How to treat someone else's opinion. Own opinion - Psychology and self-development

We are satisfied with life when we love and waiting for loved ones and meaningful people. This dependence can be accepted as proper and "not scratching where it does not appear." And what if it does not give peace of public opinion? Learn yourself and make sure you are worthy of love and respect.

It would seem what the difference is that we think about how much we are beautiful, what we are dressed, what did you say or did? The famous once said: "I don't care what you think about me, because I don't think about you at all." Our contemporary American actress Cameron Diaz adheres to the same opinion, which declared that she would not care about someone else's opinion, and she would live her life as she wants her, and not to someone else.

People who are independent of someone else's opinion can be envied, but they are in the minority. Most need to approve others, sometimes even those who are not considered to them. In some way, this dependence in general acquires such a painful form that they need psychotherapist services. In particular, problems with the psyche has an actress Megan Fox, known for its phobias. Although, according to her, she often manage to not pay attention to the flows of lies, distributed about it by boulevard publications, nevertheless, once she said: "Believe me, I don't care what people think about me, ... After all, I'm not a robot "

Too depend on the opinion of the surrounding impressionable people with the vulnerable psyche, and especially young. Perhaps it will be easier for them when they learn about the "18-40-60" rule of the American psychologist Daniel Amann - the fact of many bestsellers, among whom "change your brain - life will change!". He assures his patients suffering from complexes, unsure of itself and overly dependent on other people's opinions: "At the age of 18, you are worried about what they think about you, in 40 you already don't care about it, and in 60 you understand that those who surround you Do not think at all. "

Where does this dependence come from someone else's opinion, the desire to like and deserve the words of approval sometimes even from strangers?

Of course, nothing bad is to charm the interlocutor, to make a favorable impression on it, no. After all, as they say, the "good word and a cat is nice."

We are talking about a friend: about cases when in the desire to like a person says not what he thinks, but the fact that others would like to hear from him; Dresses not as convenient, but as friends or parents impose him. Gradually, without noticing how, these people lose their individuality and cease to live their lives. How many fate did not take place due to the fact that the opinion of others was raised above his own!

Such problems have always existed - how much humanity exists. Another Chinese philosopher who lived to N. e., noticed: "Other people think about you, and you will forever remain their prisoner."

Psychologists say that dependence on someone else's opinion is peculiar primarily to people with low self-esteem. Why people do not appreciate themselves - this is another question. Perhaps their "treacherous" authoritarian parents or parents-perfectionists. Or maybe they have lost faith in themselves and their abilities due to the following failures. As a result, they begin to consider their opinions and feelings with not worthy of someone else's attention. I am experiencing that they will not respect them, take seriously, dispersed and rejected, they try to be "like everyone else" or be like those who, in their opinion, enjoys credibility. Before doing something, they ask themselves the question: "What do people think?"

By the way, all famous work A. Griboyedov "Woe from Wit", written in the 19th century, ends with the words of Famusov, who is not concerned about the conflict that happened in his house, but "What will the princess of Marya Alekseevna say?". In this work, the Famusovskogo society with his Hangees of morality is opposed by Chatsky - a self-sufficient person with his own opinion.

Let's say straight: depend on the opinions of others - bad, because people who do not have their own point of view relate to condescension, they are not considered with them and do not respect. And, feeling it, they suffer even more. In essence, they can not be happy, because they are constantly in a state of internal conflict. They are pursued by the feeling of dissatisfaction with themselves, and their spiritual torments repel people who prefer to communicate with those who are confident.

True, there is another extreme: their opinion, desires and feelings are put up above all. Such people live according to the principle: "There are two opinions - my and wrong." But this, as they say, "Already a completely different story."

Is it possible to learn not to depend on someone else's opinion?

As the secretary of the Veroral said from the film "Service Roman", if you wish, you can teach the hare. " And seriously, people underestimate their capabilities: they can a lot, including

1. Change yourself, that is, learn to be ourselves

And for this, first of all, a strong desire is necessary. Writer Ray Bradbury appealed to people: "You can get everything you need, if only you really need it."

Change yourself - it means to change the image of your thoughts. The one who changes his thinking will be able to change its life (if, of course, she does not suit him). After all, everything we have in life is the result of our thoughts, solutions, behavior in different situations. By making a choice, it is worth thinking that for us a forerunning life or the illusion of other people.

