How to learn to respond to insults rudely. Learning to be rude beautifully: how to be rude correctly and beautifully

Fragment of the book Kovpak D.V. They weren't attacked! or How to deal with rudeness? - M.: Peter, 2012

How long can you put up with rudeness? In transport, at work, at a party, at home, online, on the street - anywhere! How long can you play the role of a victim? Patiently enduring any inconvenience, any manifestation of rudeness. A well-known psychotherapist and a courageous person, Dmitry Kovpak decided that enough was enough! Read his gripping stories and professional advice on how to deal with rudeness and cynicism. Dr. Kovpak is ready to change the world around him without bending to it! And you?

Basic strategies for overcoming rudeness

Effective countermeasures

Obviously, there are three approaches in relations between people. The first is to consider only oneself and to suppress others... The second is to yield to others always and in everything... The third approach is to keep one's interests in mind without neglecting the interests of others.

Only the dead cannot be touched for the living. Each of us has been in situations where we have been wounded or psychologically traumatized. Naturally, there is a desire to punish or teach the offender a lesson or to minimize damage to the reputation and assessments of others.

What exactly to do? Tolerate or respond? How will all this turn out? And a host of other questions are relentlessly spinning in my head. This is not the first time this has happened, and not only to you. How did people who have already faced a similar problem respond to this before?

Once Confucius was asked the question: “Is it right to return good for evil?” To which he replied: "Good must be repaid with good, and evil must be repaid with justice."

Undoubtedly, if you regularly allow yourself to be offended, this can become a habit for your offenders. The desire to make a remark or even break loose with a rude person comes before there is a reason for this.

If you help unbalanced people by regularly giving them a platform to express their irritation, this tactic will automatically work for them. They no longer have to wonder who is to blame for everything.

So, confusing patience and prudence with fear and laziness, you can turn into a local scapegoat.

A person in reality is not as peaceful as he declares it and even as he thinks of himself. Therefore, waiting for your offenders to see the light on their own, admit mistakes and injustices being perpetrated, can be too time-consuming and costly a strategy. Help them realize that they ran into the wrong person.

But do not answer the content of the opponent's speech, but the very fact of his intervention in other than his own business.

Whether there are winners in the fight with rude people is a moot and even rhetorical question. However, if you have already decided on martial arts, then some skills, technologies and useful information will not interfere with you.

Entering into a verbal duel requires a number of qualities and skills:

efficiency of search and reproduction of information;
wit, irony;
resourcefulness, cunning, enterprise;
the ability to use logic and consistent reasoning;
mastery of rhetoric;
stress resistance and tolerance (tolerance);
noise immunity.

Quite often, people, defending their interests, behave rudely and unceremoniously, mixing the concepts of aggressive, passive-uncertain and confident behavior. The difference in these modes of behavior lies in the fact that, acting confidently, a person does not offend or suppress others, respecting the rights of people to the same extent as his own.

People who know how to properly stand up for themselves are much less prone to stressful conditions in difficult life situations and more often experience feelings of self-satisfaction and self-esteem.

People who act in an aggressive manner actually experience feelings of guilt, inferiority, or self-doubt, and their aggressive behavior is trying to mask these underlying feelings.

The key to confident behavior is to reinforce a new pattern of attitude and behavior in regular practice.

Remember, what you say to a rude person is far less important than how you say it.

In order to successfully put boors and aggressors in their place in any situation, first of all, one must clearly realize the right to the inviolability of one's personality and personal life.

The manifestation of rudeness is, first of all, evidence of a person’s lack of worthy arguments.

“Jupiter, you are angry, so you are wrong,” Prometheus once said to the angry Jupiter, who was ready to throw lightning at him, finding no other answer.

The most ineffective way to respond to a boor is to get emotionally turned on and scream all sorts of nonsense in response. Thus, you become the twin brother of this ill-mannered type and slide down to his level. And most importantly, your emotions will show that his arrows hit the target and stung you.

But sometimes it helps to relieve tension. The cost of such a drop varies depending on the situation and the environment present at that moment, as well as the delayed consequences. Sometimes it is unreasonably high.

Receiving a splash of negative emotions into the water helps much better. Especially when the situation is already in the past, but you still want to “wave your fists”.

