What helps to understand others and be understood. Why do people do not understand each other

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"I can not imagine why he did it" ... "Your feelings are incomprehensible!" Many of us, even if they did not utter these words out loud, they felt something similar. Sometimes we really lack the ability to read the thoughts and feelings of other people. Some lucky - and they are gifted by Empathy almost from birth. And how to be the rest? Are they doomed to stay in ignorance? Not at all.

The ability to understand other people can be developed. This will help two simple and exciting exercises. Both are variations of basic technology, which is called "duplication" in psychodrame. When there is a desire or the need to better understand the state of a person, you are going to the role of the interlocutor for a while, try to think his head, feel his body, to pronounce his condition.

Method 1. With strangers

You can, for example, in public transport Choose to workout someone from passengers. Now mentally imagine that you are he. Become them. What do you think when you are he? What do you feel? What emotions are worried? Make sure to speak from the first person (not "he rejoins", and "I am glad"), as if by putting himself in his place.

It's not a fact that you guess the passenger status parameters. And even if you guess, check it is not always possible. But the task here in another is to get used to the part of another person, try on his condition. You can also train in the park or in a cafe. At the end of the exercise, do not forget to "come to yourself", that is, remind yourself who you are.

Method 2. With friends

Play with a friend in "Ugadayku".

1. Offer a friend to participate in the experiment.

2. Put a chair next to his chair so that you watched one way. The shop or sofa is also suitable.

3. Ask a friend to sit for some time in silence (15-20 seconds enough).

4. Imagine that you are he. You can reproduce its posture, try to synchronize the rhythm of your breathing.

5. Now, as if from his role, pronounce the condition of the first person. For example: "I am calm, and I like this game" or "I feel easy irritation, since you stuck with this game, and I did not finish coffee."

6. The task of a person who duplicates, repeat only the part of the message that was guessed. It is impossible to say "no", "wrong". If no word "Dubler" is not suitable, then his interlocutor simply describes his state in his own words.

The dialogue may look like this:

Double (D): I'm a little tired, so much work has accumulated.

Test (s): I'm tired, because I did not sleep today.

D: If I had gotten up more, I felt cheerful.

AND: I would feel cheerful if this vesting repairs ended.

D: I do not like when something is undelicted, it creates a constant tension.

AND: I do not like when something is undelicted, it creates a constant voltage

Exercise lasts an average of 2-3 minutes. If you wish, you can swap roles.

How to use

In the pure form, the equipment is not used in communication. But if it is regularly practicing it, you can be much better than before, approaching the understanding of the feelings and thoughts of other people. It will help you easier to build a good relationship and resolve emerging conflicts.

Anton Vorobyev is a clinical psychologist, a business coach, a psychodrama specialist. On June 10 and 11, the masster classes "work in joy or a game of work" and "guitar light" at the Moscow Psychodramatical Conference. For details, see the site http://pd-conf.ru/.

"What helps us better understand another (representative of other nationality, religion, other ideological positions)? "

The introductory part.

1) the relevance of the topic.

This topic is relevant since:

first of all, work on this topic will help me develop my abilities and skills to such a type of projects;

secondly, the last 2 years I thought about the theme of this kind, and when there was a chance to work on such a topic, I decided not to miss this opportunity.

2) The problem is in my topic.
In this topic takes the girth of mankind and the whole world. I believe that any conflicts, war, disagreements, etc. They occur due to the lack of understanding each other, and each other. Louds do not know how and do not want to understand other people. For this, I think we should consider the reasons for our misunderstanding to each other, and only then think that we can help .

Main part.

1) Determining the purpose and objectives of the study.

The purpose of this study is to obtain the correct answer and the decision on the assigned question: "What helps us better understand the other (representative of other nationality, religion, other ideological positions)?"

The task of this study is as far as there is more information collection in both theoretical and practical terms.

2) theoretical part.

" What helps us better understand the other (representative of other nationality, religion, other ideological positions)? "?" I think that those people who think about the present and the future of people are asked for such a question (well, in extremely about their own). Tell me, That I am too exaggerating, and the fact that everything is not necessary to globalize everything, but I will say you: "No", because I come to this issue, the topic in your own way.
So, before asked the question: "What helps us better understand the other ...?", I think you need to ask a question: "Do we need to understand the other at all ..?". "I think it is necessary. What is necessary .to. If you have no understanding of another person, therefore, you have a misunderstanding for it. If you have a misunderstanding to a person, then there will be a quarrel between you, then disagreement, then conflict, then a feud, and in the end of the war. I understand What I mean .. Again, not everyone is asked as a question. Why? I think that people in the world become indifferent to everything and to all.
I think one ands reasons for misunderstanding between different people is their indifference to others, it also leads to selfish preferences. For the same reason, I would call, the fact that people always pay attention to such "little things" as faith, nationality, race, etc., and one hand are important things, t . for a component of a person, but this is not an object due to which people would not understand each other. As I have already told people, you need to understand each other, but for this you need to do some steps (concessions), perhaps for some, complex steps. I believe that these concessions are: manifestation of respect for another, the ability to listen to another, and in the end representing yourself in the place of another person, and all this leads to proper communication.
I would like to know if there are personalities, figures, etc., which at least somehow affected this topic?
"Understanding is the beginning of consent" (Benedict Spinoza) (https://shkolazhizni.ru/psychology/articles/61503/) Perhaps most of all lacks tolerance and the ability to understand the other person. If the interlocutor has views or intentions other than ours, then automatically, unconsciously we are tuned to aggressively in relation to it. Probably, we all know how it happens when suddenly you find yourself in the middle of a furious dispute, even if the topic is non-serious, and the opponent is a foreign person. It is very important not to deny the views other than yours. After all, how many people are so many opinions. And it is difficult to assert that some of them are more correct than another. Just try to understand another person. Why he thinks so why he does not agree with your point of view. Think how to show him your point of view, explain to him why you hold it. Tell me a person right. Talk about it. Indeed, often during the conversation, people say one thing, but they feel and think they are completely different.

