Why people gossip. How to work with people who gossip

Each of us has become the object of gossip at least once. Moreover, rumors and gossip are a topic of conversation in many companies and teams.

Absolutely everyone is gossiping, despite the fact that all of us have been taught from childhood that it is impossible to talk about someone behind his back. Despite this, nothing stops us before the temptation to tell all the friends at the party about how your mutual friend spent a lot of money on a ticket that she successfully lost, or about a friend who fell into a puddle. Of course, harmless conversations will not do anything bad. However, gossip and intentional negative rumors can be a real problem.

Why do we gossip

Reason one: pathological, innate interest in someone else's life. It's in our blood, so it's almost impossible to get away from it. We're just wondering how others will react to what you know or don't know about a person. This also applies to the stars of show business, to whom all the media attention is riveted for this very reason.

Reason two: the desire to humiliate a person. Everyone has enemies, in a war against which all methods are good. Rumors that spread about you almost always come from an ill-wisher. Even whispering about your successes can be in trouble. For example, general envy.

Reason three: dullness of the surrounding world. Sometimes we get bored - that's when the gossip flows like a river. When the topics of conversation end, the time for gossip begins, which can kill fatigue and boredom for a while.

Reason four: desire to impress. Perhaps this is the most common reason for gossip and talk about someone behind his back. Let's say you are in a noisy company or on a date with someone you like. Interesting rumors can make you a good conversationalist, because a funny story about how someone from mutual acquaintances lost an apartment in a casino is always interesting to any person. Sometimes for the sake of such a goal, rumors can be purposefully spread by the person himself. But in this case, they, of course, will embellish reality.

Reason five: increased self-esteem. By spreading rumors about someone's misfortune, we can see from the outside our life, which is not as bad as that of someone who has lost all his fortune, family, or fell ill with a rare disease.

How does it feel about gossip

It doesn't matter what they say about you. If people talk about you, it means that you are interesting to others. Do not have a negative attitude to the fact that someone is discussing you, because all people are different. The gossip invented by third parties may be the result of your feud, or it may be just someone's empty speculation. With conversations behind your back, you need to fight only if a loved one has been turned against you.

Even so, remember that no amount of unconfirmed information can kill love or sincere respect, so just ignore the gossip. The best lesson for gossipers is that your life hasn't been made worse by their empty words. Anyone can spend time with much greater benefit. One of these ways we

Ecology of consciousness. Psychology: Gossip .... the word is unpleasant, although it seems like just talking about others ... But no, the word gossip tells us that it is something unpleasant. None of us likes it when they talk about us behind our back, when they come up with something that is not there, when they discuss us. Why do people gossip if it's unpleasant?

Why do people gossip if it's unpleasant?

Gossip .... the word is unpleasant, although it seems to be just a conversation about others ... But no, the word gossip tells us that this is something unpleasant. None of us likes it when they talk about us behind our back, when they come up with something that is not there, when they discuss us.

Why do people gossip if it's unpleasant?

Let's try to figure it out.

Here are three friends sitting in a cafe and talking sweetly about their men, clothes. And it seems that all three of them are very frank with each other and close. And then one of them says: "Okay, I have to go, I have to run to work and then pick up the child." The other two kiss and say goodbye to her, and then:

The fun begins. They begin to wash all the bones of the friend who left. And what is she doing wrong with her husband, and that she is not dealing with a child and that the last dress did not suit her very much and in general she recovered! What for? They're friends, aren't they? After all, everything that is wrong, according to the law of friendship, can be said in person and help a friend become better!

Or another story: Four bosom friends from a school bench are sitting over glasses of beer. They are already 40 years old and their life is very strong at the moment, both territorially and financially. And now, having gathered all together once a month, they communicate nicely, but as soon as someone leaves early, the fun begins.

So the one who is the richest at the moment left and away we go. The three remaining comrades are sitting and rubbing about how lucky he is that he himself would not have been able to do this, but with the women he has a complete failure and his belly has grown more than everyone else. The one who recently changed the car left and the rest begin to discuss that he chose the cars in general g ... but .... And so on. What for?

REASONS and USEFULS of Gossip for bashing:

1. A way of structuring time. There is nothing to do, there is not enough brightness in life, and you can brightly and emotionally discuss someone else's life. There is an element of belonging to this life and a feeling of greater fullness of life.

2. Increasing "self-esteem" by devaluing the other. In gossip, they always talk about the absent as something that is not so, inappropriate, the worst in something. Accordingly, those who say THEY are EXACTLY EXCELLENT in something they are talking about. They are definitely better, superior, more successful in this. You lower the other and look higher against its background)

3. A way to gain respect, attention and love through the position of the Victim. old story here it is, but we were just not lucky, you respect me and other versions of this idea. He cried in comparison with the lucky one and seemed to justify himself and got the attention and respect of the audience.

