The child is afraid to go to school. Fear of going to school

Reader question:

Hello. I am 20 years old, I recently started working in a correctional school. At first everything was fine, but later the high school students began to look for my weak points and put pressure on them. After that, I have a lot of stress, and my love for children has already disappeared. And every morning I go back to work with fear. Tell me what should I do?

Archpriest Andrey Efanov answers:

Good day! Dear Pavel, you have chosen a very necessary and difficult specialty for yourself - a teacher, and even in a correctional school. God help you! Yes, it happens that students of pedagogical universities who come to practice, standing in front of the class at the blackboard for the first time, suddenly realize that they cannot teach a lesson, that they are hindered by uncertainty, fear that they cannot overcome, that they do not have the strength to cope with the class , in other words, that they chose the wrong specialty and did not understand what it is not in theory, but in practice. This question is no longer for the priest, but for teachers with experience - what they advise to do. I know this: try to overcome your fear, and if it doesn’t work out, people are advised to change their specialty, because it happens that a person cannot be a teacher. This is completely normal. So weigh everything properly and figure it out. If your fear is not so strong that you cannot teach, but you are simply in a situation that needs to be overcome, I would advise you to talk with experienced teachers - how they started their work, what problems they encountered and how they got out of them. Children always try the weak points of a teacher, a coach, a camp leader ... It is important for them to show respectfully, but clearly and firmly, beyond what line they cannot go. Clearly state or write even the rules of conduct and penalties for their violation. In general, the most clearly and clearly define the boundaries. But this is with ordinary children. How to be in a correctional school, I repeat, senior correctional teachers will tell you.

Pray, go to church regularly, go to confession and take communion, this will help you gain the necessary spiritual strength and strength.

With your fears, try to understand yourself what exactly worries you, or sort it out with an experienced psychologist, this can be useful not only for work, but also for life.

As a recommendation, I can advise you to seek help from the Center for Crisis Psychology at the Church of the Resurrection of Christ on Semenovskaya (Moscow).
The oldest Center for Crisis Psychology, created with the blessing of Patriarch Alexy II, is located next to the Semenovskaya metro station. Highly professional Orthodox psychologists serve here, who have already helped thousands of people. Help is provided to adults and children, members of any religious denominations, unbelievers, doubters and atheists.

If you have a difficult financial situation, then in no case should this stop you from receiving psychological assistance at the Center. Donations to the center are determined only by your ability and gratitude. The provision of assistance in the Center is in no way connected with the amount of the donation (or its complete absence).

The school year has begun and there is so much more to come. However, some parents have already encountered certain difficulties. For example, what if a child is afraid to go to school? Under no circumstances should this problem be ignored.

as this in the future may cause mental disorders in the child. Let's look at the reasons that cause a child to be afraid of school.

There are children who joyfully jump up in the morning and cheerfully run to the lessons. But there are many more who go without much enthusiasm. Sometimes everyday fees turn into real torment for both the child and his parents. In the eyes of the baby, horror and tears at the mere thought of going to school. In such cases, we are talking about school phobia. Today, teachers, parents, and psychologists talk about this phenomenon with concern. But in our time it is difficult to imagine a normal child isolated from school life. How to find a way out of the impasse?

Experts note that accurate statistics that determine the scale of the phenomenon do not yet exist. For example, according to French experts, 2-3 percent of all students suffer from school phobia in a serious form. Psychologists emphasize that these children are not at all capricious and not lazy. Often, on the contrary, they can learn very well. But the very need to enter the school building seems to turn on some brakes.

Sometimes a poorly conscious panic begins, the school world causes a sharp rejection in a child or teenager. Uncontrollable anxiety can be accompanied by insomnia, pallor, palpitations, headache, and sometimes even a fever. Most often, school phobia is associated with some deeply hidden childhood fears. But the easiest way for a child is to direct the alarm to a specific object - the school.

Who's guilty?

Psychologists believe that in children, the rejection of the school world often becomes a reflection of the fear of separation. The child is subconsciously afraid to part with his mother for a long time, only with her he feels completely safe. Sometimes a school phobia masks a very specific fear of communicating with peers if they treat the child aggressively or, for example, laugh at him. Worry about possible failures at school is another reason for constant fear. Many parents are concerned about the future success of their offspring almost from the cradle. And children feel this very well. And then school life from the very beginning for them becomes a source of increased anxiety. Often the origins of the phobia are not related to the educational institution at all. Fears can reflect any circumstances that threaten the emotional security of the child: difficult relationships with parents, a family that is too closed, fenced off from the rest of the world, a divorce between mom and dad, etc.

