He began to feel no longer. The younger man, the more he feels lonely! Amazing truth about loneliness

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In our world there is a lot of stereotypes about loneliness: they say that this is a disease of modern society and that choose life alone - it's like to bury yourself alive. However, not all scientists adhere to this opinion. Neurologist John Kacioppo is confident that the feeling of loneliness is acquired skill, and Sociologist Eric Kleinenberg says that the modern world has become perfectly adapted for solo life.

We are in websitewe will tell about 7 myths about loneliness, which for a long time it is necessary to stop believing.

Myth number 1. We feel lonely only away from people

About how it is easy to be lonely and surrounded by people, a lot of books have been written and not a smaller number of films. Loneliness does not depend on what happens around man. First of all, it is only its inner state. And therefore living alone, you can not be quite alone.

The root stereotype says that the most peak of loneliness is old age. However, according to the study of European psychologists, the most alone people feel in adolescence - when there are a lot of people around.

Myth number 2. In the world now rapid epidemic

We could all hear that the world now swallowed the wave of loneliness. Partly it is so - modern young people often do not hurry to acquire family.

However, not every person can be happy, living alone. It depends on its nature, temperament and many other factors. If the life of solo does not fit him, it can lead to a number of negative consequences. For example, a study of the University of Chicago says that the brain of people who experience a sense of loneliness, brighter reacts to negative stimuli. Nevertheless, everyone himself has the right to choose, suffer from loneliness or enjoy it.

How is more comfortable to live? Are you faced with the fact that the society blames your desire to live solo?

"Loneliness is the most important enemy on the way to happiness. This is a barrier that often seems to us insurmountable. The more I reflect on the topic of happiness, the clearer I realize that it is impossible to underestimate and ignore the problem of loneliness. However, "to be one" and "be lonely" is not the same thing. Loneliness devastates and sucks forces, and privacy charges energy and adjusts to the creative way.

If I was asked to call the main key to a happy life, I would answer without hesitation - strong connections with the surrounding people. When they are missing, we feel lonely.

Help others and feel that you need someone - a very healing feeling

When I wrote the book "Better than before" about habits and their formation, I thought about whether they could help us cope with this problem? Here are some habits that need to work out to protect yourself from loneliness.

1. Help others

Sit the child friends to finally go to a romantic dinner. Join a charitable trip to the orphanage, boot the dog. Assist and feel that you need someone, a very healing feeling. To achieve happiness, it is important not only to receive support, but also to provide it.

2. Communicate with people

Support contacts with colleagues - go together for lunch, invite coffee and do not refuse such invitations yourself, do not miss corporate. Sign up for group training, go to cognitive seminars and trainings. There, in addition to gaining useful skills and knowledge, you can communicate with like-minded people.

3. Spit enough

Sleep disorders - one of the first signs of loneliness. For a long time you can't fall asleep, often wake up at night, and you can't get rid of the sleepy status during the day? Eat from this vicious circle. Chronic lack of sleep is not much of the fact that it prevents contact with other people, it is also the cause of a constant poor mood, which strongly undermines the immunity.

The most important thing is to go to bed at the same time. Just so habit will be able to form

What to do? Here are some of my favorite techniques: 30 minutes before the deposit to sleep, put aside a smartphone and a laptop (blue light from their screens breaks sleep), take a warm shower and smear the body cream. Fully, including heels. I found that as soon as I spend extra a couple of minutes to apply the cream on my feet and slightly massate them, I completely relax. But the most important thing is to go to bed at the same time. Only so the habit will be able to form.

4. Stay open

Loneliness makes us secretly, suspicious and sullen. Lonely people are more complicated than usual, come to contact with a new person. If you have noticed such changes, and each new acquaintance perceive in advance negatively, then try to become more open. Get yourself the habit of first start talking, smile Barista in coffee shops and sellers in stores.