As can be understood from the above points - these are curves of ways to meet the needs for brightness, self-esteem, love and acceptance.

And how to make it so that there was no point in gossiping?

only WORK on YOURSELF and your LIFE:

1. Realistically assess your life in all areas at the moment from 1 to 10. And if some areas are lame - admit it to yourself.

2. Set goals for yourself to improve those areas of life that are lame.

3. Start taking real steps to improve and develop your life in all areas on the way to your ideal 100%.

It’s strange, but you’ll have neither time nor sense left for gossip. Since you will be busy with a fulfilling life of your own. published byIf you have any questions on this topic, ask them to the specialists and readers of our project .

“Gossip is an unfriendly or defamatory rumor about someone spread on the basis of false, inaccurate and fabricated information. It is a shame to endure gossip and believe them "- explanatory dictionary Ushakov.Psychologists distinguish three types of gossip:

Having no reality;

Distorting the truth;

Real events, hidden from outsiders, but became known.

What kind of rumors would gossip refer to is always very unpleasant and offensive information that hurts a person in the soul. Sometimes it is difficult to endure not only negative conversations and gossip about yourself, but from whom they come. As a rule, these are always close and well-known people whom you trust and rely on their decency.

Who are gossipers and why do they do it?

They can be divided into several groups:

Insecure people who live boring and uninteresting lives are often lonely and embittered all over the world. This is the most dangerous type of person who is able to come up with an extremely unpleasant and defamatory tale about his so-called friend, work colleague or relative. They cause great damage to the opponent's psyche, which has to be eliminated with the help of a psychologist's advice.

Some representatives of the human race are very fond of constantly comparing themselves with someone, moreover, with more successful and intelligent ones than themselves. Hence, in order to underestimate the superiority of the "rival", they come up with various unfavorable and unflattering "stories" about them and share them with others with great pleasure.

The person who gossips because of "nothing to do" is thus having fun. He does not even know that it is dishonorable and indecent, absolutely not realizing what they are saying and to whom. They just heard something somewhere and decided to tell everyone. Quite often conveying information in an outrageous tone, condemning or, conversely, pitying the "defendant".

So is it possible to avoid gossip?

The most amazing thing is that we all gossip constantly, without realizing it ourselves. Just hearing a critical and disapproving statement of someone about someone, we immediately pass the message to another person with indignation and irritation. And completely unwittingly, we become the same evil-tongues and slanderers, like the rest. Anyone who speaks negatively about someone automatically becomes a gossip! In general, a person is an amazing creature - we ourselves suffer from gossip, nevertheless, we continue to listen to them, and even spread them!

Nobody likes it when they slander him and grind the bones, but there is a certain type of person - this is a demonstrative personality. This group of society includes artists, many politicians and people with high self-esteem. Their point of view is that if they gossip about me and spend their energy on me, then this is good for me and causes more more interest to my person. Often, many of them spread implausible news and information about themselves.

Where gossip about me happens!

Gossip at work, among colleagues, to gain confidence and get the information you need;

Gossip with family or ex gossip. There are several options: because it is customary in your family; to defame a hated relative for their own benefit; gain even more trust among relatives.

How to respond to gossip about yourself?

To make the gossip not interesting to those around you, especially in the women's team, do not deny it, but agree! And it will cease to be a mystery.

Never make excuses and do not explain, but do not refute, thus, showing your weakness and fear. Let them talk, I don't care! Sooner or later, gossipers will not be interested in you, they will most likely switch to another person.

Do not show that you are offended, much less ashamed of you. Let your ill-wishers experience these feelings!

It is very good to conduct an analysis - why this happened, maybe you made a mistake somewhere or with someone, hurt or offended someone yourself.

It will not be superfluous to talk with a gossip, find out why "all the fuss"? Maybe a lot will become clear and then you shouldn't even worry and suffer.

How to learn not to gossip!

To somehow cleanse our wonderful world from such a human vice, like gossip, start with yourself! Never discuss anyone without the presence of the person you want to talk about. If you want to speak, speak in your eyes, not behind your back. It is very difficult, but honest! Learn to control your emotions and feelings, do not waste your own energy on judging and blaming anyone. You should not waste your life on petty squabbles and slander. Live in harmony with yourself and, as psychologists advise, change negative thoughts to positive ones!

It's sad to realize that people are talking about you behind their backs. Since this kind of gossip spreads quickly, it is difficult to find the source of the gossip. It is for this reason that, most likely, you will only ruin the situation by trying to resist people who spread rumors about you. The best tactic in this case is ignoring. Plus, you can try to become more positive and change your view of gossip.

Steps

How to work with people who gossip

Don't do anything. You may be tempted to confront the person who is gossiping about you, in which case the best response to their actions is to ignore their gossip. Just think, because this person will not be able to say these words to your face. Therefore, you should not give him new topics for gossip. Just stop this vicious circle by completely ignoring the gossip.

