed to be adopted. Sometimes, the patient has a right not to know.

KYKY: I have a story for you too. Young male with inoperable stomach cancer. Doctors "open" it and understand that the operation is impossible due to multiple metal lesions of the abdominal organs. Chemotherapy is prescribed, the information is given only to the wife. This person has months, but he does not know about it. His son does not know about this, not so little that he does not understand what is happening. A man lives and thinks that he has got a second chance, but in reality he is dying. The last Friday comes, his temperature rises, which is not knocked down by antipyretics, and the person thinks that he has caught the flu. In fact, this is the end. The man learns that this is agony three days before his death. He leaves in pain, anger, his wife cannot understand his aggression. It's frosty outside the window, the windows are open, the room is terribly cold - and he screams that he is hot. This is how he meets death.

D.L .: This is a terrible story. This person has left as a devotee, and it will be difficult for loved ones to cope with feelings of guilt. But neither you, nor I, nor his loved ones know the answer to the question of what would have happened if he had known that he was dying. Maybe he would not have lived these months? In this story, the wife and loved ones, in addition to feelings of guilt, will probably also experience anger. Anger towards a dying person is also understandable, people often have such feelings towards someone who is dying. After all, he died - he threw it away. Sounds awful, but it's true. Not everyone voices this and even recognizes it in themselves. And also shame. It is equally ashamed for the sick person and for the family.

KYKY: Shame?

D.L .: Yes. The sick have a lot of shame. It's a shame to get cancer. My client, a 40-year-old woman, is hiding from her parents that she has cancer. She comes up with fantastic stories about business trips, from which she calls them on Skype and writes SMS. The woman is already wearing a wig, she has no eyebrows. In her situation, everything is very ambiguous. Will she tell them? How? When? I do not know. She does this for two reasons: shame and fear of hurting them. But it's okay to worry about the one you love. The feelings her parents might have are natural. It hurts, but it's natural and very human. Unfortunately, in modern society, people consider it necessary to hide their inner world, their experiences, behind this is the fear of being rejected and shame. In fact, it's easier to get over all this when someone is around. I believe that "helping to survive" is "helping to suffer." The feelings that the sick person experiences do not need to be diluted with optimism. Any emotions have a finite volume, their own measure. Suffering is always replaced by the next phase. Is always.

Just being around, helping to cry - that's all. All this “don't be afraid” type is bullshit. How not to be afraid? “Be afraid if you’re afraid. I'm scared too, but I'll be there. " We do not attach importance to intimacy, but one of the main functions of intimate relationships is psychotherapeutic. Being around is already a tremendous support for the patient.

But being around is also scary because of myths, because of oncophobia. I am often asked: "Do you communicate with cancer patients, and you are not afraid to get infected?" No comments.

"Cause of Cancer - Eating Meat?" - No. One client tells me, “But I've been a vegetarian for most of my life! How is that?" It sounds like "I went green." Jerzy Lec seems to have said that each of us can be imprisoned for five years, and deep down we will know why. Cancer is punishment? You can endlessly search for the reason. Cancer destroys illusions, guarantees, our supports break. It seems that there is nothing left. But this is not true. What remains is faith and love, faith not in a religious sense. In our office in the kitchen there is a sign: “Psychologist, I don’t need your help today. The God".

"Life is what is happening right now"

KYKY: Is it difficult to accept the inevitability of death?

D.L .: Death is simple. We complicate it, invent it - and at the moment when it is convenient for her, she will come and take her own. One of my favorite films is Bergman's "The Seventh Seal" - there, if you remember, a knight plays chess with death, and he knows he will lose, and death knows that she will win. But the death of the game lies in the game itself. It is difficult to accept the terrible reality, yes. But without this acceptance it is impossible to be reborn to life, no matter how much of it remains.

People are always looking for a way to hide from life and not live. For example, they come to church to hide. A priest I know says that 75 percent of the parishioners are neurotics, and 25 percent are those who are really looking for an answer.

KYKY: Do you believe in life after death?

D.L .: I have no answer. Once I was on the radio, we were talking about oncology, about group therapy - and then the call came. A man calls, and in some kind of hysterics shouts: “How can you talk about such trifles! Corruption is everywhere, swindlers in power, elections are rigged! " I sit there, in the studio, and I understand that this is like a breakthrough from another reality. It doesn't affect me in any way. Swindlers in power do not affect my daily life in any way. It is the same with life after death. It doesn't affect me in any way. I am independent of this.

When a cancer patient comes to me, I help not only to get over the problem, I help to come to life. The person begins to feel angry or to feel tenderness or joy. Life is what is happening right now. We are talking about the past, about mom, about son, but we do it "in now, in today." We live with you, we are experiencing this moment together. The main question of psychoanalysis is "Why?" This is a question about the past. And I want to ask: "Why not?" This is about the present.