5. Decle yourself the right questions.

Do not ask yourself: "What's wrong with me?" Or "when will it end?". The right question that is worth to ask yourself, "what exactly I miss to stop being lonely?" You may just need the best friend. Or romantic partner. Or you want to be part of a big and friendly group. Or maybe you just don't like to live alone in an empty apartment?

There are many causes and varieties of loneliness. Not all people want to have close friends if they have a husband or wife. Not all people like large companies, some prefer to drive time in the company of the closest. But as soon as you are honest with yourself and understand what exactly you are missing for happiness, it will be very easy to overcome loneliness. With these habits, for example.

about the author

Gretchen Rubin - Lawyer, blogger, author of the book "Better than before" ("Better Than Before", Crown, 2015). Her site.

Many familiar feeling of loneliness. It may be a fleeting feeling, and a constant oppressive state.

Types of solitude

All people are unique, and therefore diverse and needs in communication, and the number of time spent in society. Someone needs to be alone to relax, reflect, thoughts. For others, it is vital to be among the people, attract attention. But those and others may experience a grace and unpleasant feeling of loneliness. After all, dividing on the extroverts and introverts is quite conditional. And most people can be attributed to ambiver, combining the quality of the first two types in one degree or another.

Emotional and social loneliness allocate.

The first type arises in a situation where a person has durable emotional relations with people meaningful to him (parents, spouses, friends). Increased anxiety, sense of despair and their own vulnerability inherent in this state. Often, depression develops against the background of emotional loneliness.

The second type arises in the case when a person lost strong social relations, for example, due to the change of residence, work, study. Sensation of social isolation, no goal, boredom accompany this condition.

How to deal with loneliness?

When loneliness becomes a problem, you should not get enough sleep with this feeling, but try to cope with him.

It is better to take this state how to deal with yourself. Use loneliness as a "springboard" to go to another level of personal development.

And first you need to understand what type of loneliness you are experiencing. What is missing? It is also important to accept that loneliness is just a feeling, and a large number of people on Earth experiences.

The basis for overcoming loneliness is the following changes:

• way of thought;
• lifestyle.

How to change thinking?

To change thinking you need:

• learn to understand and express your feelings;
• rebuild negative thoughts into positive;
• do not divide the world on black and white.

The ability to understand and express their feelings will help to cope not only with loneliness. In order to deal with emotions and experiences, the best diary is best. Recalling and analyzing your feelings, you can understand what time the feeling of loneliness arises, which provokes it. Having understood, thus, with a source of problem, you can find a way to solve it.

Thinking (its type) forms a reality around us. People prone to negative thinking notice only the negative around themselves. And the eternal mental discontent with the world leads to the fact that a person is experiencing only negative emotions.

If you expect a positive outcome from the coming events, then with a greater probability it will be. Even if not everything happens to "smoothly", it is better to note the positive moments and do not focus on negative.

After receiving an invitation to a party (corporate party, a graduate meeting), you should not give up the thoughts that all evening you are talking, it is better to think that this is the opportunity to make new acquaintances or nice to talk.

In order to think positively, it is worth starting to rebuild negative thoughts by adding positive to them. Not: "My one-logs do not understand me," and: "I have no friends yet at the university, but I will find them." It is quite difficult, but starting with small, you can succeed. It should be spent on tracking negative thoughts and their reformulation of 10 minutes a day. And when it will easily begin to get, zoom. Ideally, this process should take place throughout the day. This will help take a look at the world otherwise.

It is also necessary to stop dividing the world to black and white. If now is bad, then this does not mean that it will always be. It is necessary to stop these thoughts.

If the experiences about "eternal loneliness" do not give rest, it is better to recall the situations when communication left a sense of understanding. And also that it was not always.

How to start changing lifestyle?

Practical actions may be as follows:

• find a lesson in the soul;
• change the usual lifestyle;
• find like-minded people;
• make a pet;
• participate in volunteer activities.

It is important to get rid of solitude to fill the day interesting and pleasant things. Probably everyone can remember what I always wanted to learn (draw, program, dance, embroider, playing the guitar). Finding a business, a person introduces positive emotions in his life.

