The Rule of Four Seconds - Book Review.

That morning, as always in the morning, I sat on a pillow on the floor, crossed my legs, put my hands on my knees, closed my eyes and breathed for twenty minutes - and nothing more.

They say the hardest part of meditation is finding time for it. And that makes sense. Who has time these days to do nothing? It is difficult to find an excuse for such an occupation.

Meditation has many benefits: it refreshes, helps to comprehend what is happening to us, makes us wiser and calmer, helps not to go crazy in a world that feeds us with information and connections, and not only. If you are missing business case to devote time to meditation, how about this: meditation makes you more productive.

How? Strengthening your ability to resist distracting impulses.

Research shows that being able to resist impulses improves relationships, enhances trustworthiness, and increases productivity. If you are able to resist the impulses, then you can make better, deliberate decisions, be more aware of what you say and how, and are able to imagine the consequences of your actions before you take them.

The ability to resist impulse determines how easy it will be for you to learn to behave differently or change an old habit. This is perhaps the single most important skill for growth and development.

As it turned out, this is one of the abilities that can be acquired through meditation. But this is not easy to learn.

When I took the meditation pose that morning, my worries disappeared. My mind was free of everything that occupied it before the meditation began. I didn’t notice anything except my breathing. Lightness appeared in my body, I felt peace.

For about four seconds.

For the time it takes to inhale and exhale. The next breath was enough to make the thoughts go back to their heads. I felt itchy on my face and wanted to scratch. A beautiful title for the next book came to my mind, and I was drawn to write it down before I forgot it. I remembered at least four phone calls that needed to be made, and one difficult conversation that was supposed to take place a little later. I got worried because I realized that I had only a few hours to devote to the book. So why on earth did I sit here? I wanted to open my eyes and look at the timer to see how much more I have to sit. I heard children quarreling in the next room and wanted to intervene.

But here's the important thing: I wanted to do all of the above, but I didn't. Whenever one of these thoughts came to me, I returned my focus to breathing.

Four seconds is enough for you to lose concentration, but it is also enough for you to focus again. Four seconds - inhaling and exhaling - is all it takes to keep from an unproductive automatic response. Four seconds is all it takes to make more informed strategic choices that are more likely to bring you closer to what you want.

Sometimes the problem is not doing what you need to do... For example, when you avoid an unpleasant conversation. But sometimes the problem is that you do what to do not worth it: speak instead of listening, play political games instead of staying above it.

Meditation teaches you to resist the urge to act unproductive.

Later I will talk about how it is easier and more reliable to create an environment that will contribute to the achievement of your goals than to rely on willpower. However, at times you should rely on good old self-control.

For example, it is useful when an employee makes a mistake and you are ready to yell at him, although you know that it is much better - for him and to maintain the morale of the whole team - to ask some leading questions and talk like reasonable polite people... Or when you want to blurt out something at a business meeting, but you realize that it is better to listen to others. Or when you want to buy or sell a stock based on your emotions, despite the fact that analytics and your own research suggest that such a decision is unwise. Or when you feel the urge to check your email every three minutes instead of focusing on the task at hand.

Each time you meditate, you will be convinced that the impulse is just one of possible options... You have everything under control.

Does this mean that from now on you will never succumb to the impulse? Of course not. Impulses carry useful information... If you're feeling hungry, it can be a sure sign that it's time for you to eat, but it can also mean that you are bored or stuck in a difficult phase of work. Meditation teaches you to control impulses in order to consciously choose which one should give in and which one should not.

How should you meditate? If you're just starting out, the simpler the better.

Sit - on a chair or on the floor on a pillow - and straighten your back so that you can breathe easily, set a timer for the time you want to devote to meditation. Once you start the timer, close your eyes, relax, and don't move - just breathe - until the alarm sounds. Concentrate on inhaling and exhaling. Every time a thought or impulse appears, give it a little attention and focus on the breath again.

That's all. Simple but difficult to do. Try it - today - for five minutes. And repeat tomorrow.

Don't you have five minutes? Then let it be four seconds.

A four-second pause - enough time to inhale and exhale - may be enough to reject the wrong decision and replace it with a more successful one.

Why did Pinto explode?

A new look at goal setting

"Sofia! Daniel! Isabel! - I shouted across the apartment to the children playing in their room. “The school bus will arrive in ten minutes. Who will brush their teeth faster and be ready to go? "

They rushed to the bathroom, giggling. Two minutes later, Daniel was at the door, slightly ahead of Sofia, and Isabella appeared immediately after them. I smiled, pleased with my victory. I achieved my goal: the children brushed their teeth and prepared to go out in record time.