Open the faucet and just scream everything that has boiled into the stream of water. At the same time, wash yourself with cool water and go get positive emotions. The conflict is over. You are smarter!

Imagine this situation: you were greatly angered by your boss, who harshly and rudely reprimanded you for a situation that you actually had nothing to do with. After he leaves, you slam your fist on the table, break two pencils, a pen and turn a whole stack of papers into a shapeless mass. Will these actions reduce your anger? And will they save you from the tendency to become angry with the leader in similar situations in the future?

According to the well-known theory of catharsis (purification), the answer in both cases will be yes. When an angry person blows off steam through energetic but harmless actions, the following happens: first, the level of tension or arousal is reduced, and second, the tendency to resort to open aggression against provoking (or other) persons is reduced.

These assumptions go back to the works of Aristotle, who believed that the contemplation of the production, forcing the audience to empathize with what is happening, can indirectly contribute to the "purification" of feelings. Despite the fact that Aristotle himself did not specifically propose this method for discharging aggressiveness, a logical continuation of his theory was proposed by many others, in particular Z. Freud, who believed that the intensity of aggressive behavior can be weakened either through the expression of emotions related to aggression, or by observing the aggressive actions of others.

While acknowledging the reality of such "cleansing", Freud was subsequently quite pessimistic about its effectiveness in preventing open aggression. He seems to have thought that his influence was ineffectual and short-lived. Indeed, watching movies or television programs with scenes of violence does not lead to a decrease in the level of aggression - on the contrary, such an experience is more likely to increase the intensity of aggressive manifestations in the future.

The level of aggression does not decrease if a person takes out his anger on inanimate objects.

Remember how we like to retell the myths about the basements of Japanese corporations, where supposedly employees thresh stuffed animals of their bosses and then calmly and contentedly go to the workplace. If people are given the opportunity to bludgeon inflatable toys, throw darts at images of hated enemies, or smash things to smithereens, it is not at all necessary that their desire to commit aggressive acts towards annoying individuals will decrease.

The level of aggression does not decrease after a series of verbal attacks either - on the contrary, the data obtained indicate that such actions actually increase the aggression of the opponent.

The English writer John Ruskin said, "A gentle answer removes malice."

This is also a technique. Only it requires sufficient hardening and exposure. In order to have enough patience for evil insults, respond politely and not lose your temper, not only externally, but also internally. This will require developing a lot of self-discipline.

In extreme cases, you can say a calmly neutral descriptive phrase, for example: “How rudely you just said. I do not like communication in this form / this tone. Sometimes this stops the offender or knocks him down for a while. In any case, you will get a pause and be able to leave the place of the verbal fight with your head held high.

So you eliminate the reason for subsequent returns to the situation in memories, which happens when an unrequited insult is swallowed, with the scrolling of "victorious scenarios" in fantasy - a virtual "waving of fists" after a verbal fight.

The main thing is to maintain inner self-confidence.

Gandhi's mentally said phrase to himself would be appropriate: "They are not able to take away our self-respect if we ourselves do not give it to them." And the conclusions drawn from everyday experience that we often feel better (that is, less agitated or tense) in response to people who piss us off are really justified, as some very serious researchers of aggression claim.

If you have time, let the interlocutor finish speaking without obvious aggression, listen to him carefully, correctly and analytically.

To listen carefully means to perceive the words that are spoken, not to be too distracted by passing thoughts. That's right - to give feedback signals showing that you understand the interlocutor (for example, with a nod). Analytically - to capture the essence of the statement, while simultaneously perceiving information encrypted between words. Listening is a true art.

But there are situations when the interlocutor responds sharply negatively about you or lies. In such a delicate situation, this rule should be abandoned. Quietly interrupt the conversation at the moment when you notice that a lie was told: just politely and correctly correct the interlocutor. But please be brief.

For example, during round-table talks or speaking on the podium, you need to respond immediately - if not with words, then with a negative shake of the head or gestures.

You can react to a negative statement later if it happened during the dialogue, but if a third party or viewers are present, they will wait for your reaction. And the lack of reaction means consent!

Do not be afraid to break the rules and stereotypes if necessary. A smart person chooses tactics depending on the situation.

Question technique is the queen of dialectics. "Who asks, he manages!" - this is how one of the leading rules of the art of conversation is formulated in the form of a slogan.