KYKY: How is it to “live”?

D.L .: Very simple. Saying yes when you want to say yes; “No” when you want to say “no”; "You went to a known address" when it is in the shower. Don't get stuck in the past, don't invent the future. Do now, change what can be changed, accept what cannot be changed. Accept that we are absolutely all mortal, and drink life to the last sip, like a cup of cocoa, where all the chocolate is always at the bottom. I think he is not afraid of death, who lives.

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“Before you were born, you didn’t need anything,
And having been born, he is doomed to need everything.
Only by throwing off the oppression of an insatiable body,
Once again you will become free, like a god, a rich man. " OMAR KHAYYAM

Since time immemorial, people are most afraid of death. This fear is the strongest, most deeply rooted in our consciousness. This fear is originally embedded in any living being. We are afraid of the unknown, and death for us is primarily the unknown. It is not given to people to move freely from life to death and back. "Nobody has come back from there yet!" - a common phrase. But is it?

Robert Lanz, a professor at the University of North Carolina School of Medicine, argues that death is not the absolute end of life, but represents a transition to a parallel world. He says that "human life is like a perennial plant that always returns to bloom again in the multiverse." The scientist emphasizes that people believe in death, because "consciousness associates life with the functioning of internal organs."

The same is stated by Dr. Raymond Moody, an American psychologist and physician born in 1944. He devoted his entire life to this topic, finding that many people who have returned to life after clinical death share very unusual experiences, and their stories coincide in many details. Here is what he writes in his book Life After Life:

“A person dies, and at the moment when his physical suffering reaches the limit, he hears the doctor declare him dead. He hears an unpleasant noise, loud ringing or buzzing, and at the same time he feels that he is moving at great speed through a long black tunnel.

After that, he suddenly finds himself outside his physical body, but still in the immediate physical environment, he sees his own body at a distance, like an outsider. He oversees attempts to bring him back to life with this unusual advantage and is in a state of some emotional shock.

After a while, he gathers his thoughts and gradually gets used to his new position. He notices that he has a body, but of a completely different nature and with completely different properties than that physical body that he left.

Soon, other events happen to him. The souls of other people come to him to meet him and help him. He sees the souls of already deceased relatives and friends, and a luminous creature appears before him, from which emanates such love and warmth as he has never met.

This creature silently asks him a question that allows him to evaluate his life, and guides him through instant pictures of the most important events of his life, passing in front of his mind's eye in reverse order.

At some point, he discovers that he has approached a certain barrier or border, which, apparently, constitutes the division between earthly and subsequent life. However, he discovers that he must return to earth, that the hour of his death has not yet come. At this moment, he resists, since now he has learned the experience of another life and does not want to return.

He is overwhelmed with a sense of joy, love and peace. Despite his reluctance, he nevertheless somehow reconnects with his physical body and returns to life.

Later, he tries to tell others about all this, but it is difficult for him to do so. First of all, it is difficult for him to find adequate words in the human language to describe these unearthly events. In addition, he encounters ridicule and stops telling other people.

Nevertheless, the events he experienced have a profound impact on his life and especially on his understanding of death and its relationship with life.

It is important to note that the above description is not an account of the experience of any particular person. Rather, it is a "model", a combination of common elements found in many stories.

I am bringing it here only to give a preliminary general idea of ​​what a dying person might experience. Since this is a model and not a specific description, I will try ... to discuss in detail each of the elements based on numerous examples. "

“People who have experienced this, all as one characterize their experience as defying description, that is, 'ineffable'. Many stress this. "There are simply no words to express what I want to say" or "There are simply no adjectives or superlatives to describe it."

One woman described it very succinctly as follows:
“It's a real problem for me to try to explain this to you now, because all the words I know are three-dimensional.

At the same time, when I was experiencing this, I did not stop thinking: “Well, when I went through geometry, I was taught that there are only three dimensions, and I have always believed this. But this is not true. There are more of them.

Yes, of course, our world, the one in which we live now, is three-dimensional, but the OTHER WORLD is definitely not three-dimensional. And that is why it is so difficult to tell you about it. I have to describe this to you in words that are three-dimensional. This is the best way to explain what I mean, but this explanation is not entirely adequate either. I practically cannot give you the complete picture. "

“It is common knowledge that most of us identify with our body ...
Prior to my experience of the nearness of death, the people I spoke with, as a whole, as a group, did not differ in their attitude to this issue from the ordinary average person.

That is why a dying person is so amazed after passing through a dark tunnel, because at this moment he discovers that he is looking at his physical body from the outside, as if he were an outside observer, or he sees people and events occurring as if on a stage or to the cinema.

