How to overcome anger in yourself. How to deal with anger and irritability: effective methods, methods and recommendations How to remove anger and irritation
Irritation is an acute manifestation of anger and discontent. It is fast and long lasting. The reason for irritability is always pride and pride. No matter how much a person talks about love, he, being irritated, discovers the absence of this most important virtue in him. St. Paul points to the absence of irritation as one of the manifestations of love: Love is longsuffering, merciful, love does not envy, love is not exalted, not proud, not riots, does not seek his own, does not get irritated, does not think evil, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; Covers everything, believes everything, hopes everything, endures everything (1 Cor. 13: 4-7). Perfect love is the moral ideal of a follower of Jesus Christ. Love is the measure of our Christianity. As much love is in us, as much Christianity is in us. Without love, our religious life is formal, cold, and fruitless. One Athonite elder once said: “ Seize Opportunities to Please God by Treating People with Love". We sometimes look for what we can do good for our salvation, and do not notice that such an opportunity is near. It is provided to us almost every minute. On the contrary, with constant irritation we devalue our work done for salvation, for we hurt the one for whom Christ died (Rom. 14:15).
The one who has renounced moral carelessness, who constantly observes his words, deeds and feelings, does not fall into irritability, remembering that any sin removes us from God. Offense to a person, dissatisfaction and resentment against him is a grave sin, because it is associated with the violation of one of the two main commandments: love your neighbor as yourself(Mark 12:31). A Christian should not be annoyed. In relation to any person, the measure of our Christian morality is tested. All irritation and rage and anger and shouting and slanderous speech with all malice be removed from you; but be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you(Eph. 4: 31-32).
The Holy Fathers teach us to be unhurried in every word, for for every word we will answer at the Last Judgment.
We see the other person only from the outside. We do not know what he thinks, we do not know his internal structure. And in any person we can suspect special spiritual properties that fully justify him ... Maybe he is very kind or simple-hearted in the depths of himself, maybe he carried the child out of the burning house, maybe the Lord gave him such a gift that he only he will say in his heart: "Forgive me ..." and he is forgiven. All this is hidden from us. Well, we all know about ourselves! Is this how we can justify ourselves? We know all our secret desires, actions, sidelong glances, all the worms that swarm in us. When we think to ourselves - what is the secret, what salvation, what forgiveness? !! And then you begin to treat the other with much greater respect and fear, because he is a secret, and you are an open book. Consider that everything that happens to you inside is known to everyone around you ...
In the book of Saint Nicodemus the Avyatogorets, the chapter devoted to language management takes only one page. What does Saint Nicodemus tell us? It turns out that there is no other trick against the tongue, except just to keep it by the teeth and by force of will not to let it move. So, look for any ways: if you want to swear, quarrel, offend your neighbor - go for a walk, lock yourself in the bathroom, toilet, on the balcony, go to the next room, but don't let the fire break out in your mouth!
This applies to everyone. An irritating, angry passion torments almost everyone: our nature, unfortunately, is spoiled, and you and I were brought up from the outset in the mood for conflict.
If you eat with your tongue to the right and to the left, then it will be difficult for you to partake of the Body and Blood of the Lord on the day of Communion, it will be difficult to give a brotherly kiss.
It's one thing - you fought, but fell through. Another thing is that you were only touched, and you immediately flared up.
Once upon a time, St. Ambrose Optinsky, when a woman complained to him that she had become irritable, said: any irritation from pride. Why can you be angry with a person, why can you be angry with him? Because you consider yourself superior to him. If you considered yourself worse and more insignificant, how could you be annoyed with him, I wonder?
Father Sergei Filipov wrote in his book "Advice of a Confessor": “If you think that you will have time to meet the enemy face to face, then you are deeply mistaken. As a rule, the devil is extremely vile. It takes a person by surprise when they are not expecting. In this case, let us proceed in the same way as ship drivers do. When a storm comes, they give up other things, close all hatches and fight until the waves calm down. We must do the same. At the very moment when a flurry of thoughts or evil thoughts excites our soul and we feel that we are irritated and angry, that we are simply shaken - at this very moment we need to understand that an intense mobilization of all forces is needed. Because we can offend some person for life, say some unworthy words, commit irreversible offenses.
