An essay on the topic I had a conflict. Class hour: "Conflicts in my life"

In the broadest sense of the word conflict- this is a clash of objective or subjective contradictions, which is expressed and manifested in the confrontation of the parties. At the heart of the conflict there is always a contradiction that is significant for the life of people, disagreements of interests, needs and goals, disrupting the normal interaction of people, preventing the achievement of their goals and leading to confrontation.The causes of various conflicts that exist in people's lives are the contradictions of their interests and goals of activity in all areas of their life. Contradictions permeate all spheres of human life - socio-economic, political, spiritual. They are manifested in communication, behavior and purposeful activities of people.

There are the following types of causes of conflicts:

1. The presence of opposite value orientations. Each individual and social group has a certain set of value orientations regarding the most significant aspects of their life. They are all different and usually opposite. At the moment of striving to satisfy needs, in the presence of blocked goals, which several individuals or groups are trying to achieve, opposite value orientations come into contact and can cause conflicts. The most acute conflicts arise where there are differences in culture, perception of the situation, status or prestige. Conflicts caused by opposite value orientations can occur in the economic, political, socio-psychological and other spheres.

2. Ideological reasons. The ideological cause of the conflict lies in the different attitude to the system of ideas that justify and legitimize the relations of subordination, domination and fundamental questions of the worldview among representatives of various groups of society.

3. Causes of the conflict related to the field of economic and social relations in society. This type of reasons is associated with significant differences in the distribution of material and social values ​​between individuals or groups. Inequality in the distribution of values ​​exists everywhere, but a conflict arises only with such a level of inequality that is regarded as significant for an individual or a social group, violating its rights, ideas of justice, etc.

4. Causes of conflicts lying in the field of social and socio-psychological relations of people in society. Conflicts appear in connection with the difference in the position that people occupy in the structure of social and socio-psychological ties and relations in various social groups. For this reason, a conflict may be associated, firstly, with different goals pursued by individuals or groups, and secondly, with the desire of a particular person or group to take a higher place in the hierarchical structure of relations.

5.The cause of the conflict may be psychological characteristics personality... Various personality deformations, pathology of the psyche, stereotyped relationships, behavior, psychological discomfort, inadequacy of perception and understanding of another person, the motives of his behavior, situations and other psychological personality traits that prevent adequate perception and understanding of other people, their relationships and general situation human life activity can be the causes of conflicts. Conflictogenic personality traits are: intolerance of the shortcomings of others, reduced self-criticism and an overestimated level of claims, impulsivity, intemperance, deep-rooted negative prejudices, prejudices towards individuals or groups, a tendency to aggressive behavior, to submission to oneself others, greed, selfishness, rigidity, inert habits, high level neuroticism.

Individual information models of the conflict

The conflict is always associated with the subjective awareness of people of the contradictory nature of their interests as members of certain social groups. Heightened contradictions give rise to conflicts only when they are deeply experienced by people, they are realized as incompatibility of interests and goals.
Each participant in the conflict has his own information model of the conflict, which guides him in his actions towards opponents.

Information models of a conflict situation- these are the subjective ideas of the parties to the conflict about each other, the object and purpose of the conflict, the conflict situation as a whole. They are a kind of mediating link between the characteristics of the parties to the conflict, the conditions of its course, and the behavior of the parties to the conflict. Information models of a conflict situation include the following representations of the parties to the conflict:
- about yourself, your needs, opportunities, goals, values, etc .;
- about the opposite side (about his needs, opportunities, goals, values, etc.);
- how the opponent perceives it;
- about the environment and conditions in which the conflict proceeds;
- about the necessary and possible actions, behavior in relation to the opponent to achieve the goal of the conflict;
- about the subject, purpose and possible options conflict resolution.
The degree of discrepancy between the image and the real picture of the situation is different. For example, a conflict situation may exist, but not be recognized by the parties as such, or vice versa. The views of the parties to the conflict have great importance for their relationship in the process of solving the problem, which is the subject of the conflict, and affect the result of the conflict. External influence on the parties to the conflict allows you to change their subjective information models. This is real and effective remedy influence on the course of the conflict and the choice of the option for its resolution.

