5 recommendations on how to better understand another person. “.What helps us to better understand the other

Researcher Robin Dunbar has linked the activity of the neocortex, the main part of the cerebral cortex, to the level of social activity.

He looked at the size of social groups in different animals and the number of grooming partners (an important part of grooming in animals, for example, hair picking in primates).

It turned out that the size of the neocortex is directly related to the size of the social group and the number of individuals that care for each other (constantly communicate in human terms).

When Dunbar began researching people, he found that there were about 150 people in social groups. That is, a person has about 150 people whom he can ask for help or provide them with something.

The closer group is 12 people, but 150 social connections is a more significant figure. This is the maximum number of people with whom we maintain social ties. If you have acquaintances above this number, some of the past connections go away, and you stop communicating with them.

If you put it in another way, you get the following picture:

This is the number of people you would love to have a drink with in a bar if you happen to meet them there.

Writer Rick Lacks tried to challenge Dunbar's theory, and wrote about the attempt to do so in his work:

In trying to challenge Dunbar's theory, I actually confirmed it. Even if you decide to disprove Dunbar's number and try to expand your circle of acquaintances, you will be able to maintain interaction with more people, but this a large number of there are just 200 people or even less.

This experiment allowed Lax to draw attention to closer connections:

After my experiment, I developed respect for:

1. British anthropology

2. To my real friends.

I realized that there are not so many of them, but now I treat them much better and appreciate them more.

Dunbar's number is especially useful for marketers and people in the social media and branding industries. If you know that each person can only interact with 150 friends and acquaintances, it will be easier to respond to rejection.

Instead of getting angry and upset about a situation where people do not want to communicate with you and support your brand, think about the fact that they have only 150 contacts, and if they choose you, they abandon someone they know. ... On the other hand, if they make contact, you will appreciate more that they chose you.

But what about social networks where many have more than a thousand friends? On the other hand, how many of them do you communicate with in any way? Surely the number of such people is close to 150. And as soon as you have new contacts, old ones are forgotten and simply “hang” in your friends.

Many periodically "clean" their list and remove those with whom they will not communicate, leaving only close people, and this is not entirely correct. The fact is that it is not only strong connections that are important, that is, your immediate environment. Morten Hansen's book "Collaboration" describes how important weak ties are for a person (in particular, connections that are made through social networks, for example, friends of friends, subscribers). Hansen writes that such connections are the key to new opportunities.

The study showed that for human development, it is not so much the number of connections that is important as their diversity: people holding different points of view, with different experiences and knowledge. And such a diverse contingent can easily be found on the social network.

Weak ties are useful because they lead us into unfamiliar areas, while strong ties exist in areas we have already studied.

Hanlon's Razor

Never attribute to malice that which can be attributed to stupidity.

In Hanlon's razor, instead of the word "stupidity", you can put "ignorance", that is, lack of information before making a decision or any action. And here's how this razor works: When you think that someone is treating you with malicious intent or doing something "out of spite", first dig deeper and find out if this is due to ignorance.

For example, if you receive an e-mail from an employee in which he sharply speaks out against your idea, perhaps he simply did not understand its essence, and his indignation was not directed against you, but only against an idea that seemed stupid or dangerous to him.

In addition, it often happens that people try to help a person with their own methods, and he perceives this as malicious intrigues and harm. Humans are not by nature evil creatures, so every imaginary harm may turn out to be a desire to help, just ridiculous and ignorant.

Herzberg's motivating factors

The latter theory can help in communicating at work with co-workers and colleagues, and maybe even with friends and spouses. This theory was put forward in 1959 by Frederick Herzberg and its essence lies in the fact that job satisfaction and dissatisfaction are measured in different ways, and are not two ends of the same straight line.

In theory, it is assumed that job dissatisfaction depends on "hygiene factors" such as working conditions, wages, relationships with superiors and colleagues. If they are not there, there is dissatisfaction.

But job satisfaction does not arise from the presence of the above factors, but from the following group of reasons, "motivation": pleasure from the work process, recognition and opportunities for growth.
From this, the following can be inferred: if you work in a high-paying job with comfortable working conditions, you can still feel lousy if, for example, you have no responsibility and you never feel successful.

And vice versa - the fact that you receive recognition and understand that you are creating something valuable and worthwhile will not compensate for the fact that you are paid a penny for this, and the working conditions cannot be worse.

This theory will be especially useful for those who are responsible for the personnel in the company. Now you will understand why people, despite good conditions, still quit their jobs.