Therefore, at the moment of a spiritual storm, let us show maximum concentration and spiritual attention. We will close up all the hatches, leave all business and pray earnestly. In the book "The Invisible Battle" of Saint Nicodemus Aghioritus there are examples of such prayers: "Lord, look forward to help me", "Lord, be me protection and help", "Lord, resist my enemy", "Lord, be me a Weapon and a Shield" ... Every time a person opposes a flurry of thoughts with prayers, the enemy retreats - the fire emanates from you and the enemy-foe really scorches, and you may be surprised to notice that literally instantly this flurry stops. He immediately, after a while, overwhelms again, and we again, at this very moment, must resort to the prayer: "Lord, help me", "Lord, bite the enemy-adversary." And again the fire of Divine grace will burn down the enemy, giving us relief.
And how long will it last? And how much is given to whom. Some fight for several minutes, some for hours, and some, I know, for a month; there are storms that last for weeks, months. But as you know, the storm always passes and the clouds disappear, the sun comes out. The Lord will not give any of us a cross that is beyond our strength. Therefore, spiritual warfare will be proportionate to each of us.
So - when a cloud of evil thoughts flies in, you need to immediately leave everything and resist the enemy with a constant prayer that will reflect the attack of the enemy: "Lord, drive me away from these evil thoughts and the bite of the enemy enemy." And fight until the attack stops.
Hello dear readers!
How often it happens that we hurt dear people by saying something rude or having committed a rash act. How to keep yourself together with your family, at work, on vacation - this will be discussed in the article.
We are under the influence of a negative environment all day - stress at work, the saleswoman was rude, stepped on our feet in transport. As a result, the temperature rises, reaches the boiling point, we explode and ... it becomes easier.
Shame and awareness of ugly behavior comes later, but the relationship is already ruined. How to deal with anger and irritation to avoid negativity?
1. Have see the problem
The main milestone in solving any problem is to see it, stop, look at yourself from the outside. Before working on eliminating the rage, you need to pull yourself together: “Okay, stop. Why am I screaming? Am I angry? Why?". But aggression is a problem that gives some pleasure when we blow off steam.
2. Debunking the myth of the "benefits of anger"
Sometimes aggression becomes a habit, like a necessary item to confirm the feeling of success. Intemperate can be people who are accustomed to reaching heights in work. They think about their subordinates like this: "They are afraid - that means they respect", "What if I behave gently and they stop taking me seriously?"
Such thoughts work for the time being, until the moment when anger develops into something uncontrollable and a communication tragedy occurs.
The "benefits" of aggression should be looked at more closely. Imagine that you snapped and told others what you think of them. Ask yourself, "What good will I get from my actions right now and then?"
It turns out that momentary relief spoils relationships with loved ones, causes a feeling of alienation. Anger is an ambiguous manifestation of emotions and most often the angry person suffers.
3. Is there life without irritation?
Yes, life without anger is impossible - we are in contact with different people, we find ourselves in unpleasant situations and this cannot be changed. To convince yourself that you are on the right track, do a little exercise.
Take a blank sheet of paper and write in a column, point by point, how your life will change for the better, and what will be good if you overcome anger and irritation if uncontrolled aggression in your life is no longer there. You should get an impressive list. Save it and revisit it whenever in doubt.
4. We get to know the essence of the problem: where does the rage come from?
Anger comes in many different forms. Sometimes he is a compressed spring. You constantly mutter and don't say anything good to people. Sometimes it is a snake lurking in the sand.
You are calm, it is hard to piss you off, but if this happens - if the snake is stepped on - you sting mercilessly, achieve the defeat of the enemy. Sometimes aggression is a storm. Rage flies over you, captures you entirely, and nothing can be done about it. You won't stop until the batteries run out and the fuse burns out.