Questions are often tools of pressure in order to demand information, deepen a topic of conversation, motivate interlocutors, or move a conversation from a material or technical plane to an emotional one. They also serve to demand an explanation, to insist on justice, to cheer up the participants in the conversation or inspire them with something, to demand facts or to specify the statements of the interlocutor.

Therefore, remember the tactics of asking questions. With them you can stop the aggressor and boor. Don't be afraid to answer a question with a question. It is also a powerful tool.

The client asks:

And why do all realtors answer a question with a question? Realtor's response:
What do you think?

If someone tells you what to do, makes incorrect remarks, tries to test your knowledge in any area, or gives you grades that you did not ask for, you can fight back in one of the following ways described by V. Petrova.

The initial, most gentle and polite method of self-defense can be described as a "psychological barrier." With our polite and specific remarks, we can delimit our personal space, making it clear to the interlocutor that he is encroaching on someone else's territory. As a rule, already after the first stage of self-defense, most of the aggressors retreat.

Most often, this method is used when strangers or unfamiliar people express their thoughts, comments, or give us advice that we did not ask for.

Here are examples of such responses:

Thanks for your attention, you don't have to worry about it.
Please don't worry about our business, we can handle it ourselves.
Please don't pay too much attention...
Please don't bother yourself...
I'm sorry, but is this your business? Don't say "None of your business" - that sounds more rude, and avoid saying "It's my business" because it draws attention to you (puts the spotlight on you) rather than your opponent's behavior.
A variant is possible - to remind the attacker that only the court or the Lord God has the right to judge, and the aggressor has no right to give assessments to other people. The power of these words lies in the fact that each person implicitly understands that he himself is not perfect and does not have the moral right to tell others. Any critic and boor can be ridiculed for assigning them the role of a judge: “Who are the judges?”
“On what basis are you asking me these questions?”, “On what basis are you examining me?” - such answers are formalized, but it helps to maintain one's own confidence by association with the power of the bureaucracy and confuse the unbridled boors, who often operate with vernacular. The aggressiveness of this response is significantly muted, and it can be used even in conversations with superiors in case of strong pressure.
“Let God decide. Or do you want to assume its functions? Whether you're talking to an atheist or a religious fanatic, it will still work. Forwarding "to God" is an effective technique, since everyone understands that by giving an assessment to another person, he clearly exceeds his authority.

It is necessary to distinguish between rudeness and objective criticism.

Everyone makes mistakes, and so do you. If you were criticized on the case (for example, in your point of view you did not take into account some fact, did not notice something, made some mistake or oversight) - thank the critic, for example, with the words: “Yes, indeed, I did not take into account / took into account this fact. Thank you, I will keep it in mind”, “Thank you, I just didn’t notice this”, “I’ll think about it, thanks for the comment / information”.

A number of techniques for rebuffing rude people are based on the principle of transferring attention from your personality to the personality of the attacker.

An example is the phrase of one of the characters in the film “Kin-dza-dza”: “Did someone tell you that you are smart, or did you decide that yourself?”

Another option for switching attention to the personality of a rude person is a description of his actions. Any action of the interlocutor can be presented in the form of a picture, only written not with paints, but with your words.

A person who behaves unworthily, as a rule, does not realize that the ugliness of his behavior and the motives that make him act in this way are perfectly visible to others, or simply displaces understanding of this. Strange as it may seem, it seems to the aggressor that people perceive only his words, but they do not see him (do not evaluate him). Therefore, in order to confuse the enemy, one should describe his behavior in the form of a visual picture, for example: “Do you yourself hear what you are saying?” or “Do you understand how you look now?”

People who like to speak for others, in particular, to broadcast from the position of "highest values", "norms of morality and morality", can also be put in their place.

You should ask the person who, for example, accused you, who specifically was harmed by your actions. If not to him personally, then you are not obliged to talk to him and even more so to report to him. Answer: “We will talk about this with the person whose interests were affected, but not with you.”

If the aggressor claims that you are causing damage to many at once, say: “If you wish, you have the right to apply to the appropriate authorities” (for example, to your superiors, to the house management, to the police, to the court, etc.). But in no case do not get involved in a dispute that you do not need. Do not make excuses, do not report to a person who is not an official, whose duties really include a legal assessment of your actions.

