Why people love to speak nasty. Psychology neutralization of harmful people

What it looks like: you are convinced that you seemed to you, you have false memories of the resentment, or that you have hallucinations. This is done in order to sow you doubts about you yourself. Then you will be a toy in the hands of the manipulator.

What to do: keep a diary where to fix oddities and visit the psychologist. When you catch the Gaslavier on the hot - go. These people are not treated.

PROJECTION

As it looks like: a person accuses you and those who are surrounding in what is inclined. Liar - in lies. Grubian in the soldiers and so on. The person considers him an innocent angel.

What to do: Do \u200b\u200bnot listen, do not express sympathy. Do not support conversations on these topics. In severe cases - leave a person.

Meaningless conversations about nothing

What it looks like: you are drawn into a conversation, from which there is no benefit. "But if all women gave the opportunity to kill children, how would the world looked like?". The task of making you a listener of self-examination.

What to do: just do not participate. Exactly from the moment you stop understanding, why do you need it?

Generalizes

As it looks like: the keywords "everything, always, constantly", etc. "" You are always frowning "," all the guys goats "," you are constantly nervous. " Any particular case is erected into the system.

What to do: Do \u200b\u200bnot keep a conversation. Ask a question: "What problem do we decide now specifically?". If there is no answer, leave the topic.

What it looks like: your words are releasing and brought to the absurdity. Phrase: "Cookies burned" is interpreted as "Ah, you do not love your mother-in-law?"

What to do: the feelings of guilt are waiting for you. Do not take it. Go from the conversation by warning that you will not discuss fiction.

Captures

How it looks like: You will always be not good enough to love you. Yes, the house is removed, but from work you come late.

What to do: Have your personal opinion. You do not get approval here, no matter how you jumped for this carrot. Solution: "Don't like? Do better, but itself / sama. I will not seek the ideal. "

Change the theme to avoid questions

As it looks like: "It doesn't matter now, you would have thought about something better."

What to do: "We either discuss it, or do not discuss anything. It is important".

Hidden threats

What does it look like: "You understand what this will end for you?"

What to do: "No, say right." If you evade direct response, write yourself: "You will cease to give money for children, I understood correctly? OK, I will take it right now and take action. "

Brand and calls

As it looks: you will be brought with the last words so that you are confused.

What to do: "I will not let us communicate with me in such a tone," and immediately interrupt the conversation. Get out of the house, hang the tube, interrupt decisively.

Toxic disappointment

As it looks like: you gradually explain that you are nothingness, your merits are funny, and the only benefit from you is to serve a toxic person. "Well, at least cook you can, and the singer you are no."

What to do: break the relationship at the first attempt to devalue you. This is not treated, the poison will enter you a drop of many weeks until you feel yourself with a complete insignia.

Lie and gossip about you behind your back

What it looks like: there will be no direct conflict. Just people will gradually begin to keep out of you, having heard woven.

What to do: Find out the source. "Who told me about this? - M-mm, everyone says. - Choir? Who said first? Why doesn't he tell me it in the face? ". After that, it is openly withdrawn a gossip for clean water, with noise, public and public exposure. They are afraid of this.

Love and sharp disappointment

How it looks: you are surrounded by adoration, then to sharply begin to criticize when you will be on the seventh heaven from happiness. Such a difference breaks self-esteem and you try to heal before those who adored.

What to do: ask a person about his past relations and colleagues. If you hear something like "they are full of insignificance" - do not believe in one praise you from this person more.

"YOU CAN TRUST ME"

As it looks like: you are actively telling what a good person in front of you, as you can rely on it and in general.

What to do: do not believe in words. Trust deeds. Hover about Help itself. Self-ability is generally alarming bell. Good people It is usually no need to carry out self-testing, they also know that they are good.

THIRD WHEEL

As it looks like: you are told that you are bad and put in strengthening the third person argument. "So my sister thinks so."

What to do: do not believe. You are lying or a third person configured against you. Talk to the third face alone, and explain to the manipulator that you do not specify the mass of opinions. "What do you want from me, not sister?"

Innocent piercing degrading you

What it looks like: you are told nasty as if joking and laughing. The task of making you unsure.

What to do: not hurry with the answer immediately. To think a few seconds, after which clearly declare that you never want to hear about yourself anymore. Exit communication if it happens.

False apologies and promises

What it looks like: in front of you repent and ask forgive.

What to do: believe not in words, but deeds. Do not forgive until you make sure that the person actively stopped doing what I apologized for.

Catering jokes, open aggression

As it looks like: Evil is laughing at you and with pleasure.

What to do: answer ice aggression, without increasing the voices strongly, but threatening and prohibiting such behavior. If the reaction does not follow, go away.

Indulgent jokes

As it looks like: you are as if patted on the shoulder.

What to do: "What makes you think that it is entitled to talk to me, eh? Come in yourself, you are not my parent "

Lying

As it looks like: you recall past mistakes or sins to make you guilty and obedient.

What to do: Do \u200b\u200bnot frank with people you suspect in toxicity. Prevent such attempts with solid: "This is only my business, not yours."

CONTROL

What it looks like: you require a report on expenses, your time, your friends and your feelings, etc.

What to do: noticing the trend, raise the issue as hard as possible: "Why do you think yourself have the right to demand a report from me in this? I am an adult, and cope myself, without control. "

Everyone someday may come across that people said nasty to his address. Sometimes it is done for our back, and we will find out about it by chance. But some individuals do not need anything to give something like a certain one in the face. With a cute smile ..

Let's try to figure it out why they do it.

The first reason is the elementary uncompatory and the lack of a sense of tact. Sometimes they even consider the ability to cut the "truth-uterus" in the eyes of their great dignity. Such people are able to embarrass everyone at the table at some ridiculous remarks to those who gathered or tell you when meeting: "Oh, well, how did you grow up, do not find out", or "Oh, how bad you look." It is meaningless to be offended - after all, they don't even understand what they said something wrong.