5. Causes of aggression
Anger is so diverse, and there are only two reasons for its occurrence:
- We get annoyed when our rules, comfort, are violated by someone
- With anger, we react to danger and threat. Have you seen what will happen to a wild animal if you swing a stick at it? It will growl.
6. What is a trigger?
Most often, the anger response starts when someone touches our trigger. These situations are often repeated and in order to effectively deal with irritation, it is necessary to distinguish and remember them. Someone's specific actions, people, situations can irritate. They step on your foot - a click - and you no longer control yourself, for example.
These hooks dig deep into our souls and make us run through typical thoughts in our heads. These thoughts are very important - they need to be caught and realized, often in them lies the answer to the question: how to overcome irritation and anger?
There may be such options:
You lash out at your subordinates. Thoughts: "They don't respect me, I shouldn't seem weak!"
You shouted at your wife: “She does not listen to me! Probably, he doesn't like it at all. I have to be strong and show her where I belong in the house! "
Also important are the emotions we experience when we are not holding back. In fact, fear, sadness, longing can be hidden behind anger.
How to curb anger
We figured out what anger is and what its mechanisms are. Awareness of the essence of the phenomenon is necessary for an effective fight against it. As a rule, anger is a consequence of a whole chain of our thoughts, feelings and sensations: situation - trigger - emotions - actions.
7. Language of the body
The body also sends a signal that there will now be a flash - we frown, feel heaviness inside, clench our fists. Notice your emotions, thoughts, sensations. Seeing that everything goes to a stormy ending, instantly abstract yourself, look at yourself from the outside.
First, eliminate the effect of surprise. You know the mechanisms of aggression, notice them and do not let the storm take you by surprise: this way you will overcome irritation and anger.
For example, you know if a subordinate objects to you, you raise your voice. If this happens, treat it like a curious scientific phenomenon: “Hmm ... This situation is clearly typical. I was told no and I can explode - it's a hook. What do I do next? Screaming? Well, no, now I can clearly see what's going on. "
It often happens that thoughts are much easier to control than actions. We can manage to realize the rage, but our fists are already clenched and we banged them on the table top - the emotion is growing, the storm has broken out.
8. Controlling our thoughts and body
It is important to know two patterns in order to overcome dangerous anger and irritation:
- If a person is relaxed, he cannot be angry.
- Anger requires focus. If you are distracted, the rage disappears.
Various relaxation techniques are used to neutralize anger.
The general scheme of combating aggression looks like this:
- In a calm situation, learn to control your breathing. Meditate. Sit comfortably in a secluded place, breathe, focus on the air. If your thoughts fly far away, gently return them to your breath. Exercise for 10-15 minutes.
- Practice relaxation techniques in the “field” to calm yourself down.
See also "" Unfortunately, not all of us are given the natural ability to keep our emotions and feelings under strict control. It depends on the temperament of the person, his upbringing, character traits. However, many are well aware that self-control is one of the main factors contributing to the achievement of success in any field.
Thanks so much for reading the article! Now you know about the mechanisms of anger and how to deal with it.
Balance and harmony for you!
Share the article with a friend:In recent years, anger and irritability have become an integral attribute of modern people, especially those living in large cities or holding an important position.
And if anger as such we still distinguish in ourselves, then as for irritability, then often we do not really realize our unconscious actions - we swear at the car that cut us off, a slowly passing pedestrian, at a friend who talks for a long time, it's boring and slowly, on loved ones because of some trifle. Everything happens as if automatically.
Interestingly, even some time ago, irritability was considered the initial stage of schizophrenia and was subject to compulsory drug treatment.
I am by no means urging you to rush full sail to the pharmacy, but I propose to study in more detail the nature of irritability at the physiological level. It is our body that will be able to answer the question of how to defeat this monster in ourselves.
Psychophysiological nature of irritability
So, the brain is responsible for any human emotion in our body. And he responds, first of all, with certain algorithmic reactions to one or another stimulus.