Or is it not a victory at all?

Yes, they left the house on time. But the two minutes it took them meant they brushed their teeth in a hurry, clearly didn't floss, and left an eerie mess in the bathroom.

We all know how important it is to have goals. Yes, not anyhow, but "big impudent goals", or BHAGs, as they are called in certain circles.

There is a rational grain in this: if you do not know exactly what you are striving for, then you will not achieve anything. And if you don't raise the bar high enough, you will never reach your potential.

In the business world, goal setting is a basic generally accepted principle supported by scientific research like the one that took place among the graduates of the MBA program at Harvard in 1979. You may have heard of him. Only three percent of graduates were able to clearly articulate their goals. Ten years later, those three percent of the participants in the experiment were ten times more successful than the rest of the group. Impressive, right?

Yes, if only it really were so. But no. There is no such study. This is just a philistine myth.

The story may be a hoax, but doubting the importance of setting ambitious goals is like doubting the very foundations of a business. You can argue about what goals to set or how to set them, but who would undertake to argue that this should not be done at all?

The book is about the 4 seconds rule. The ability to follow the "four-second rule" or take a "pause of freedom" as psychologist Viktor Frankl called it is well described in Peter Bregman's book "The Rule of Four Seconds. Stop. Think about it. Do It". The ability to take a pause of 4 seconds will help you in communication and to gain control over your habits.

The 4 Seconds Rule Book: Peter Bregman

The book "The Rule of Four Seconds" was published in 2015 by the publishing house MYTH, with which it has been successfully cooperating for a long time and immediately hit the shelf with bestsellers.

A short 4 second rule from Peter Bregman's book reads: Stop-Think-Do.

Book cover about the four-second rule

And the first chapter of the book reads: “4 seconds. Pause. Breathe in. Change of course ”.

Below I will illustrate with examples what this rule means in controlling habits and in relationships, but for now let me tell you the secret of how I know about this rule.

Book on the 4 Seconds Rule: The Four Seconds Rule and the Freedom Pause

In short, we can say that life itself. And if in more detail - the author, who noticed that such a pause of 3-4 seconds is taken by very free and self-confident people, before making a decision, is Viktor Frankl, a psychologist who suffered the horrors of a concentration camp in his youth.

Viktor Frankl drew attention to the fact that in a concentration camp, some people quickly turn into animals and stop thinking freely. Other people, on the contrary, are very free in thoughts and actions in spite of threats and dangers to their lives.
For example, when the Nazis shouted to the prisoners "Down!" and pointed the muzzles of machine guns at them, most of the people immediately fell down on their faces and covered their heads with their hands. But there were also those who seemed to "hover" for a few seconds and only then lay down on the ground.
When Victor asked them what they were doing during these pauses, during these 4 seconds, risking their lives, he learned that at these moments these free people ask themselves mentally that they choose to fall or stay standing. And they chose to fall because they treasured the freedom that life gives them.

Viktor Frankl later called such a pause for realizing his choice “the pause of freedom”, and Peter Bregman called the “rule of four seconds” - you will not find this story in the book, but I am sure that it was.

The 4-second rule in communication: an example from the book

There are 3 parts in the book. The first is devoted to gaining the skill to change the automatic settings of your brain and behavior (habits). The second is about applying the four-second rule to improving relationships. The third is about optimizing work habits.

Take a 4 second pause of freedom when chatting

Here are short subheadings from the book illustrating The essence of the four-second rule from Peter Bregman's book in relationships and communication:

Let people see who you are
Don't let packaging distract you from your content
Allow yourself to see other people as a source of inspiration
Take your time to write off people
Don't get involved in an argument
Better admit your guilt
Learn to put yourself in the shoes of another
Become a brilliant host
Read between the lines
Give recognition
Appeal to human generosity
Set boundaries
Ask questions, don't get involved in a fight

As you can see, the book's subtitles themselves speak volumes.

How not to be distracted by packaging in communication: the 4 second rule

Be careful. Every time you experience negative emotions: you are offended or angry, and because of what you have been told or written, you are most likely distracted by the packaging. If you feel: anger, sadness, annoyance, distrust or irritation: know that it is time to take the second step.
Pause. Take a deep breath and exhale. Now admit that you tend to react to things how information is supplied. Remind yourself that communication is difficult and often difficult. Relax yourself and others. Do not try to discern malicious intent. Don't take it all personally. Suppress the urge to be offended.
Rethink. Re-read what you have written or remember everything that has been said to you - and decipher it. Think that man tried to to convey to you. Look for valuable information. Seek to understand the essence of the message.
Answer. A proven way to respond is by using a different message channel. If you have been rude by SMS, never send a response message.
General rule: Let rudeness be deaf ear. Try to understand and respond to the message.

