Dale Breckenridge Carnegie. How to win over people

Would you like to win over people? Any. Find friends in any situation?

Being able to communicate with people is an important quality for an entrepreneur. Some tips on how to do it right can be found in Dale Carnegie. He said:

“All the ideas that I admire are not mine. I took them from Socrates. I overheard at Chesterfield. And I looked at Jesus. I wrote them all down in a book. If you don't like these rules, which ones would you use."

Who was Dale Carnegie? He was a rich, successful man. He wrote a short book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, which has sold over 30 million copies. It is still published and sold today and is probably one of the best books on how to communicate with people.

These few tips are from there. Proven by time and experience.

1. Create your own emotions

"If you want to be fun, be fun."

Emotions also work in the opposite direction. You can use this to your advantage. If you're stuck on a negative emotion, just shake it off. Change your body position, change your facial expression, act as if you are already having fun. Joy and other positive emotions are more useful for communication, pleasant for the interlocutor.

2. Logic is overrated.

"When dealing with people, remember that you are not dealing with beings of logic, but with beings of emotion."

This is the key to communication. Logic is a good thing. But when it comes to communication, people are emotional. We send and receive emotions from others. That's why body language, voice and tone convey up to 93% of information to us.

Body language, voice, tonality - things that show what we feel, what we think. And that is why you need to be able to change your emotions. It greatly influences how you speak, how you use your body. And this will affect your relationships and the results of communication.

3. 3 things to avoid

“Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain. But understanding and forgiveness requires strong character and self-control.”

It is difficult to avoid criticism, condemnation and complaints. Some people take some pleasure in criticizing and complaining. These things help a person feel more important if they criticize someone. Or better than he is, if he acts as a victim.

But ultimately these qualities are negative and they limit your life very much. They affect your mood, motivation, actions. You can fall into the “complainer” trap: a spiral where you complain, complain again, listen to complaints, find faults in your daily life. You will receive and give negative emotions. People always want to feel good. Therefore, this behavior puts barriers on the way to finding new useful contacts.

4. What is the most important?

"The royal road to a man's heart is through talking about the things he believes in the most."

Classic advice. Talk less about yourself. Your life and thoughts. Listen more. But if your affairs do not show interest, it is better to leave.

5. Focus not on yourself, but on the world around you

"You can make more friends in two months showing interest in other people than you can in two years trying to get people interested in you."

Many people use the second, less efficient way. He is more attractive because everyone talks about me, about me. The first way is more efficient. People will love you back. Be interested in them and they will become interested in you.

But there is one tricky thing. Your real thoughts are conveyed through your body language and your sound. Therefore, a person will immediately notice insincere interest. As a result, communication will suffer.

6. Take control of your emotions

"A person who seeks the approval of others trusts his happiness to strangers."

If you are looking for approval in the eyes of other people, waiting for their praise, you trust them with most of your emotions. And your well-being turns into a rollercoaster. One day you feel uplifted. You can't move the next day.

Take control of this. Now you are driving, you are in control of how you feel. Of course, you are pleased to receive compliments, but you do not depend on them.

This will make you more emotionally stable, allows you to pump your "emotional muscles". Now you can help yourself become more optimistic, stay emotional for longer. This stability and growth is good for relationships.

7. Nobody pulls you back

“Instead of worrying about what people will say about you, why not do something that they will admire?”.

By caring too much about what people think of you, you feed the monsters in your head. Do you think people will judge you for what you do? Perhaps they will. But the truth is that most of the time, they think of themselves. They just don't care about most of what you do.

This can be disappointing. Or inspire. After all, now you do not have a barrier of public opinion that prevents you from acting!

8. What does this mean for me?

“There is only one way…to get someone to do something. It's to make the other person want to do it."

If you want something from another person, will he care about your motivation? Maybe. But more often than not, they won't care about you.

People want to know what they get out of it. Thus, to get what you need, show the person his benefit.

9. It's About More Than Words

“There are 4 ways to contact the world. And we are evaluated and classified according to these ways of contact: what we do, how we look, what we say and how we say.

Often people focus on the third point: what we say. But remember that most people form a stereotype on the first meeting. Maybe they don't want to, but it happens subconsciously. And maybe your brain also forms an opinion about people. So think about how you look from the outside. Think about how to make a first impression. Think about body language. And your speech. Think about how you feel because it affects what you say.

10. Smile

The easiest way to make a good impression is to smile sincerely. As Dale Carnegie himself described: “... the smile“ says ”: I like you! I am very glad to see you!” A gloomy and dissatisfied person will never make a positive impression on others.