Age of Risk

Experts believe that exacerbation of school fears usually happens at the most key, transitional moments in the life of a child and adolescent. The first period - 6-7 years, the beginning of attending an educational institution, the second - 10-11 years, the end of primary school. And of course, the difficult teenage period of growing up - starting from the age of 14-15. The biggest risk is that school phobia, if not overcome, can give rise to the so-called social phobia: fear of communication, fear of public places. And in the end, already an adult can doom himself to social isolation.

After summer holidays

One of the reasons for the occurrence of a phobia can be a return to school after a long summer vacation or a change of school, as this is a rather serious test for a child. Here are the simplest rules that will help you avoid possible problems.

First of all, it is important to understand that adaptation should be gradual. If yesterday the child went to bed after midnight and woke up for dinner, then tomorrow it will be extremely difficult for him to get up at seven in the morning. The main requirement for an effective daily routine of a student is its stability. It is important that the child has breakfast, lunch and dinner on time, goes to bed and gets up at the same time, walks and does homework, and so on. Such a regime during the adaptation period is a certain signal for the body: “Everything is in order, the situation is standard, no surprises are expected, you can calm down.”

Parents should be prepared for the fact that in the first weeks and months of study, most likely, more of their control and help will be required for the child, even if he is no longer a first-grader. The participation of adults is necessary to comply with the routine of the day, in order to set the child up for homework, to deal with difficult moments in school, perhaps forgotten over the summer. It is necessary to praise more, support his efforts and efforts so that the student has enough time to sleep and walk in the fresh air. But if possible, it is better to postpone the beginning of visiting sections and circles for 2-4 weeks, allowing the child to first get involved in studies.

It is also important for parents to remember that not only first-graders at the beginning of the school year find themselves in a new environment for themselves. Older students are also forced to go through adaptation again when, for one reason or another, they find themselves in a new class and school.

Looking for another school?

Transferring a child to another school can be one of the cures for a phobia. Although, as a rule, this is not a cardinal solution, but only a displacement of the problem. True, sometimes such a measure can be the first step towards overcoming a school phobia.

In connection with the move or other circumstances, the child comes to an already established team, being the only newcomer there. The situation is different when a completely new class is formed, for example, when enrolling in a gymnasium or when completing specialized classes.

Stress in a student occurs in both situations, but the first option is more difficult for most children. Getting into the team of children who have been studying together for several years, the student one way or another turns out to be the object of increased attention. The child is worried about how new classmates will accept him, whether he will be able to find friends. In addition, she worries about how relations with teachers will develop, whether it will be too difficult to study in a new class.

When helping a child during this period, it is important to understand that excessive intervention can do more harm than good. And the older the child, the less obvious should be the intervention of parents. At first, various difficulties may arise in a new place, but it is important to allow the child to solve them on his own, and not to act as a constant intermediary between him and classmates or teachers.

At first, you need to be especially attentive to the child, ask him about school, about the guys, about the past day, and be sincerely interested in his success. If you can see that the student is constantly depressed and talks about problems in relations with classmates, it may be necessary to intervene in the situation of parents and the class teacher.

The way out is in unity

There are a great many reasons for school fears and their extreme manifestation - phobias. Therefore, in each case, the main thing is to understand what exactly the child is afraid of. And then look for ways to help him. It is important not to dismiss the problem, not to leave the student alone with his fears and suffering. In some cases, the professional help of psychologists is required: either individual work or in groups. But family therapy is considered the most effective. To help the child make school life joyful, joint efforts of both parents and teachers are needed.

Fear of school and reluctance to go there is increasingly common in children. Why is the child afraid of school?

Not all, but many parents go through a child's fear of school. It seems that the child is waiting for the time when he goes to the first grade. This is how it prepares. And then - bam! - the desire disappears, and whims, tantrums, persuasion begin. This can happen on the first day, or any other in the middle of the school year.

Such a terrible school.

Finally, you and your child waited until September 1st. Festive mood, white blouses, jackets, bows, briefcases and bouquets are pleasing to the eye everywhere. The first line, the first lesson, the first acquaintances. Everything is better than you could imagine.