Book author Peter Bregman

Book The Rule of Four Seconds (Peter Bregman) - MYTH - download

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Write in the comments how you might apply the four second rule to your communication at home and at work. Give examples from real life.

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Peter bregman

Four Seconds

All the Time You Need to Stop Counter-Productive Habits and Get the Results You Want

Published with permission from Levine Greenberg Rostan Literary Agency and Synopsis Literary Agency

Legal support of the publishing house is provided by the law firm "Vegas-Lex".

* * *

This book is well complemented by:

Mark Williams, Denny Penman

M. J. Ryan

Dedicated to my parents.

Thank you for your love, faith and support.

I love you.

Introduction

I was walking down 48th Street in Midtown when I was overtaken by a well-dressed man in an expensive suit, polished shoes, impeccable hair, and leather briefcase. Then I saw him turn his head and spit out the chewing gum.

I followed the trajectory of the gum so as not to step on it. The lump flew about a meter from me, hit a tree and bounced back onto the sidewalk, landing exactly where the man stepped the next second. He continued on his way, not even noticing that his own bright blue gum was stuck to his own sole.

I laughed.

And then he thought about it. How often do we all do something like this? How often do we do something, thinking that we are acting in our best interests, but in the end we end up with gum stuck to the sole? How often does our behavior backfire?

Sometimes the possible negative consequences of our actions lie on the surface - and then they are easy to avoid. I recently heard a story about a man in a high position at a Wall Street bank. Like the bank, he disposed of large borrowed amounts - and bought an apartment that he could not afford. Learning that he would not receive the prize in the amount in which it was expected, he began to shout, curse and curse his boss in front of colleagues. Now he has no prizes - nor does he have a job.

On other occasions, our self-harm takes on a less violent form — like when I was late for dinner with my wife, Eleanor. We agreed to meet in a cafe at seven in the evening, and the clock showed already half past seven. I felt guilty, but I could not get out of the drawn out meeting with the client. Arriving at the place, I apologized and said that it did not happen on purpose.

"You are always late not on purpose Eleanor replied.

In short, she was furious.

"I'm sorry, dear," I said, "but nothing depended on me."

I explained why I was late, described everything in detail - perhaps slightly exaggerating to convey the importance and inevitability of the meeting.

But instead of comforting my wife, I only made things worse. Now she was angry and annoyed.

Which, in turn, caused my righteous anger. "Look," I said, "actually I work like a goddamn thing."

As we exchanged lines, the situation got worse. But we wanted the same thing - to have a good time at dinner. But reflex reactions opened a chasm between us, and in the end we got angry and drifted apart - in opposition to our plans.

The culprit of what happened was unproductive reactions, which we resorted to automatically.

The detailed explanations became my automatic reaction to my own lateness. Eleanor responded automatically with impatience. My automatic reaction to her impatience was anger. In the course of the argument, we both unconsciously obeyed an instinctive scenario, no matter how ineffective it may be.

Of course, I do did not intend quarrel with Eleanor. On the contrary, I began to explain the reason for being late, so as not to start a fight. But in the end, my intentions alone mattered little. More important was how my actions — that is, my excuses — influenced Eleanor. As it turned out - so-so. In essence, I spat out the gum and stepped on it myself.

When bad habits are found in good people

The main benefits we desire are fulfilling relationships; achievements to be proud of; visible success at work; the opportunity to be useful to others; harmony with yourself is all that is surprisingly easy to achieve. But in most cases, our most desperate efforts are based on habits that, when we say simple language do not work.

When we are overwhelmed and unsettled by a bloated to-do list, we automatically start working even longer and squeeze even more tasks into our existing work hours. We practice multitasking, rushing from one meeting to the next, secretly checking emails under the table in the meeting room, starting early in the morning and finishing late at night. Our goal is to reduce stress and congestion. But doing so has the exact opposite effect: we feel even more stressed and overwhelmed.

Or we say something that we think will impress others, but in reality only causes rejection. We try to cheer up our friend, but for some reason we upset him even more. We give an inspiring speech in front of our team, but somehow we only extinguish the enthusiasm.

