How to deal with yourself. How to maximally succeed in understanding yourself in different areas of life

The most dangerous lie can be considered the deception of yourself. The worst thing is that a person misleads himself is not deliberately, but because it simply cannot sort it up. He goes through life in the wrong direction, risking at any time to be disappointed in itself and other people. Such a person is very often working on an unloved job, lives in no comfortable environment and feels someone else in his own campaign. Still, how to sort out yourself? How to find your calling? How to understand which way to move? Answers to these questions have long been given by professional psychologists and wise people. This article contains the most effective recommendations.

If these thoughts are increasingly starting to visit someone, then he really needs to do with self-analysis. Positive in this moment is at least insignificant, but the insight. It turns out something wrong! It is better than empty wandering in an unpromising direction.

After all, self-deception is dangerous that it is difficult to recognize. But, if the problem is found, it should be proceeded to its immediate solution. The following are the advice on how to deal with yourself, and save time to implement their true goals.

1. Take yourself a present.

The problem of most people is that they are difficult for them as they are. Perhaps not fairly steep or rich, not able to sing nicely or dance, not understanding anything in business, etc. Many with perseverance, worthy of the ram, knock on the closed doors that they will not open. Often, a person cannot accept himself not only because of his convictions, but also under the onslaught of the surrounding people.

For example, a hereditary general in the third knee completely refuses to listen to that his beloved grandson wants to become a musician. Here is a child since childhood and learn to play war, although it comes out somehow not convincing. Over time, he even begins to believe in his army calling. To the nearest war. And there, he and his colleagues are already quickly aware that the grandfather became mistaken. Just hardly have time to fix it. And if the toughever baby still found the time to sort out himself, it was possible and he himself became famous, and the platoon would not be substituted.

2. Take a personal diary.

Sometimes reading about the fate of other people happens for someone more interesting than. In this case, you can take advantage of a small psychological cunning. Just start your own, where to start writing all your thoughts, plans and events in life. When the number of records accumulate, it should be started to read it from the very beginning, as if about another person. Look at your own life from the side. After all, it is sometimes much easier to understand yourself, presenting yourself as an independent viewer than in its own skin.

3. Recall your children's interesting dreams.

Since B. early years Life man is most sincere in front of himself and the surrounding people, then childhood memories are capable of telling a lot. If an obsessive phrase sounds in the head "I can not understand yourself", you can bother time a little back, before the period, when everything was more specific and understandable. It was bad or good, bright or dark, like it or dislike.

E. if they dreamed of becoming an astronaut, they did it from all soul. And even though he matured, already soberly appreciate that the cosmonaut would not work, all the same in the adjacent direction. From graphic designer drawing spaceships, Before the musician sowing about the conquest of Star Fali. The main thing is to allocate that the very "highlight" from which the heart begins to fight rapidly and make it with his "guiding star."

It is realistic to compare your own I want and can understand the presence of those qualities that are necessary for the realization of the cherished goal. For example, if someone wanted to be a prince on a white horse, then at least he should buy a horse. Well, the pedigree is already more difficult. Although, for money, you can at least direct the descendant of Julia Caesar himself on the grandmother's line to become. And with the relevant record in the birth certificate.

4. Take advantage of the prompts over.

Even mature, people feed weakness to the possibility of shifting on others for their lives. On parents, wives and husbands, on the heads and public figures. Well, in the most intimate issues - to the highest forces with which, as many people believe, can be contacted through all sorts of divination and forecasts. A pretty busy way to understand yourself and at the same time not to engage in long self-analysis - astrology, chiromantia, tarot cards and other occult chips.

Thoughtlessly follow their advice to akin to a crime over himself, but to see some kind of prompt. Still, these teachings were formed by the most intelligent representatives of the genus of human. They collected knowledge about, human physiology, its most intimate desires and hopes. So, general patterns that allow predicting certain moments can be very believable. And this is already at least some landmark in life, if I got down from the course and absolutely you do not know where to move on.