Solitude is difficult to get rid of, if all the time live in the house-work mode and fervent evenings from the TV or looking at the series online. Improve emotional state helps nature walks. Stroll in the park, make it a pleasant habit, and negative thoughts will retreat.

In order not to sit in the evenings of the house, you can buy a subscription to a fitness club, a swimming pool, drawing studio or dance. The main thing is that the occupation brings pleasure.

Yes, and get acquainted easier if one hobby is united.

It is possible to find like-minded people on the Internet on thematic forums or groups in social networks. Virtual communication with people with similar views is often moving into reality.

Conduct with a sense of loneliness will help a pet. The main thing is that communication with a cat or a dog completely displaced communication with people.

Treat from thoughts about loneliness can be participating in volunteer projects. Visit children in boarding schools, lonely old people or help homeless animals. Participation in volunteer organizations helps build more strong emotional connections, getting more pleasure from communication. And all this will help defeat loneliness.

It is important, trying to get rid of the oppressive feeling of loneliness, be attentive to a new acquaintance. A man experiencing strong negative experiences is vulnerable, and can easily become "easy prey" for various manipulators. It is not interesting to understand that a new buddy is not interested in healthy and warm communication on the following signs:

• man is too mil, caring and trying to fill out all his free time;
• such people happen the attacks of a bad mood if they were excluded from plans for the evening;
• they control where and with whom they spend their "friend";
• usually, such people will not wait for the service, they use others for their own benefits.

Loneliness is an unpleasant feeling, but it is possible to win it and at the same time enrich your inner world. The main thing is not to regret yourself and not roll into the negative, but gradually change the way of life and thoughts.

Photo: Alex Linch / Photo / Shutterstock

Lonely body

In addition to the social and emotional side, solitude has a physiological component. Thus, California psychologists during the meta-analysis of existing research found that inflammatory reactions increase in the body of socially isolated people. And if you dig deeper, then you can find out for the New York researchers that those who feel lonely, the expression of inflammation proteins is increasing - the universal response of the body for stress, injury, infection, hunger and other threats of life and health. Probably, alone, a person is more vulnerable to them, and the body seems to be preparing in advance to fight, scientists suggest.

Medical studies associate social isolation with an increased risk of heart disease, and in older people - also with a decrease in cognitive abilities and an increased risk of death. The latter may have a simple explanation that is not related to any "baiochemistry of loneliness": older people, for whom the fatal can become a simple drop or cold, just a certain help.

The most common scale to measure the degree of solitude experienced today is so-called. Solitude scale of California University in Los Angeles (UCLA). The test is quite simple and consists of only 20 questions, such as, for example, "How often do you feel lonely?" Or "How often do you feel that there are people with whom you can talk?"

In 2006, a group of American biologists and psychologists, suggesting that the tendency to the experience of solitude could have a genetic basis, tried to confirm his hypothesis, interviewing 8378 brothers and sisters, half of which were twins. As a result, the same levels of loneliness on the UCLA scale were found in almost half of one-time twins and in 24% twins, which is significantly higher than that of ordinary brothers and sisters. This allowed researchers to assume that some genetic predisposition to feel lonely, exists. But an extensive study of genetic associations, conducted 10 years later, did not reveal a "loneliness gene", nor the group of genes. So scientists came to the conclusion that loneliness is rather a polygennetic sign, that is, it is encoded by a variety of different genes, each of which has other functions in the body. However, in general, they summarized, the influence of genes on the occurrence of this feeling is extremely slightly.

Perhaps it is worth looking for it not at the level of genes, but at the level of cells, neurons? Such attempts have repeatedly made scientific groups under the guidance of the famous American psychologist and the creator of the social neuroscience John Kacioppo. In one of the studies, tested with a high, middle or low level of loneliness made MRI and showed photos of objects, as well as people in joyful or in a sad state. Scientists were interested in the activity of a striped body (striatum). This is a key component of a mesolimbic system containing many dopamine neurons and responsible for remuneration or ultimately for motivation to action. There are many ways to activate a striped body - drugs, money, romantic love and, as recent studies show, establishing pleasant and useful social connections.

Kachioppo with colleagues found an interesting correlation: the higher the person was the level of loneliness, the weaker the striatum was activated at the sight of happy and satisfied people and stronger - at the sight of people of sad and unfortunate. At the same time, less single people streamatum, on the contrary, activated stronger at the sight of lucky and weaker - with the form of sad. Kacoppo came to the conclusion that social interaction itself is pleasant for sociable people and even one view of other satisfied people motivates them. Some social interaction not only does not encourage actions, but also strains. They are inclined to see in other source not love, joy and support, but conflicts, betrayal and wells.

Lonely group

To understand how the team perceives loneliness of individual members, other American researchers used Longitudinal research data THE FRAMINGHAM HEART STUDYwhich was attended by almost 15 thousand people from several generations, which occur to each other friends, neighbors or relatives.

It turned out that other people are less likely called friends, and they, in turn, are less likely called someone else. The fact seems obvious, but its meaning is much deeper: loneliness is the reason, and the consequence of violation of connections with other people. At all in a biblical: "Having will give and increase, and does not have taken away." In other words, the more friends you have, the more friends you have, the fewer friends - all the more lonely you become.

Moreover, the tendency of single to communicate with the same single loneliness even more strengthens their loneliness (in practice - prolongs the time that a person spends in isolation), but the stay among sociability reduces the time in isolation. So loneliness in some sense contagious!

This phenomenon of Kacioppo in his book about loneliness gave the following explanation. He suggested that the processes caused by loneliness in the frontal shares of the brain affect the self-esteem of a person, convincing him that he was alone. Because of this, a person reduces social behavior further. His friends, colleagues and relatives begin to relate to him as a beech and also reduce the number of interactions with it. It turns out that loneliness is a flywheel who spins himself, and the person who fell under the action of this flywheel is displaced on the periphery of social networks.

But is it chance? - The scientist is wondering. What if the Society seeks to displace singles on the periphery in accordance with some objective laws of its functioning? Does this mean that it is so getting rid of those who interfere with group integration, so important to the survival of our distant ancestors?

In favor of this assumption, the scientist leads a study of the MacAk Rhus community. When, during the experiment, the animal was held for a long time outside the colony (and it began to be sad), and then placed in flock, his social status turned out at the very bottom, and the monkey was supplanted to the periphery of the group. Maybe loneliness is just a sign that the team seeks to discard?

Kacioppo concludes that in the global plan a large number of single lowers the connectedness of society and slows down the processes of changes in it. That is why the researcher considers loneliness - a socially important problem.

Lonely Society

But if the maintenance of the collective spirit was so important for our ancestors, it does not mean that nothing has changed for us. On the one hand, it can really become a problem. Thus, the British economists find out that those compatriots that suffer from loneliness are more likely to be depressed, drugs take drugs and take hospital. Common losses of employers associated with reduced - due to loneliness - employee productivity, researchers rated at 2.5 billion pounds sterling per year. And the authors of another study conclude that social and medical costs of loneliness in Britain can reach 6,000 pounds of sterling per person for 10 years, but each pound embedded in solving this problem at the health care system level will be preserved every three pounds in the future.

On the other hand, a large number of people living separately, it does not necessarily bring problems to society. These people may not suffer with single, but connoisseurs of privacy - life without frequent contacts and close communication with themselves.

An employee of the Laboratory of Comparative Social Research NSU HSE Christopher Summer believes that the emergence of a large number of single lines is associated with the very structure of modern society, whose life passes mainly in the cities. The rapid pace of life, fatigue from a large number of people and the desire to save energy on communicating, segregation on social and material signs, as well as many opportunities it is interesting to spend time alone - all this makes social ties not so necessary for good advocacy.

The most famous representative of a similar look at the objective growth of the share of single in society (even in Russia, the growth of the share of households for the period from 2002 to 2010 mainly occurred due to the growth of the number of single, and we have it largely alone nursing women remaining Without a partner) - New York sociologist Eric Kleisenberg, author of the famous book "Life Solo". Klaisenberg is convinced that it is convenient to live alone - it is convenient, effectively and mischievously, this is the natural development of society in large cities.

Lonely view

All collective types of animals can experience loneliness, and this is confirmed by numerous studies: flour-drosophilas alone live less, the mice suffer from obesity and diabetes, and psychosexual behavior is disturbed in the macaques.

One of the difficulties of the content of many birds and empty animals is that in a small team they are sad and dying from longing. There are no saigas in any zoo of the world, because if they keep them less than several thousand pieces, then they are already bored, lonely, there is no feeling of elbow and shoulder, and they die from longing. The same at one time happened with the wandering pigeons and Caroline parrots, so that a person in this sense is not a record holder, "says Anthropologist Stanislav Drobyshevsky.

As for man, then, according to the anthropologist, worry loneliness and suffer from it - the property is not Homo Sapiens. As a species, and primates as a detachment, because among them, single species are extremely few.

Starting with early monkeys, there is somewhere the last 50 million years, we live with teams, "says Drobyshevsky. - The experience of loneliness, of course, depends on the structure of the brain. But everyone has the structure, but how it will be loaded and how its biochemistry will be adjusted, depends on early childhood. The impacts that form the brain are especially important in the first couple of years of life. For example, two years - a critical moment for the formation of speech. For straightworthiness, complex movements, coordination and communication also have its own periods. If they are spent alone, the brain genetically will be the same, but it will not work as needed. And in adulthood, this can also be disturbed in the form of pathologies or diseases. As for loneliness - if a person falls into a uninhabited island, he may involve talking and become inadequate, "says the anthropologist.

Perhaps it is evolution that the disease markers are explained in socially isolated people. After all, the man became a man living in the team.

Our brain is so big to considerable degree in order to communicate. To survive in principle, enough brain frogs. But to memorize other individuals, which of them is good, who is bad and who did what you did, for this we have a huge brain, and if we do not use it for the purpose, the failures can begin. Either the brain will begin to produce glitches in its pure form, or it will simply begin to work inadequately, which we observe in the form of a heartbeat disorder, sweating and all situations, the total constituent stress, concludes Drobyshevsky.

Obviously, loneliness is both personal and group, and an evolutionary phenomenon that can be considered a collection or underdevelopment of personal settings if it is experiencing hard. "With one who suffers from solitude, something is wrong," the collective unconscious argument and seeks to push such an sufferer away from those who managed to build good social ties, that is, it was better to adapt to the environment, because our evolution proceeded into the team .

True, it was a small team - from five to 35 people, but not more than 50. Now we live next door to thousands and millions of yourself, and this puts new tasks before us.

Ancient man could and alone long stretch. And modern is very dependent on civilization and other people, because specialization is when everyone knows how little. And loneliness is experiencing a modern man even harder. Go to any expedition, see how students behave in the fields behave. When they are escaping from a large team and fit into the team small, they start program malfunctions - they are very old, they are doing some garbage or immersed in the Internet. I drive students on the expedition every year, and with the development of cell phones these failures are becoming increasingly pronounced: they do not have the skill of communication - they do not sing songs, do not walk and do not drink, but just sit silently next to the tent. Although they cannot be completely alone. A modern man in this sense is completely inadequate, from the point of view of a normal monkey, "says Drobyshevsky.

Do the innocent "inadequate monkeys" help their latest inventions - Internet and social networks? Is it possible to avoid solitude or, on the contrary, enhance it? Scientists are just beginning to approach this issue, but we already have some interesting data. So, a recent study of Facebook user behavior shows: those who only consume information that others share are more inclined to worry loneliness. At the same time, those who seek in social networks for self-expression, a sense of loneliness is seized to a lesser extent.

Lonely personality

Interpretation of loneliness in the mill of psychologists will differ. Loneliness is considered and as a dissatisfied need of a person in attachment (a person wants to be with someone, but this "someone" does not want to be with him, and the person suffers), and as a result of the deficit of social skills (a person does not know how to establish connections with others People and therefore insulated and lonely) or a special combination of personality features ("single in life"), and so on.

In our laboratory, we adhere to the view that loneliness is a negative feeling that, however, does not cancel his positive aspects. Privacy is a situation alone with himself, which can be both positive and negative, "says psychologist, graduate student of the International Laboratory of Positive Personality Psychology and Motivation by HSE Sergei Ishanov.

If you believe the clinical psychologist, the representative of the humanistic direction of Clark Mustakas, then loneliness is one of the conditions of human life. Experience that helps the individual to preserve, develop and deepen its humanity. Loneliness is a challenge that each personality needs to cope to develop normally further. Otherwise, it is waiting for the most oppressive feeling of abandonment, longing and anxiety.

When a person has lost a relationship with himself or he has not yet created them, they are not strong enough to cope with loneliness. In addition, due to various mental injuries, stress, human deficiencies in the inner world can be difficult access to their feelings or they may be poor, "says Izanov.

How can I associate the arrangements of theorists with empirical studies? We have already talked about the "Californian scale of loneliness." One of the disadvantages of this scale is that it evaluates only the negative side of this phenomenon, therefore Russian psychologists Dmitry Leontyev and Evgeny Osin have developed the Questionnaire of Dopore-3. It is more "multidimensional," that is, it can identify and loneliness, alienation, and the "joy of privacy". For example, if a person scored a lot of points on the "positive experience of loneliness" scale, then we can say that this experience is not in a burden, he knows how to find pleasure and opportunities for its own development.

So, people picking up a high score on the DPO-3 scale are well perceived loneliness, weakly depend on communication and are generally satisfied with life. According to Dmitry Leontyev, it can be assumed that the people who accepted loneliness as an "existential fact" fall into this group and thus overcame it. In general, most psychology theorists believe that loneliness depends on the "identity settings" and its overcoming is associated with the realization of the personality of its principled separateness from other people and the ability to look for the support "in themselves."

Evgenia Shhechina

Despite the fact that most of us live surrounded by many other people, we, nevertheless, often feel the feeling of loneliness, which deprives us of the joy of life. Solitude corps our soul and makes our life meaningless, sometimes turning it into a solid torment. Many of you will probably agree with me that loneliness is bad, very bad and sad. Meanwhile, around us there are so many people, which would seem to be anything about any loneliness and speech, and it is however, we feel it. Why do we feel lonely and why is loneliness perceived by us so painful? And most importantly - what should we do with loneliness, how to get rid of it? We are with you, dear readers, let's talk in this article. And if you feel like a lonely person - I will help you solve this problem.

Loneliness is a special emotional state of a person in which he feels his closure and does not feel himself. A lonely person loses the feeling of himself because of the lack of contacts with other people, he falls into the emptiness in which it, as a person, no. This emotional state occurs at the moment when a person does not receive full attention from other people when he does not feel a positive emotional connection with people or is afraid of losing her. At the same time, people around him may be much and they can even communicate with him. It's all about the form of this communication - a person can simply not listen, do not hear and not understand. Often, communicating with people, we feel that they just do not hear us, and therefore do not understand, and therefore we begin to feel lonely. It turns out that communication with people here seems to be occurring, but it resembles communication with the wall, from which there is little proc. So it is not necessary to live on a uninhabited island and be isolated from society to feel lonely, it is possible and surrounded by a huge number of people, not only feel, but also really be a lonely person - if you don't care about you.

But why don't you do not care about those who do not care about us? And because we are social, we are all dependent on each other, because we are parties of the whole whole, not to mention the fact that each of us is necessary partner for a full-fledged life. So the nature was conceived so that a person sought to continue his genus and supported life on earth and to care not only about himself, but also about him around him, as it raises his survival. Together, people are capable of a lot, they were able to build a civilization and together can solve any problems that arise from them, but they simply will be cleaned. Therefore, such a socio-psychological phenomenon, as loneliness, is quite explained. We feel lonely because we are doing ourselves so - we alienate, go away from each other, we emphasize our individuality, forgetting the need to fit into the society around us, noting other people in it and becoming noticeable. And we will never be comfortable until we objectively be lonely until we learn to be not only ourselves, but also part of the society in which we live, and preferably, and part of all mankind. So we cannot be indifferent to other people, especially in cases where we lack attention, communication, understanding, respect and love. However, if we get too much attention from other people, we inevitably begin to neglect them, we begin to choose who we are interested in and profitably communicate, and who do not. If you do not have friends, there is no suitable partner - you certainly feel lonely. But it is quite possible, friends that you are also at the moment someone do not notice who notices you. Think about it.

Solitude, meanwhile, has a positive side - this is privacy. Some people do not need constant and abundant communication with other people, they can conduct a full-fledged internal dialogue with themselves, they can reflect, read books, do some favorite things and it will be quite comfortable. Loneliness for such people is not a punishment, but grace, however, in moderate quantities, because as already mentioned above - in contacts with people and in their attention to us, we need everything. But at a certain extent, we all need alone, another thing that, because of this, we should not close from the outside world, otherwise we will become outcasts, single, closed in themselves. And this will not go for use, be sure. Therefore, do not try to replace communication with people with themselves, it will not save you from loneliness. Complete communication with people with themselves - add, but do not replace them with him, live a full life - look for yourself suitable interlocutors and communicate with them.

But back with you to the negative side of loneliness, in the end, for most people, loneliness is a problem, and not the blessing they somehow need to decide to not suffer because of it. And how can it be solved? For starters, friends, it is necessary to find out what causes this problem. Pay attention to the image of your life and on your attitude to other people. If you are making an alienated lifestyle if you for some reason are isolated from other people, then this situation you need to correct - you need to go to people to be able to communicate with them. If you communicate with people, but do not understand them, and they do not understand you, because of what you have conflicts during communication, forcing you to remove from them or remove them from you, then you must work on your Master of communication. In most cases, we lose attention to our other people, because of our misunderstanding, which is interpreted, as not understanding with us. But blaming other people in the fact that they do not want to communicate with us or do not want to understand us - it's just meaningless. People behave with us as they want and how they are forced to behave, and most importantly, they behave with us like that - as we allow them to behave with us. So if we do not want to hear each other, then our communication will be so meaningless that it can be compared with the communication with the wall, and therefore, no understanding of any mutual understanding and speech with such dead communication. So why do we spit on each other, why don't we notice each other, we do not hear each other and do not want to understand each other? Is it all about our upbringing? Yes, and in it, too, many people are selfish and therefore indifferent to other people, but those in turn, indifferent to them. So we feel all yourself with lonely, even in large cities, where are full of people, and even having an Internet under hand, in which you can communicate with anyone and on any topic. But selfishness of egoism, and the main problem for a person who makes lonely other people, and at the same time itself, is the lack of necessity in other people. We do not need anyone in each other so much to desire each other to understand. Rather, we believe that we do not need anyone in each other, and we are more often visible in other people more enemies than friends and so we try to remove it from them or just not notice them. Because of this, as I said above - we ourselves do lonely. We must have the need for those around us, then we will be more open and friendly to them, and if we will not feel this need, then our other people will only interfere.

How often do we complain that we lack attention, love, respect, understanding? And what personally did we do to ensure that all of us we had? We accept the love that other people offer us who sincerely love us, we respect their attention to us, are we trying to understand other people when we communicate with them? Alas, friends, but in most cases we do not do anything, in any case, most of us are not appreciated attention, love, understanding and respect for yourself from other people. And as a result, some of us come to proud loneliness, in which some people because of their pride and perseverance are staying throughout their lives. But after all, just needed, try to understand other people, try to hear them and find a common language with them. But people are too selfish for this, they are mainly focused on their own feelings, on their own desires, for their own interests, and there are no case to others. Sometimes it is justified, sometimes no, but in most cases, without feeling the need for attention to yourself from some people, we deprive themselves the opportunity to live a rich and full-fledged life in which we will have many friends and fans. Lonely simply do not become so, this is sure to precede certain actions by the person who forced people to remove him. Sometimes friends really should be easier to start to stretch to you.

However, some people, with all the wishes, are not able to establish positive contacts with other people, they either themselves in themselves, or because of the negative experience of the past became such. Also very often, difficulties with communication arise in people with low self-esteem, because of which they are simply afraid to communicate, they are afraid to be unreasonable, incomprehensible, incomprehensible. There are other psychological factors contributing to loneliness. So, if you find it difficult to install contacts with people, due to low self-esteem, because of fear of them, because of your impairment or for some other reasons, then start working on yourself, either yourself, or with the help of a specialist . Otherwise, you will create a vicious circle when your inability and reluctance to communicate with people will lead you to the fact that your self-esteem will fall even lower and your fear of people will become even more. And then you may have depression, with all the "charms" inherent in it, able to finally poison our lives. You must need to develop your communication skills to be able to get acquainted with people interesting to you. And if you are already sufficiently sociable, but there are few people around you with whom you could talk and who could understand you, then you urgently should pay attention to your behavior in order to understand what you should change in it . Loneliness always has the reasons that are primarily concluded in ourselves. When we feel the loneliness of the soul, when it seems to us that the whole world is against us that we do not need anyone and our whole life is a continuous misunderstanding, be sure - we do not understand something at that moment, we miss something from sight and That does not give values.

I am absolutely confident that many people need in each of us, as well as we themselves, we also need many of them. We all need each other in one way or another. It is worth aware of us, and we will certainly open each other and become closer to each other, and not physically closer, with this today there are no problems, but spiritually. It is time for us to abandon consumer attitudes towards people and go to a new step of perception of this world, in which our relationship with each other will get a qualitatively new form. People should grow and develop such primitive and meaningless problems, as loneliness ceased to disturb them. I recommend that you also do some creative activity, which with interest compensates for you a lack of attention to you from other people. Sometimes we just feel lonely, but they are not like that, we just do not have the opportunity to express yourself and therefore it seems to us that no one understands us. Express yourself in some interesting job for you, because in every person without exception there is some kind of talent, revealing and developing which he is able to surprise the world with his wonderful creation and express himself. Then attention, and recognition, and respect, and love you will be provided. People will not be able to not notice a person who created something beautiful.

And do not be afraid of people, friends. Of course, they are not perfect, and sometimes dangerous, but still without them, none of us can live a full life. You do not need to communicate with all people, communicate only with those of them, who is closer to you in spirit and character, it will be enough for you that you do not feel lonely. Try to explore people, understand them, explore their interests, goals, desires, and then you can join their picture of the world and help them understand you. Pay attention to yourself with your activity and energetic, because active and energetic people are difficult not to notice. Keep in mind that many people simply do not understand what their life should be, what people they should surround themselves in this life, and to whom they are needed in it. Therefore, try to convince them that they need you, show them yourself in all its glory. And you will take. People confused in the same world created, in which there are so many information that you can drown in it. Therefore, they often find it difficult to focus their attention even on themselves, not to mention someone else who surrounds them. There are people around there, and the person does not notice them, does not communicate with them fully, therefore he feels lonely. Loneliness is a problem that we have invented, in reality it does not exist. There is only a misunderstanding of each other by people and their inattention to each other, because of which it arises a heavy feeling.