The artist known for its bright individuality said that the habit of being not like everyone else, and to behave differently, than the rest of the mortals, he developed in his childhood;

2. Control yourself

Have your opinion - does not mean not listening to someone else's. Someone may have greater experience or it is more competent in some questions. When making a solution, it is important to understand what it is dictated: its own needs or the desire to keep up with others, fear of not being white raven.

Examples when we make a choice, thinking that he is ours, and in fact for us all have already decided friends, parents, colleagues, many. The young man impose marriage, because "so necessary" and "it's time," because all friends already have children. A 25-year-old girl who is learning in the city, Mom asks for a vacation to bring at least some young man to the village, giving out her husband, because Mom is ashamed in front of her husband, that the daughter is still not married. People buy unnecessary things to them, arrange expensive weddings, only to match someone else's expectations.

By making choices and make a decision, it is worth asking yourself how much it matches our desires. Otherwise, it is easy to let to bring down your own life path;

3. Love yourself

The ideal is the concept of relative. What serves as an ideal for one may not be of any interest. Therefore, no matter how hard we tried, there will still be a person who condemns us. How many people, so many opinions - everyone likes it is impossible. Yes, I and "Not Chervonets, to like everyone," said some kind of literary hero.

So why spend mental forces on useless occupation? It's not better to look at yourself in order to finally realize how unique we are and worthy of our own love and respect! It is not about selfish self-examination, but about love for your body and your soul as a whole.

A person who does not like his home does not bring order in it and does not adorn him. The one who does not like himself does not care about its development and becomes uninteresting, so he has no own opinion and gives someone else's for its;

4. Stop thinking

Many of us exaggerate their importance in the life of others. A married colleague has a novel with an employee. This fact was not interested in this fact to discuss him more than a few minutes. But the employee seemed that everything was only talking about him. And indeed, he did not give everyone to all his species to the people about it: Krasnel, pale, stuttered and eventually quit, not withstanding, as he believed, the backstage conversations. In fact, his fate did not interest anyone, because each person is worried first of all their own problems.

All people are occupied first of all, and even if someone will put on socks different color, Sweater inside out, paints hair into a pink color, he will not be able to surprise them or attract their attention to him. Therefore, it is not worth depending on the opinions of others who are often completely indifferent;

5. Learn to ignore someone else's opinion if it is not constructive

Not criticize only the one who does not represent anything. The American writer Elbert Hubbrobe said that if you are bearing that you are criticized, "do nothing, say nothing and be nobody." And "be nobody" we do not want. So accept constructive criticism And we do not pay attention to the one with which we do not agree without giving it to determine our lives. The famous, referring to the graduates of Standford University, informed them: "Your time is limited, do not waste it, living a foreign life."

Someone else's successes and popularity often cause envy in people who crave them, but which are not enough mind, abilities, self-discipline to conquer them. Such people are called Haters, and they live on the Internet. They express their "hated" opinion in the comments, trying to break and force "to leave" those who, in their opinion, undeservedly got fame. And sometimes they succeed.

They love to criticize those wrote Oscar Wilde, who is not able to create something himself. Therefore, they are regrettable, and they should be dealt with the shares of irony and humor. As one familiar says, their opinion will not affect their account in the bank.

I have more than once and did not hear questions and reflections on the topic:

How to treat someone else's opinion?
Is it possible to ignore other people's opinions?
I strongly react to the estimates of others, I am dependent, it is probably bad ...

If you briefly follow the results of such reflections and disputes, it turns out that there are only several main points of view:

• On other people's opinions should not pay attention at all, they must be ignored. After all, getting into dependence on the assessments of other people, we make a huge harm for yourself.
• Ignore the views of others, show demonstrative independence - it means to be closed in yourself the egoist, for the fire of such!)) In addition, it also leads to bad consequences - after all, if a person cannot look at himself from the side, his bad qualities will only be exacerbated.
• We need a balance between pofigism and disclosed for other people's springs. Then you will not be especially upset due to negative opinions, but also do not miss any valuable information about yourself.

As an intelligent reader certainly is guessed (and others almost do not shy), I brought these glances only to express your own considerations on this topic. They are very simple. And, in my opinion, this approach completely removes the problem "how to relate to someone else's opinion."