11. Call people by name

For each person, the sound of his name is one of the most beloved and pleasant. If you try to remember and address people by their first names, they will “thank” you with their kindness to you.

12. Talk to people about their interests

Roosevelt's success depended largely on knowing that the way to anyone's heart was to talk about what they were interested in. Therefore, he had a wide range of knowledge. Before the arrival of a person, Roosevelt studied (was interested in) the issue that interests the interlocutor.

13. Make people feel they matter

Making nice compliments to a tired lady who serves you at the bank, you will not only draw attention to yourself and win her over, but also make a person’s gray working day a little more pleasant. But an insincere compliment is not. You need to say what you feel. As Dale Carnegie wrote: "... if you do good only for your own benefit, then we will face the bankruptcy that you deserve!"

Conclusion

Dale Carnegie is a good psychologist whose advice greatly influences the lives of hundreds of people. Using these simple rules will help you build strong long-term relationships. Communication is the most important skill for a good entrepreneur and is worth developing every day.

Was it helpful? Put "I like it". I will prepare more useful tips to help you make useful contacts.

The book is a series of structured strategies that can help you create more effective relationships with people. To do this, the author proposes to use trust, control of one's own emotions and a deep understanding of the feelings of others ...

And although Dale Carnegie hasn't been with us for a long time, the book comes out marked "New". Of course, this is not a new work, but a full-fledged "franchise" of the author. Nevertheless, it is worth reading it not only for all admirers of the American talent, but also for people who have problems with communication. After all, Carnegie, like no one else, understood this issue, and had sufficient life experience and wisdom to give correct and wise advice.
The book itself contains many truths that have long been known to everyone. They seem to be “on the surface”, but understanding them is not as easy as it might seem at first glance. And the author tried to explain to the reader their deep meaning, to “chew” in more detail. It immerses you in possible solutions to problems and takes you out of the darkest psychological dead end. At the same time, constantly explaining and laying out, as they say, "on the shelves."

Perhaps, and most likely, this book will not be able to change your life overnight after reading it. But she is able to indicate the path along which you can go without fear of making mistakes. She is not a fish, she is a fishing rod for the suffering. The book is able to give peace of mind, peace and the opportunity to enjoy every new day. But for this, you also have to make a little effort, and together achieve harmony in the soul and body ...

The book will be of interest to anyone who seeks to know themselves and their inner world.

Introduction

Remember that happiness does not depend on who you are or what you have; it depends solely on what you think. Start each day by thinking about what you have every right to be thankful for. Your future largely depends on your thoughts today. Think of confidence, love and success.

Dale Carnegie

Dale Carnegie was a pioneer in what is now called human development. His books and lectures helped people of different countries to become self-confident, personable and influential.

In 1912, Carnegie organized his first oratory course at the Young Men's Christian Association (YMCA) in New York. As was customary at the time in public speaking courses, he began the course with a theoretical lecture, but quickly realized that the students were bored. Something had to be done.

Dale interrupted the lecture and, pointing to a student sitting in the back row, calmly asked him to stand up and give an impromptu speech about his education. When he finished, he asked the next student to tell about himself - and so on until everyone spoke. Thanks to the attention and support from fellow students and the help of Dale Carnegie, they all overcame their fear of public speaking. “Without understanding what I was doing,” Carnegie later recalled, “I found the best method to overcome fear.”

Carnegie's course proved so popular that he was invited to lecture in other cities. Carnegie improved it over the years. He realized that students are most interested in how to increase self-confidence, learn how to communicate, become successful in their careers and overcome fear and anxiety. It was to these topics that the Carnegie course was now devoted, which had once begun with the teaching of public speaking. The disciples' speeches became a means to an end, not the end itself.

In addition, Carnegie intensively studied the biographies of successful people. Thus was born his most popular book, How to Win Friends and Influence People.

It quickly became a bestseller. Since its first publication in 1936 (and a revised and enlarged edition in 1981), over 20 million copies have been sold. The publication has been translated into 36 languages. In 2002, it was named the number 1 business book of the 20th century. In 2008, Fortune magazine named it one of the seven books every leader should have on their shelf.

In 1948, Carnegie published How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. It has been translated into 27 languages and has sold millions of copies.

Dale Carnegie died November 1, 1955. An obituary in a Washington newspaper described his contribution to society: “Dale Carnegie did not discover any of the great mysteries of the universe. However, he, perhaps more than anyone of his generation, taught people to get along with each other - and this, as it sometimes seems, is one of the greatest goals.