Every time we do this, we are shocked. "What happened?"- we are perplexed. As a result, we spend long days trying to fix what we broke with our automatic reaction. We spend countless hours and a lot of energy thinking about the words we have spoken; discussing your behavior with others; drawing up a plan for further actions - and sometimes we get to the toilet in a roundabout way, just not to run into someone who was reluctantly offended in the waiting room.

Four Seconds To A Good Habit

But the good news is that it's not that hard to fix the problem. Basically, all you need is four seconds. Four seconds is enough time to inhale and exhale. This short pause is enough to see your mistake and make small adjustments.

And I really mean small adjustments. The alternative reactions that I will propose in the following pages are delightfully simple. They will give you what you want without making you waste time. These are ways to think, speak and act - that is, ways to live - that are much simpler than the old ones and much more effective. They require less time and energy. They help you achieve super-productivity - no extra effort.

In the book “18 minutes. How to increase concentration, stop distractions and do really important things ”I told you how to focus and build every day of your life around what is truly valuable. I encouraged you to think strategically and to be determined what You doing.

In this book, I will show you how to think strategically and be single-minded - developing the speed of light - by how you do what you do. 18 Minutes helped you focus on doing the right thing... Four seconds will help you get the most out of this focus.

By the way, it is not enough to succeed in managing your time - it is important to succeed in spending it wisely. That, how you act during this time, determines your success: how you think, how you build relationships with others, how you speak and behave at work and in the circle of loved ones. Your goal is not to survive by being constantly busy, but to thrive in your most important endeavors and relationships.

You will learn to replace unproductive automatic responses that drain your time and energy with new habits that save time, energize, and make you productive. You will discover new ways to live, work and communicate in this crazy world, getting the results you want and peace of mind.

The birth of a new habit

That time, when I was late, what could I have done differently to enjoy invaluable time with Eleanor, and not get into confrontation? I could give myself four seconds - enough to take a deep breath, to pause, to reset my perception - and then suppress the urge to explain and instead admit how my wife felt while she was waiting for me:

“Sorry for being late. You've been sitting here for half an hour - and it's terrible. I know this is not the first time. I understand it looks like I think that meeting with a client gives me the right to be late. This is disrespect for your time. I'm sorry you had to wait so long. "

Easier said than done. My intuitive, instinctive, automatic reaction is to justify my tardiness, not my wife's feelings. It helps to me Feel better, like I'm not such an asshole since I have a good reason. But the intuitive response is counterproductive. Although she makes me feel better, Eleanor, who was waiting for me, feels even worse. It turns out that the reason for my lateness, whatever it may be, is more important than my wife. And now our evening is ruined - although we did not even understand how it happened.

On the other hand, refusing to explain and accepting how my lateness affected Eleanor - that is, unintuitive behavior - makes my wife feel better. This is because she senses my attention. So I admit that for my lateness there can't be good reason... And now our evening is saved.

Thus, a new habit was born. Now that I’m late, my new automatic reaction is still about apologizing, but I’m no longer giving reasons — or making excuses. I admit what it was like for the one who was waiting for me.

The new habit also has an added bonus: I'm much less late. Having voiced how my lateness affected Eleanor, I wanted to change. I don’t want to show disrespect to her time or any other person’s time. And I don't want to upset my wife or anyone else. When I admitted out loud what my lateness was worth for her, I was able to look at myself differently. In other words, my new automatic response to my own lateness improved not only my relationship with Eleanor, but my behavior as well.

This is the power of a productive habit.

But changing habits isn't easy. After all, automatic reactions are intuitive. Behavior that seems natural is hard to break. Even if these habits are a disservice, we don't hesitate to resort to them. This is what we do in the heat of the moment. Knowing about a new effective automatic response is half the battle in itself. The other half is to resort to it under stress. I wrote Four Seconds to help you master both.

In the first part - "Change the automatic settings" - you will learn how to gain control over your behavior in the short and long term and how to manage your impulsive reactions and impulses. It will help you get closer to your goals, find peace and harmony, and become happier.

The second part - “Strengthen Your Relationships” - will help you better cope with difficult emotions, both for yourself and those around you. You will learn how to respond productively in difficult conversations and situations and forge strong bonds with those around you.

With Part 3, Optimize Your Work Habits, you will learn to work and manage boldly, naturally and effectively to inspire, build commitment, and a sense of responsibility in those who work with you. You will do away with any situations that create alienation between colleagues or provoke disagreement. Self-motivation, positive thinking and mutual support will appear in your company.

I hope Four Seconds will free you from self-destructive habits. Most likely, unproductive impulses will not disappear without a trace, but I believe that the advice you come across on the following pages will help you gain power over them and establish new habits that will support your true interests and allow you to achieve what you want. The amount of time you will save by doing more good choice, and positive influence that you will have on your life, relationships and work is not measurable.

