Tao Cocoa Full Collection. Funny stories about Sri Jourte

For those who got on the path of Dao-Cocao, - in a friendly he was playing a bamboo stick of new students Sri Yuptra, "work on a felon plantation is voluntary, and not so that you want - you want, but you want.

***
Master Kung Fu Lee Xiang perfectly owned the art of the battle-shadow. One day his shadow beat him and selected the wallet. Hearing this story, Sri Yuppan selected a staff from his shadow. Just in case.

***
One day, Sri Yuptra wanted to know what he was doing Kakawa when he did not drink her. Leung he on the mat, pretended that he fell asleep, and then slowly burst into a poop and looked into the nose. And from the nose of the eye sticks out and looks around. Kakawa wanted to know what Sri Yuppan is doing when she does not drink it ...

***
One day, Brahmans from the Mu Valley came to Sri Jourte.
"O Great Teacher," they said, "Our favorite sacred cow disappeared from us! Tell me where to look for her?"
"Your cow finally performed my destination and moved into a different form of existence," Juputra answered them.
Brahmans bowed.
"Teacher, Beefsteks is ready!" The cry of Nivhurila rang out of the kitchen.

***
... And so a person can dispel the nightmare of his illusion and get rid of suffering. Ways to enlightenment a lot, and the goal is one! - finished his sermon Sri Yuppan.
The disciples were tensely considered heard. Suddenly, cotton rang out and one of the students disappeared in a bright outbreak of light. Then another one else ..
"... six, seven, eight." - I considered Sri Jantra in mind. - "It seems that everything. Now Kakava is enough until the next harvest, the excess of stored firewood can be sold, and then you know the crisis."

***
Once, on the wall of the monastery there was an inscription "Sri Yanutra - Goat!".
"Another student approached enlightenment and will soon leave the monastery." - Sri Jantian thought sadly and deprived the entire Cocoa monastery for a week in order to consolidate the result.

***
At noon in the courtyard of the monastery, students diligently meditated under the shadow of trees. Birds wit's nests. Fly bees and butterflies. On the steps grabbed the sun cat.
Sri Yuppan came out on the threshold, he just woke up and a little accounted for a pastoral picture seen in the courtyard. Deciding to dilute the paint a little, he deftly kicked the way the cat turned down.
- Meow.U.U.U.Y.u.u..u. I.U. Mryayy .. - Matched a cat on Parabola flying into the bushes.
The students followed the trajectory of the cat's flight, nor the hell did not understand, but also together pretended to understand everything and more diligent began to meditate.
And only the cat came enlightenment.
For in cat language, the issues of the sounds founded:
- To the reincarnation, again I am a cat and again in this monastery. Bes-and-in!

***
The mighty cocaine old man all invited Sri Jourte to buy around him. Javern with students plunged into a two-candy junk, and a journey began. All long days of the Jaouth Day was sitting under the captain's canopy, in the shadow of meditation, and at night the Dream in the rescue boat, hiding the favorite poop for the sinus and firmly squeezing the staff in his right hand. Once it broke out a storm, the ship sank, Jaouth woke up in a boat chatting on the steep shaws, and began to catch the sinking people, Opa, but she caught Nivhuril's whirlwind, opa, here's another couple of unrelated disciples pulled out for her hair. Suddenly, an absolutely bald head of the captain appeared above the water, Sri Jathuppie a few seconds in his thoughtfulness looked at her, and then how crashes on Lysin's staff:
- We are not to Koanov here, damn!

***
Once in the morning, Sri Yuppurata drank Kakava and admired dawn. Pupils gathered before his hut.
- What did you hide in such an early early? - asked the teacher.
- Teacher, we believe that a long time has been going along the path of enlightenment, and now you must choose a transmitter.
- Well, those who consider themselves worthy of this come out forward.
The crowd took two steps backwards, leaving a slightly braked Nivhurila.
- A, Nivhuril, my most worthy student - said the teacher.
After that, I got up, and put my staff on Earth in front of myself.
- Come, take a staff, and you will become my successor.
- What, so simple? - I was taken away by Nivhuril.
- Well yes. What did you wait? All you need is to take my staff.
Nivhuril approached, leaned ... and got a heavy cock on the back of the head.
"Alternatively, you miss something, Sri Jathunts said, picked up a staff and went to her chambers."

***
One day, Nivhuril going to the teacher's celle saw on the table of the monastic cat, which with a disrespectful chamber of bread from a cup of sacred cocoa.
Here is an example of the fact that even this cat has the nature of the Buddha - I thought Nivhuril - and devouring the sacred cocava, he comes to the true Dao, unlocking the karmic nodes, because it is not a powerful wheel of Sansara above the creature rejected by Maya's illusion ...
Thick! Shouted the entered Sri Yuppan and launched a straight into the cat.
About the teacher, exclaimed Nivhuril, should the True Buddhist come in a similar way?
And how! - replied Sri Jathuppie, picking up the staff. I gave Koan "Stick" for meditation under the bench, and I will explain to you now that the enlightened should not bother the head that it should be even ... sing!

***
Once in the monastery, Tarakanov, Tarakanov.
Nivhuril on this occasion went for explanations to Sri Jutup.
- Teacher, span the light on my ignorance. Herbal of cockroaches We violate the principle of Akhimsi. How can you allow it?
- "Again this idiot is clever, it will be necessary to close the monastery to Wikipedia." - thought the elder and silently slammed the sandal of the cockroach.
Nivhuril understood the transparent hint and without waiting for premature enlightenment hurried to hide.