This book is written to introduce readers to the teachings of Dale Carnegie. It is based on his writings and course content offered by Dale Carnegie & Associates. To bring the publication closer to the realities of the 21st century, the material is illustrated with examples from today's life.

Arthur R. Pell, editor

Foreword

Some people are attracted to you like a magnet. They are so sunny, bright and cheerful that they do not need to knock and ask to let them in - all doors open before them, as if inviting them to enter. Their mere presence is comforting. These people are able to win over to their side without saying a word. They are very popular, and their careers are moving forward by leaps and bounds.

It is very difficult not to succumb to the charm of such a person, it is impossible to treat her with disdain. There is something unspeakably attractive about her. With such people I want to communicate again and again.

This quality, difficult to describe, is present in many leaders, such as John F. Kennedy and Ronald Reagan.

Do you want to be like this? Yes it is possible! Personal magnetism is not necessarily an innate quality. Anyone who really wants to become responsive, sensitive and friendly, this is quite possible.

Analyze the character of people who have natural magnetism. You will see that they are characterized by generosity, generosity, warmth, optimism and willingness to help - qualities that we admire.

All these traits can be developed in yourself, if you spare neither time nor effort. Dale Carnegie and his followers at Dale Carnegie & Associates, Inc. For more than 90 years, we have been helping people, regardless of their age, nationality and level of education, acquire these traits and make their lives richer. This book is based on the teachings of Dale Carnegie. She will teach you:

How to become a charismatic person.

How to influence the people you interact with by creating an environment of collaboration and collegiality.

How to win the trust of others.

How to appreciate and understand the essence of other people in order to establish a more effective relationship with them.

How to "sell" your ideas and concepts at work, in the family, in communication with friends and everyone around.

How to deal with difficult people.

How to refuse without showing ill will.

How to understand your emotions and own them, how to understand the emotions of others.

Our personality is not only our physical shell. It doesn’t matter what our appearance is, plain or beautiful. It doesn't matter if we are educated or uneducated. This book will teach you to develop this amazing property - the ability to attract people to you.

Emerson once remarked, "What you are speaks so loudly that I can't hear your words." We seem to “radiate” our personality, which can be warm or cold, attractive or repulsive - it all depends on what prevails in us.

Attractive features are "directed" outward, towards people, repulsive - inward, towards oneself. People who do not have personal magnetism think too much about themselves, they give little to others, they always and in everything seek benefits for themselves. They lack warmth, sympathy, friendliness.

All people - both men and women - are living magnets. A steel magnet placed on a pile of junk will only attract iron objects to itself. This is how we attract people who match our thoughts.

Our environment, partners, our general condition is the result of mental attraction. They came to us in the physical world because we focused on them, mentally connected with them. And they will stay with us as long as there is a connection in our mind with this environment.

Your business, your reputation and your success depend to a large extent on the impression you make on others. It is extremely important to become an influential person.

And developing the strength of character is not so difficult. Knowing which traits determine human magnetism and which interfere with it, we can relatively easily develop some traits in ourselves and eliminate others. As this happens, you will notice that people become more interested in you, and you, in turn, become more interested in them. Wherever you go, you will be greeted with joy. By developing the qualities that you like so much in others and that attract you, you become more attractive to people.

Personal magnetism is associated with a correct outlook on life. Pessimism, selfishness, gloomy character, lack of sympathy and enthusiasm - all this destroys personal magnetism. An attractive personality is one who is optimistic, sunny, sensible and warm-hearted. We all admire such people, they enjoy general attention, other people are drawn to them.

If you want to become interesting and attractive to others, first of all you should develop the habit of being benevolent, cordial. Greet people with a warm, sincere greeting, with an open heart. This will work a real miracle. You will feel the stiffness, timidity and indifference that disturb you disappear. People will see that they are really interested in you. Cordiality will revolutionize your social relationships. You will develop attractive qualities in yourself that you never dreamed of before. Cultivate your heart if you want to be popular. Open the doors of your heart as wide as possible. It is not enough to open your heart just a little, as many do, as if to say, "Look in, but I will not let you in until I know if you are worth doing business with." Open your heart, don't be afraid! Do not meet a person as if you are afraid of making a mistake. Go towards the other, be ready to make him your friend and establish a mutually pleasant relationship with him.