Talking to people who insist that you are harming some third party is not worth it, even if you have irrefutable evidence of your own innocence. Save this evidence in case authorized persons intervene in the case, to whom you really have to report.

The very fact that you have begun to justify yourself to a stranger indicates that you have reduced self-confidence, it is easy for you to feel guilty and you “owe” others too much.

No matter how self-confident and arrogant the boor may seem to you, remember that there are people in the world with whom he is afraid to talk like with you.

Also, a rude person would not dare to behave in such a way if the situation was seen by people whom he fears or whose opinion he values. You can appeal to them: “Why don’t you repeat the same thing to such and such (say the name of this person’s boss, a relative whom he respects or fears, etc.)?”, “You don’t talk like that at work! »

Another option is to refer to virtual witnesses: “What do you think a well-mannered person would do in your place?” (you can give the name of a specific person whom the aggressor respects), “Why do you think other people don’t do this?”

If a person who is on duty behaves unworthily, you can comment on his behavior with the wish that his words be heard by a person who is honored by representatives of this profession.

Once a teacher called a student a swear word. He was not at a loss and said: "May Makarenko and Sukhomlinsky hear you."

Very effective is the so-called method of Milton Erickson (a famous hypnopsychotherapist), who used metaphors and stories that contained a hint or example of the behavior of the person to whom the story was intended.

Metaphor is a kind of indirect suggestion. This word consists of two Greek roots: meta - "through" and fore - "transfer". That is, a metaphor is a means of transfer. What does the metaphor convey? It carries meanings, bypassing conscious controls and barriers.

For example, here is a story about how not everything is as rude as it seems at first glance.

Once a wanderer stopped a walking old man to find out how far it was to the city.

Go on, he replied in a monosyllable. The bewildered wanderer continued on his way, reflecting on the rudeness of the locals. But he had not gone even fifty steps, when he heard:

Wait! The old man stood on the road and shouted to the traveler:

You still have an hour to go to the city.

Why didn't you answer right away? exclaimed the stranger.

I should have seen what step you are walking, - the old man explained.

Or a story about jumping to conclusions.

The knight walked through the desert. His journey was long. On the way he lost his horse, helmet and armor. Only the sword remained. The knight was hungry and thirsty. Suddenly he saw a lake in the distance. The knight gathered all the remaining strength and went to the water. But by the very lake sat a three-headed dragon.

The knight drew his sword and with the last of his strength began to fight the monster. Day fought, the second fought. Cut off two dragon heads. On the third day, the dragon fell exhausted. An exhausted knight fell nearby, no longer able to stand on his feet and hold his sword.

And then, with the last of his strength, the dragon asked:

Knight, what do you want?
Drink water.
Well, I'd drink...

And finally, remember the enchanting film "Formula of Love" and the doctor's calm rebuke to the rogue Cagliostro using illustrative examples from life:

Yes, yes, agreed Cagliostro. - So many tales have been invented about me that I get tired of refuting them. Meanwhile, my biography is simple and usual for people who bear the title of master ... Let's start from childhood. I was born in Mesopotamia, not far from the confluence of the Tigris and Euphrates, two thousand one hundred and twenty-five years ago ... - Cagliostro looked around the audience, as if giving them the opportunity to realize what he had heard. - You are probably amazed at such an ancient date of my birth?

No, it's not amazing, - the doctor said calmly. - We had a clerk in the county, in patchports, where the year of birth, only indicated one number. Ink, rogue, vish, saved. Then the matter cleared up, he was sent to prison, but they did not begin to remake the patchport. Document anyway.

This is one of the first desires that arise after an insult. But a retaliatory attack is appropriate only if it:

witty;
takes place in the circle of relatives or friends;
defuse the situation rather than exacerbate the conflict.

In all other cases, even if you consider yourself a wit worse than Oscar Wilde, answering an insult with an insult is not the best way out. So you sink to the level of a boorish opponent and make it clear that his words hurt you, that is, there may be some truth in them.

2. Make a joke

The difference between a witty insult and a joking response is that in the latter case, you are making fun of the situation itself. The advantages of this strategy are obvious: the insult loses its toxicity, tension, and the audience (if any) takes your side.

In this case, you can also take a pseudo-self-deprecating position. This will confuse your opponent and mask the sarcasm.

Example 1: A colleague says you've prepared an ugly presentation.