If you study in detail the brain activity during the onset of irritability, you can see that it completely and completely coincides with the algorithms of fear.
Conclusion number 1.
Irritability appears against the background of our fears for someone or something.
As a result of such a negative reaction, a hormone, adrenaline, is released into the bloodstream, forcing our body to work intensively, as they say, to agitate the blood. Adrenaline tends to be wasted.
The most logical thing with a massive adrenaline rush is active physical activity.
If there were any caveman in our place, then in such a situation he would take a club and simply beat the offender, or set up a hunt for the animal that attacked him. The easiest thing for us is to yell, which some people actively use.
Conclusion number 2.
A few minutes of physical activity is enough to flush the adrenaline out of the body.
After the release of hormonal emotion outward, the body's reaction slows down, blood circulation returns to normal, the heartbeat slows down. However, an active response to an external stimulus is very often an unaffordable luxury. For example, if you have a chef in front of you. Therefore, most of us prefer to remain silent. But at the physiological level, the adrenaline that got into the blood did not find its way out and remained inside the body. Remember what happens to stagnant water? It begins to rot, emit an unpleasant odor, and bloom thanks to the microorganisms growing in it. Such water is already unfit for drinking and can become a source of poisoning. Also in our body. Negativity tends to accumulate, poison our inner peace of mind, and in the end it can creep out in the form of a serious illness, or splash out in the form of a huge scandal and hysteria with the most unfavorable consequences.
Conclusion number 3.
Irritability must be thrown out.
Is irritability so bad? It should also be remembered that irritability in itself not only carries a negative, but is to some extent useful.
At first, the production of adrenaline often helps to "shake up" our sluggish body, to get new emotions.
Secondly, it is through the analysis of our irritability that we will be able to understand the cause of our fears and worries. Having worked them out, it is easy to deal with irritability.
In addition, this is an adequate opportunity to assess what we do not like and get rid of it. Including from some people in our life. In a figurative sense, of course. Why communicate with unpleasant personalities for you, right? After all, when we put our hand on a hot surface, we immediately withdraw it. Our body's receptors cannot be fooled.
How to beat irritability?
Actually, having studied the nature of this emotional phenomenon, it is easy to develop a set of measures aimed at preventing its negative consequences.
- Exercise regularly.
The recommendation is as old as the world, but it is the most powerful and effective one. In this case, it is the regularity that is very important. But this is for prevention. If an unpleasant situation has already occurred and you are trying to suppress an outburst of anger in yourself, then go about your household chores - wash the floor, move furniture, vacuum, wash. By the way, screaming, smashing dishes or pillows are also effective =) - Analyze the situation what is behind your irritation, what are you really afraid of. The method is very effective, but it will require, firstly, very clear control of your emotions, and secondly, the courage to admit your fears. For example, personally, I am very often enraged by drivers who climb in a traffic jam right in front of you, sometimes creating complex emergencies. If you analyze it, then I am very afraid of being guilty of an accident, damaging my car, losing time analyzing an accident, being late for a meeting, losing money to repair my car. A whole bunch of fears drew up. It is with them that I need to work.
- Breathe deeply.
Breath is our everything. For those who know what pranayama is, it will be much easier. During deep breathing, all processes that disturb the blood slow down, the body relaxes. The produced adrenaline can be “exhaled” with the help of intense belly breathing, and then you can calm your body with 5 cycles of long inhalations and exhalations. - Contract your muscles.
This procedure, which is quite invisible to everyone around you, can quickly help you immediately if irritation occurs. Mentally, or really, try to strain all the muscles in your body. If everything does not work out, then only the lower part of the body (if you are sitting at the table). Relax sharply as well. You can do it several times, if necessary. - Avoid excessive pathogens in the body.
This applies to coffee, energy drinks, strong black and often sweet tea. All of them give a sharp rise in energy terms for a short period of time, but then lead to an equally sharp jump down, causing dependence in their consumption. And your irritation will be the result of the lack of doping in the body, to which you are so accustomed.