.

Practical part .

I decided to spend a small survey (https://www.testograf.ru/ru/oprosi/aktualnie/4c0431ef74015a543.html) that would help me consider the point of view of different people (different nationalities, denominations, ideological position) with the help of social networks, such as Facebook, Instagram, VKontakte about the main issue of my project.

That's what happened:

Based on the above data, it can be said that the majority believes that it is important to understand other people, but still there are those who do not agree with this statement.

Output.

Looking at the practical part of my work, it can be said that people want to understand different people, perhaps the causes of misunderstanding among themselves, and know what they would help to understand others, but at the same time people take into account those the most "little things" (above It is said). You know, we are all different. Due to the survey was "not alive", and therefore we cannot find out, people sincerely answered or not. But I would like to believe that sincerely, if it were sincere answers, the question is asked: " Do you use all this in your life? "In my opinion, perhaps units ..

For this purpose, in the "theoretical part" of my work, I expressed my point of view regarding this issue. It will be possible for someone useful.

Situating his work, I would like to say once again, or rather make a call to ensure that people understand each other, because it is one of the important components in our lives.

Sources:
The main source of all information is a personal archive and life experience.

Robin Dunbar researcher connected the activity of neocortex, the main part of the cortex of large hemispheres of the brain, with a level of social activity.

He considered the size of public groups from different animals and the number of partners engaged in the grooming (an important part of courtcan, for example, a trimming of wool in primates).

It turned out that the neocortex size is directly related to the number of individuals in the community and with the number of those who clean each other (analogue of communication).

When Dunbar began to explore people, he found out that social groups are about 150 people. This means that everyone has about 150 acquaintances, whom he can ask for help or provide them with something.

The close group is 12 people, but 150 social connections are a more significant figure. This is the maximum number of people with which we support contact. If the number of your becomes more than 150, some of the past ties go.

Can be expressed differently:

These are the people with whom you will not refuse to drink at the bar if you accidentally meet them there.

The writer Rick Lax tried to challenge the theory of Dunbar. He wrote about trying to do it:

"Trying to challenge the theory of Dunbar, I actually confirmed it. Even if you decide to refute the number of Dunbar and try to expand your circle of dating, you can maintain interaction with a lot of people, but it a large number of Just there are 200 people or even less. "

This experience allowed Laxu to pay attention to the following links:

"After my experiment, I imbued with respect for:

1. British anthropology.

2. My real friends.

I realized that they were not so much, but now I treat them much better and more appreciate them. "

The Dunbar number is especially useful for marketers and people working in social media and branding. If you know that each person can only interact with 150 friends and acquaintances, it will be easier to react to failure.

Instead of angry and get upset when people do not want to communicate with you and maintain your brand, think about the fact that they have only 150 contacts. If they choose you, they have to give up someone from their acquaintances. On the other hand, if people go to contact, you will appreciate it anymore.

But what about, where many more than a thousand friends have? But how many of them do you somehow support communication? Most likely, the number of such people is approximated to 150. As soon as new contacts appear, old forgotten and just hang in your friends.

Many periodically brush their list and remove those with whom they will not communicate, leaving only close people. This is not entirely right. The fact is that not only strong connections are important, that is, your nearest environment. In the book Morten Hansen "Cooperation" describes how important the weak public contacts are important for humans (in particular, those that come through social networks). They are the key to new features.

The study showed that it is important for the development of a person not so much the number of connections as their diversity. Among your friends should be people who adhere to opposite points of view, with different experience and knowledge. And such a contingent can be found in the social network.

Weak ties are useful because they bring us into unfamiliar areas, while strong exist in the already studied areas.

Razor Henlona

Never attribute evil intent what can be explained by nonsense.

In the razor of Henlon instead of the word "stupidity" you can put "", that is, the lack of information before making a decision or any action. And this is how it works: when it seems to you that someone belongs to you badly or do something called, first play deeper and find out if it is not connected with a banal misunderstanding.

For example, if you received from an email employee in which he sharply speaks against your idea, perhaps he simply did not understand her essence. And his indignation was not sent to you, he only opposed the proposal that he seemed stupid or dangerous.