Psychological barriers to conflict

Psychological barriers are present in the communication and interaction of people in the vast majority of situations in their life. A person rejects, considers some information unnecessary for himself, experiences fear, various fears, a feeling of insecurity, entering into communication with another person, he is prevented from freely expressing his thoughts, feelings, his attitude to what is happening, some peculiarities of the personality or behavior of another person and many many others.

In psychology, the concept psychological barrier in the broadest sense of the word means an obstacle in communication and interaction with other people.In conflict situations, negative emotions and feelings of people participating in the conflict are often used as psychological barriers.The development of a conflict is usually accompanied by negative emotions of its participants, such as antipathy, irritation, anger, contempt, resentment, etc. As a rule, it is emotions that act as the first and significant obstacle to the rational and rational resolution of the conflict situation.

Under the influence of negative emotions, the perception and understanding of the information of the personality of the communication partner is distorted and the situation is moving towards an increase in negative characteristics in everything, everything is perceived "in black tones". Negative emotions and attitudes of people can act as a significant factor in the conflicting behavior of people. In the studies of M.Z. Neimark studied the "inadequacy effect", which is a psychological mechanism of the influence of a negative, inappropriate assessment of the situation and other people on the behavior of a person in a conflict situation. This effect occurs when a person's high self-esteem clashes with the fear of not justifying it, not confirming their claims. In this case, the mechanism of psychological defense against disturbances in internal balance is triggered.

Conflict behavior strategies

The strategies of people's behavior in a conflict are a very significant factor that determines the dynamics of the development of a conflict and its effectiveness.

Evasion... A person who adheres to this strategy seeks to get away from the conflict. This strategy can be used in many conflict situations when
- the subject of the conflict is not personally significant, deserving the investment of time and effort;
- there is an opportunity to achieve the desired goal in another way;
- the strengths and capabilities of opponents are equal and conflict interaction can lead to an undesirable violation of the relationship between them for both;
- one of the parties to the conflict has a significantly weaker position in comparison with the other (understanding of one's own wrongness, lower social status, personality traits, etc.);
- the need to postpone conflict interaction in order to strengthen its position with additional information, support of its supporters, etc .;
- subjective motives for avoiding communication and conflict interaction with a specific opponent who has certain personal characteristics (aggressiveness, lack of principle, deceit, overestimated self-esteem, etc.).
Avoidance of conflict interaction is advisable if the subject of the conflict was revealed under the influence of negative emotional state one of the participants in the conflict. If there is an objective contradiction that prevents further communication and joint activities of people, the strategy of avoiding conflict prevents the resolution of the existing contradiction and, as a result, disrupts the development of relationships between people and the implementation of their joint activities.

Adaptation (smoothing). This style of behavior is based on the principles: "Do not rock the boat", "Let's live together." A person tries not to let out signs of conflict, confrontation, calling others to solidarity. At the same time, the problem underlying the conflict is ignored; they tend to present it as insignificant. As a result of using such a strategy, peace may temporarily occur. Negative emotions don't show up, but they accumulate. Sooner or later, a problem left unattended and accumulated negative emotions will lead to an “explosion”, the consequences of which will turn out to be dysfunctional.
The adaptation strategy is usually used in the following situations:
- the participant in the conflict does not consider the subject of the conflict significant for himself and therefore considers it possible to yield to the opponent;
- one of the parties to the conflict has a desire to support the opponent and get satisfaction from showing his kindness;
- opponents concede to each other for the sake of preserving important relationships for both;
- in the presence of acute, unsolvable at the moment contradictions, strong emotional manifestations of one of the opponents to prevent further destructive development of the conflict;
- if one of the opponents has a tendency to compete.
The adaptation strategy can be used for any type of conflict, but it is more often used in the field of business, professional conflicts in the interaction of people with different social and professional status (subordinate - leader, student - teacher, etc.). In the event of existing objective contradictions that are significant for joint activities, this strategy may be ineffective, since unresolved contradiction can cause conflicts in the future and reduce the quality and productivity of joint activities of people.