The article was prepared by Irina Klopova
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"Three rings cling to each other: hatred from anger, anger from pride."
"No one should justify their irritability with any illness - it comes from pride."
The elder, as usual, spoke briefly and accurately, aphoristically:
“The home of the soul is patience, the food of the soul is humility. If there is no food in the house, the tenant climbs out.
The Monk Nikon wrote about touchiness to a spiritual child:
“You consider yourself not offended. But you are not offended by things that you are not interested in. If it touches what you value, you are offended. "
Anger destroys health and shortens life
He warned that not only the soul, but also the body suffers from anger and irritability. The elder wrote:
"From the action and indignation of these spiritual passions, disorder falls on the body, and this is already God's punishment: both the soul and the body suffer from our negligence and inattention."
Elder Anthony called irritability a mortal poison that destroys health and shortens life:
"In the discussion of irritability, I advise you to guard yourself as from a mortal poison, which noticeably destroys health, invalidates medicines and shortens life itself."
How to heal anger and irritability
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"Repeated temptation should teach you how to keep yourself from irritations, through which the peace of mind is lost."
The elder wrote about irritability:
"She is healed not by solitude, but by communicating with her neighbors and enduring vexation from them, and in case of conquest by them, by the knowledge of her weaknesses and humility."
The Monk Macarius warned that the struggle with anger and irritability requires "a lot of time, willfulness, heroism and labor":
"... this is not a matter of a single day or month, but a lot of time, willfulness, deed, labor and God's help is required to eradicate this deadly root."
The monk taught that in life one cannot avoid cases that give rise to anger, and that one can heal from this passion only in one way - through humility and self-reproach:
“This mental illness is not healed by not being disturbed or insulted by anyone - this is impossible: there are many unforeseen, unpleasant and sorrowful cases in life, sent by the Providence of God to our trial or punishment. But it is necessary to seek the healing of this passion like this: with good will, accept all cases - reprimands, humiliation, reproach and vexation - with self-reproach and humility. "
The elder instructed, in the event of indignation and insult, to refrain from disgusting words and reproach himself for not being able to keep peace in his soul, then passions will gradually be exterminated:
“... engage in observation and attention to your heart, and in case of insult and indignation, restrain yourself from disgusting words and reproach yourself for being indignant - then you will calm down, and passions will gradually be destroyed.
The Monk Zosima writes: when we, while insulting us, grieve not because we are offended, but because we are offended, then the demons are afraid of such an arrangement, they see that they have begun to go towards the destruction of the passions. "
The Monk Ambrose, as always, advised briefly and with humor:
“When you grumble, then reproach yourself - say:“ Cursed! Why did you disagree, who is afraid of you? ""
And here is what short but very effective advice Saint Joseph gave to those who suddenly became angry:
"... When you feel anger and excitement from the strength of the enemy, take the Epiphany water rather, with the sign of the Cross and prayer, drink a sip and moisten your chest with holy water."
If we have offended someone
Elder Leo advised rather to put up with the one whom he offended:
“It is much better to make peace and say“ guilty ”to the one whom you offended than to start a lawsuit, for it is said:“ May the sun not go down in your anger ”(Eph. 4:26). Rather put up with the one you offended. "
Sometimes our anger is not without reason, we can be angry with a brother who has done an unworthy act. But even then we must refrain from anger, because evil cannot be healed with evil, but only with love. The elder Leo wrote to the child angry at his brother:
“… We do not praise your deed, because Saint Macarius the Great writes:“ If someone heals a brother with rage, he does not heal him, but fulfills his passion, ”but what has jumped out of our mouths, we will not catch. And with all this, let us know our weakness and insignificance. "
If you have offended us
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"But in no way dare to accuse the one who offends us, even if it seemed to be a wrong insult, but to consider him an instrument of God's Providence sent to us to show our dispensation."
"And no one can either offend us or annoy us, if the Lord does not allow this to be for our benefit, or for punishment, or for testing and correction."