The second reason is envy. Moreover, envy can be the most unexpected things. For example, the ease of your attitude to problems. What to talk about the success and happiness in personal life. When I got married, some unmarried girlfriend found it necessary immediately to talk a lot of impartial about my newly minted spouse.

The third reason is vampirism. There are people who experience psychological and even physical need to say nasty. This is rechargeing their energy, gives them the opportunity to assert. As a rule, these are people with complexes that they hide behind their aggression, and with various problems - in terms of health, personal life, and so on. After all, a person who has everything is in perfect order, there is no need to look closely to the life of others and look for flaws in it.

The fourth reason is the desire to teach. There are also people who for some reason feel themselves mentors. Sometimes it is homegrown psychologists who seem to be sustained by all questions. And here they give you advice, but with some, so let's say, negative howl. For example: "You are weak, nervous, clamped, so you do not work." Or: "Your relationship with your husband is clearly not harmonious, and if it is not changed, you will break out." Often they endure their problems on you.

The fifth reason is good intentions. It is most difficult to hear nasty from your loved ones. Something exactly loves us and wish us only good, but nasty or a negative coming from them in connection with this, only confirm that the road to hell is paved by good intentions.

The sixth reason is impunity. Especially often you can meet on the Internet - in social networks And people relax on the forums, because they feel safe. They begin to shine with their "intelligence", sophisticated in sharpness and hang labels.

So, we skip the crowd by the ears as if it was not. And calmly translate the conversation to another topic. Another attempt to say nasty - and again Ignore. It can be healthy with opponent and even teach it something. And you can also represent an indelial interlocutor behind the glass, from where it is not heard, or mentally put a mirror between it. These are classic techniques from the field of psychology.

Ekaterina Shcheglova

Plotting in dirt

Since the rest of the rest is in dirt, it is best to communicate with them calmly and good-naturedly. Using quiet questions, refrain from increasing the voice and arrogant comments: it makes people defend and behave even more bold.

This method is similar to a small exam, the purpose of which is to find out what the person is annoyed. Holding to a detailed, non-aggressive tone, you will notice how surprisingly changing the poisonous behavior of the chopping in dirt, as it becomes calmer, softer, as smiles when it is possible to get to the truth.

Most often people humiliate you when you have the fact that they do not have, or when your behavior in any way hurts. In most cases, they feel near you are not in their plate. Therefore, the method is no less successful and based on compassion, which will facilitate communication with them.

Chatterbox

When communicating with a chatter, the voltage is irreplaceable. He will help you keep cool. Try a replaced fantasy way. Boltunas should be aware that their endless turning, as a rule, is inappropriate, so the open protest method will also be effective. It is best to resort to him without strange witnesses, because the talker will have to save the situation to preserve its dignity.

You can start with the fact that you are affectionate and tenderly wrap the chatter, as you love it (if so), but sometimes he talks too much about things, not all interesting. Teach Boltun to look at the expressions of persons and poses surrounding to understand the degree of their interest. At the first moment, the chatter can be shocked, and this will cause a protective reaction. If so, you will have to be more frank and lead examples of its tedious chatter. But do not forget to assure that you still understand it and love it.

Offer him to remember that a certain gesture is raising eyebrows, touch - can serve him by a signal to convert the conversation. Often, protective reactions and fear are caused by the inability to own elementary communication skills and understand the language of the face and body of others.

If the chatter is impenetrable or continues to use your time and energy, you should show hardness, applying a way of an open protest, and not let it cross the boundaries permitted.

Consumer

When communicating with the consumer, the open protest method is one of the outputs. This method allows you to understand that you feel used and offended. In some cases, the resistance on your part causes the consumer to test the banks for their nasty. If your friendship is not indifferent to the consumer and respect, he can take a different look at himself and on your reactions. If you manage to keep calm, the open protest method will make it possible to establish a dialogue that will help restore spoiled relationships. If you feel that you are trying to manipulate, use you in this situation, tell me straight and hard: "No, it will not go. I won't let him behave with anyone, I don't like it."

Another option is to leave and no longer give the consumer to use you.

Evil junk-tyran

Very often, these dictators, if they fight with them the same weapon, are experiencing at the same time amazement and disgust for their behavior. In essence, allowing their anger to rebuff, it is possible to protect yourself once and for all of such attacks. Shouting louder than they, you will again gain courage.

In addition, the method of scandal is suitable in contacting-tyran. Do not let him torment you with its "faders" and enjoy your humiliation. On the contrary, act boldly and coolly. If you put it in place, the junction can even construct you. Do not deliver his pleasure to imagine your fear.

Your tyrant-boss will also feel respect for you, although it can explode even stronger. You will win anyway: Even if it wates his rage on you, you, at least, keep your dignity. Another opportunity - go away from thrust-tyrana and stay from it as far as possible. Humorous way will help. There are many cases when good-natured humor saved the position and dust of Tirana fed.

Joker

The way of an open protest immediately gives a joker to understand that you do not consider it witty and do not intend to be an object of vile jokes and stories.

It is necessary to stick to the solid tone to make it shift. Do not be afraid to talk with a joker in a similar way, because he does not understand in a good way. When the joker releases a poisonous speed to your address and is justified by the fact that he "just faded", or tries to raise you with the remark: "You don't understand the jokes?" - Put it in place immediately. Tell him that you understand the jokes, but do not find anything funny in what he slipped. Do not worry that you hind him or get his feelings. In the end, this person does not care about your feelings.