Coercion (competition, confrontation). A participant in the conflict who adheres to this strategy tries to force his opponent to accept his point of view at all costs, he is not interested in the opinion of other people. This style is associated with aggressive behavior that has various forms. It uses coercive power to influence other people.
This behavior strategy is used in the following situations:
- the subject of the conflict is of vital importance for one of the parties to the conflict, and he believes that he has sufficient capabilities to resolve the conflict in his favor;
- the participant in the conflict is sure that his version of solving the problem that has arisen is the best and he has the opportunity to achieve its acceptance by the opponent;
- one of the parties to the conflict has no other opportunities to achieve his goals and does not lose anything by forcing the opponent to accept his solution.
This strategy can be effective if used in extreme situations, life-threatening, health of people, when it is necessary to quickly make vital decisions. The main disadvantage of using this strategy is the suppression of the initiative of the parties to the conflict, ignoring their opinions, showing disrespect for the personality of another person and the likelihood of repeated manifestations of the contradiction that has arisen.

Compromise. This style is characterized by accepting the point of view of the other side, but only to a certain extent. The ability to compromise in situations of joint professional activity is highly valued, as it reduces hostility and allows you to quickly resolve the conflict. But after a while, dysfunctional consequences of a compromise solution may also appear, for example, dissatisfaction with "half-hearted" solutions. In addition, the conflict in a slightly changed form may arise again, since part of the problem that gave rise to it remains unresolved.
A compromise strategy is used when
- the parties to the conflict know its causes, objectively assess all the advantages and disadvantages of their positions and are ready to cooperate by making concessions on some issues;
- the conflicting parties have equal strengths and opportunities, but mutually opposite interests and consider the solution to the problem on the basis of some mutual concessions as an intermediate one;
- participants in the conflict with different strengths and capabilities make a compromise solution in order to obtain additional time to prepare for a new conflict interaction;
- the conflicting parties make mutual concessions in connection with a change in their own opinion on the problem in the course of the development of the conflict and a change in the goals of interaction with the opponent;
- other strategies of behavior in the existing conflict situation did not bring success.

Cooperation (problem solving). This style is based on the conviction of the parties to the conflict that a divergence of views is an inevitable result of the fact that everyone is entitled to their point of view, everyone can be right, can be wrong. In this strategy, the participants recognize each other's right to personal opinion and are ready to understand him, which gives them the opportunity to analyze the reasons for the disagreements and find a way out that is acceptable to all. This strategy is based on respect for the personality of another person, self-criticism and focus on solving the problem. the best way, both for the common cause and for each of the parties to the conflict. Anyone who relies on cooperation seeks a solution to a problem that takes into account the interests of all parties.
The cooperation strategy is most effective for the conservation and further development constructive relationships between people. In conflict situations, cooperation is possible in cases where
- the existing contradictions are important for both conflicting parties, and they both intend to jointly solve this problem;
- the conflicting parties have equal powers and opportunities or consider them as such;
- the participants act as partners who have a relationship of trust, respect each other's interests and are interested in resolving the conflict.

There are no universal strategies for behavior in a conflict situation. To choose the most effective strategy of behavior in a conflict situation, it is important to take into account the conditions of a particular situation, the specifics of the subject of the conflict, the personality traits of each of the participants and other features of the conflict interaction. The predominance of any one strategy of behavior in the system of ways of interaction of a person with other people is a sign of the presence of a number of qualities that impede effective communication with other people. For example, the predominance of a compromise strategy in the arsenal of personality behavior strategies in a conflict situation may indicate insufficient endurance, a person's patience, and a tendency to impulsive decisions. The predominance of the adaptation strategy may be a sign of insufficient willpower, adherence to principles, persistence in achieving the goal.