I can only assume that the man never noticed the gum sticking to his sole. Perhaps he still leaves a bright blue trail behind him. But you don't have to do the same.

Part one
Change automatic settings

It wasn't easy to get yourself to sit at your desk. The obstacles were by no means physical - I was definitely capable sit down and start writing. Obstacles, as in most cases when something prevents us from achieving our most important goals, sat in my brain.

I was busy, head over heels in urgent matters - so the thought of writing seemed almost insane. Writing even in more favorable conditions tempts to shirk, and that morning I was on edge and worried about a problem with a client - neither at all like the calm, measured environment that is necessary in order to write.

But, in spite of everything, I finally got down to business.

As soon as I wrote the first sentence, the door flew open and my daughter Sophia, who was then seven years old, flew into the room.

“The kitchen is flooded! She blurted out. - For help!"

What? As it turned out, 5-year-old Daniel poured water into a glass and did not bother to turn off the tap. Blimey.

I automatically wanted to yell at both of them. I literally felt my muscles tighten, causing a wave of anger throughout my body. At that moment, such a reaction seemed appropriate and justified.

But I paused, taking a deep breath. Four seconds.

This breath turned out to be the most serious effort I had to make that day. Of course, breathing itself is not difficult. But stop for a few seconds to take a breath in the midst of raging emotions - when you are irritated, angry, tired and worried ... It's not an easy task.

That four seconds - and the composure it takes - is the first step in overthrowing unproductive automatic responses. The first step is to make the smartest choice at some point.

In the first part of the book, you will learn how to slow down - see the gap between feeling and action - and make wise decisions that will lead to the desired result. The second part is devoted to how to create this gap, fix it and observe what happens in it. But more importantly, the book will help you quit the bad mental habits that are holding you back and replace them with new, productive ones.

You will open:

How to overcome an impulse by paying attention to it;

Why goal setting gets in the way of success

How not to get stuck in order to regain concentration and willpower;

How doing nothing can solve the most difficult problems and

Why b O Most of our stress is caused by events that have minimal consequences; and how changing your expectations - not the reality around you - can be the key to success.

I dare to hope that my advice will help you cope with impulses and impulses and develop mental habits that will make your life more productive, calm and harmonious.

1
Four seconds
Pause. Breathe in. Changing course

That morning, as always in the morning, I sat on a pillow on the floor, crossed my legs, put my hands on my knees, closed my eyes and breathed for twenty minutes - and nothing more.

They say the hardest part of meditation is finding time for it. And that makes sense. Who has time these days to do nothing? It is difficult to find an excuse for such an occupation.

Meditation has many benefits: it refreshes, helps to comprehend what is happening to us, makes us wiser and calmer, helps not to go crazy in a world that feeds us with information and connections, and not only. If you lack the business case to devote time to meditation, how about this: meditation makes you more productive.

How? Strengthening your ability to resist distracting impulses.

The ability to resist impulse determines how easy it will be for you to learn to behave differently or change an old habit. This is perhaps the single most important skill for growth and development.

As it turned out, this is one of the abilities that can be acquired through meditation. But this is not easy to learn.

For about four seconds.

But here's the important thing: I wanted to do all of the above, but I didn't. Whenever one of these thoughts came to me, I returned my focus to breathing.

Meditation teaches you to resist the urge to act unproductive.

For example, it is useful when an employee makes a mistake and you are ready to yell at him, even though you know that it is much better - for him and to maintain the morale of the whole team - to ask some leading questions and talk like reasonable, polite people. Or when you want to blurt out something at a business meeting, but you realize that it is better to listen to others. Or when you want to buy or sell a stock based on your emotions, despite the fact that analytics and your own research suggest that such a decision is unwise. Or when you feel the urge to check your email every three minutes instead of focusing on the task at hand.

Each time you meditate, you will be convinced that the impulse is just one of the options. You have everything under control.

Does this mean that from now on you will never succumb to the impulse? Of course not. Impulses carry useful information. If you're feeling hungry, it can be a sure sign that it's time for you to eat, but it can also mean that you are bored or stuck in a difficult phase of work. Meditation teaches you to control impulses in order to consciously choose which one should give in and which one should not.

How should you meditate? If you're just starting out, the simpler the better.

That's all. Simple but difficult to do. Try it - today - for five minutes. And repeat tomorrow.

Don't you have five minutes? Then let it be four seconds.