Since the joker brings to him the wall of jokes to protect his chilly self-esteem, you may not be able to break his offensive behavior. Joker can just wait for you with hand and continue in the same vein. In this case, refer to the method of scandal. Also remind the joker, applying the way of an open protest that today's heavy position in the world will quickly put an end to his jokes, especially if they are dangerous from the point of view of interracial or sexual behaviors.

Nevezha

In communicating with ignorant, all variety of methods at your disposal. What you choose depends on how neither the rigid fetalob or stupid. Start with the way of removing the voltage if the opponent will seem to you so unbearable that you can keep anger you can only delay your breath.

It is usually not enough to pour out your anger to ignorant. Therefore, it is possible to influence it with the help of an open protest, explaining how to a small child that his actions are completely inappropriate.

Madman

With madmen, the best ways to remove tension and quiet issues are best. The calmer you hold on, the less provoke a madman and the easier it will be to communicate.

Ultimately, you can always get away from madness and engage in more pleasant things, because without professional assistance they will never be able to change their hard behavior. Do that in your power to send such a person to the doctor, and if you can't succeed, save yourself. Even if you are beyond yourself and are ready to strangle the one who makes you nasty, always suppress your aggressive impulses and do not make what can spoil your future and expose the life of danger.

Faced with madness, never try to deal with your hands, but try to find legal paths. Then, no matter how painfully it was, tell me: "I will not think about it," to cope with bitterness in the heart, sowned by a madman.

Acklessly lgunushka

It is best to cope with a shameless lnicker will help a way of quiet issues. If, suspecting him in a lie, you start to pour questions, the lnugushka will eventually bend in the corner and will appear in an uncompripable form.

Then comes a turn of an open protest, which gives the liarichka to understand that you have been painted it, as some of the lnugs hide the truth only in order to hit you. You may want to help them save a reputation, even though you know what they are lying. Take the method for removing the voltage, and let the lnuging weave anything. And if he wants to impress you harmless fudges, apply a humorous way. Easy smile on your face often shows the liarichka that you know the true state of affairs, but do not tend to humiliate it.

Dirty dog

The Paktochnyh is worth exploringly to understand that his nastyness is not welcome and look disgusting. The method of scandal, and then the way the retreat is best explained in the insection of this type your attitude towards it.

You should not be polite and friendly with Paktochnyh, as it is usually impressive on them. These manipulators are too dangerous, so after ask them to peppers, go immediately! Do not let pauses in your life.

Miser

Scrolls are a classic type of harmful creatures, for they have an unusually low self-esteem. In dealing with the miser, you can help a way of quiet issues. Specifying certain questions, you will give him to understand how trouble is unpleasant. Most likely, the soul will be confused by learning about your point of view. And the answers spree the light on his hidden fears, which will make you more understanding and patient towards the opponent, even if he behaves unworthy.

Another way is an open protest method. The necessary conditions - compassion and understanding, therefore, communicating with the souls, follow the friendly tone. The way of love and good will best demonstrate your empathy.

Narcissus

Narcissus is not able to talk about anything if it is not related to himself. It is best to communicate with him a way of love and good, since by thely love and absorbed person's own person, Narcissis is solely because of deep fears, uncertainty and commissionality. Understanding this will help you better feel the problems of Narcissus and successfully interact with it. Narcissus does not seek by anything to be an egoist, it is so due to low self-esteem. Narcissus does not know how to give something surrounding, because it is too exhausted, worthless and busy with his problems.

If its self-absorption depletes your patience, the method of removing the voltage will calm you and help continue communication. If the egoism and the insecurity of Narcissa hurt you, you must speak about it using a method of open protest. However, adhere to a calm, restrained tone, otherwise you will not listen. If you begin to accuse him and say the bitch, Narcissus will defend themselves, scolding you and denying her egocentricity. His "I" is usually fragile as the egg shell.

If you notice that Narcissus communicates with you only when it is convenient for him, does not pay attention to your words, translates all the conversations for yourself, you can ask why he chose you. You can declare and leave Narcissus. Most people who collided with Narcissus ultimately prefer the way to retreat, since the moment comes when their patience is bursting. After you stop communicating with Narcissus, thoughts will help you: "I will not think about it," when you unexpectedly remember him, and a humorous way that will show all the absurdity of his behavior.

Supplies

Despite the fact that the priests are unscrupulous manipulators, you lack courage to blame them in everything, because in the depths of the soul you still believe that at least the smallest of what they say is true. When sugar flatter begins to simply pour through the edge, the way to remove the voltage will help you cope with unpleasant emotions. If this is not enough to overcome the hostility, grab the humorous way in order to suspend the desires of the prize to please you.

You can smile and good-natured to say: "Well, come on, go on, do I really, as you say? Probably, you need something from me." This combination of humor and an open protest can cause a denying an explosion, after which it is not bad to put into the course of other funny observations like "If you don't stop talking to such a honey voice, I will get diabetes," or "You will throw this sweet syrup to me to see me How will the ants cut me? ", or" Are you still not tired? " Show them that you see through their subchalim "things." If you can no longer carry the podliz and their flattery, try to apply the mirror method. Speak with them the same way as they, imitating their sweet voice. Usually they guess what is the matter.

Self-aided despot

Faced with a smug despot, immediately show him the method of quiet issues, as far as it is unpleasant and boring you.

If, on the other hand, the smug despot takes an impregnable position and you find that it is dangerous to use the method of mirrors, stop at the method of a substantiated fantasy, to spend time with despot without prejudice.

Snob

When the arrogant will tighten their favorite song "I am better than you", the method of quiet issues is best suited. Ask snobs more questions so that they understand all the absurdity of their claims to others. Questions like "Who told you that you are better than the rest?" Or "Why wouldn't you talk to such a person?" They are usually knocked off with them, as they do not know what to respond to it.