You will take the first step towards achieving personal magnetism by reading this publication. First, read the entire book to understand its general idea, then reread the chapters one by one and start applying the described techniques in practice. You will be on the path that millions of people have already walked by studying and applying Dale Carnegie's methodology - the path that leads to success and happiness.

Chapter 1 You Have Charisma

Robert really liked Lisa, the new boss. There was something about her that made her admire her, something that inspired confidence. She has charisma, Robert thought. “I wish I could be like that!”

Do you think that Lisa was born like this? Indeed, some traits of our personality are innate - our intellect, our talents. But each of us has the opportunity to develop our natural gifts, develop our personality and achieve the admiration of others.

Becoming a charismatic person is not easy, but remember, it all starts with a strong desire to develop your innate traits.

Desired personality traits can be acquired

There is something in the human personality that eludes the photographer's lens - something that an artist cannot write, a sculptor cannot sculpt. From this elusive "something", tangible, but indescribable, our success or failure in life depends to a large extent. Charisma, that special charm. She is able to control even strong personalities, but what is there - she can influence the fate of entire nations!

People who have this magical power unconsciously influence us. In their presence, we seem to become more significant, we feel a surge of strength and a sense of liberation, as if a heavy burden on our shoulders has disappeared.

Important components of personal magnetism are good manners, tact, common sense and good taste.

Desired personality traits can be acquired. People are not born the same: we have different intelligence, different physical strength, different energy levels. But if we want, we can all become charismatic by developing certain personality traits. The main thing is to work tirelessly on yourself.

Christopher L. is an intelligent young man, dedicated and hardworking, but shy. Not getting the promotion he expected, he timidly approached the human resources manager and asked why he hadn't been promoted. “Chris, you are a good worker,” the manager said, “but you do not have the necessary qualities for a leadership position. At higher career levels, it is not enough to be a good specialist - you need to skillfully communicate with subordinates, colleagues and superiors. And you can do it if you try." At the suggestion of the manager, Chris signed up for the Dale Carnegie Course. And soon he overcame his shyness, began to make good suggestions and speak at meetings, and became friends with employees. When the opportunity for promotion arose again, Chris became the number one candidate.

Man, as you know, is a social being, i.e. he lives in society and constantly interacts with other people. Moreover, this interaction occurs almost every moment of time, unless he is alone at that moment. Most people have relatives, acquaintances, work colleagues, classmates, classmates, etc. But the lion's share of all these people, not counting relatives, are present in our lives only as we are present in one place or another, and there are not so many people who would be next to us almost always. It is they who, as a rule, are called friends - these are the people who are directly present in our lives, come to visit and invite us, are interested in our affairs and thoughts and share their own, share our joys and troubles, help in difficult moments of life; These are the people who care about our fate.

But, tell me, does every person have friends? It is definitely impossible to answer this question: some people have dozens of friends, others have five people, and still others have two or three real friends. There are also those who have no friends at all. This may be due to various circumstances. But today we will not talk about these circumstances, but about the very fact of not having friends. To be more precise, today we will talk about how anyone can learn to make true friends in their life - this topic is the subject of a book by one of the greatest writers, educators and psychologists of the 20th century - Dale Carnegie, who, with his wonderful works, managed to help make life better to a huge number of people around the world.

The book that will be discussed in today's article is called "". Judging by the title, it becomes clear why we started the speech with the topic of friends. However, this book is also devoted to another interesting and relevant topic - the ability of a person to influence other people.

Naturally, within the framework of one article it is not possible to reveal all the features, nuances and secrets that the author is talking about in his book, and the best way to get acquainted with them is to simply read it. For this reason, we do not set ourselves the goal of conducting a thorough analysis of the presented work of Mr. Carnegie, but only want to acquaint our esteemed readers with the key, in our opinion, its moments.

So, here are 10 tips from Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People.

Sincere interest in others

According to Dale Carnegie, one of the main ways to win over people and, accordingly, make friends is to show a sincere interest in the people around you. When communicating with another person, in no case should you try to interest the interlocutor with stories about your person. It is much better if you are sincerely interested in the personality and life of the interlocutor himself.

For many people, talking about themselves is a real delight, because thanks to this they satisfy their needs for attention, recognition, and interest in them. This also includes the fact that you need to address the interlocutor by name as often as possible, because it is this sound that is one of the most important and significant for him.

Convenient topic for the interlocutor

If a conversation has begun between you and another person, then a great way to interest him and win him over is to talk about a topic that is of interest to him. What can be better said about the fact that you have a like-minded person, no matter how similar your interests are? This is exactly the case with other people - find out what they are interested in and talk about it - the chances of establishing strong friendships will increase significantly.