Let's look at a few of these stories that deal with such supernatural out-of-body experiences.

“I was eleven years old and my brother and I worked at Luna Park. One afternoon we decided to go swimming. There were several other young people with us. Someone suggested: "Let's swim across the lake." I did this many times, but this time for some reason I began to sink almost in the middle of the lake. I was floundering, now going down, now going up, and, suddenly, I felt that I was far from my body, far from everyone, as if by myself. Although I did not move, being at the same level all the time, I saw my body, being in the water at a distance of three or four feet, going down and up. I saw my body from the back and a little to the right. At the same time, I felt that I still have some kind of bodily shell, although I was outside my body. I had a feeling of lightness that is almost impossible to describe. I felt like a double to myself. "

"I felt like I had a complete body, with arms, legs, etc., but at the same time I was weightless."

People who have experienced such an experience, having become somewhat accustomed to their new position, began to think clearer and faster than during their physical existence. For example, one man recounted what happened while he was "dead":

“Things were possible that are impossible now. Your consciousness is perfectly clear. It felt good. My consciousness was able to perceive all phenomena and immediately resolve emerging issues, without returning again and again to the same thing. A little later, everything that I have experienced in life has reached such a state where somehow it began to make sense. "

The sensations that correspond to the physical hearing and vision remain unchanged for the spiritual body. They even become more perfect in comparison with the physical condition. One man said that when he was “dead,” his eyesight was incomparably sharper. Here are his words: "I just could not understand how I can see so far."

A woman speaking out about her near-death experience remarks: “It seemed that this spiritual vision knew no boundaries. I could see anything, anywhere. "
This condition is very clearly described in the following conversation with one woman who was in a state of clinical death due to an accident:

“There was an extraordinary commotion, people were running around the ambulance. When I peered at others to understand what was happening, the object immediately approached me, just like in an optical device: and I seemed to be in this device.

But at the same time it seemed to me that a part of me, that is, what I will call my consciousness, remained in place, a few yards from my body. When I wanted to see someone at some distance from me, it seemed to me that a part of me, something like some kind of body, was attracted to what I would like to see.

At that time it seemed to me that no matter what was happening in any part of the Earth, if I wanted to, I could be there. "

“Hearing” inherent in the spiritual state, obviously, can be called so only by analogy with what takes place in the physical world, since most of the respondents testify that they did not actually hear a physical sound or voice.

Rather, they felt that they perceive the thoughts of those around them, and, as we will see later, this same mechanism of direct transmission of thoughts plays a very important role in the later stages of the death experience.

One lady describes it like this:
“I could see the people around me and understand everything they were talking about. I heard them as I hear you. It was more like if I found out what they were thinking, but it was perceived only by my consciousness, and not through what they said. I already understood them literally a second before they opened their mouths to say something. "

Finally, based on one unique and very interesting message, it can be seen that even severe trauma to the physical body does not have any harmful effects on the sensations of the spiritual body. In this example, we are talking about a man who lost most of his leg in an accident, followed by clinical death.

He knew about this, since he clearly saw his mutilated body from a certain distance, as well as the doctor who provided him with first aid. However, while he was out of his body:
“I could feel my body as if it were whole. I felt myself whole and I felt that I was all like that, that is, in a spiritual body, although this was not so. "

Then, it should be pointed out that in this disembodied state the person is, as it were, cut off from his own kind. A person can see other people and fully understand their thoughts, but they can neither see nor hear him.

“Everything that I saw and experienced at that time was so beautiful that it is simply impossible to describe it. I wanted others to be there with me too, to see everything that I see. And even then I felt that I would never be able to retell to anyone what I saw. I felt lonely because I really wanted someone to be next to me and feel what I feel. But I knew that no one else could be there. I felt at the time that I was in a world completely isolated from everything else. And then I was overcome by a feeling of deep depression. "

Or: “I could not touch or move anything, could not contact any of the people around me. It was a feeling of fear and loneliness, a feeling of complete isolation. "

“However, soon, the feeling of loneliness that grips the dying person dissipates as he sinks deeper and deeper into this state. The fact is that other persons begin to appear in front of the dying person in order to help him in this transitional state.

They are perceived as the souls of other people, often those who were close relatives or friends of the deceased, and whom he knew well during his lifetime. In most cases, the people I interviewed talked about the appearance of these spiritual beings, although these stories are very different. "

Already in old age, Dr. Moody continues to study more and more the experience of communicating with the other world, making more and more new discoveries.

But similar topics are of interest to other researchers in this area. With the help of the methods of regressive hypnosis, interesting data have been obtained about the further path after not clinical, but physical death of a person.