It is very pleasant to express in the arrogant snobs all that you think, for they do not expect such a turn of events and are shocked by your attacks. If you find that there is enough palls from the arrogant snob and his friends, throw them and leave, saving your nerves. People who consider themselves better than you do not deserve attention.

Competitor

Nowadays, women often succeed more than their men's friends, and some unsure of themselves, representatives of strong sex can not accept it. Although many of these men consider themselves highly developed and progressive people, they, like fossil, unable to get rid of the youthful belief that boys should be more, better, stronger and smarter than girls.

Mentor

Mentor - Little Despot - just can't live without playing the role of the first violin. But if children can still be raised, then adults with their established beliefs and values \u200b\u200bare experiencing irritation and humiliation, when someone is trying to control them.

Do not let the mentor descend. Explain that you do not concern His desire to lead everything, but attempts to lead you annoy. At the first suspicion of such behavior, you need to apply a method of open protest. The method of the mirror also creates miracles, forcing the mentor to alert, for he instantly boils at the slightest attempt to control him himself. The mentor cannot clearly tolerate, so that it came to him as he comes with others. Remember that if you insistently unnecessary it, it may not be indebted and fall into fury. However, feeling on his skin, what is it when you are taught, what, how and when to do, he will stop attempts to indicate you.

Ruthless mentors deserve the method of scandal. Turn on heels, tighten your stomach and loudly declare that no longer fail controls and instructions what to do, since you are a reasonable adult person who can independently make decisions. A little rude will show this person to which anger you are capable. If nothing helps and the mentor continues to manage you, delivering anxiety and grief, you will have to retreat. Otherwise, be sure: you will stop being yourself and you will seek to think on your own.

Suspicious skeptic

Show as much patience as possible. The voltage removal method will help you get rid of negative emotions. If you decide to support skeptics using the love and good method, then you may acquire good friends and allies.

If these people are too acting on your nerves, you will have to retreat in the same way as in the case of other harmful creatures that you take a lot of energy. Leave them to the care of psychologists!

Harmful people at work

Like the neighbors, the staff do not choose - if only you are not heading the company. But today's situation in the financial world sometimes even leadership allows you to choose employees and customers to choose yourself.

In our turbulent time, the employee must own communication skills with all types of harmful people in order not to lose job. In the workplace, the ability to interact with difficult personalities is a truly survival issue. Ways to remove the voltage: "I will not think about it" and a substantiated fantasy can be your closest allies at work.

Harmful chiefs. The bosses are bosses, they are the first violins, so you respect them or not - the question is minor, if you want to keep the job and make a living. The main thing for you is to learn to adequately do with them and fight your own anger. Harmful people who endowed with the authorities are inclined to be evil built-in-tyranans, accusing critics, mentors, consumers, competitors, smiling two-way Januss and squeaks or their options.

If you value your workplace, other methods may turn out to be risky. It is impossible to force the heads to defend themselves and put them in the non-departure light, since it is always always for them and you cannot do anything about it - so express your anger more acceptable way.

If your work does not present for you great value, risk and applying outdoor protest methods, quiet issues, mirrors or scandal. In the end, is it worth staying for work, if anxiety and tension threaten your health? Leave if you can. We need no need to be victims. Now there is an opportunity to raise the voice, leave or go to the appropriate instances that will help us find out the relationship.

Harmful staff. A harmful employee can appear in the batch of a competitor, pulling into the dirt, smiling two-faced Janus, a gossip, a pacia or instigator. Although the work environment is very different from home, many people tend to look at the chef as a parent, and in the employees to see brothers and sisters. As a result, it is often transferred to the working environment.

Most efficient to harmful employees are applied ways to relieve tension and quiet issues. Never lose self-control and do not take off the scandal. The verbal violence at work is unacceptable in any kind! Whatever the situation has developed, you must behave as a professional and a cultural person. If you are too provoked to a quarrel, use a method of open protest and with a harmful employee, and with the boss, directly stating the latter about what happened. Give a difficult colleague to know what you understand what is happening, and you are not going to go about him, but go to the highest bosses - to the chief - for justice and justice.

Harmful subordinates. Some subordinates are so envy to their superiors that they take the role of a gossip, "dormant, but deadly volcano," instigator, adjustment, self-satisfied despote or suspicious skeptics. Subordinates should behave correctly with the head of at least due to their position, while the boss should respect the subordinates, while occupying the position of the authority. The boss, displeasing subordinate, should always keep calm, never give in to anger and not to use the scandal method. In handling of harmful subordinates, it is necessary to own ways of open protest and quiet issues.

Harmful professionals. There are harmful representatives of power and there are harmful professionals: doctors, lawyers, businessmen, politicians and even psychologists. As far as these people were formed, no matter how they successfully succeed in school, subsequently at the medical institute, lawyer and with successful surrender of all exams, it does not give them the right to consider themselves above others and insult them.

Too often, professionals are covered with their titles and degrees that give them the opportunity to feel more significant and powerful. Too often, they show their poisonous behavior as evil junk-tyranny, fatal wrestlers, competitors, smiling dirty yanuses, sweeping in dirt, daffodils, arrogant snobs, mentors or suspicious skeptics.

Such harmful professionals need to be put in place. Their task is to help and maintain. And it does not matter how well known these doctors and lawyers or how many articles are written about them, - first of all they must help you. You pay them money, you need their services, so do not be afraid of them. You have the full right to ask them questions and count on polite appeal. It is best to use when communicating with harmful professionals a way of quiet issues. Keyword - calm. In the end, they are also sensitive creatures and often offended if your voice sounds like a claim. They will begin to defend themselves, talking to you hassle or rude. Therefore, communicating with them, it is extremely necessary to follow their intonations.

Keep calm and polite tone, loud enough, but not sharp and not shrieking. If, despite your tricky manners, their tone leaves much to be desired, use the way of an open protest and tell me calmly, but firmly that you prefer more polite entry and do not suffer humiliation.