A four-second pause - enough time to inhale and exhale - may be enough to reject the wrong decision and replace it with a more successful one.

Bregman P. 18 minutes. How to improve concentration, stop distractions and do the really important things. - M .: Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2014. Approx. transl. The research is based on famous experiment 1960 using marshmallows conducted by Stanford University Psychology Professor Walter Michel with input from four-year-olds: www.ocf.berkeley.edu/~rascl/assets/pdfs/Berman et al., Nature Communications 2013.pdf. See also I. M. Eigsti, et al., “Predicting cognitive control from preschool to late adolescence and young adulthood,” Psychological Science 17 (2006): 478–84; W. Mischel, et al., “‘ Willpower ’over the life span: decomposing self-regulation.” Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience 6 (2011): 252–56; W. Mischel, Y. Shoda, and M. L. Rodriguez, “Delay of gratification in children,” Science 244 (1989): 933-38; and Y. Shoda, W. Mischel, and P. K. Peake, “Predicting adolescent cognitive and selfregulatory competences from preschool delay of gratification - identifying diagnostic conditions,” Developmental Psychology 26 (1990): 978–86.

The Four Seconds Rule book offers a recipe for replacing unproductive automatic solutions that drain your time and energy with new habits that will save you time and energize.

Peter Bregman - About the Author

Peter Bregman - management consultant. Peter began his career as a leadership instructor for mountaineering expeditions. Peter is the founder of Bregman Partners, a consulting firm that advises executives across a wide range of organizations, from large companies to startups.

The Four Seconds Rule - Book Review

How often do you notice that you are reacting to something, as it seems to you, correctly, but in the end you get a completely different result? Surely you think that you wanted to do the best, but it turned out as always. This is due to automatic reactions, due to which we react the same way in similar situations. By changing them, you can be more productive at work, improve relationships with others, and begin to live more harmoniously.

4 seconds will come to your aid. Yes Yes! Just 4 seconds. This is the time it takes to breathe in and out. During this period, you will be able to look at the situation from the outside and change the automatic reaction. Of course, this is not as easy as it sounds. After all, efforts are needed so that, for example, not to scream at a subordinate for his mistake, but to want to constructively evaluate what happened.

It is very difficult to inhale and exhale during an argument, when you are irritated or even more furious. But this is the first step towards getting rid of unproductive automatic reactions. Let's consider how to start making changes for the better.

Chapter 1. Meditating

We are all at the mercy of impulses. Someone starts screaming in an unpleasant situation, someone strives to insert a word with or without reason, someone pulls to enter social networks every five minutes (“Has a new message come?”, “Have there been interesting news?”) ...

One of the most powerful ways is meditation. She teaches to control impulses. And the simpler it is, the better. For example, you can sit down in a chair, set an alarm (before doing this, determine how long you need), close your eyes, relax, and focus on your breathing. Try to meditate every time you have an impulse. Even if you don't have at least five minutes, you can set aside four seconds to inhale and exhale. This time may be enough to make a more balanced decision and not be led by the impulse.

Chapter 2. Marking the concentration zones

It is believed that it is necessary to set clear goals with an indication of the timing of their achievement. But practice shows that this approach is not always productive. If we act within a narrow framework, then often either we do not see other possibilities, or we try to achieve the goal in all possible ways.

But goals cannot be dispensed with at all. The best way out here is to designate zones of concentration, that is, to identify actions that need to be devoted to time. If the goal is the result, then the zone of concentration is the path. Of course, you can take two approaches. But the plus of the zone of concentration is that it is built in accordance with self-motivation, you will not have the desire to cheat in order to achieve the goal by all means, you will be set up for cooperation instead of tough rivalry.

Define for yourself several areas (no more than five) to which you would like to devote maximum time, and focus on them. Focus on the task, not the result, and you will be pleasantly surprised.

Chapter 3. Replacing motivation with action

The day before, you decided to go to the gym after work. Today comes, the working hours are coming to an end, and you say to yourself: "I worked too hard, I'm tired, I'll go to the gym next time, I'd better rest at home today." A familiar situation, isn't it?
Instead of having internal dialogues, promising yourself something, then arguing and looking for excuses, replace motivation with action. Motivation is about thinking, while action is about practice. Make a decision once, as if it is an axiom, and do not allow yourself to reflect on it, do not listen to your brain if it tries to dissuade you. The main thing is to start acting.