In addition to this advice, you can add something that you need to strive for on a positive note. This means that you need to smile more often, be in a cheerful state, joke and in every possible way bring a touch of humor into the conversation. But this must be done, of course, without fanaticism, without turning the conversation into a pun.

Respect for other people's opinions

Another effective way to win over a person and increase the chances of establishing friendships is to show respect for other people's opinions. Even if you do not agree with the interlocutor's point of view, you should not tell him that he is wrong or that his position is incorrect. Of course, you can express your disagreement, arguing this with appropriate arguments, but you should not overstep the allowed limits. Remember that any opinion has the right to exist. In addition, if your interlocutor feels that you respect his position, in return he will show respect for you and your arguments.

Ability to admit mistake

Situations in life are different, and each person has the right not only to their opinion, but also to mistakes. But if in the last advice it was said that one should respect the opinion of another, then here we are talking about admitting that we are wrong. If for any reason you were wrong in a conversation, in an argument or in actions, then you do not need to evade and try to relieve yourself of responsibility.

Dale Carnegie recommends in such cases honestly and sincerely admitting your mistake or wrong. Of course, doing this may not be very pleasant, but this style of behavior will cause people around you to respect you, because people who know how to lose with honor have always been held in high esteem.

empathy

Understanding has always been one of the guarantees of not only friendship, but also the successful influence of some people on others. But many people can often look at things only from their own side and, as a result, consider only their own opinion to be true, which causes misunderstanding and all sorts of disagreements. To avoid this, it is necessary to learn to look at things from the perspective of another person, because this provides invaluable support in finding common ground and establishing positive and constructive relationships. Develop empathy in yourself, and you can find out in detail how to do it.

Reasonable Praise

We have already said that in order to influence a person, to please him and establish friendly relations, it is very important to be sincerely interested in a person. This advice is similar in essence to the above: always try to praise other people.

Even if the successes of those with whom you interact are insignificant, even if they do not concern you directly, praise them, show that you are proud of them, attach importance to their merits, appreciate them. But remember: your praise must be sincere, and in no case should it look like fawning.

Don't change people

This advice can be applied not only in relationships with friends and any other people, but also in relationships with a loved one. In order not to have a destructive effect on relationships, but to promote harmony in them, one should not try to remake people.

All people are different: everyone has their own, and sometimes we may not like some qualities or manifestations of others, they may not suit us. In such situations, it is extremely undesirable to succumb to selfish moods - try to accept people as they are - with their own advantages and disadvantages. If you are tolerant, you will not only be able to win over people, but also become stronger as a person.

Support by your negative example

If you come across a situation where another person has made a mistake or done something wrong, you should not immediately criticize his actions, because. this will only cause a confrontation between you and significantly worsen the relationship. Wanting to somehow influence a person, point out his mistakes, start a conversation with memories of your own mistakes and failures, tell about what mistakes you made and how you corrected them.

It is likely that your interlocutor will ask you how you got out of a difficult situation, and will also understand what his mistake is. After communication is directed in a constructive direction, you can behave more freely: point out to a person his mistakes, give some practical advice on how to do what was planned correctly in the future.

Listening skills

Surely you are familiar with the opinion that the one who is considered the best interlocutor. And this is the best way to apply to the topic of our today's conversation. Talk less and listen more - so you can, as they say, kill several birds with one stone.

First, you show interest in the interlocutor. Secondly, show the interlocutor that his opinion is important to you. And third, encourage the other person to talk about themselves. As a result, this person will feel his own importance, and you will be known as a very good conversationalist, an attentive listener and a pleasant person in communication, and your reticence will cause any of your words spoken in the future to have a strong impact on the listener.

Manners

And the last piece of advice that we will present is directly related to the manner of your communication: when voicing your thoughts and presenting your ideas, do not be content with words alone, because. it's just a speech that may not have the desired effect. Use a great technique: make all your ideas visual - gesticulate, write, draw, use improvised means. Your monologues should be staged - with the help of this technique, the effectiveness of your impact on people will increase many times over, and an increased interest in your person will become a bonus.

In conclusion, I would like to add that Dale Carnegie's recommendations are available to absolutely everyone and everyone who has a sincere desire to turn those with whom they communicate into friends and learn how to influence people. Put these simple tips into practice, and you will be convinced of their effectiveness. And, of course, read Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People.