Harmful staff. Harmful people from the service personnel can manifest themselves like underwent snobs, self-satisfying despots, consumers, evil rinsing-tyranny, chatters, competitors, smiling doubled yanuses or podlises. Perhaps many sellers today are rude and disliked because they envy your ability to buy what they themselves cannot afford. They would be willing to be in your place - the place of the buyer, and not the seller.

Whatever made such people to poisonous, you should not suffer from this. Now you have the opportunity to deserve to leave unpleasant provisions. Harmful members of the service personnel need to use open protest. If it does not help, try the method of the mirror, and if it does not work and it is not to take their help at all. It is better to use the method of scandal and retreat - go and do not pay for unwordified services.

You have a choice

From all sides, the lives of harmful people poison. They learn from everywhere in our everyday affairs. But enough to run away and hide. If the image of a harmful person is applicable to someone from acquaintances and you will understand that it is in it that you repel that one of this understanding will be enough. In fact, everyone understands - it means to forgive, and you will no longer have to accumulate unpleasant feelings.

We hope when you learn them in more detail, you will begin much better understand who is who in the world around you

"A blow to the nose is directly obviously and quickly heal. But the blow applied to your self-esteem in the right way and opening timecan cripple you to death "
~ Jer Carter, Doctor of Psychology

We all had faced with people seeking somehow mocked us, humiliate us and destroy our self-esteem. And it's not so important where you come across them - at work, at home, or in a circle of friends. Next to us will certainly have at least one person who appeals to us much worse than we deserve.

And the worst thing is that they reduce our assessment as thin and unmarried ways that other people do not always see it. And if we try to explain what we feel, our tormentors will easily transfer everything to their own way, putting us excessively sensitive, egoists and prone to spelling judgments, turning from victims to offenders.

I hope when you explore them in more detail, you will begin much better understand who is who in the world around you:

1. They make you unsure

One of the methods of nasty people - constantly maintain insecurity in you. You never know when they explode hysteria or do something that will bring you out of themselves.

For example, it may seem to you that you have achieved mutual understanding, you have appeared common topics For fun, and you, in general, began to trust this person. And so, when everything goes in a similar way for a while for some time, suddenly a nasty man does something that turns out everything that was before, and again plunges you into the state of uncertainty and uncertainty.

You never know exactly what to feel about this person, and therefore create an emotional crutch, convincing themselves that you still like it.

2. They like to project their feelings on you

The projection of feelings can be explained very simple: this is when a person takes on the basis of his feelings, but places responsibility for them on you. For example, a person who dislike you can tell you: "I think I don't like me."

They conclude you into the framework of their projection, forcing you to explain and justify before them. And instead of thinking about the intentions of nasty people, you begin to doubt your own feelings.

3. They often try to manipulate you

Manipulators seek power. Vile people want to feel higher than you, and often - and make you assume that you are obliged to them. Such behavior is often found among politicians and managers.

For example, if you are asked to work overtime, you already have plans for this evening, your boss can try to convince you that work is much more important than your plans.

And if you recall those evenings that you worked overtime earlier, he will most likely try to turn everything in such a way that, allegedly, you were called on them themselves, or they worked out some kind of "service" of the boss.

4. They are always trying to impose their opinions on others.

Vile people love to hang labels on people around, and then behave as if everyone agrees with them. For example, saying "you are irresponsible", this person considers himself by saying that you are such a person, and everyone around will agree with this characteristic.

Nasty people hang labels for you because they are subconsciously trying to break your self-esteem in small crishevo instead of helping you cope with a real problem (if present). Help will cope with the problem - it means to take on and part of the responsibility, and it's not ready to go for nice people.

5. Even when they say the truth, they generalize and inflate her

Take care of generalizations. Vile people often use generalizations in order to make an elephant fly. For example, if you forgot to remove in the apartment, a nasty person can say: "You will never help me" (translation: you forgot to remove in the apartment), or "From you no use" (translation: you forgot to remove in the apartment).

And again, instead of doing a real problem, they beat on your self-esteem. The problem is that in the apartment is dirty, and not that you are useless or do not help.

6. They shall shock beats

"I do not want to upset you, but ..." (most likely, you will be upset by something now). "I do not want to interrupt you, but ..." (but already interrupted!).

As a rule, nasty people who are going to strike a shock to you, they say a soft, sympathetic voice. Their faces seek sympathy. They may seem with my flies - only in the second hand behind their backs to squeeze the dagger.

7. They are investing double meaning

The double meaning is usually manifested in phrases, whose words say one thing, and the tone is completely different. For example, nasty people can ask you with a mockery tone: "Well, how are you?" And if you answer, how, most likely, you want, "I went out!", A nasty man with a clean conscience will tell all his friends that you have a bad mood today, and you rush to everyone, but he just asked how You are doing

Vile people are large masters in the compilation of phrases with a double bottom. Observers, they may even seem harmless, but you immediately feel how they beat right into the target.

8. They love to break the conversation

Another valuable instrument of a nasty person is to overturn a conversation on the half-word. If he asks you to tell something about yourself, be sure - it will break away before you finish answering.

Yes, and their questions often with trick. If you ask something like "did you stop drinking brandy in the morning?", Know, the correct answer to this question simply does not exist. A vile man can even break the dialogue with you in the middle, leaving you alone with a bunch of unspoken thoughts.

9. They raise you to the top, and after wing wings

But when you really need help, a nasty man gently and unobtrusively switch your attention to your negative features. So he will be able to beat you the wings, so that you have to enter your own sense of superiority and instill confidence in you, what you need it.