For those who are themselves dissatisfied with the work, this theory will help to find out what causes dissatisfaction and how to deal with it. And one more thing: if your friends, family or acquaintances complain about work, you will never tell them: “But you are paid so well there! You are mad with fat, stay. " And this can be very important for their future.

Greetings, my dears! It is among people and it is impossible not to communicate with them. Is it possible to make this communication comfortable, pleasant and useful? Can. But how can this be achieved? Today I want to tell you how to learn to understand people, human psychology, body language, how not to get lost in someone else's subconscious and where to start.

Into a strange monastery without its own charter

The first and foremost rule is not to impose your opinion on other people. You should not try to convince others, explain them wrong, insist on your truth. Remember one simple thing - each person has their own truth. Let's take an example.

Masha does not like rain very much, because it spoils her hairstyle, on which she spends a huge amount of time. And Petya waits every time for rain, like manna from heaven, because he is engaged in gardening.

And when Masha meets Petya and they have a conversation about the weather, they must quarrel because of their different attitude to the rain. Petya tries to convince Masha that rain is wonderful, and Masha is the opposite.

All our "I want, I can, I wish" are different from others. If you understand that each person looks at things from his own special angle, then you will understand the whole pointlessness of disputes, you will understand people better, and you will begin to listen to them.

It is our view of things that interferes with a better understanding of others. Each person has his own experience, a set of knowledge and situations. If you learn to throw it back, try to look at history through the eyes of the interlocutor, then there will be much more understanding between you.

I bring to your attention the book by Eric Berne “ People who play games. Games People Play". In it, you will find examples of various stories and situations that will help you understand why people and acquaintances do this and not otherwise.

Pantomime

Can you learn to understand people by their gestures? Easy. It takes some effort on your part, but nothing is impossible. Does it happen that you feel what your friend is thinking without further ado? Or do you understand from your eyes what your loved one wants to say?

Often, our body communicates much more information to others than our speech. When you look at a speaker, what are the signs that you understand that he is worried, nervous? Or the unconscious feeling that the other person is lying to you. Where does it come from?

To begin with, I suggest that you familiarize yourself with the article "". In it, you will find basic postures, learn to distinguish nervousness from shyness, and become better at understanding a person's sincere benevolence.

Watch yourself and your gestures. Sometimes introspection is great for understanding other people. Notice in which situations you are adopting closed poses. Try mirroring. The interlocutor has great sympathy for the person who sits in the same position as him. Only this should be unobtrusive and inconspicuous.

When you learn to understand a little about gestures and facial expressions, then the book by Alan and Barbara Pease will come in handy. New language body movements". In it you will find a huge number of examples, explanations and explanations.

Remember that it is not always possible to correctly understand a person with just one gesture. Try to look at the situation as a whole, look for additional little things that will help you pick up all the puzzles of the image of a person.

Maze

Sometimes it can be difficult to sort out your own thoughts, let alone other people. Very often I hear the phrase: I do not understand my loved one; I want to communicate easily and naturally, but it all comes down to misunderstanding.
To make communication pleasant and comfortable,

1. try not to teach others life,
2. do not give too much advice, especially when not asked for it,
3. do not insist that you are right (re-read the first part of the article),
4. do not ask unnecessary and inappropriate questions,
5. do not put the person in an uncomfortable position.

It all comes down to the fact that you need to be friendly and welcoming. I discuss this topic in more detail in the article "". Agree, it is always pleasant to communicate with a person who is smiling, affable and benevolent.

In the article "" I talk about several techniques that help to get what you want from any person. These techniques perfectly show how people react in a given situation. This will greatly help you in understanding human psychology.

What skills help in communicating with people? Do you know how to immediately determine that they are lying to you?

Learn to see the beauty in people. All the best!

We all know that, by nature, a person belongs to social beings, which means that he cannot live without communication with his own kind. Nevertheless, many in their lives are faced with the fact that they turn out to be understood by others, or they themselves do not understand them. Why does it happen that some people are always and everywhere waiting for the attention of others, love and respect, while others can only hope for this. The secret is simple - in the first case, people know how to understand others and react to them correctly, and in the second - not. Let's try to figure out together how to learn to understand people and win their sympathy.

What could be the reason why others do not accept you? First, you may not be in line with their idea of ​​how you should dress. Take a detached view and try to dress in a way that looks as simple as possible. It is very important to feel the difference between simplicity, tastelessness and cheapness.