Small retreat. For some reason, in us since childhood, the idea of \u200b\u200bthe importance of opinions is imposed. I know that the incomprehensible phrase, but otherwise you can not say. Everyone is confident that the opinion of Comrade A or Mr. B - damn important and meaning. Do not believe? And whether you have to hear phrase sort of these:

"We grew up, we had our own opinion" (proud)
"Maybe I'm not right, but this is my opinion!" (threatening)
"Everyone has their own opinion" (conciliatory)
"You wrote full nonsense, - masterpiece! This is my opinion!"

Agree, the subtext of each such phrase is "any opinion - a superstar thing", as if removing all the objections! Such thoughts in society are present, they are hardly in each of us. This is the cause of problems with fear, dependence on other people's opinions.

We will remember these conclusions and let's go further. We will conduct a mental experiment. Imagine that you took a dozen pieces, wrote on the first word "beautiful", on the second "pleasant", on the third "frozen" and so on. Then they folded the papers into the cap, they uttered the "weather today ..." - and at random pulling the piece of paper, read what is written there.

Is this an opinion? Why not? Where is the guarantee that the statements of other people you take to heart (or contemptively ignore) were born more worthy way, with bloody then souls and mind? BUT?

Alien opinion is only words. Words and nothing more.

If the opinion is not supported by powerful arguments - what is your business before it? It makes no sense to listen to it, it makes no sense to ignore. There is no point in reacting emotionally. Otherwise, it is necessary to react to the parrot of "Durrrrak!".

This is all the theory. We will deal with the practical side.

Situation 1.
A person is experiencing due to the fact that the surrounding low it is estimated.
What to do: calmly understand what is the reason for negative opinions. Relate with your own values \u200b\u200band priorities. Option A: A person finds a flaw. Option B: A person understands that the reason is due to the fact that he himself considers advantage. In the first case, it is necessary to attach the efforts of software, in the second - to remain yourself, without reacting to others.

Situation 2.
A person is experiencing due to the fact that they are unhappy with those who are expensive to him, and whose opinion is important for him.
What to do: calmly, without emotion to talk perfoiting, discuss the details and reasons for claims.

The main thing in such affairs is to be frank with yourself.

By the way, very often we endure a judgment for others - "This mumper hates me" (just once looked at Kosos), "This man thinks that I am a stretching" (and in fact he just considers all women with a stretchable of all women regardless of business grip).

Other people's glances at you and in general on all the ways are only important in two cases:
A) when they correctly reflect the actual state of affairs (is it so, is detected by calm analysis)
B) When they change the behavior of this person, through it affecting your life.
Very often we incorrectly appreciate the perception of themselves by other people. (Because we treat it emotionally and biased)

Hello, dear readers! Again with you Irina and Igor. Sometimes using words in which it is sometimes no meaning, people may just harm themselves and others others. Daily ever makes us listen to the opinion of other people's people, evaluate themselves from a foreign point of view, and sometimes it is completely obeyed.

It is clear that the opinion of other people should respect each of us, but sometimes does not interfere and just ignore it. Today in our article we will try to figure out how much to treat someone else's opinion.

What threatens it?

Being in society, to avoid any estimates from the outside of the surrounding in no way.

Examples when people try to influence you with their opinion or taste, a lot in life.

For example, you went to the store buy a new outfit. Chose and wait for the seller to bring it to fitting it. On the path, the seller captured another outfit, having decided on himself that he was the "hit of the season" and quite suit you.

Touching along the way both the outfit, looking at himself in the mirror from the head to the legs, you doubt the choice, and at this moment hear the seller's words: "Everything is sits on you stunning!" As a result, you decide to acquire both outfits, respectively spend more money than you planned initially.

At the coming home you will be able to upset the outfit acquired on the Seller's advice. And why? Because the choice was made for you by another person, and you just listened to someone else's opinion that could not always be true.

Why are we listening to others?

When we grow, we look at the world through the eyes of our parents, then educators, and when we go to school, then we put the true teacher on the path. We are talking about life, how to behave in it correctly to live in society that you need to listen to the opinions of the elders, etc.

When we grow up, we strive to become independent and purposeful, but some of us still live on other people. For example, girls who find girlfriends whose opinion is particularly important for them. And guys often advised with fathers or senior brothers about how to do it.

It is worth noting that listening to other people's advice does not always mean the absence of one's own opinion.