10. They use "Double wander" on you

"Double wander" is the most darling of all their techniques, because with it you hurt yourself and in the event that you agree with them, and in mind. For example, if you burn the courses for improving self-esteem, your "second half" can start you to envy or assume that your increased self-esteem Something threatened her. And in the end, you encounter an ultimatum: "Or I, or your courses."

Of course, you are not going to abandon the well-established personal relations for the course - but thereby you deprive yourself the slightest chance of entering the slightest positive changes.

How to avoid influence of nasty people

Now, having learned about 10 methods that are nasty people spoil your life, you are not only much better imagine how to resist them, but also better understand the vile people themselves, and their intentions.

No wonder they say that knowledge is power. And even if we cannot avoid some people in our lives, we can at least avoid their traps.

And after all, everything that is needed is to pay more attention to the behavior of the people around us, and behave with them more confident and assertive.

06.02.2018 10:15:20

When you say nasty - it spoils the mood and underestimates your self-esteem.

If you say nasty in response, then you will definitely fear for a conflict, and in vain will spend your precious energy. And if you endure - you can get sick.

How to be?

In my life there was a period when my girlfriends and acquaintances did not speak to me at all - one pleasant compliments. It was when I just moved to live in the city. I did not have a permanent job (and at 18 and without experience it is unrealistic to find it), I did not have beautiful and fashion clothes. All girlfriends told me: "You are my good! My Poor, let me help you!"

The poor and unhappy girlfriend highlights self-esteem, so I sometimes got sick with housing, helped get a job, gave unnecessary things ...

But in a year the situation has changed dramatically. I found good work, and even started to make a career. Entered the institute, and began to dress beautifully. Now I could give my belief my belume. And then it began!

My cute and wonderful girls began to tell me nasty! My new shoes, in their opinion, were ugly! In a perfectly sitting dress, I looked like scarecrow! Hand-held crocheted openwork sweater was called "Babskaya", although I saw exactly the same on the podium on the last fashion show ... and in general, I suddenly turned out to be disgusting taste and style ...

And then I got to the mirror, looked at myself, and could not understand what's wrong? The thing is sitting correctly, makes me slimmer and above. She is elegant. Ideal asked color and style. But why do girlfriends say that everything is bad?

At that moment my boss was saved. I somehow asked her how a new dress sits on me, is it going to me? But her short answer: "Everything is fine" - I did not satisfy me. And I complained to her that girlfriends speak the opposite.

And she said the phrase impaired me:
"Oksana, and for what you love you? You're smart, beautiful, you make a career, you can afford a lot, plus you study at the institute. You do not like what! .."

Since then, I have ceased to react to destructive female attacks. And understood one important thing: "Friends are not known in trouble, but in joy."

If your girlfriend tells you that you have grown or stood, or even worse - I looked down ... If your luxurious handmade sweater, she calls "Babskaya", and tries to convince that your Italian handbag is tasteful ... Think! And whether she is your girlfriend?

Then I seriously began to think about the fact that the poor and unfortunate girlfriends although they can make your self-esteem well, but at the same time they are always ready to articulate you, and if possible - and crouch ...

Therefore, I just try not to be friends with those who bite.

How do I react to moral bites?

If you are told the nastyness - try to "get into the skin" of this person. Why does he tell you it?

Sometimes I hear nasty to your address. As a rule, it happens at meetings with long-range relatives, former one-logbooks, etc.

Sometimes I have nasty in social networks. Well, jealous of me, what can you do? I do not argue, I do not justify, I do not go down to their level and do not bite in response. I'm just their bath.

And, by the way, I'm absolutely not upset. You see what's the matter. I became a florist and a master of decorative and applied creativity in 20 years. And how I sold the figurines of Chinese Buddhas and cracked vases! Naturally, I had colleagues who openly hated, and spoke all sorts of nasty. Well, dog with them! Dogs are lit, and the caravan goes. I'm used to :)

At 24, I became a successfully exhibited and sold by the artist in the city. They often wrote about me in local newspapers, filmed an interview. I began to find out on the street. Sometimes uncle-artists fit me and they began to tell me that I was disgusting, I had no feeling of style, and my technique was lame. Only one is not enough: my paintings exhibited and sold, and they are no ...

Therefore, I always looked at all such bites with pity. If a person is forced to go down to it - it means that it pushes him to that.

Well, if some kind of lady comes to me on the page and writes that I am a fool, and I look bad - I just feel sorry for this woman. She is so hard that she spends his precious moments of life to sit on the net and throw their own intellectual garbage. Poor!

Well, I can just remove nauseous :).

"Spee in the root", as the goat rods said. And I will add: "Site in the root, and do not worry :)"

If you are caught off?

Well, what if you still hurt? For example, a colleague spoke negatively about you, and even public? Or your boss is jealous, because you confidently make a career, and generally slimmer it?

How to be? After all, sometimes it is not always necessary to say nasty in response. And in general, why drop to their level?

But you feel bad. You constantly chase your insult in my thoughts, suffer ... You can get sick!

What to do?

Write to this person a letter. In the letter, tell him everything you think about it, you will finally be pulled out if you feel that you need it. Write that he is ruthless bastard, but life will show who is right :). Meet yourself!

This letter does not need to be sent. It is important to simply complete this gestalt, calm down and no longer think about it. Everything:).

If you are "lucky" to work next to a disgusting colleague or bosses, which (about misfortune!) You envy you and regularly say nasty - use the other method of gestalt therapy.

Get yourself a habit couple a week to knock out a rug, a pillow or beating a pear in the gym. The rug can be called the name of your boss :) Submit to him and say: "Well, Marywanna, dreamed? To scold me upheld. I completely blocked! Now I will beat you ..."

Should I say nasty in response?

It is definitely not worth it. Be wiser. Sometimes you can just regret it. After all, if you are thrown in you with your intellectual poop - understand, at first, these "poop" man keeps in himself, and they stink in it, poison all its existence. He himself suffers from them, and most likely, it suffers much more than you!