Chapter 4. Getting rid of perfectionism

Often, when solving creative problems, we give up all other things and give ourselves a sufficient period of time to complete them. But productivity in this case is extremely low, because it is natural for a person to postpone things until later: it seems that you have enough time, but by the end of the term you are tearing your hair out, because the deadline has come and you have not done anything yet.
In this case, there are two useful advice:

- in no case set aside a lot of time to solve one problem; on the contrary, you should be as busy as possible. In this case, you will have less time to build up and, moreover, you will not need to focus on only one task;

- change your expectations: excessive perfectionism often ruins our mood, because it seems that we are not doing something perfectly enough. Take it for granted that this project is not the last in your life and that it doesn't have to be perfect. The main thing is that you do it with passion. It is important that you enjoy what you do. This is what people feel in the first place.

Chapter 5. Trust in ourselves

We are used to constantly listening to family, teachers, boss and other people who think they know how to act. And we have to choose what we are told to choose. We adapt to those around us to please them, to gain approval and recognition. Yes, sometimes it’s worth taking advice from other people into account. However, you always need to be able to find a balance - so as not to lose your "I", otherwise there is a risk of forgetting how to act independently and stop trusting your intuition.

Finally, stop constantly asking someone else's opinion. Better meditate and hear your own thoughts. Learn to trust yourself, listen to what your intuition tells you. If the task that you have to solve seems too difficult for you, before you run to someone for advice, first sit down and realize what you yourself think about this, hear your inner voice.

Chapter 6. Accept reality. Changing expectations

One of the main causes of stress is the gap between what is expected and what is real. And here there are two options: to change either reality or expectations.
In principle, it is possible to change reality. For example, if a subordinate does not seem competent to you, help him improve his skills. If this does not work, you can fire the person. However, practice shows that attempts to change reality do not always give a tangible effect, most often the situation becomes even more heated, and the level of stress only increases.

So the best way is changing expectations. Try to think globally. Create an imaginary scale with divisions from one to ten, where 10 is to be in one of the Twin Towers on September 11, 9 is a serious incurable disease, 8 is imprisonment, etc. As a result, it turns out that all situations that upset us are at levels 1 and 2. Remember this when, for example, you argue with the provider because of problems with the Internet (after all, you could not watch the episode of your favorite TV series! What a tragedy !).

This does not mean that you have to put up with everything. However, remember that minor problems are not worth your nerves, they just accumulate and then lead to a lot of stress. So if you cannot change reality, change your attitude towards it.

Chapter 7. Making Time for Rituals

Rituals are not necessarily religious. In this case, this is where our attention is directed. It is a way of focusing on what you are about to do, like starting a new work day, meeting, calling someone, etc.

Take a break for a few seconds, focus on what is to be done, and feel respect for the work ahead. This will remind you every time to be respectful. You will get more pleasure from your work, you will begin to carry out duties better and with greater diligence.

Chapter 8. Stop playing in public. Experimenting

We are used to thinking that life is a performance. We spend energy evaluating others and thinking about how we are being evaluated. But treating life as a performance only causes stress. Therefore, it is much more productive to be open to experimentation, to try, to make mistakes, to draw conclusions, to try again. In this case, failure becomes only part of the path, and not a painful blow. Experts want to know what will happen if ... They are grateful to life for both positive and negative results.

A successful person is completely immersed in the experiment and realizes that it can end in any way, but then he learns from this lesson. When you play, success is usually short-lived, and the question always arises: "What next?" But if you are experimenting, it is not the future result that is important to you, but the present. Experimenters enjoy the process, they live full life rather than being in constant expectation of future success.

Remember that there are no bad results, the main thing is to draw the right conclusions and move on. Feel every moment and life will be filled with new colors.

Chapter 9. Accept boredom with gratitude

We are so used to engaging our minds with something outsider, like a smartphone or a tablet, that we do not leave much time for reflection. If we suddenly have a free minute at work, we immediately go to check mail or likes in social networks... But in fact, boredom can be very useful, because in these minutes we have time for creativity. Thoughts cling to one another, and a great idea can be born as a result. Think back to yourself having productive thoughts while jogging, in the shower, or before bed.

These minutes are very important. At this time, our thoughts come in order and are formed into ideas. Therefore, do not rush to occupy every minute of your life with some kind of action, especially if you are solving a creative problem at this period of your life.

Chapter 10. Getting rid of the inner critic

When we scold ourselves, all desire to try again disappears. It seems to us that nothing will work out again, we reproach ourselves for every small mistake, we stop taking risks and experimenting, and as a result, our productivity drops.

But being tough with yourself isn't the best solution. After all, only love and a benevolent attitude towards oneself help to achieve greater success. If a person is happy with himself and confident in himself, he sets more serious goals and knows that failure will not break him.