5. Analyze your hobby.

Many people cannot understand themselves because they do not hear their inner voice. It is muffled by the morals of the surrounding, fashion trends of modernity, obsessive public opinion, etc. Therefore, we sometimes choose inappropriate work, we go with inappropriate friends in unsuitable institutions. In general, we live an exemplary life of someone else's person. How to sort out yourself in this case? The answer is simple - ! In their hobbies, most people are still free.

It is in them that we can build the occupation to which we have a vocation. It can radically differ from our exemplary social appearance. There are often cases when huge peasants collect butterflies or make origami. Just do not advertise it, because such a passion is faintly fit into their brutal appearance. At the same time, it is immersed in favourite hobby They truly find themselves.

How to sort out yourself? The question is not the most difficult! More difficult - to have courage to hear yourself and accept the answer, even if it is quite unexpected. After all, the farther in the debrist is the driving traveler, it is necessary to make a maneuver's cardinal to get out of them. Here, not many are really capable of such an act. But, this is already the topic of another publication.

There are scientific evidence that people who are aware of themselves are more successful and happier than others. They take more reasonable solutions, more often achieve high results in their studies and at work, more actively show creative abilities, it is better to build relationships with others, more correctly educate children.

With all this, the lack of self-awareness often leads to completely catastrophic consequences. Here are just some of them: an unloved job, an unsuccessful marriage, destroyed career, no close friends, loss of life.

Fortunately, each of us is able to learn deeply to realize yourself. The author of the book "Insait", psychologist Tasha Eirich recommends to start to answer a number of questions.

What are your values?

Think what is truly important for you in life, from which principles you would never have refused. Your values \u200b\u200bdetermine what kind of person you want to be. You should be guided in all your actions. This landmark will always help take the right decision, make a difficult choice, stay on the right path and maintain the inner harmony.

More often checked with your inner compass -

The following questions will help you deal with your values:

1. What values \u200b\u200bwere you in childhood? Do you accept them today, or they (some of them) contradict your current beliefs?
2. What experiences and events from childhood and youth do you consider the most important? How did they affect your worldview?
3. Are there people on whom you equal in professional and personal life? Why do you think they deserve respect?
4. To whom you are not experiencing any respect? Why?
5. Which of your bosses you could call the best leader in your life, and whom the worst? Justify the answer.
6. What qualities you would like to see in your children most, and what are the least?

To achieve more high level self-awareness, make a list of value reference points (in a notebook or on a separate sheet that you can hang on the refrigerator) and periodically checked to what extent your actions reflect these principles. For example, Benjamin Franklin rated his actions daily, taking this list of virtues:

Abstinence, silence, love for order, determination, thrift, hard work, sincerity, justice, moderation, cleanness, calm, chastity, modesty.

What are your hobbies?

Do what you love -

Here are some more questions that will help you analyze your hobbies:

1. How do you imagine your perfect day? What makes you jump out of bed in the morning?
2. What don't you get bored to do?
3. What activity causes you unpleasant feelings?
4. If you retire tomorrow, would you miss your work?
5. What classes do you like most? What exactly do you attract them?

If you have a lot of hobbies, write everything on separate cards than you like to do. Shoot them, ponder and look for regularities until you feel that they spoiled your way. Think how to turn your hobby into a profession.

Why are you striving for?

Steve Jobs somehow said: "I want to leave a trace in the universe." What are you dreaming about?

Remember: the process is much more important than the result. Having achieved something from the list of purposes, you can disappoint, and wide aspirations will charge you with energy every day. Determine them, responding to the following questions:

1. Who did you dream of becoming in childhood? What attracted you in this activity?
2. Do you find satisfaction in what are you doing now? Does this mean? Do you have feelings that you do not have enough of something?
3. Re-read the lists of your values \u200b\u200band hobbies, but imagine that there were an outsider. What do you think he would like to experience or do during life?
4. If you were reported that in a year you will not be, what would you do the next 12 months?
5. What would you like to leave after yourself?