Somehow I stand in the store. On me a luxurious fur coat, stiletto boots, makeup. I cutely communicate with the saleswoman about what kind of dress I better buy is the blue, in which I look amazingly, or it is an elegant black, in which I am just a miracle as good :). And here is a woman older than me for ten years. You know such ladies, they always have the right and harsh facial expression. This, for example, was similar to my Tirant-teacher of English, which I was panically afraid of all my childhood.

So, this thuranche approaches me, and says something like: "And nothing to do so!"

And that's right, what is I doing here, in my beautiful mink coat?

I make an exceptionally stupid facial expression, and I agree with her: "Oh my God, what you mean, and I did not know that I would have shifted! Thank you, you opened my eyes!"

All, conflict has been exhausted. Tirant is suppressed, and the saleswoman gladly giggles :)

But think why she was generally fit? Because in his soul she was bad or even gadko, and she was looking for a victim. And then I stand, in a beautiful fur coat, calmly talks to myself compliments, and in general, I even go dresses ... So she decided to bite me. In order for me to bite her in response. And then she began to grow out at me, and to rip out and throw it out! Because there is nothing to go shopping at full parade. After all, you need less shifting, be angry and unhappy, like she .... And if you are not like this - wait for punishment!

If I had to conflict - it would give this aet a lot of pleasure. And I would leave the store upset, with bleeding emotions and ripped feelings. And I, damn, agreed with her, stopping the conflict in the root ... And it will be worse only to her. And this is her choice ...

Or other situation. I meet the former classmate, and she says: "You have become a blonde! Fu ... you don't go!"

What to answer her? "Look at yourself!"

But why? To get in response, the whole ears?

Much better to say: "Yes, yes, I will definitely think about it. In general, it's so nice when others notice the changes in me!" You are so cute! "

Somehow brilliant Faina Ranevskaya said:
"If you have done a nasty - give it a candy. You are fat - and you are candy! And give candy until this bastard does not happen sugar diabetes!"

Therefore, do not spare sweets! Distribute them generously :)

Well, if you want to always competently leave conflict, it does not suffer from understated self-esteem - study my in this case, I would even call it "the nonxusation culture" :)

"I stopped offended, dine my stress and began to lose weight!"

I thank Oksana, Olga and Elena for such deep and serious work with cadets "How to raise the self-esteem of a woman."

The main result of the course passing the course for myself awareness that you need to work on yourself constantly, systematically, even when you do not understand clearly, as it acts, you need to take and do every day. Make every day to get a wicked result for yourself.

I revealed for yourself the causes of difficulties in relationships with men, and taking into account professional recommendation The author of the Oksana Dupalyakina and Psychologist Olga Shevchenko developed a detailed work plan in this direction.

On the course I learned how to get rid of old disorders, mastered the technique of forgiveness, so we can say. And it has already given its results. For example, got rid of the resentment for the scored kilograms - and immediately began to lose weight (-2 kg. In a row), it turned out everything in a row and wanted to do the charging. Get rid of the resentment for unfinished cases - and immediately began to compelling the long-standing.

I matured, became more serious about my life, I realized that I could really a lot. And again she took for himself that my life is in my hands.

No longer wanting to offend anyone. Old resentment leaves thanks to the practice of forgiveness, and new people do not appear. I do not want to be offended at all, and it's great !!!

I began a crucial work on the "instill" of love for myself. This is also a daily mandatory practice for me now. And for the first time in my entire life, I am consciously and scenario working on the most important thing.

I learned to cancel the old negative installations that interfere with living full life, and replace them with new, positive.

In my arsenal, now a whole set of techniques for solving problems in life, I have mastered not only theoretically, but also practically.

Thanks to fellow fellow men. When you see that such cool girls side-side with you work on improving the quality of your life, seriously, and at the same time, fun and enthusiasm fulfill recommendations and get results - you charge this energy, and you understand that too much You can.

In my future plans to work up to the victorious end of the practice of forgiveness, love yourself deeply and hopelessly :). Work out tasks for self-knowledge and eliminating fears. Work further over an increase in income and reprogramming, and continue to successfully learn on the course "Dao: Way Way."

Successes to all of us! Maria.

"How I learning myself to love
We vaccinate useful habits,
And I look at the world positive! "

Thanks to the course "How to raise a woman's self-esteem":
- I began to listen more. He learned how to catch negative thoughts and switch to positive.
"I stopped criticizing and scold myself - now in any of my act I find a positive intention, which means that I stop experiencing a meaningless sense of guilt.
- I am a source of joy, inspiration and positive emotions :)
- I began to compare myself less with others, to envy. I realized that my life is interesting for me!
"I stopped worrying about what is happening around, more focused on myself."
- Side effect: I have noticed for myself, in which direction I want to develop in the creative and intellectual spheres.

Now (in addition to the main tasks of the course), I plan to go close to reprogramming, and then practice forgiveness, learn something from the literature to return to the Tao course at the new level. I would not want to write now on all my goals now, but I will share the results!

Main conclusion:
It is necessary to work on yourself! And work every day! To keep the results obtained, and then increase - you need to perform practices daily. "

Marina.

We remind you, we have a new set
On the online intensive "How to raise a self-esteem of a woman!"
For cadets Dao!

You have another 3 days to keep up with this group.

This is a 15-day online intensive passing in group therapy format, with me and our psychologist Olga Shevchenko, in a special closed group of VKontakte. Access to all materials and tasks of the group you will have 2 months! And at the end of the intensive, each cadet receives an individual consultation on solving his problem!

18 comments

06.02.2018 13:09:21

Oksana, thank you for such an informative article! In the spring, I entered the course of the Dao and began to transform, at that moment my relationship with my friend began to become worse. I intuitively began to feel wrong and stopped talking about my diligent work and successes, I became more silent with her. And here in one day she became me to say that my jacket emphasizes my big shoulders (although I have an hourglass figure), I began to ask why I didn't tell her about my success, and then I also asked why I am so Heavily breathing! I replied that I was cold and we went faster, the conversation was not set. Only then I realized that I was in a rage and restrained with might and main, so as not to answer rudely and do not shine at her. In the end, I still answered her sharply, but I still restrained myself yet. And then my girlfriend stopped communicating with me. I constantly thought about it in the style of "Yes, how she died with me not to communicate." It began to work according to the practice of forgiveness. I realized that it was originally our communication began when I was in the position of the victim. I asked her help, she always helped the calming angel. And then I started reading your, Oksana, books. I confess, there was a period when I was terribly shown what was written there. So I was given an analysis of my behavior :) I read the books and began to make up, gradually I became more fun, you started to communicate more people with me, unexpected gifts began to appear. I am glad to come from the position of the victim. And I am glad that we no longer communicate with that girlfriend, we can rarely tell each other a few words, but I don't want to be friends with her, I feel good with himself. I had a wine for the fact that I was rude to her, offended her, but she helped me when I was very difficult. Your article showed me the other side of our communication.
I worked on the episode of our quarrel in the practice of forgiveness, wrote letters, but still, when I remember this situation, then already almost shakes from anger and from what I think I must apologize and again be friends with her, and I I do not want, and since I don't want, then I'm bad, she did so much so much good, but I am not grateful. I will reread this article and work on it.
Thank you for writing about the environment. Now I will remind myself that I am not a victim of circumstances. Now I try to do so, I don't see who I don't want to communicate with anyone, I began to use the dysfil method, it's somehow myself it turns out at the right moment, and if parents are watching TV, then I quickly do business In this room and go to another room and sew your dress, read. Thank you, Oksana, for such a useful article!

06.02.2018 14:05:54

Irina, you can ask for a girlfriend to ask for forgiveness (even mentally, presenting this situation), or write a letter. And the feeling of guilt will leave, and new and interesting people will surely come to your life.

06.02.2018 13:10:58

Girls, I still found one interesting chip!

I check a man on the sewage of the photo Oksana D. (our coach of L.R.)
When I communicate with men, sometimes I show the photo of Oksana and ask what the impression of this girl produces. I say that photos from the Internet, I don't know the girl, so they can tell the truth.

So woob, has already noticed one tendency: men who searchable, smart, kind, cash, usually delighted (or at least neutral) respond about Oksana. ...

But critics, lazy people, and home tyrants she categorically disliked no one photo! ...

Coincidence? --- I do not think!

Therefore, girls, get rid of urgently (and not laying out for later) from shyness and grip, from our complexes! We only attract to their lives of reptiles, buttons, and home despots!

When I enrolled on the realtor, I began to be automatically all my unenviable workers! They themselves Obud ** were in the pants, having learned that I will have such (communicable) profession!

So dare, allow yourself more, and you are a hoarse, how will your surrounding start changing!

06.02.2018 17:52:34

Thank you, Oksana, for the article) For me, she is very in time .. however, once the other day there was a case when I realized that the "girlfriend" is about the girlfriend more to me ((although friendship and long-standing .. but somehow all the "nasty" The attitude to me was accumulated .. I just didn't give any of those who "returns" to the "return", but it is harmful to me in the future, because a person does not understand that he touches my feelings ..
Oksana, what do you think there is a real female friendship? And how are these "real" to attract in your life?)
Thank you))

07.02.2018 12:51:47

This female friendship lasts up to 5-8 years. Then boys start, love, rivalry.

There is no idealized friendship. This is an illusion. There is mutual assistance, yes. There are cooperation and mutually beneficial interests (while we are looking for a husband, we go to walk together when there are children, help each other to sit with them). But it is important to understand that this is a person of your sex. Mammal, with a poorly referred to the brain, and as a result of the rival.

In this case, there are no stupid illusions, and no one will ever betray you.

07.02.2018 05:54:59

Once and I sinned envy. Thank God, I realized that she was unprofitable for me, well, pulls energy out of me! I prefer to take into the allies of those who envy: development goes instantly and in the shower, getting rid of pride and in real life.

07.02.2018 07:42:38

oh, I was exactly the same!
I terribly jealous of one girl, whom my former loved to me.

But then I noticed how it decesses me, and decided to simply copy her a lot of things that I had envy (femininity, softness, ability to listen, ambitiousness, love for myself).

And really, I have become better. And the desire to envy, and a hundred times to check its page was gone.

08.02.2018 16:10:55

Hello, girls and Oksana! Thanks for the article, came just during. In the morning, I wrote a parent on the discussion in the gazebo on the gifts: "In my opinion, you began to play in kindergarten". And I replied not by the method of dysfil and all day in the morning I was spoiled by my bad mood and the fact that I all closely took to my heart. About others people are clear
But how should I have answered in a general gazebo on her message to me using the dysfil? Please tell me

01.05.2019 00:04:33

Hammer!
Oksana, and if that thistus in the store I pushed you and I also got around, as if it was her pushed it, and not she, how would you do? To what limit are you ready to demolish insults and attacks and give candy in response?

By the way, I recently met the girl who behaved the way you recommend in one of my books describing a girlfriend that did not know how to cook large corn cobs in a small saucepan, because But they were not placed entirely. In a conversation with me, that girl also diluted with his hands and exclaimed: "Ah, what to do?" The answer was simple and obvious. And I, as a parrot, for each exclamation with a smile answered the same phrase "to do something." Obviously she wanted me to do it instead of her. I realized that she was absolutely not sincere and her manipulator. This person is not pleasant to me.