Complex conflicts require the use of a combination of different styles of behavior, changing their set in accordance with the peculiarities of the development of the conflict at one stage or another. For example, at the latent stage of the development of the conflict, a style of adaptation can be used, in the open period at the stage of the incident - evasion, with active interaction - a combination of several styles in accordance with the actions and behavior of the opponent, at the stage of decision-making and conflict resolution - cooperation, compromise, competition in depending on the specific situation.

I want this post to help you get out of your main conflict .

It is unlikely that there is at least one person on earth who has not come into contact with a conflict or conflict situation in his life. And, oddly enough, more often than not, this applies to those who have chosen to follow the spiritual path of development.

For earthlings, everything is much simpler. They don't have such a painful reaction to the conflict... They forget about him very quickly.

But people oriented towards spiritual values, for some reason, cannot do without sorrowful experiences when faced with any conflict. Although outwardly - this is not always possible to see.

Only if we open the curtains and look inside their souls, we will be surprised at the great many conflicts that they carry. Moreover, they do their best not to show it to the outside world.

Personally, I believe that this phenomenon is associated with their increased sensitivity, as a result of their high vulnerability.

I made such conclusions as a result of my research in practice.

And still — still exists in people's lives?

The short answer is, of course, for our development. Read more in previous posts.

But why does it exist or remains in our personal life.

In my opinion, it is precisely this issue that requires immediate clarification.

Therefore, without wasting time, I immediately turn to practice.

And to analyze your personal situation, I suggest using just one tool.

This is the question - WHY?

Instructions for use.

First, we ask ourselves the first question, which may look something like this -

Whynow I (YOUR NAME) find myself in this conflict or conflict situation?

A rough answer.

Yes, I'm tired of everything! How much can you endure the antics of this man!

So I could not resist. She took it and expressed everything.

And now he (she) "blows" cheeks.

Again and again we ask the same question to the answer.

WhyI could not resist and expressed everything to him (her)?

Approximate answer .

It's just that the cup of patience is overflowing.

And again the question WHY?

Whyhave I suffered for so many times?Or

WhyI overfilled this cup?(Use a question that the best way, makes this point clear for you.)

A rough answer.

Yes, I just didn't want to get involved with this person again.

WhyI didn't want to mess with this person?

A rough answer.

I was just afraid of his reaction.

Whydid I choose to be afraid of his reaction?

Your reply.

And so you continue this process until the full clarification and understanding of the essence of the conflict occurred.

Know what the question is WHY - it's your KEY.

To open each subsequent door, behind which is hidden for you an answer or a new revelation about yourself.

The essence of this process, is to consistently (step by step) go to the hidden motivation (as an unconscious benefit) and your unconscious intention.

Process It is considered complete when a complete (holistic) understanding of why we have created this situation or pulled it into our life comes?

Culminating in of all this action - there will be your conscious choice, your conscious

desire formulated on the basis of experience.

P.S. If something is not clear. Write. Let me clarify.

And of course I want you to share your results from the practice done.

And now until we meet again. Penyaycheva Love.

Apparently, it is impossible to live without conflicts in our life. From time to time we conflict with family, colleagues, friends and bosses. It is unlikely that there are absolutely conflict-free people in nature, because even the most compromising person will not be able to constantly compromise his own interests.

The very word "conflict" (from Latin conflictus - clash) means a clash of opposing interests, views, aspirations, serious disagreements leading to sharp disputes, to struggle and confrontation.

The conflict is also considered as an aggravation of contradictions, a process or a situation in which one of the parties is in a state of confrontation or open struggle with the other, since its goals are perceived as opposing their own.

The conflict is determined by its participants, conditions of occurrence, actions and outcome, that is, the end result. There is even a science - conflict management, and its relevance is constantly growing.