What is your ideal environment?

Imagine an introvert that every day has to contact with a huge number of people. Or a sociable person forced for a long time to deal with projects alone. Domaeda traveling by numerous business trips. And someone who cannot live without traveling, but trying to accept gray office weekdays. Creative personality, whose ideas constantly reject the boss. And a good artist, from which creativity requires.

All these people cannot fully realize their potential because they found themselves in an unfavorable environment.

Find a lesson in the shower is not all, because any business can turn into a nightmare if you work in unsuitable conditions. Wednesday must not interfere, but help you. Therefore, it is necessary to create such an atmosphere at which you feel the most productive and happy.

Finding suitable conditions for themselves, we achieve more smaller efforts -

If you understand what your ideal environment is, it will be easier for you to make important solutions: in which city to live, where to look for work, from which offers to immediately refuse, what people are surrounding. Answer the following questions to understand what conditions are suitable for you:

1. Under what conditions did you manage to work as efficiently in the past?
2. What approach to learning or what is the situation helped (help) you better absorb the material?
3. Have you ever dismissed due to the unsuitable working conditions? What exactly did not suit you?
4. How do you imagine the perfect working environment?
5. What relationship and social situations give you pleasure?

Whatever the speech (house, work, study), the main criterion for evaluating the conditions is the level of your energy. If you feel cheerful and happy - everything is in order. If the end of the day is weak and hold on to the last strength, it's time to think about changing the situation.

What are your reactions?

Try to identify your patterns - thoughts, feelings and actions peculiar to you in different situations. How you used to react to the worldmay tell a lot about your personality. But more importantly, you are able to keep track of negative behaviors and correct them.

If you shout every day on your colleagues, it means that you have formed a pattern of irritability. If you constantly throw complex projects halfway, it is likely that you are in front of difficulties. If you are never happy with the results of your work, perhaps you spoils life a perfectionist habit of criticizing yourself. Finding such problems, you will understand what you need to work to become better.

Self-awareness is a premise for self-improvement, -

Tracking your reactions, you can find not only the shortcomings, but also the advantages that were not even suspected about. For example, suddenly it turns out that in extreme conditions you have non-serve leadership skills. Definitely know their strengths Also very useful.

As you already understood, it is necessary here not to think so much how much just watch yourself. But first will answer the following questions, they will push you in the right direction.

We are looking for advantages:
1. What have you always been given without much effort and preliminary training?
2. What, in your opinion, are you doing faster and better than the rest?
3. What work charges you with energy and increases your productivity?
4. What work causes you a sense of pride?
5. Which of your achievements turned out to be the most unexpected for you?

We are looking for disadvantages:
1. Remember the largest failures in your life. What unites them?
2. What disappointed you most of all?
3. What criticism do you usually hear from others?
4. What kinds of activity are you afraid of all?
5. Over what the features of your character knows often let go of jokes?

How does your behavior affect other people?

Anything we talked about so far requires concentration on yourself. However, it is equally important to understand how other people perceive us. Often we repel our behavior of friends, relatives, acquaintances, not even guessing about it.

To build deep and strong relationships with people, learn to look at the situation from someone else's point of view, -

When you still want to strictly count the colleague for an error in the report, it is loud to indignant the work of the hotel administrator, express claims to the waiter or reproach your partner in indifference, stop and try to imagine what they feel and think. Is the guise of these people great to punish them an angry Tiraja? What emotions they will experience if you can not resist? How would this situation see this situation?