Answer: You are probably right. Next time, I won't ask my five-year-old son for help."

Example 2: A stranger calls you names.

Answer: “Thank you, this is very valuable information. You opened my eyes to my shortcomings. Something to think about over lunch."

3. Accept

In some cases, it is really worth analyzing words that seem offensive to you. Especially if they come from people close and respected by you. In this case, take their remarks not as an insult, but as criticism that can make you better.

It would be useful to think about the motives of people, to find out what exactly made them use harsh language. Perhaps this is a violent reaction to your far from angelic behavior.

4. Respond to intent, not words

Any insult always has a hidden purpose. Make the secret clear: designate it.

For example, in response to rude words, say: “Wow! Something really serious happened between us, since you decided to hurt me.

So, on the one hand, you can unsettle your opponent, and on the other hand, find out the reason for his negative attitude.

5. Keep calm

If the insult comes not from a loved one, but from a colleague, acquaintance, or even a stranger, never show that the words hurt you. Most likely, behind them lies insecurity, dissatisfaction with their own lives and a desire to simply recoup you. Don't let the trick work, react calmly and with a smile.

If necessary, continue to bend your line: ask what exactly caused such a reaction in a person, not paying attention to his words.

6. Ignore

Often the best answer is its absence. If we are talking about Internet trolls, you can simply not respond to their comments or send boors to . Well, "in offline mode" you can always skip the insult past your ears or leave. You have every right to do so.

An example from ancient Roman history... Once, in the public baths, someone hit the politician Cato. When the offender came to apologize, Cato replied: "I don't remember the blow."

This phrase can be interpreted as follows: "You are so insignificant that not only do I not care about your apology, but I did not even notice the insult itself."

7. Use the law

You can hold the offender accountable, or at least threaten him with it. Punishment for insult is prescribed in the Code of Administrative Offenses, but slander is already in the scope of criminal law. In case of insults from the boss, you can contact the personnel department.

The main thing - remember: no one has the right to encroach on your honor, dignity and reputation. But you must respond to people in the same way. Otherwise, any recommendations are meaningless.

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From situations where you are intentionally insulted or offended, there is a worthy way out. As the writer Mariam Petrosyan says: “There are many ways to send a person to hell without resorting to open rudeness.” It is worth familiarizing yourself with them so as not to become like ill-mannered individuals.

site knows how to respond to a rude person without lowering himself to his level of intelligence and upbringing. That is smart and beautiful.

1. Keep calm

The purpose of the boor's attacks is to unbalance the other and get a surge of negative energy. If it works, you've lost. So do not bring this energy vampire such joy. Control yourself, do not allow yourself violent reactions and humiliating excuses. Speech is calm, relaxed and at the same time clear and firm. This will discourage the opponent and deprive him of the opportunity to play on your emotions.

Example: the seller has no change, and he irritably and angrily declares this. Do not go to the level of emotions after him. Focus on the core of the problem. Calmly say that the presence of an exchange is the concern of the store, and you should not shift this responsibility to the buyer, especially in such a rude form. In case of an inadequate response, you can always write a complaint, contact the administrator or directly to the authorities.

2. Try to understand

Imagine a hedgehog with prickly needles - a small frightened animal. Project this image onto a rude person: in this way you will take a patronizing and condescending position towards him. Now you can ask questions that will cool his ardor: pay attention to the reasons for aggression, to its meaninglessness, to the fact that it has nothing to do with the essence of the matter.

Example:“Did you have a difficult day?”, “Do you want to offend me? Why?”, “What else is on your mind?”, “Why are you behaving like this?”, “Why do you strive to look worse than you really are?” etc. After thinking about your questions, a person will understand the absurdity of the situation.

3. Convert to constructive

If there is a fair, but ugly form of criticism in the words of the offender, then cling to the rational grain. Say that you appreciate his point of view on this issue: such a reaction will show that the mind speaks in you, while the boor is guided by emotions. And to conduct a meaningful dialogue is a much stronger and more competent option. So much so that even those who are alien to the concept of politeness will certainly treat your words with respect.

Example: you parked incorrectly, creating an inconvenience to the other driver, and his reaction to this is extremely nervous. Just apologize and say that you will be more careful when choosing a parking space in the future.