But a couple of days pass, and an unexpected thunderstorm breaks into your safe haven. The child begins to throw tantrums, does not want to go to school, and no persuasion works. It can be silent crying with pleading in the eyes and requests never to take him to such a terrible school again. And it can result in a loud riot with the release of emotions and hatred.

You don't recognize the child. You don't understand what could have happened. First, you try to find out the reasons from the first grader himself, but this does not always bear fruit. Then it's time to come for explanations to the teacher. Of course, there are times when something really happened at school. Then it's easier to decide. You can influence the child and calm him down. But what to do, for example, when there is no apparent reason?

Your child cannot point to specific reasons, and the teacher did not notice anything wrong. It is this situation that is usually very frustrating and tormenting. Where does fear come from and why is a child afraid to go to school? How to influence, help, correct, if you do not see what exactly needs to be corrected? The answer is given by Yuri Burlan's training "System-Vector Psychology".

Feeling safe is the basis of life

It's no secret that parents play the most important role in a child's life. Their the internal state and behavior (especially of the mother) is fully reflected in the child as in a mirror. From birth to school, the child is one with his mother. If she is calm and confident in the future, does not suffer from fears, depression, bad conditions, then the child is completely sure that he is safe.

If the mother herself is in a bad state, even with a smile on her face, then it is useless to expect calmness and confidence from the child. If mom is nervous, then he is in danger. Most of the fears in children come from here.

Such a stressful state stops the mental development of the child. No matter how you develop him in circles and sections, he will not be mentally ready for school. Taking him to a psychologist or a doctor is also useless. They will not be able to give what depends only on you. If there is no protection and peace at home, then at school it is even worse - there are no parents there.

And vice versa, if the child feels constant protection and calmness from his mother, he is sure that everything is fine. There is no tension, no stress - so there is no need to be afraid. Such a first grader is calm and balanced. He knows that the world is not hostile. Nothing threatens him, because mom is calm, even if she is not always there.

A child needs a sense of security and safety from the very first minute after birth and until graduation - at least! This is the most important condition, which practically guarantees that your child will be free from unreasonable fears. Less likely that the child will be afraid of school.

Ranking in the children's team

There is another important condition for quick and painless adaptation to school - kindergarten. From the age of three, a person begins to perceive himself as part of a team. He needs to find his place in it - without the participation of parents. The best age for this is from three to six. Just in time for kindergarten. Socialization must necessarily occur at this age.

Learning to interact with other children, understanding their role in society, the child will feel confident. By going to first grade, he will be fully adapted and mentally prepared. Naturally, with such a child there will be fewer problems at school or there will be none at all.

If your child has not attended kindergarten, then all socialization will begin in the first grade. This brings certain problems. The age has already been missed, the separation from the mother is even harder, and most of the children have already passed it. In such children, most often, there is a fear when they get into a large team, with which they have to be left alone.

But even if your child was not in kindergarten, is strongly attached to his mother and suddenly felt all the horror of changes when going to first grade, he can and should be helped to go through the adaptation process as gently as possible. And by accurately understanding the causes of problems, this is much easier to do.

The child is afraid of school: reasons

Fear in children does not appear from scratch. There are quite clear reasons for this, which arise depending on the properties of the child, given by nature. Training "Systemic Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan helps to figure out what properties are inherent in your child and what he may be afraid of.

We single out the main groups of reasons why a child may lose the desire to go to school, what he may be afraid of:

1. Fear of standing out, drawing attention to yourself, being different from everyone else and becoming an outcast because of this.

2. Fear of doing something wrong, not having time to finish; that he will not be praised, scolded, laughed at.

3. Fear that everyone is screaming and running around, there is no saving silence, to which he is used to at home.

Each group may include one fear or several at once. There are also children for whom all of the above is not a problem. If “something is wrong” is happening to your child, it’s time to figure out what it is.

It is also necessary to take into account that younger students do not yet have sufficient cultural restrictions, they are often cruel towards a classmate who stands out in some way. It may be an unusual name, a flaw in appearance. Ridicule and neglect will inevitably lead to reluctance to go to school.

Fear of not being like everyone else

Not a single child wants to stand out, to be different, children want to be like everyone else so as not to become an outcast. But more often such fear is inherent in children with a visual vector. These babies are initially born with a sense of fear as a basic emotion. With proper development, fear for oneself develops into its opposite - love for others and sensuality. In the meantime, fear is natural; it is important to know how to respond to it.