Another reason could be yours. Surely you have long known the expression "Keep it simple and people will reach out to you", but how often have you tried this advice? Try to look into your soul and understand how easy or difficult it is for you to communicate with other people, how often during this communication do you experience difficulties, awkwardness? Try to give yourself an explanation for this state of affairs.

It may well be that you simply cannot admit to yourself that you do not know something. Instead of asking friends or colleagues about it, you prefer to remain silent so as not to seem like a stupid person to them.

Of course, no one can forbid you to remain silent, and after the conversation, immediately rush in search of the information you need. Your desire to get a new title can only be assessed as commendable, but there are much more rational and pleasant methods of gaining new knowledge. Just ask your interlocutor a question about what you do not know, and he, if he is an adequate person, will gladly help you figure it out.

Do not be afraid to talk, even if the topic you proposed seems empty or meaningless to you. Do not invent any complex topics for conversations if you are with friends. Such topics will appear on their own. It is better to start a conversation with some neutral topic than to ask some important question and carry on further conversation with awkward long pauses.

For the one who thinks about how to learn to understand people, there is a little trick: the interlocutors react more favorably to open and cheerful people. It should be emphasized separately that it is for the fun, and not for the clowns.

If you learn to express your point of view in conversations, at the same time you will not lose confidence in yourself, and on occasion defuse the situation with an appropriate joke, then very soon you will be able to become the soul of any company. You can verify this by the example of your acquaintances who enjoy a certain authority. Most likely, they do not need to do a headstand or something like that in order to gain the attention of the audience. As a rule, they are the most ordinary people who are able to defend their beliefs, as well as show friendliness and respect for others and their opinions. Try to master those of their techniques, thanks to which such people are able to better understand people.

It so happens that no matter how hard you try, try, you still fail, while others achieve positive results without making any effort at all. Watch them, it may well turn out that their secret lies in the fact that they behave naturally and at ease. Try to behave the same way: relax and be yourself. To do this, you do not need to change your views and beliefs, you just need to develop in yourself such a quality as.

The most important secret of how to learn to understand people is that you need to be able to put yourself in the place of another person in order to understand all his feelings, experiences and thoughts.

The great wisdom in life is understanding that you see and perceive the world differently than others perceive it. And the great task in life is to learn to understand people. After all, it is sometimes not so easy to understand a person.

How many times in your life, after communicating with someone, have you said to yourself or the people around you: “I can't believe what she said this” or “Why can't he understand that what he is doing is wrong? ”and so on, and so on.

Some of us go through life making decisions based on how we think - and no one else. We often act only on the basis of our ideas about how life should happen and how others should act or react to our words and deeds. And when things do not go our way, or the people around us do not act the way we think, this leads us to disappointment.

Imagine what your life would be like if you could accept or understand someone else's point of view. As a rule, in most cases we consider ourselves to be right in any situation. Sometimes we can still see a different point of view, but for the most part, the last word still remains with us.

Here are some tips to help you understand the other person's point of view.

• Realize that the other person has a strong belief that they are doing the right thing (although we may think they are just crazy). This is already a big step forward and will help you look at the situation from a different angle. There is nothing wrong with realizing that everyone else is also right in their own heads.

• Agree that other people have their own personal opinion and your way of doing things. Instead of thinking that only your path is right and that everyone else is wrong, acknowledge that others have their own path.

• Don't take it personally. It is very, very difficult, especially when we sort things out with our loved ones and family. The hardest part is getting over when someone around you seems to be deliberately hurting your feelings. You have to realize that this is their reality and that they may not really know how they make you feel.

• Therefore, do not assume that other people know how you feel. They don't know that. We can only assume that others are thinking about how their words or actions affect us.

• The way you see the world may be different from how others perceive it. We are all people with different views of the world. Understand that others have their own thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about situations that are different from ours.

• What if you spend a week just watching what is happening around you? Just become an observer of other people and their lives. Sounds simple, but it's an interesting practice to help you understand people better.

Building relationships with others and understanding people is one of the toughest challenges in life. This is not easy. Look at it this way - we are all part of a big family. We are all completely different and this makes life very interesting. Would it be interesting for you to live if you were surrounded only by your doubles?

If you can accept that we are all unique and that we all have differences, this will be the first step towards your personal freedom. This is not an easy task, but if you listen and try to understand people day after day, you will be on the path to a happy life.

Is it easy for you to understand people?