But blind obedience to other people's decisions or installation of someone else's opinion above their interests will not benefit you. Also, if we are listening to each assessment from the side, we can harm themselves.

On the other hand, if not to take into account other people's assessments, advice or opinions, it is possible to get into a difficult situation, "Purpose" or miss the best opportunities.

It is important to have a balance between its independence and the opinion of other people. To listen to some of them, at the same time be able to dispose of them correctly, ignoring only unnecessary tips or statements for you.

Alien opinion - just words

Getting an opinion that is not confirmed by any facts or expert assessment, we just ignore it, let us understand that it is "to the light bulb." Especially when such an opinion is pronounced by a person who has not been interested in, what he thinks on this issue.

As the numerous experiments of psychologists show, on a parrot parrot "Fool", our reaction based on emotions occurs mechanically. Itself, realizing that it is not worth paying attention to this, we simply skip it past the ears.

But when the same word shines a person, we are not so easy to miss these words. As practice shows, most people take to heart underestimation of others.

In such cases, it is necessary to understand negative actions from others to evaluate its values \u200b\u200band priorities. Attach every effort to raise your own opinion about the assessment of yourself, trying not to take into account the thoughts of all in a row.

On the other hand, the moments often occur, where a person is experiencing about the low estimate of those who are expensive to him. Thoughts that they are dissatisfied in this case should be discussed with close in a relaxing atmosphere, to discuss everything and solve all the accumulated problems for you.

When we calmly analyze the situation, the right position of things is restored by itself in our consciousness. It is important to understand that you should not take any words of others to be close to the heart, especially unfamiliar to you, people. Most often they are dictated only by their mood, but by no means reality.

Learn to produce your own opinion, and learn to defend it, and not to grasp the first collision of opinions with another person. For this you, first of all, should in yourself.

In this you can help the book of Alice Muriri "Self confidence. Book for work on yourself " .

But at the same time, you should not reject the opinion of the loved ones or the professional opinion of people sledging in one area or another. Analyze your position, as well as new information given to you by competent people, and twist it in a new component.

On the other hand, if you are confident in the correctness of your actions, then argue your point of view, you may already reconsider our views.

And how do you feel about other people's opinions? Do you often listen to it? Or prefer to be guided only by your thoughts? Tell us in the comments to this article. See you soon!

Sincerely, Irina and Igor

Listen to other people's opinions good habitwhich allows you to not close in your own egoism and often even get better. But sometimes this quality passes through some kind of invisible line and becomes painful and unpleasant phenomenon. An alien view can bring spiritual flour, and some particularly persistent personalities can even manage to dictate our will. In such a situation there is no longer anything good, and if you fell into it or are afraid to get, it means that you need to strengthen your "protective barriers" and resist public and personal pressure.

Do not act from the other

If you want to stop depending on someone else's opinion, you can assume that the easiest way will not pay attention to it. This is not a good move, because ignore other people's opinions - the same mistake, as they completely depend on them. Try filtering each opinion that you think has an impact on you.

First, think what is trying to make a person who imposes this opinion to you. Why does he do that? He really wants to submit you to his will, is acting so always because of his character - or just it seemed to you that this opinion was obsessively? In any case, be sure to reflect on what you wanted to tell you and what can be learned from this message. If this is a criticism, then it will certainly have a reasonable grain that you can with benefit to wrap in the next step of self-development. If a person simply spoke emotionally in the hearts, then perhaps he needs your support.

Teach water style

If other people have a strong influence on you, then the likelihood is that it is difficult for you to refuse. So you need to learn how to say "no". Easy to say, it is not easy to do! Try to be confident and do not deny the go to the right and left. At the same time, it is not necessary to soften the form of failure. Act how the Japanese come since ancient times: first instead of "no" tell me: "I'll think about it." And then type courage and refuse to truly prepare weighty arguments. If you make it face to face it will be still difficult, then use the "electronic intermediary", that is, make your refusal to an email or message in the messenger. At the same time, it will be possible to paint the cause of their refusal on the points and intelligently, and not to pick up words, painfully blushing from awkwardness.

Study, study and study again!