Children with a visual vector, not feeling protected from their mother and not having socialization skills, are the first to become targets of harassment. The weaker physically, often cry, react emotionally to every little thing, they feel sorry for everyone and always.

They are afraid to go to school. At the same time, they are driven by the desire to communicate, to learn something new, to be in a team. They cannot imagine themselves without emotions and emotional connections. Therefore, the contradiction - both scary and desirable - is about them.

Such a first-grader needs to be supported in an effort to get a portion of communication, to learn something new, to see what he has not seen yet. You just need to encourage him to share something tasty with new friends and help those who need help in everything. He gets extraordinary pleasure from this process. It is laid down by nature, so it will be very useful. In addition, for a flock of children, a child who is able to share, help disinterestedly, will be the most desirable for communication. Others will be attracted to him, he will never be an outcast, and this applies to all children.

Fear of being laughed at

It happens only in children with the so-called anal vector. By nature, these are the most obedient children, attached to their mother, who is their ideal. They are slow, very thorough and do not like to switch from one thing to another without completing the first one. For them, praise is the most important thing. They tend to be offended and do not tolerate ridicule in their address. Again, with proper development, these qualities turn into the most positive ones.

Such a child should not be rushed. Never and in nothing. Give him time to finish everything. Then be sure to praise, but in moderation. It also cannot be overdone. He immediately senses the trick. In no case should you laugh at him and make fun of him if something does not work out. Otherwise, resentment can remain in memory for life. And the memory of these children is the best.

When going to school, a child with an anal vector should be encouraged for a special craving for knowledge, and it will definitely be if it develops without delay; praise for good grades, for the cleanliness and accuracy of the notebook. He especially needs support. You can tell him that it would be useful to explain the incomprehensible to his classmates, to help them understand something.

It would be very good to talk with the teacher so that he tries to pull and rush such a student less. Well, the constant support of parents is the most important thing for a leisurely child.

If loud noises at recess cause horror

In every team there is always a child (or even more than one) who is used to standing on the sidelines, does not participate in running around, and when screaming, covers his ears with his hands. This is the owner of the sound vector. He is often considered out of this world. But he's more than normal. It is he who may be afraid of school because of the noisy environment in the classroom.

A child with a sound vector is an introvert. He cannot stand large companies and loud noises. It is hard for him to get used to the school and join the team. Potentially, such a child is the most brilliant. He always tries to comprehend the meaning, hears sounds very subtly, often has an absolute ear for music, and is prone to science. He can become an outstanding scientist or musician.

But again, this is potential. To do this, he needs to be in silence. At least at home.

A child with a sound vector needs to create absolute silence at home. You can't yell at him or even raise your voice. It is quiet speech and whispers that he is best able to hear. In no case should you humiliate him with meanings, call him stupid or stupid, say that nothing will come of him. From this, the child loses the ability to hear, think, perceive. He withdraws into himself and disconnects from the world.

Psychology That Gets Results

Nowadays, most often children are born with several vectors. Accordingly, the properties are combined in them different. It is from this that one must proceed when preparing a child for school.

“... I now understand that she did not have a sense of security and safety, that all my visual fears directly affect her, and from birth. But at that time I found the only reason for this behavior. School! 1st grade stress will pass. On that I calmed down. At this time, my brother's wife began to listen to lectures on SVP and periodically hint that it would be nice for me to at least read, but it would be better to listen for myself and for the sake of the family, etc ...
... I tried to focus on the child, not really understanding how to do it. To begin with, I “implemented” another mandatory daily ritual. Before going to bed, I came to her room, lay down next to her, and we talked with her on all topics of interest to her. She liked it very much, she waited for it all evening. She shared with me some moments from school life, I told her about my ... "
Oksana M., lawyer, Penza

“... I have already felt the rapid and incredible changes in my son. About my results, and they are also there, I will write separately. I went through the training - and I saw the result in it! Only here, at the training, I realized how connected we are. It's amazing! He used to catch what Yuri gave me!
He suddenly calmed down. Stop asking if I'm okay. Make obsessive movements (rituals), cry for no reason. But most importantly, he began to perceive educational information by ear again! ..
…And suddenly he began to prepare for the lessons…
And then he began to wear fives one after another. Seeing his condition, I decided not to give him the pills that we drank periodically during this time ...
... Today, when I write this review, there are three days left until the end of the semester, and my son is finishing it with an excellent student! .. "
Yuliana G., teacher at the music school, Ulyanovsk

In the life of every kid there comes a moment when he grows up and from yesterday's kindergartener turns into a first grader. It would seem that both mom and dad were preparing for school, and in kindergarten the teacher tried to teach everything that a first grade student should know, but there is still a feeling of fear of school.