When we criticize ourselves, we are wasting our time. Of course, it would be ideal if someone constantly supported and praised us. But you need to start first of all with yourself. Listen to your inner voice, do not focus on failure, occupy yourself with something else. And in those moments when you have achieved something, on the contrary, focus on it. Analyze what exactly led to your success and congratulate yourself. Gradually, your confidence will increase and you will love yourself even more.

This does not mean that you will become arrogant. No, insecure people are arrogant, this is their defense mechanism. And the one who loves and values himself will not demonstrate superiority in relation to others. People will feel your love and kindness, thus, and your relationship with others will change for the better.

Chapter 11. Preparing for the Worst

When we are afraid of something and are not sure of ourselves, we try to delay the future, be it a conversation with a boss or a presentation of a project. Visualization will help you here. Close your eyes and imagine the worst possible outcome (for example, that the presentation failed miserably, you were criticized to smithereens and stripped of your prize), feel this state as sharply as possible, feel the heartbeat and experience disappointment. Then open your eyes and exhale. You've just gone through the worst. You have passed this test, which means that it will be better in the future.

This approach will help perfectionists who procrastinate for fear of not being perfect. This method reduces the fear of failure, and also with its help you replay possible scenarios in your imagination and understand what is worth doing and what is not, and thereby you visualize success.

Chapter 12. We act according to circumstances

If you find yourself in a situation where you need to make a quick decision in an unknown environment, take a short break (walk around the office or go to the bathroom for a minute). This time is enough not to make a hasty decision.

There is no need to lament or adjust the old plan to the new situation. Imagine the result you want to get based on the current conditions. Rate your options. Make the most appropriate decision at the moment and move on. No matter how you plan everything in advance, force majeure always happens and changes occur. Therefore, the ability to act in unforeseen situations is a huge plus.

Chapter 13. Strengthening Relationships

In pursuit of a career, many ignore friendly relations at work, which is fundamentally wrong, because a friendly relationship is the key to success. Consider the following guidelines to help you communicate successfully:

- look for a source of inspiration in other people, instead of focusing on their shortcomings;
- do not write off those people who once let you down or showed themselves from a bad side. People tend to change, in the future they can provide you with invaluable help;
- if you feel that there is a dispute, it is better to retire. If this is unavoidable, change your tactics and start listening to your opponent, instead of violently arguing with him;
- do not make excuses. If you did something wrong, admit your guilt, thereby you will show that you always take responsibility, and this is a trait of a strong personality;
- don't expect people to behave the way you want them to. Better to change your approach to people according to how they behave;
- when the situation gets out of control, do not follow the lead of your emotions. First, look at the situation from the outside, calm down your negative emotions and only then speak;
- with new acquaintances, you should not advertise your offspring (for example, a business or a project) from the first minutes, tell about yourself without any masks. Open up to people, let them believe in you;
- if you are constantly shifting the responsibilities of others, set boundaries: determine what is important to you and what is not; answer “no” to the request, not to the person, and always explain the reason; if the person continues to insist, be adamant anyway; do not be afraid to miss something (refusal does not mean a lost opportunity, but a compromise, because in this case you will have time for a more important matter);
- show empathy, show people that you believe in them;
- Thank people sincerely. It will be better if you acknowledge not only the merits to the company, but also the personal qualities of the person. This will give him an incentive to express himself further;
- when you are attacked, instead of defending yourself, ask questions - this way you can find out the reason for the incorrect behavior of the interlocutor and there is a high probability that the situation will be resolved peacefully.

Chapter 14. Optimizing work habits

Often we spend at work, if not half of our lives, then a third - that's for sure. Therefore, it is so important to create a friendly atmosphere around you.
Do not give vent to emotions - in an unpleasant situation it is better to be alone for a while, to comprehend what is happening and only then make a decision. You don't want your colleagues to think you are hysterical or crazy, do you? Don't compare yourself to others - this is a dead end path. Remember that each person is an individual. Everyone has their own skills, abilities, goals, positive and negative sides, character traits and personality traits. Focus on your strengths and help others develop their best qualities.

Take it for granted that everything is changing, including ourselves, so approaches should not remain unchanged either. However, do not confuse a commitment to results (becoming a good husband and father, living a healthy lifestyle, making your business successful) and a commitment to the means by which you will achieve that result. Determine for yourself when you need to revise the tools. Just as you don't need to think that they should be unchanged, you shouldn't constantly worry about whether you are doing everything right now. Just set a timeline for when you need to reevaluate, and for now, proceed as you intend.