***
One day, Sri Yuptra comprehended Tao in the cocaled tequet of Lao, when the treated Nivhuril came running towards him.
- Teacher, teacher! He shouted excitedly. - Today I passed by the rice plantation and met a wonderful girl Sali Hein, who just showed me for one coin short way To enlightenment! Honorable mentor, I no longer want to live in a monastery, we will go away far away, I will live with her and reach enlightenment every morning, and sometimes twice a day!
Wise Sri Janta frowned and warned the student:
- Beware, you are in great danger. Demons seduce you so that you never knew the joy of collecting ripe cocoa and cleaning the monastery courtyard. Immediately go to the meditative hall, acceptance of the lotus pose and look for the path to true enlightenment.
"But, a teacher, I don't want ..." The words of the negligent student were interrupted when Sri Jathunts mournfully laundered his staff. The mentor with a kind smile looked at Nivhurila prostrate in deep meditation, took a coin from his soute and a rice walking wisdom went to the rice plantation.

Once, two bhavata came to Sri Jutter with a request to judge which of them
right.
"You're wrong," Sri Yuppan replied sharply after listening to the first.
- And you are wrong, "he told the second bhavat after he told
dispute from your point of view.
- Teacher, but who is then right in this situation - cried indignantly
bhavati.
- I'm right. - Sri Yuppan answered smugly.
That is how the Daoic-Kakaos doctrine once again no fig helped
install the truth in the dispute, but won in the struggle of good with mind.

One day, Sri Jantea was quenched into the Fight Club.
He will carry with him two copyright and a studded cloth.
Master of Tao-Cocoa above some rules there.

Since the morning, something strange has happened in the Tao Cocoa monastery. A teacher Sri Yuppan with a very concerned view wandered around the yard, from time to time referring to dumbfounded disciples with questions: "Well, why? WHAT FOR?!" Or exclamation: "Well, she is a goat!". His eyes did not express anything at the same time, and the whole body shake fine trembling. The disciples have dismissed and hurried to hide out of sight. Only the next day they understood what happened. Going in his room, the students discovered the Cold Master's body, some miracle holding in the lotus position. A smile froze on the face of the teacher, and the young paper was lying around. Some say that it was recorded by the mystery of rapid enlightenment, others - that there were only three words there, and someone had neither had any sound since then. But everyone regretted about the departure of Sri Jathunts, the only man who managed to understand ... Machion Goat Bayan?!

Students Sri Jathunts, after endless meditations on the knee in the mud under heavy rain and penetrating the wind, approached Jugtra with complaints.
- come home! - The teacher won their, - there is no difference, where exactly strive for enlightenment!
- Why do you, teacher, always meditate in warm and comfortable? - tried to argue students.
- So what? There is no difference anyway, - Sri Yuppan was sincerely surprised.

Once, one of the students Sri-Jourtes turned to him asking:
- Can I not chop firewood today, teacher? I got sick and my bones romit ...
- No, go and Ruby! - Teacher replied, - we must exhibit ourselves and do exactly what we do not want. This is the way to Dao.
- And I really want to chop firewood! - exclaimed another cunning student, which was near.
- Well, go and so far you can not overrive at dinner and do not dream! - having made him Sri Yuppan.
- Something I did not understand, teacher! "Fucking a tricky student," And what about all this boyd about "do exactly what we don't want"? "?
- What is incomprehensible here? - Sri Yuptra was surprised, - it is necessary to distort the firewood.

- Teacher, and whether you know the answer to the main question of life, the universe and everything else? - I decided to experience Sri Jantup a particularly incoming student.
- Twenty-one, - without thinking answered the great teacher.
somehow, Jarthria met Buddha. From happiness, he, of course, ofigel, but did not drink so much.

2.
Weather in the summer stood relative. And rather, they did not even stand at all, and selflessly with all the atmosphere with small mosses atoms. They hung tightly and confidently, as if they were so. In general, everything around was relative, but absolutely no alternative.
"So after all, it is time to reach all kinds of denial of manifolds and dialectics," Sri Jathupparte slowly, observing all sorts of gladies and ripples dull, A la Pointilism, water flour dance. His cheeks and chin, as well as forehead, and already graying whiskey were covered with a soul boredom and impregnated with the whole moisture. Sri Yuptra cried with all the ways of the skin, and his funeral disciples took permanent cardiac sorrow for banal seasonal precipitation. But the teacher did not pay attention to it, he closed his eyes and silently asked for the universe of decokta.

3.
At midnight, staggering so that some hours were immediately behind, while others, rolled the mysterious way. Therefore, midnight did not work again. The apartment unpleasantly smelled.
"The world becomes omitically constant: it moves, but has no development," he managed to think Sri Jathunts before he went to throw feline poop and wash the tray.

4.
"I do not love you anymore".
It became so surprising that the surroundings had to be launched, and even see, as far as possible, for the left shoulder. For the right no longer, as I understood that it is meaningless. There was no one around anyway, so "no longer loved," certainly me.
We all have long been known that when they say such words, then even Sri Juplies are silent. Silent and mine. At the point, he managed not only to be silent, but there is no absent. In short, I was alone, defeated and helpless. Abandoned Baba, devoted to all Sri Javels of the world, I still decided to look through the right shoulder. I expected to see at least their backs there, but there was no longer there.
"Fool! It was necessary to immediately look right, and not staring simply on the sides! "
Some bird shrew or burglary, or bullhed in one of the countless crowns of the country park, but I did not answer her.