Treat gossipers with kindness. Another way to respond to gossip is to cultivate a kind attitude towards people. Gossipers will be confused and perplexed that you treat them so well despite the fact that they gossip about you. Plus, if you're optimistic about everything, gossipers may feel guilty about what they said behind your back.

Set limits on gossip. If you have to spend a lot of time with people who talk about you behind your back, try to keep your distance from them. Remember, you don't have to be friends with them just because you have to work together.

Be kind, but don't get close to gossipers. Don't tell them personal things that might become another topic of gossip in the future.

Think about the gossiper's motives. If your friend or acquaintance started spreading rumors about you, most likely he had his own reasons for this. Most good friends would not spread negative rumors about you that would upset you. If your friend just became a participant in these rumors, try to find out why he did it, and also think about how he could react to these rumors.
- You can ask the following questions: "How did you know what was going on?" or "What did you say spreading this rumor?" You can simply ask, "Why are you telling me this?" Answering these questions will help you understand the gossiper's motives.
- You don't have to end your relationship with the gossip. But it would be wise to communicate with this person more accurately. Most likely, this person is not as innocent as he tries to seem. Perhaps he spreads the gossip himself, rather than trying to stop them.
Don't gossip. You already know how unpleasant it is when people talk about you behind your back. But if you are not trying to stop it, you can assume that you, too, are to blame for the situation. Some people just enjoy discussing other people's personal lives, but remember that they cannot do this if they do not have listeners (that is, people who share their opinion).

Talk to someone with authority. If gossip interferes with your work or study, you will need to resolve this issue at the administration level. In this case, a teacher or supervisor will help to deal with this problem.

How to change gossip about yourself

Don't take gossip personally. You can easily run into people who talk about you behind your back, but remember that their words speak more about themselves, not about you. You have no control over what others say about you. But you can control how you react to their words. Treat gossip like extraneous information. Don't be a victim of other people's problems.

Understand that people may just be jealous of you. It may not look like this, but people may say bad things about you because someone is bullying them. A person may be jealous of your life, your skills and abilities, popularity. Their nasty and mean words may just be a way to hurt you.

Low self-esteem. Another characteristic of a gossip is low self-esteem. People who talk badly about you may do it on purpose to assert themselves. Perhaps the person who goesssip about you constantly feels insignificant, most likely, he has low self-esteem. As a result, this person starts talking bad things about others.

- So you, it turns out, mean ...
- Who? I AM? In the sense?
- Duck von Petrovich just told what you did with your beloved. I didn’t know you were like that! She abandoned a good man - and for what? Vertivost. Eh.

People gossip behind their backs: it hurts!

I turn around and walk away. Tears cover my eyes. And I feel his gaze on my back. Judgmental, hostile, full of hatred.

And it’s not that I didn’t quit, but RUNNED. And not that he is a good man only for friends, but for me at his house there was nothing left but aggression and irritation. And not even in that ugly scar, because of which I never wear a cleavage.

And the point is this disgusting feeling - a burn of shame, as if someone had cut me with a whip, and he left a crimson trail. But not on the skin, but on the soul. It bakes and hurts.

For what? Where are these rumors spreading from? Why is a person gossiping about you? And what to do about it?

Why people gossip: the psychology and nature of gossip

It is reliably known that as long as a person exists, there are as many gossips. Gossips and gossips unite for hostility to a third person and gladly wash bones. For the eyes, of course.

And all gossip is similar to each other. No, not a topic - gossip can be about work, and about personal life, and about children. Rumors are about anything. But although the topic is different, there is still a similarity: the truth is always twisted until unrecognizable, on a small real fact some kind of horror is going on. And it happens, and for no reason at all. People love to slander even from scratch.

It is interesting that the participants in the conspiracy readily believe such gossip as reliable news. They say they are surprised, condemn, hate, raise their hands to the sky with the silent question “how can you do this?”, But they absolutely believe. And it does not even occur to them to ask the object of the gossip if this is true. They are already sure of this. And they already hate him.

The thing is that people love to gossip: this way they remove their own problems a little. Discussing someone else's life, they make their own a little easier. And by sharing gossip in chatting with others, they reinforce that feeling. Here is a psychological phenomenon.

How to protect yourself from gossip?

Proving to people that this is all a lie and a slander is a difficult task. And even if you get a public apology for the slip, will that change the situation? Tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, when we don’t know, they will again sit down to gossip about us. So is it worth spending energy on these gossip?

Another thing is that we can change our attitude to other people's gossip. This will be a real barrier. Not a conspiracy, not a prayer, but 100% protection of yourself from:

corrosive shame;
feelings of injustice;
swayed nerves;
spoiled mood;
infuriating anger.