In addition, it often happens that familiar is trying to help a person with their methods, and he perceives it as a grave. People by nature are not evil creatures, so that good intentions can hide every impaired harm, just ridiculous.

Factors of Motzberg motivation

The last theory can help communicate with colleagues or even with friends and spouses. The concept was nominated in 1959 by Frederick Herzberg. Its essence is that satisfaction and dissatisfaction from work are measured in different ways, not being two ends of one straight.

In theory, it is assumed that discontent depends on hygienic factors: working conditions, salaries, relationships with bosses and colleagues. If they are not satisfied, dissatisfaction appears.

But work does not like it because of good hygienic factors. Satisfaction depends on the group of causes (motivation) to which include: the pleasure of the work process, recognition and opportunities for growth.
You can withdraw the following assertion: working on with comfortable conditions, you can still feel like lousy, if, for example, you do not trust serious projects and do not notice the efforts.

And the fact that you get recognition and are aware of the benefit of your actions, will not pay a penny for you, forcing you to work in a terrible setting.

This theory is especially useful for those who are responsible for personnel in the company. Now you will be clear why people, despite the good conditions, are still fired.

Those who are unhappy with work, this theory will help find out the cause of dissatisfaction and overcome it. And even if your friends, relatives or acquaintances will complain about the place of employment, you will never tell them: "But you pay so good there! You infect with fat, stay. " This step can be very important for their future.

Understanding is the main key to success in the relationship of people. If marriage decomposes, conflicts occur at work, communication with friends or relatives usually, we usually say that the understanding is missing. This means that two people for some reason moved away from each other or between them arose dislike. How to avoid this and learn to understand loved ones?

What does it mean to understand a person

How to understand another person

To learn to understand other people, take the rule not to perceive events and phenomena only through the prism of our own views and beliefs. Sometimes it happens very difficult if one person is still able to understand, then the other is for you a perfect mystery due to differences in opinions.

How to understand that man is lying

It is quite difficult to understand the truth or not quite difficult to say. He can lie selflessly and rather convincingly, but his gestures, facial expressions and a speech manner will sooner or later give him. Knowing about some psychological techniques and methods, you can easily expose the liar.

Carefully look at the interlocutor, the eyes can say about his sincerity. Psychologists believe that if a person in a conversation with you raises his eyes upstairs, then he remembers something, that is, refers to spectatic memory. But the movement of the view right and down testifies to the inner monologue and the careful selection of words. There is a very important language of the body, twitching the shoulder or foot, indent a step back, the chin, all this is also an alarm signal.
Expose a deceiver is possible and watching him. A person can be interested in something to tell and gesticulate, trying to pass you away, and at the same time pumping your head from side to side, no matter how agreed with himself. Other signs of lies are considered to be regular affecting the lips, neck and nose, folding the fingers in the castle, stroking one hand another (granting gesture).
Trying to mislead, the interlocutor often moves away from main topic And talks about any nonsense, stretching time and thinking whether to say the truth. Ask him a direct question, most likely, he is confused and recognized in deception.
To find out the information you need, do not warn a person about the conversation. Let's go beyond the standard script, ask the same unexpected questions, periodically me their wording.
Never post all that you know how you know, use leading questions when information is enough, you can compare it known to you.

Robin Dunbar researcher connected the activity of neocortex, the main part of the cortex of large hemispheres of the brain, with a level of social activity.

He considered the size of public groups from different animals and the number of partners engaged in the grooming (an important part of courtcan, for example, a trimming of wool in primates).

It turned out that the neocortex size is directly related to the number of individuals in the community and with the number of those who clean each other (analogue of communication).

Can be expressed differently:

These are the people with whom you will not refuse to drink at the bar if you accidentally meet them there.

The writer Rick Lax tried to challenge the theory of Dunbar. He wrote about trying to do it:

"Trying to challenge the theory of Dunbar, I actually confirmed it. Even if you decide to refute the number of Dunbar and try to expand your dating circle, you can maintain interaction with a lot of people, but this is a large number of just 200 people or even less. "

This experience allowed Laxu to pay attention to the following links:

"After my experiment, I imbued with respect for:

1. British anthropology.

2. My real friends.

I realized that they were not so much, but now I treat them much better and more appreciate them. "

Many periodically brush their list and remove those with whom they will not communicate, leaving only close people. This is not entirely right. The fact is that not only strong connections are important, that is, your nearest environment. In the book, Morten Hansen "Cooperation" describes how important the weak public contacts are important for humans (in particular, those that are going through social networks). They are the key to new features.

Weak ties are useful because they bring us into unfamiliar areas, while strong exist in the already studied areas.

Razor Henlona

Never attribute evil intent what can be explained by nonsense.

Factors of Motzberg motivation

In theory, it is assumed that discontent depends on hygienic factors: working conditions, salaries, relationships with bosses and colleagues. If they are not satisfied, dissatisfaction appears.

And the fact that you get recognition and are aware of the benefit of your actions, will not pay a penny for you, forcing you to work in a terrible setting.

This theory is especially useful for those who are responsible for personnel in the company. Now you will be clear why people, despite the good conditions, are still fired.