So that no one could affect your opinion, train in how to make it yourself. For example, write critical reviews and reviews on everything you see, hear and attend. Films, books, performances are obvious, and you can still write a review on a new employee, repair in your apartment best friend Or even "review" on the stupid dog of your neighbor. All this contributes to the formation of critical thinking and the appearance of self-confidence, because if you are accustomed to search for arguments for reviews and reviews, it is easy to find them in the usual conversation. If you easily convince other people's arguments in conversations, then express your opinion first, then no one can change it. And you can always note the valuable findings of others during their story.

Uniqueness of snowflake

To express his opinion on a par with someone, it is important to love yourself as you like. Do not detain my own personality, feel free to and try to realize that all people are different, so your opinion is exactly as valuable as the opinion of another person. Of course, there are cases when the opinion of another person will be more valuable than yours. For example, if you work for your post for just a couple of months, and with you on professional topic Proves the pro with a ten years of experience, which in this specialty a dog ate. But in this situation, it is not necessary to worry, because if this pros is really such a good specialist, it will always be opened to someone else's opinion and will not allow ridicule over other people's mistakes. Do not be afraid to express your opinion if it contradicts the opinion of the majority. Remember about the uniqueness of every person and every opinion, then there will be no problems with this issue.

Look for positive

The most important enemy of a person, over which someone else's opinion is, is not so much uncertainty in itself, how much the tendency to think. Many people exaggerate their mistakes and failures in the life of others, they are afraid to seem stupid or frivolous, although in fact almost everyone surrounding in five minutes and think will forget about your most terrible failure and more docked on themselves. If you really got into a situation where your feedback was not just wrong, but even stupid, and you led the weighty arguments in favor of this, then do not despair and do not lose. Mix over yourself the first, wrap everything in a joke - and everyone will have an impression about you like a light and pleasant person, and not as about

How much does our own opinion depend on the opinions of people around us? Since life in society involves communicating with other people, the will of the unilietes have to listen to what they also speak about us. Some, listen to the words of the elected people, the so-called authorities, others pay attention to the oblique look of the passerby, and for whom? The most important thing is the point of view of loved ones.

The degree of dependence on someone else's opinion is different. And this degree largely determines human behavior. Those people who are able to adequately respond to comments, opinions of others and extract the necessary information from them deservedly be called independent and confident. And, on the contrary, if a person is not able to defend his opinion, constantly relies only to the opinion of others, before anything, most likely, brighted, is closed and not confident.

To understand how to treat the opinion of others, you need to understand several points:

What is an opinion and how it is formed.
What impact on us is the opinion of the surrounding people.
What goals can persecute a person trying to instill his point of view.

Opinion is in more than Vision or assessment of the situation in one way or another. Each of us adds its assessment on the basis of its own or borrowed experience, knowledge, skills. Consequently, everyone judges in moderation that he managed to find out for his life, as well as on the basis of his personal beliefs and character traits. Consequently, its own nameless person cannot be considered the only true and correct, and cannot be imposed in the form of axioms to other people.

It should also be remembered that the environment of a person consists not only of the goodwires (parents, friends, friends and simply good people) who are not always, but can give helpful advice, expressing my opinion. People are also included in the circle of our communication (enemies, envious, competitors ...) whose opinion and whose advice can harm us. Often they pursue their goals, wanting that we enrolled in a certain way. Surely everyone knows what manipulation is man?! Words, phrases, expressions - this is the main power of the manipulator. He must be touched by the most secret structures that make us make in response or other actions.

Every one is clear that friends wish us good, and the enemies are bad. But does these desires always give the relevant result? Of course not. The opinion of others, albeit very close, not always can be pleasant and not always useful and truthful. For example, a mother, overly guarding his child from good motives, tries to protect him from everything bad, get rid of difficulties and trouble. The child perceives it as proper, parents always do everything well and right. As a result, a non-independent child grows, unable to solve any problems independently, which to the old age will hide behind the mother's skirt.

It does not matter, a positive or negative opinion you had a chance to listen. It is important to think about it, weigh everything for and against and draw conclusions. After all, if it is said, it means there were some reasons, the factors of the opinion. Listening stands to any opinion, listen and draw conclusions: good or bad. But the defining should be their own opinion - it is precisely it should play a decisive role. And if it turns out to be erroneous, then you need to be able to rebuild and make your opinion on the opinions of others and already on the basis of it to make a decision. If you do not want to offend a person close to you, although you consider his judgments and suggestions erroneous, you can agree with them, but to do in your own way.