Such a switching of vision focus will help you avoid multiple errors and change the behavior to the better. Answer a few questions as the first step:

1. What people in personal and professional life are most important for you (colleagues, executives, customers, friends, children, spouses and so on).
2. How do you want to look in the eyes of these people?
3. Remember how you communicated with all these people last week. Is your behavior always influenced them as you wanted?
4. What was your acquaintance reaction? Try to remember phrases, intonation, facial expressions, gestures. Did you expect this exactly? If not, how could you adjust your actions to improve mutual understanding?
5. Over what behavioral habits can you start working tomorrow to influence others as desirable?

There are two types of self-awareness: internal and external. The first is associated with understanding itself, its values, aspirations, suitable conditions and reactions. If you begin to make a choice, consistent with your true me, then you will feel much happier - both at work and in personal life.

The second type of self-awareness implies that you see yourself from the side, that is, you understand how others perceive you. Possessing this skill, you can build stronger and healthy relationships with other people.

There is no dependence between the inner and external self-awareness, they are even in contradiction. Surely you know people loaned on themselves who do not know how to receive feedback and do not understand how their behavior actually looks like. Others, on the contrary, are too concentrated on what they will think about others, and completely forget about their own interests. Truth, as always, in the middle. Harmony is possible only when you develop both types of self-awareness.

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On average, about five thousand thoughts sweep in the man's head in the man, and some of them are unconsciously. Most often, obsessive thoughts are spinning in the head due to some experiences, events. People scroll them into the head again and again. This stream can be stopped, choose what to think about yourself and how to perceive the situation if the life step has come, on which it is not clear what to do next where to go.

Specialists in the field of psychology say that for self-development and self-analysis it is useful to ask questions to themselves. Sometimes it is worth stopping and thinking, to decide on your desires, purposes. If you do not pay attention to understand yourself, the sense of individuality weakens. Further, the person begins to succumb to someone else's influence and lead a lifestyle that gives away from its main goal.

Personal questions:

• "What are the five words describe me as a person? »This will allow you to define key characteristics.
• "What are my shortcomings? "Most often people are concentrated on trying to get rid of flaws. They just need to take, they are all without exception.
• "Do I like to risk? "This will determine the relation to uncertainty.
• "What are my strengths? "When a person is aware of all his strengths, he begins to build his life most productively, including a personal sphere.
• "What distinguishes me from the rest? "That is exactly the exceptional qualities, quirks, ideas that distinguish one person from the other.
• "What am I lying about and why? "Sometimes we yourself. To understand yourself and solve problems, you need to talk to myself the truth.
• "What films, show and books I love? »An analysis of the answer will allow you to better understand yourself as a person.
• "Do I accept responsibility for my mistakes or looking for guilty? "Accusing others in your mistakes, people begin to stick in place. Acceptance of responsibility for your life will speed up the process of achieving the goal, and the ability to forgive will allow to release difficult situations.
• "If my house is in fire, what three things I save? "Having answered this question, you can understand how to have affection and what are you doing happier.
• "What should happen so that I start to live truly? "Most lives as if their life is a draft.
• "What am I avoiding? »You should look at your eyes in the eye.
• "I easily feel the feeling of guilt? "Some individuals are inclined to blame only blame themselves in all the troubles of mankind. It's time to let go of an unpleasant feeling.

Questions related to the career:

• "In what environment can I work more comfortable? "It is necessary in order to determine the perfect working environment.
• "Does competition motivating me? "Some competition is pushing to achieve the goal.
• "What is more important than a family or career? "This is a defining lifestyle factor.
• "My productivity is higher in the morning or in the evening? »Success directly depends on the lifestyle. To make your life more productive, you need to decide on biorhythms.
• "What word I use more often," yes "or" no "? "If" yes ", then this means the inability to deny the fact that public priorities are above their own. There is no desire to work at the weekend - it means you should learn to refuse.
• "Is a person patient? »This factor determines whether enough effort to achieve a goal or not.
• "Who and what inspires me? "The answer to this question will help in solving the problem of the creative crisis.
• "Who and what delets me? "Restricting contact with these things or people, one can increase its productivity.
• "I feel more comfortable to be alone or in the company? "This question concerns and work: you need to understand where it is more comfortable, in public or in your office.