About offenders, about those who unjustly offend, the Monk Joseph wrote:
"Our offenders are our first spiritual benefactors: they excite us from spiritual sleep."
The elder considered it useful to be offended "when they push us":
“And it is good for us when we are pushed. The tree, which the wind sways more, strengthens its roots more, and the tree that is in silence, then immediately falls down. "
Sometimes, after an insult inflicted on us, we cannot come to our senses for a long time, find peace of mind. The soul is exhausted from meaningless memories, the mind is idly replaying an unpleasant situation over and over again. The Monk Ambrose in such situations advised:
“If thought tells you: why did you not tell this man who insulted you? Then tell your thoughts: now it's too late to speak - I'm late. "
"If you are very hooked, tell yourself: not chintz, you will not shed."
In order to learn to endure grievances patiently, the Monk Ambrose advised to remember your own wrong deeds:
“Do not grumble, but bear this blow patiently, substitute your left cheek for this, that is, remembering your wrong deeds. And if, perhaps, you are now innocent, then you have sinned a lot before - and thus you will be convinced that you are worthy of punishment. "
One sister asked Elder Ambrose:
- I can not understand how you can not be indignant at insults and injustices. Father, teach me patience.
To which the elder replied:
- Learn and start with the patience of finding and encountering troubles. Be fair yourself and do not offend anyone.
If you can't make up
Sometimes we want peace, but there is no reconciliation. Elder Hilarion instructed in this case:
"... if you appease your own heart to one who is angry with you, then the Lord will announce his heart to be reconciled with you."
The Monk Joseph advised to pray for those with whom you are angry, in order to crush an embittered heart:
“Pray harder and more often for those to whom you will feel anger and memory malice, otherwise you will easily perish. By patience and thanksgiving for all the Lord you will be saved more conveniently. "
It is useful to always have the teachings of the Optina elders about the struggle with the passions of anger, irritability and resentment at hand and reread in difficult times, when the soul is indignant with these passions.
Hello Natalie!
Irritation is a very unpleasant feeling that we all know very well. Someone annoys us, someone we annoy.
Like any emotion, irritation does not arise from scratch, prerequisites are needed. It is advisable to deal with them first.
It is also important to understand that if we do not give out negative emotions, then our "unreacted" experiences accumulate, which leads to chronic stress and emotional discomfort, and over time, to an explosion and psychosomatic illnesses. That's why,
Here are some tips on how to deal with irritation, anger. You can't deal with anger simply by ignoring it. Remember, anger itself is not going anywhere. When driven inward, it can injure the head (in the form of a headache), the skin (in the form of a rash), or the stomach (in the form of an ulcer). Another way to get rid of anger is no better - to direct it to someone: you can get or ruin the relationship. Another way is no healthier - to turn it on yourself. This can result in depression. Hunted down anger will eventually demand its own. It is worth adhering to the following scheme. First, admit to yourself that you are annoyed. Then find a way to control yourself. Then reflect on the cause of the occurrence. And now you already understand that very often our negative feelings are caused not by what happened, but by our thoughts about what happened.
So, if you want to get over your irritability:
- Try to put yourself in the shoes of the other - and look at the situation through his eyes.
- When you sort things out, try not to blame the other, but to tell him about how you feel.
- Be tactful, but speak the truth (Otherwise, you will not achieve anything). Diplomacy doesn't hurt if it's not over-the-top.
- Feel free to express your anger. If someone else who is angry with you does not hesitate to apologize, show generosity.
If these did not fit, you can find more on the Internet.
Don't just try to suppress your emotions. The strangled feelings will still burst out, one way or another. It is better to "pour" these emotions out, but without harm to others.
But, in my opinion, it is much more useful to figure out what is behind this irritation ... After all, one and the same action can irritate someone, but not.
It is more efficient to do this work with a specialist.
Think about how this situation affects you. If this situation pisses me off, what is my problem with this conflict?
Hugh Prater: "A stone does not irritate a person if it does not lie in his way."
Good luck to you!
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