How to understand conflict situations, prevent the development of a conflict, anticipate it? The ability to avoid conflicts is a guarantee of even and happy relationships in the family, with children, a friendly atmosphere at work, and a guarantee of strong friendship.

Conflict-free people know how to smooth out awkward moments, to separate the main from the secondary in a relationship, to value their best qualities in people and not to dwell on individual shortcomings. In each situation they are looking for the most optimal way out, and not the culprits of what happened, they know how to analyze and draw conclusions so as not to create similar conflict situations again.

Conflicting people fall into two categories. The first category includes those who are ready to instantly "flare up" for any reason. However, they, as a rule, quickly and "retreat", because the brighter the torch burns, the faster it burns out. Such people are unforgiving and very open in the manifestation of their emotions.

The second category includes people who are reserved and have good control over the expression of their emotions. In a conflict situation, they operate with facts, logical calculations, and are extremely convincing. But, in pursuit of their interesting, they can resort to threats, blackmail. Such people almost never forgive offenses, however, they openly warn about it. To resolve the conflict in their favor, they go to the end and, more often than not, win, although sometimes with great losses. To communicate with such people requires considerable mental strength.

Any conflict has its precursors, signaling impending danger. Here are the most typical pre-conflict signs:

When meeting, your interlocutor, partner, friend averts his eyes, avoids direct glances.

He increases the distance of comfortable communication, avoids shaking hands, takes "closed" poses - keeps some distance.

Your interlocutor chooses formal, common topics for conversation (weather, work, etc.).

Your acquaintance, colleague, or friend violates debt repayment deadlines, is late for meetings or avoids them altogether.

When communicating with your interlocutor, colleague, acquaintance, the tone becomes more and more rigid and restrained, intonations change noticeably.

When you break up, your interlocutor is clearly relieved.

With the appearance of such signs, you can still manage to prevent a conflict, evade it, or distance yourself to determine your positions and choose the optimal model of behavior.

Mindfulness in communication will allow you to choose for yourself, and not follow imposed tactics and other people's pressure. And yet, if a conflict can be prevented by calmly sorting out the relationship and resolving problems in a deliberative tone, you must definitely find a way to do it. This is especially important in relationships with loved ones.

But do not constantly restrain negative emotions in yourself - they will certainly manifest. Therefore, you should not bring the matter to conflict. Close people need to be protected!

By a new society, I mean the current generation, growing up in the new time with its own principles and habits, it is with them that often arise conflict situations, as opinions about the lifestyle are radically different. For a conflict that has taken place, an opponent is needed, while he must be active in a conflict situation, but if the opponent does not lend itself to provocation or ignores the initiator, then the conflict can be considered invalid. A conflict that has not taken place will exhaust itself or it will continue in a latent form until a convenient opportunity to translate it into an open one. There are situations when conflicts end in compromises, and sometimes there is a complete split in relations (possibly in a latent form). In any conflict, as in other forms of communication, there are boundaries that it is not advisable to cross, such as going personal, openly insulting the interlocutor.

There were many conflicts in my life, like any other person. They arose both on trifles and on serious topics. Disagreements began at a young age with my parents, for example, about sweets, I wanted a lot, it’s so tasty, but they didn’t allow me to eat more than necessary, in order to protect me from diabetes and other consequences after overeating sweets, I did not understand why I can't eat more than I am allowed to, we can say that it was from this that my conflict situations began at that time, they were expressed by children's whims and disobedience. When I became an adult, conflicts became more serious and the attitude towards them also changed, in particular, I began to notice how my attitude towards this or that person is changing, whether I listen to his opinion and whether it is possible to find a compromise. Every time after a disagreement, I try to analyze, but did I do the right thing? Did you go too far? Was it worth it at all to conflict over a given situation? etc..

By nature I try to avoid similar situations, because I do not like arguments and clarification of relations, if possible, I do not start the first one and if someone decides to start I try to smooth out the situation, if it does not work out, then I resort to finding a compromise.