4. Point to the true face

Nobody likes the truth. Therefore, a good option is to shift the focus of attention from yourself to the person who said an unpleasant thing to you. In other words, show the boor his own reflection. The answer will be emotional, but at the same time, you will not stoop to the level of a brawler. You can say directly, but you can - allegorically and metaphorically, with the use of fantasy.

Example:“It looks like you are just badly brought up. There is nothing more to add here”, “You always have something bad to say, right?”, “What a pity that pills for rudeness have not yet been invented”, “Rudeness does not suit you at all.” Moreover, such phrases should be pronounced extremely calmly.

5. Shine with wit

Humor and sarcasm take the presumptuous boor by surprise and make him feel embarrassed. The easiest option is to laugh in response to harshness. Aerobatics - self-irony, a quick witty answer or even a compliment to an opponent. And it has also been noticed: intending to say something bad, a person tenses up and takes in air, and if you make him laugh, he will relax, and the outburst of anger will disappear.

Example: did you remember the story where you got into a mess? Laugh! Only strong people can do this. Is someone attacking you with accusations? Bring the theses to the point of absurdity by agreeing with them. For example, to the remark “Where are you going? Can't you see anything around?" answer: “Yes, I don’t see. It is strange that you did not notice: I really forgot my glasses at home today. Or just sarcastically say, "That almost hit me."

6. Show courtesy

If a chronic rude person is on your way, absolute courtesy and unlimited patience will help you. A smile and friendly communication is an unusual format for people of this warehouse, and this can unsettle them. In addition, if he does not receive the answer expected in his scenario, the rude person will lose interest in the skirmish. You get a chance to take matters into your own hands.

Example: a clothing store consultant is nervous: “Will you measure for a long time? It's time to decide." Answer: "Bring, please, this model." If the boor is a tough nut to crack, you can pronounce the words a little louder than usual.

7. Become a bore

Nothing helps? Or do you feel like you can't help it? Stop the unpleasant conversation. So you don’t stoop to a scandal and at the same time show that you shouldn’t be treated rudely. This is a universal way of psychological protection. Suitable for all types of aggression. Especially if you have a mentally ill person in front of you or someone with whom there is no need to maintain communication.

Example: you denied charity to an asocial character while intoxicated. He yells at you and threatens you. Ignore it and go about your business. But ignore it right. Do not “emotion” within yourself, as if silently swallowing an insult, but keep the image of a successful person who has no time to get hung up on annoying little things.

Bonus: "I love you"

If you are fighting with a loved one, it may be worth dropping all psychological manipulation and just tell yourself: “Stop, that's enough.” And to him or her: “Yes, this question is important to me. But at the same time, of course, I love you. And I want to solve the problem without ruining our relationship.” Kindness and love in response to negativity will calm anger, and together you can find a way out of the situation that led to the conflict.

People are rude, rude and will be rude, it is hard to believe that this can be eradicated. They are rude for various reasons: they are not brought up, there is not enough culture, they are afraid, they are protected, and so on. Of course, you often think about the reasons that prompted a person to be rude to you, but in the first moments it is more important to decide how to respond to rudeness. Feeling an unfair attitude towards yourself, stand on the same level with a boor and answer the same? Actually, it's the easiest. But it is much more pleasant to answer rudeness beautifully. This will not only lift you up (in your eyes and in the eyes of ... yes, yes, boor), but, perhaps the most pleasant thing, it will most of all enrage your ill-mannered interlocutor. His goal is to hurt you, insult you, bring you into conflict. And you, on here, do not go on about. How to implement it? How nice to respond to rudeness? More on this later.

We answer rudeness beautifully

Your main weapon is humor and a smile. Although there is a situation when a sharp ironic phrase in response to rudeness can be accompanied by a completely restrained facial expression. However, this option of responding to rudeness must be used quite carefully in dealing with people higher in status than you (bosses, teachers, etc.). We will talk about these options: the answer is on an equal footing and when the interlocutor has a higher status.

Ham higher status: answer

Yes, it also happens, for example, an unrestrained teacher or a very harmful boss, in general, anyone on whom you are somewhat dependent. Laughter and mockery in response to rudeness on their part can be fraught with undesirable consequences for you.