How to understand that a sense of love arose?

Love is not only wonderful feelingThat praised the artists, writers and poets at all times. This is also a number of biochemical reactions in the human body. If a woman is difficult to understand his feelings for a particular man, she should listen to her body.Some organism reactions are signs of love caused by raising the level of certain hormones:

1. 1. At the sight of a person to which there are feelings, a rapid heartbeat occurs. This is caused by an increase in adrenaline. Palm becomes sticky and sweaty.
2. 2. The following sign is obsessive thoughts. This is involved in a reduction in the hormone serotonin. Memories and ideas begin to emerge spontaneously, any item reminds about the beloved.
3. 3. If the girl seems to be her guy is perfect, it speaks of love. There is a loss of appetite, insomnia, euphoria - manifestations of the level of dopamine. It is this hormone that is responsible for addiction.
4. 4. Another hormone of love is oxytocin. It contributes to the preservation of feelings for a long time.

The longer relationship, the greater the recession of hormones. Therefore, these signs are relevant at the beginning, over time they become less pronounced.

"If life does not seem to be huge joy, then this is just because your mind is falsely directed." Lev Tolstoy

If something goes wrong in our life, as I would like, we have a desire to sort it yourself. We want to understand ourselves and determine our aspirations in crisis situations when you need to make a difficult choice, decide on the future plans, evaluate your feelings in relation to a potential satellite of life. However, the ability to understand itself and your thoughts will be useful not only for exceptional or complex situations. Without a deep understanding of itself, its true goals and personal meaning of life is impossible effective self-development.

To understand yourself, first you need to accept the fact that only we are responsible for our lives, we ourselves create ourselves, and each of our deed defines our future. Exaggerate the role of circumstances - it means to look for excuses to your errors or inaction, it means to shift responsibility on other people or higher forces. Awareness of responsibility for your life is the first step towards accepting and understanding yourself.

There are many interesting ways Understand yourself and your desires, and everyone can choose the most appropriate:

1. Diary or blog. Regular fixation of thoughts helps to determine their true desires and needs, arrange priorities, and at the same time learn how to competently formulate thoughts and express your opinion.
2. Lists. If there is no desire to record thoughts daily, you can focus on drawing up a list. For example, the list "I want", in which you can write everything, what we dreamed of in childhood and still dream now. It is important to record everything in a row, even though the exercise of the desire is at the moment there is no possibility. The more the list "I want", the better. After a detailed study of the list, you can start gradually move to the designated desires. Another version of the list: "What would happen if ...", as a continuation, you can choose what seems to be the most significant event, for example: "... if I had a huge inheritance" or "... if I had to live only six months" . If, after analyzing the list, we understand what we wish the cardinal changes, it means that now we are not in our place or not with that person we need. This does not mean that you need to change everything sharply, but it is necessary to pay attention to this and gradually take steps towards the desired changes.
3. Meditation helps to distract from everyday bustle, stop the thoughts, plunge into yourself and focus on their desires and needs. The choice of a method of meditation is very individual. But first, you can choose one of those that focuses on self-observation and reflection.
4. Travels. Often, on the journey it is easier for us to look at your life with different eyes, as if it were not us, but a stranger, who hears the history of our life from the side. Especially important in the journey to change the situation and relax from the daily oversaturation of information. If there is no opportunity for a long journey, you can take a day off among working week, disable gadgets and go to nature to be alone.
5. Books and films. Stories from films or books often pushing us on much deeper reflections than it would seem. You can analyze, for example, to whom we sympathize from the heroes, and whose position we categorically do not accept. Why? What would we do in a situation that has developed from a one or another hero?
6. The exit from the comfort zone is always in some way to overcome yourself, a violation of the usual actions and stereotypical thinking, that is, we still stand in the face of uncertainty, and therefore we see ourselves in a completely new light.