My last serious conflict happened with my girlfriend, as she did not warn me that she was going to go with her friends to a night disco. At the time of her absence, I called her, but the phone was unavailable, which made me start to worry. After several more unsuccessful attempts to get through to her, I decided to call her close friend (Katya), with whom my beloved could be. Katya told me that my girlfriend's battery was dead and honestly told me where they are now, I didn't like it, but I didn't start a conflict, but only asked to tell me so that my girlfriend would call me back. At that moment, I was unpleasant and upset that such a situation had happened, I began to think about why she did this, because I never forbade her to spend time with her friends. I was overcome by resentment and despair, too much this feeling, I went to sleep with the thought that it is better to understand personally than by phone or something else. The next day she called and we made an appointment, we discussed why she did this. I did not understand her act, to which she said that one of her friends had a birthday, and she simply did not have time to warn me that they were going to a disco. We figured out the situation, and I asked her that this would not happen again. After this situation, I began to doubt her a little and began to check her. She did not like it and she went into an open conflict about this, trying to substantiate her doubts and her actions realized that it would not be possible to smooth it over, we started an active discussion. I argued that this should not be done, and she, resting on her "it happened", tried to justify herself, I was extremely unhappy with such an excuse, against the background of this we started a rather strong conflict. After a while, having calmed down, we sat down to talk without returning to the problem and then a compromise solution was found, now my beloved always warns me where she is, with whom and does not make me worry, in turn, I also observe this rule. The conflict was settled, they forgot about what happened and everyone is happy.

After this story, I would like to conclude that different situations each person behaves differently, often it is conflict situations that reveal a person's personality, you can never predict how your opponent will react. Any problems, including conflicts, can be resolved, we just don't always want to do this. In my case, this was also not very important, but here the resentment against the person played a big role, for the fact that he did not warn me. From this moment, you can track the beginning of our disagreement, which ended in cooperation, i.e., the participants recognize each other's right to their own opinion and are ready to understand it, which gives them the opportunity to analyze the reasons for the disagreement and find a way out that is acceptable to everyone. This strategy is based on the belief of the participants that divergence of views is an inevitable result of the fact that smart people have their own ideas about what is right and what is not.

My example was based on relationships in a couple, while there are conflicts in other aspects of life, for example, one cannot do without disagreement in an enterprise. Conflict is as an integral part of our life, in such situations a person's personality becomes, willpower is developed, all this helps us to live.

Going on stage to perform in front of an audience of about 5% you will not like it, because it is impossible for everyone to like it. In most cases, people rely on appearance and on the so-called first impression, perhaps later the attitude towards a person will change both for the better and for the worse, it all depends on the similarity of temperaments, interests, common themes and behavior in society. It often happens that people are mistaken in their first conclusions about the interlocutor, from which misunderstandings arise, and disagreements, thus giving rise to a conflict situation.

Times are changing, before a conflict could give rise to a war between states, now people are trying to avoid extreme measures and settle relations by talking, making concessions or defending their word so that the opponent would accept his point of view. However, relationships always remain the most interesting thing, each person is individual and interesting in his own way, this topic will never be left without interest, because almost everyone wants to understand what is really going on in a person's head and how to build relationships correctly. I live according to the rule “Do you want to know better than human? Listen to what he says about others, not about himself ”, in my opinion, this is the most optimal decision on how to learn better than a person. Each of us wants to show ourselves good, forgetting that we cannot be a positive person spreading dirt about other people.

I would like to wish all people to follow their common sense, which tells us that we should not start a conflict and succumb to it, so as not to spoil the relationship.

Again, following the quote “When a person hurts us, then most likely he himself is deeply unhappy. Happy people do not be rude in queues, do not swear in transport, do not gossip about colleagues. They don't need it. "

Treat people the way you want them to treat you. Best conclusion to my essay. Everyone will make their own conclusions for themselves, the choice is only yours.

Essay on "Conflict and Me" updated: June 21, 2018 by the author: Scientific Articles.Ru