Sometimes the children themselves cannot explain what caused it, because friends will study with him, and he went to preparatory courses, met the teacher. But the feeling of fear does not disappear. Some kids are even able to throw a tantrum before going to school or cling to their mother's hand and not let go when she, after seeing her child to school, walks towards the exit of the building.

School scares the unknown...

Parents should not worry about such scenes. This is absolutely normal. After all, the first year of school is considered the most difficult for students. This is a turning point in a child's life. After all, with the advent of the school, the usual life of the child changes dramatically. The workload increases, new relationships are formed, daily games are replaced by training sessions. For the baby, all this is a lot of stress. He needs some time to adapt to the new conditions.

Let's find out what exactly can scare your child.

First, it is an increased workload. This is not only physical, but also psycho-emotional. Just yesterday, the kid played games with friends, and today he should already receive knowledge and confirm it daily with his answers to the assessment. Many academic disciplines are a big challenge for a child, because each subject teaches something different and requires certain responsibilities in the classroom. Sometimes even high IQ students get lost and anxious.

Secondly, when a child goes to school, he realizes that his responsibility increases. Now you can't just "leave the game". It has special requirements that must be met. Also in his life there is such a thing as "school mode". And it will also have to be followed. You can't choose which lessons to go to and which not to.

Allow him to invite classmates to visit. This will help the child not to lose position in society, and thus he will not be deprived of communication with peers. In addition, children can help your child keep up with learning new material. Studying in a team is a great way to learn a new topic.

Remember that you can always support your child by offering your services to the school. For example, by becoming a member of a parent committee or by participating with a class on a camping trip that is scheduled for the weekend. The presence of the mother will cheer up the baby, and he will behave more freely.

As a last resort, you can always talk to the class teacher and talk about the problem of fear of school. The teacher will listen and help. If you act together with the teacher, the adaptation of the child will be easier and faster.

When the children are 6-7 years old, it's time to go to the first grade. But what if the child is afraid of school? The fear of being left without the support of mom and dad in an unfamiliar place and with strangers is quite understandable. If persuasion does not work, parents begin to feel anxious. No need to despair - the advice of a psychologist will come to the rescue.

Why does school phobia occur?

There are several reasons why a child is afraid to go to school. New life may frighten him; The baby is accustomed to being close to loved ones. At the same time, shy children or those who have not attended kindergarten may have difficulty communicating. This also leads to the development of a phobia.

Classmates and teachers are strangers with whom you need to make friends. And what if the first grader fails to find a common language with one of them? This is frightening and makes even adults who have got a new job nervous. If this is the main reason that the child is afraid to go to school, the advice of a psychologist will help solve this situation.

A bad impression of an educational institution in a child can also develop as a result of rash statements by parents about the negative experience of studying and the severity of disciplines. Stories like this can give him the impression that school life is incredibly difficult, which means that it is better to try to avoid it. Such a line of behavior can even lead to absenteeism and running away from home.

The reason that the child is afraid to go to school may be increased physical and psycho-emotional stress. Yesterday your son or daughter played with friends and had fun; today they should learn lessons and get good grades. They have special requirements that must be met. Even a first grader with a high IQ can become anxious and lose confidence.

The child is afraid to go to school: what to do?

To deal with the causes associated with a phobia that has arisen in a baby, some helpful tips can help. Forcing and scolding a child is not recommended, because such upbringing will aggravate the situation. In order for your daughter or son to go to school with a smile on their face, start preparing them for adulthood in advance. May the first academic year bring them joy and fun. Talk about the benefits of studying, the opportunity to make new friends, learn interesting things.

So, if a child is afraid to go to school, what should parents do? Consider the recommendations of psychologists:

If your son or daughter has been afraid to go to classes for the second or third year, you should talk to the teachers. Perhaps someone from their peers or high school students offends them, the teacher is biased. Any deviations from the norm that you notice should not be ignored. If you could not cope with the situation on your own, contact a psychologist.

Where can I book a consultation with a psychologist?

Is your child afraid of school? What to do in this situation and where to turn? The most correct thing to do would be to visit the psychological center "Insight". He will develop a separate course of classes, consultations or psychological training for your baby, which will forever help get rid of this phobia. Call!