Avoiding conflict. If possible, leave silently. You can be warned that you will return when the stars are favorable to your conversation.
Endless refinements. The boss throws your project aside, shouting that everything is bad. You, putting on a restrained expression in a very calm voice, ask: "What exactly is wrong?" In general, he should answer. "Everything!" he shouts again. "In the first paragraph? Or in the second? Or maybe here ...?" In short, your task is to calmly and (!) endlessly clarify without mockery.
You can also use humor, but again we will clarify - carefully. Sarcasm should not be felt in your words, the opponent should not feel irony.
Consent, partial consent. Again, depending on the situation. If rudeness is of the kind that does not imply recognition of an unfair accusation (and the like), then you can simply agree. For example: "Che, blind or something?" - "I haven't been to the optometrist for a long time, but in general my eyes have been bothering me lately" (also with ears).

Ham equal to us

Well, just choose according to the situation. The main thing to remember is the goal - we do not descend to the level of a boor, but rise above it; we do not go on about, but manage the conversation. Here, of course, it will be necessary to practice, sharpen the language, as they say. Humor here, after all, is the main thing. It happens that humor is harsh, use it in proportion to rudeness.

You can just smile. Silently. Nice.
"I will not laugh at those over whom nature has already pissed off."
"And you continue, when you speak, I feel so (them) smart (th) myself."
"Don't be rude, rude, rude."
"Digging someone else's life because your own failed?"
“I don’t need to show my teeth, I’m not a dentist” or “You will open your mouth at the dentist.”
"You're not so handsome (a) to be rude to me."
"Why so nervous? Did you fall off the broom?"
"Don't you like me? Let me shoot myself."
You listen to rudeness, smile and calmly (!) answer: “But you wouldn’t go ... to the bathhouse.”
"Oh, no, where am I to you!.. Still fall and fall..."
Ask the question: "Are you being rude to me? And for what purpose?"
You listen, and then the key remark: "Is that all?", Or "Well, I'm going?", Or "Do you want to talk more or are your complexes exhausted?"
"Learn to think and speak at the same time."
"I thought your stock of stupidity was exhausted on this, but you continue to amaze me!"
"To speak with you on the same level, I'll have to lie down."
"Pay attention, this is a plinth" - point to the nearest one - "and remember, this is your level."
"I would send you, but I see you only from there."
"Do you have the only positive characteristics of the Rh factor?".
In response to "Che, stupid?" - "Well, you probably saves the bone marrow ...".
"Didn't you scare Babayka as a child?"
In response to "go to ..." - "Don't worry, I'll go with an orgasm" (girls).
"You're doing the right thing by giggling, you don't laugh with teeth like that."
In response to rudeness in the store (saleswoman), on the bus: just pitifully examine the person and say: "Poor thing."

Here's how to respond to rudeness in various situations. Use humor, diminutive forms, be gentle with boors, you just need to feel sorry for them.

A compliment - it would seem such a simple thing, but you need to be able to respond to it correctly. Beautiful words can drive into a dead end, disarm even the most sociable. How to respond to a compliment, so as not to get into a mess, not to look stupid? Let's try to figure it out.

Compliments are different.

It turns out they are different. It all depends on who said what to whom, with what intonation and subtext.

sincerely spoken words, from an open person - this is a real gift. It is always felt, as he speaks, tensely or simply, easily, from the heart. It is an honest, truthful compliment that is most valued, it cheers up, increases self-esteem, makes our life brighter.
Compliment unnatural. Such words are pronounced for the sake of when the speakers have specific goals. This text is easy to recognize, it will be on duty, importunate, thrown out of politeness, perhaps it will praise just those sides that you have always considered weak. No one needs such praise, it humiliates.
Hidden compliment, made by a person who is embarrassed to speak directly, but really wants to tell you something nice.
Business from superior to subordinate. This pleasant event will lift the working spirit, but it must also be earned.

Even a seemingly simple thing requires the ability to answer it. The reaction manifests itself depending on the nature of the spoken words.

How not to react?

It's worth starting with an understanding of how not to answer:

Many, having heard commendable speeches, begin to deny what was said to them: “What are you, there is nothing special about this!”. These are provocative actions that make you praise again and again. Which can make your opponent feel awkward. Know how to adequately accept praise.
Don't make excuses. You deserve the approval. And this dress that fits you so perfectly, or quitting smoking that your friends appreciated - your good work and attitude to life.
Do not neglect, you may offend the speaker. The reaction must come without fail, even if you are extremely modest and clamped, answer. Smile, at least say: “Thank you!”
Don't go to extremes, being overly enthusiastic looks cute but silly. Stick to the middle ground.

Yes, sometimes having accepted a compliment, we do not know what to do with it. So many emotions, and so - not enough.

Causes of an incorrect reaction

To get rid of the listed unnecessary reactions, we will analyze them causes:

The first and most important of these is poor self-esteem. Are you sure, or maybe someone made it clear that you are not worthy of admiration. Usually, such problems come from childhood, from a lack of parental attention. The habit of disliking oneself has remained since then. But everything has changed, you are surrounded by new people who, perhaps, absolutely sincerely love you. Accept the words with firm conviction that they are right.
And the other side of the coin, man think so highly of yourself that someone else's praise seems insufficient for him, and he is offended, without even trying to hide it. Here you also need to adjust your attitude towards yourself, but only in the opposite direction.
You think that what you have said obliges you - it is not so. It is not necessary to flatter in return, as court ladies do at balls, it looks unnatural and not sincere. You have nothing to answer - no need. Just accept what is said.
Your distrust of the speaker may cause the wrong reaction. You look at yourself suspiciously and listen, thinking that you are being flattered too much. Yes, sometimes it's true. An excellent response to this would be a good sense of humor and a sharp phrase.

So, you received a compliment, how to respond to it?

How to respond to the compliment "you are beautiful"?

The answer to such a long-awaited compliment should be beautiful. Not all men can speak beautifully, not all girls can adequately answer. Let's try to give an answer to a woman whose beauty was appreciated by a compliment:

Don't convince him otherwise. Give the answer to understand that yes, I am a beautiful, but modest lady, for example: “ Thank you, I'm glad your words lifted my spirits! You can spice it all up with a restrained smile, but no more. Such tactics will keep him at a distance, but will not scare away the cold.
Don't be afraid to look directly into the eyes while answering, this will show your openness and interest in the speaker.
If you still recognize gross flattery here, laugh it off: “ You have overwhelmed me...».
Do not be rude, even if these words were said by the person from whom you least wanted to hear them. For example, the phrase: " Didn't expect this from you...”, will belittle not only him, but also you. You have to be able to save face.
You are very confused, do not know what to say to such long-awaited phrases. Count to yourself to 10, and with a firm voice agree, believe me, you really are. But do not throw yourself on the neck, from the surging feelings, keep yourself in control, phrases like: “ Oh God, tell me something else nice!”may give reason to think that now everything is allowed to him.

What a difficult task it is to respond adequately to male attention. But having learned this once, it will become easier to behave correctly in exciting situations further.

How nice to respond to a compliment?

Responding to compliments elegantly is an art. It all depends on the person who decided to "stroke" you psychologically.

If this is a close friend, you can even hug her and say with a smile: “ Thanks!»
If a business partner, modestly laugh it off " I take an example from you!»
If a man turned out to be generous with praise, do not refuse, nod slightly: “ Yes thank you!» This will make it clear that you know about it and others too.
Not only women love praise, but also men. Why not. The answer should be simple and short: Yes, thank you, I like my hairdresser too!". Or jokingly: I try to look good, but I can't keep up with you!»

It is much easier to respond to words from a friend than from a recent acquaintance or acquaintance. And even if you said something stupid and got into an awkward position, sincerity will always help correct the situation.

How to respond to a compliment with humor?

A sense of humor, as it sounds unusual, will help here, but without it. The ability to answer in an original way can often impress the interlocutor more than the compliment itself.

"I'm not overjoyed myself!"
“And I can also embroider on a typewriter!”
You were rude on the bus, remember that "politeness is the best weapon of a thief": "What a kind look you have, sorry to make you angry!"
You can jokingly be indignant: “Why do you look so good today, I can’t do it!”

Don't forget that compliments are hard to answer, but giving them is even harder. Do not make the speaker nervous when he “blurted out” the wrong thing in your direction, be able to support the person who tried to please you - this, sometimes, will show the attitude towards him or her better than any answer.

Let's say nice words to a friend as often as possible so that we don't have such a question: "How to respond to a compliment?" and we always knew it.

Video: answering compliments correctly

In this video, psychologist Denis Kostin will give a short lesson on the topic: “How to respond to compliments”, give some tips and recommendations: