How to learn to resist manipulation. A simple method of dealing with a manipulator - you will be amazed at the result! Why is this happening

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Manipulators deftly instill in us a sense of guilt, blackmail, threaten, flatter. We carry out their wishes or orders to our detriment, as if having lost our will. Such games sometimes last for years, poisoning life.

Remember your inalienable rights

• You have the right to be respected by other people.
• You have the right to express your feelings, opinions and desires.
• You have the right to set your priorities.
• You have the right to say no without feeling guilty.
• You have the right to get what you paid for.
• You have the right to express your views that are different from those of others.
• You have the right to protect yourself from physical, mental and emotional threats.
• You have the right to build your life according to your understanding of happiness.

Keep your distance

In communication, the manipulator constantly changes masks: with one person he is emphatically polite, with another he is defiantly rude, in one situation he is absolutely helpless, in another he is extremely aggressive. If you notice that someone is prone to such extremes, keep a safe distance from this person and try not to enter into contact with him unnecessarily.

Most often, the reasons for this behavior are complex and deeply rooted in childhood experience... It is not your job to fix, re-educate, or save the manipulator.

Don't take his words personally.

The manipulator's job is to play on your weaknesses. It is not surprising if next to him you begin to feel your inferiority and even blame yourself for not meeting his requirements. Track these feelings and remember that you are not the problem. You are manipulated to make you feel not good enough, which means that you are ready to submit to someone else's will and give up your rights. Consider your relationship with the manipulator by answering the following questions:

• Does he show me sincere respect?
• How reasonable are his expectations and requirements?
• How balanced are our relations, or is only one of us invested in them, and the other receives benefits?
• Is this relationship preventing me from treating myself well?

The answers to these questions will help you understand whether the problem is in yourself or in another person.

Ask him test questions

Manipulators always overwhelm you with requests or demands, forcing you to forget about yourself and switch to their needs. Having heard another unreasonable call addressed to you, shift the focus of attention from your own person to the manipulator. Ask him a few test questions, and it will become clear if he has at least some self-criticism:

• "Do you think this is a reasonable request (demand)?"
• "Do you think this is fair to me?"
• "Can I have my own opinion on this?"
• "Are you asking me, or are you saying?"
• "And what will I get in the end?"
• "Do you really expect me to ... (reformulate his request / demand)?"

By asking these questions, you put a mirror in front of him, and the manipulator can see in the “reflection” the true meaning of his request. Most likely, he will back down and take back his demand.

But there are also completely hopeless characters among them who will not even listen to you and will continue to insist on their own. In this case, use the following tips.

Do not hurry!

Another favorite technique of manipulators is to get an immediate response or action from you. In a situation of lack of time, it is easier for them to manage you and achieve their goals (in the terminology of sales professionals, this is called "closing the deal").

If you feel that you are under pressure, take your time to make a decision. Use the time factor to your advantage, distance yourself from trying to pressure you. You will retain control of the situation by just saying, "I'll think about it." These are very powerful words! Take a break to assess the pros and cons, and consider whether you want to continue the discussion, or is it better to say no at all.

Learn to say no

The ability to say "no" is generally the most important part of the art of communication. A well-articulated refusal allows you to stand firm while maintaining a normal relationship.

Remember that you have the right to set your own priorities, the right to say no without feeling guilty, and the right to choose your path to happiness.

Tell him about the consequences

In response to a rude intrusion into your personal space and unwillingness to hear your "no", tell the manipulator about the consequences of his actions.
The ability to predict and articulate possible consequences convincingly is one of the most powerful tools for taking the manipulator out of the game. This confuses him and forces him to change his attitude towards you to a respectful one.

Fight off the offender

Sometimes manipulators go as far as direct bullying, trying to intimidate or harm the victim. The most important thing to remember here is that such people cling to those who are considered weaklings. As long as you are passive and compliant, you are a potential victim for them. At the same time, at heart, many of these offenders are cowardly. And as soon as the intended victim begins to show firmness and defend his rights, the manipulator often retreats. This rule works in any community: at school, in the family, at work.

Studies show that many abusers are themselves victims of violence. This circumstance, of course, in no way excuses their behavior, but it is important to remember about it in order to be cool with their attacks.

Preview photo: Orion Pictures

The boss complains about the difficult situation in the company, so you have to perform some of the responsibilities that are not spelled out in your employment contract? A distant relative sighs sadly and complains of high blood pressure, and then the topic of conversation turns to the ground, which must be dug up in the country? If you have encountered similar situations then this topic is definitely for you.

Acquaintance

How to communicate with manipulators? This question, probably, was asked by almost every person who had to intersect with people of this type. Communication with them is quite an interesting but difficult process. Many people fall under the influence of manipulators and cannot get off the hook. This is a difficult situation, since such individuals actively use their tools to influence other people. Usually this is flattery, well-built blackmail and a game of guilt.

Often they still use energy vampirism. Therefore, people in their environment tend to spend not only their money and time, but also their own life resources.

Why endure

Many are faced with the question of how to communicate with a manipulative mom. It would seem that you cannot just take and ignore a dear and dear person. In such a situation, people realize that they have a manipulator in front of them, and they have to arbitrarily follow his lead.

We understand perfectly well that a person plays his role perfectly. Moreover, he achieves everything at the expense of simple dialogue... Most people understand everything that is happening, but they are unable to renounce such connections or tell a loved one about their refusal.

Why is this happening?

Most people are unable to answer the question of how to communicate with manipulative people. Some say that they cannot isolate themselves from the society of such people. There are cases of bilateral manipulation when people tolerate each other for some benefit. But still, more often than not, the problem lies precisely in one-sided manipulation.

Some people tend to lead a life of "victim", so they cannot say another "no" to a request that they do not want to fulfill. Perhaps they do not have enough courage, or maybe they do not want to offend the person. This is especially true of close people who have already perfected the skill of manipulation on relatives so much that it sometimes goes unnoticed.

Feel free to express your thoughts and opinions

As long as you are afraid to show your own "I", you will not be able to understand how to communicate with a manipulator - a man or a woman. Do not try to remain silent in a situation where this is absolutely impossible to do. You shouldn't be afraid to defend your point of view and views. If you do not understand this, then you will almost always have to live by orders. Moreover, under the influence of manipulators, most people begin to think in imposed opinions.

People who prefer to leave control of their lives in the hands of another person, and they themselves are ready to just go with the flow, often become victims of manipulators. It is in your interests and power to answer the person in person about what you really think about this or that situation. And until you learn how to do this, you will be constantly used.

Appreciate yourself

A huge number of women are interested in the question of how to communicate with a manipulative husband. This question is so relevant that it does not go unnoticed among psychologists. It is very difficult to say no to your chosen one when you depend on him. But! Even if you have lived together for more than 10 years and already agree with his behavior, then this is not a reason to continue living like this. It is important to understand that manipulation is a very insidious tool, not only for the person who uses it, but also for the person at whom it is directed. With experience, people who want to subjugate those around them stop noticing that they bring pain to their loved ones. Why is this happening? Manipulation became a habit with them.

Probably, you have noticed among your circle of people who carry out all the orders of their superiors that are not part of their work duties. What's more, these dedicated employees do not require additional payments or bonuses. The worst thing is that they are sure that sooner or later their work will be rewarded. But! The manipulator's task is precisely to "ride" such people and not give them anything in return. If you face such situations on a regular basis, then learn to fight back, otherwise your "professional" responsibilities will grow, and you will receive nothing from it.

Only you are responsible for your life

Adult children often ask psychologists questions about how to communicate with a manipulating mother. Some relatives tend to impose their "world view" on close people. In addition, they try to teach you how to live right and act in accordance with their opinion. People tend to be afraid to answer something contrary to their loved ones. Therefore, so often their point of view fades into the background. In this case, you need to understand that your life implies only your rules, only you have the right to dispose of it. Believe me, no one will be held responsible for their words if you decide to do what your relative told you, and this advice led to a disastrous result. Some people are able to understand this in theory, but someone needs to "step on the same rake" several times to understand this.

Keep your distance

Before choosing the tactics of communicating with a manipulator - a woman or a man - you should understand that such people know how to deftly change masks. With some people they can be polite and prudent, with others they can be rude and worried, and with others they can be completely helpless. Moreover, sometimes the manipulator can change masks with the same person, depending on his needs and interests.

If you notice such a person in your environment, then you should learn to maintain a safe distance with him. Don't let him violate your personal boundaries.

Remember that most often manipulators have been practicing their talent since childhood. Therefore, it is pointless to try to re-educate such a person. Making any attempt, you risk losing a lot of strength, time and energy.

Learning to say no

The most powerful weapon in deciding how to stop communicating with a manipulator is refusal. Don't be afraid to say no to someone who is clearly trying to take advantage of you. Remember that only you have the right to plan your time.

Once you get the job done, you may feel guilty about it. It is also necessary to fight with it. It is not your fault that you do not want to do something, it is entirely your choice and your decision. You shouldn't be ashamed. Try to remember this! Once again, say a clear "no" without worry and fear of offending someone.

Some people are afraid to refuse because they risk losing good relationship from the side of the person. Others consider it impolite and rude. Do not worry, because in relation to the manipulator, such fears are meaningless, because he pursues the only goal - "to ride someone on horseback."

How to communicate with a female manipulator at work? It's believed that professional sphere- exactly the environment in which you can most often meet people of this type. Here are some tips that work great when you need to fight back:

1. Don't hide your dissatisfaction or annoyance with a request or demand. Don't be afraid to seem like a resentful or extremely unhappy person. By showing your real feelings, you make it clear to the other person that you are uncomfortable with his intrusion into your territory. You can openly express your emotions with phrases: “it makes me angry,” “I shouldn't do this,” and so on.
2. Say no clearly and give a short explanation of your answer.
3. Offer the manipulator your own solution to his problem. And preferably without your help.
4. Listen calmly to your opponent's demands, and then pause for a long time. Let her fully express herself.
5. Repeat your refusal again. And then say the action that you are not going to perform. In this case, there is a high probability that this information will reach the interlocutor.

How to communicate with a manipulator - a man or a woman - is quite understandable. Unfortunately, most people are so open that they don't always manage to fight back. In this case, it is worth working on yourself in order to understand that you are obliged to do only those things that benefit you.

Do not hurry

One of the most beloved methods is to catch your victim by surprise. The fact is that when a person is unexpectedly approached with a request, it is much more difficult for him to refuse. That is why it is worth using the time factor. You don't have to agree right away, always answer what you think, and then you can definitely answer. This pause will allow you to assess the real situation and weigh the pros and cons before making a decision. In addition, this technique is great for people who find it very difficult to refuse.

Intuition

As mentioned above, it is sometimes difficult to resist manipulators, but it is possible.

To do this, you will have to work a lot on yourself, learn to distinguish between different forms and manifestations of manipulation, and also evaluate the behavior of your partner in various situations.

Some people rely on their intuition. And it works! Unfortunately, we rarely listen to her, but it would be worth it. The fact is that people tend to justify the actions and actions of others, even in the most unacceptable situations, and manipulators actively use this.

Introvert reaction

It is believed that manipulation is mainly committed by extroverts. And the hardest thing for them is to conduct a dialogue with introverts. It is difficult for them to be in the same room with them, and communication sometimes becomes unbearable. This is your weapon! You can be silent for a long time before answering the manipulator. Make a mysterious look and smile a little, then drag the pause for more long time... For the next phrase, too, keep silent. The manipulator must see that you are listening to him, no need to look around while talking to him. Concentrate on the conversation. After a while, declare that you completely agree with the opinion of your interlocutor, but such complex topic takes time to think. Sooner or later, the manipulator will lose patience with the introvert and will find a victim with whom it will be easier to negotiate.

Reactive manipulation

It is very difficult when you are surrounded by human manipulators. How to communicate in a family with relatives who prefer to “ride” you? Experienced manipulators often act as saviors or victims. This is the best way to win over a person. The highest aerobatics in dealing with such people is to break the whole course and the rules of their game. If the manipulator wants to get any help or benefit from you, then switch to victim mode. Complain about anything. It can be: an angry dog ​​at the entrance, debts to the bank or friends, bad weather... It is human nature to sympathize, and the manipulator is far from an insensitive person. When he begins to offer you help in salvation, turn him into a sacrifice. Note his age, high blood pressure, tired appearance, and then say some comforting words about his grudge against your comments. The manipulator, who finds himself in such a situation, will not want to continue his game with you, and soon he will completely stop trying to use you for his own purposes. And why waste your time on people like you, if there are many "victims" around, with whom it is much easier to negotiate.

And remember that only you decide whether to fall for the tricks of manipulators or not.

Each of us had to experience psychological pressure from acquaintances, relatives, colleagues and just friends. Such "attacks" always leave behind a disgusting feeling and force us to do what we absolutely do not want to do. They can drag us into questionable stories, and even if we feel that we need to say a decisive “no” and stop the manipulator, not allowing us to suppress our will, we often simply give up under the pressure of the emotions evoked in us. A manipulator masquerading as good intentions, as a rule, presses on our feelings of guilt or pity, deceives us, threatens, seduces, flatters, blackmails, and tries with all his might to get a concession from us.

How can you resist such an unpleasant onslaught and how to recognize the sometimes very talented masquerading manipulator? In this article, we will introduce you to the top 8 rules for dealing with manipulators to resist and nullify such emotional terror. These counter-manipulations will allow you to act at the behest of your will and feelings and to fight back the most skillful "psychological terrorist".

Rule # 1. Always remember your unshakable rights

The boundaries of the personal space of each of us are inalienable, and we have the right to stop the manipulator's attempts to grossly violate them. Remember that you have the right to:

• for mutual respect;
• get what you paid for;
• independently determine their priorities;
• express your views despite the fact that they do not agree with someone else's expectations or views;
• say no without feeling guilty;
• express your opinions, feelings or desires;
• build your life in accordance with your own understanding of happiness;
• defend against emotional, physical or moral threats or blackmail.

All of these boundaries or some of them are always grossly violated by emotional manipulators - they do not recognize them and pretend that their behavior is normal. Remember that only we ourselves can save this situation.

Rule # 2. Always keep your distance

Do not forget that the manipulator can deftly change masks. With one person he is very rude, with another he is hyper-polite and helpful, today he is completely helpless, and tomorrow he is extremely aggressive and not restrained. Having noticed such a person in your environment, try not to come into contact with him unless absolutely necessary. Try to keep a safe distance from him and do not allow him to cross the boundaries you set.

As a rule, the manipulator has been practicing this behavior since childhood. Remember that it is not your job to save him, re-educate him or correct him. By making such attempts, you risk personal space and wasted time.

Rule # 3. Do not blame yourself for not meeting the requirements of the manipulator

Any manipulator always plays on the weaknesses of others. When he achieves what he wants, he gains or simply indulges himself with the thought of the victory achieved. Using his tricks and baits, he makes you feel inferior or even guilty. Record such actions of the manipulator and, having tracked them, remember that you are not obliged to meet someone's requirements. Remember that the problem is not with you, but that you are being manipulated to make you feel good enough. Having achieved what he wants, the manipulator will certainly take the opportunity and subordinate you to his will, forcing you to give up your rights.

In order to thoroughly consider your relationship with the manipulator, answer yourself the following questions:

1. Does he show you respect?
2. Are his demands, requests or expectations justified?
3. Is your relationship preventing you from feeling good about yourself?
4. Is your relationship balanced, or is it just you investing your time and energy into it, and the other always benefits from it?

Answers to these simple questions will allow you to really understand the essence of the problem and answer the question - the problem lies in you or in another person.

Rule # 4. Ask the manipulator some distraction and verification questions about him

The main goal of any manipulator is to make you forget about your needs and switch to fulfilling his requirements or numerous requests. Faced with such a regular and unreasonable attack, shift the manipulator's attention from yourself to his person. To do this, you can address him several questions, the answers to which will allow you to find out if he has even minimal self-criticism. By asking such questions, you will, as it were, put a mirror between yourself and him, and he will be able to see the true meaning of his request or demand.

The manipulator will be forced to retreat by such questions:

1. Are you asking me about this or are you saying?
2. Do you think this request / demand is reasonable?
3. Can I have my own opinion on this issue?
4. Do you think this is fair to me?
5. What will I get in exchange?
6. Do you really believe that I will fulfill your demand or request? (Reformulate the manipulator's attack in its own address.)

However, there are such completely impenetrable manipulators who will not even think about the current situation and will stubbornly insist on their own, finding endless arguments. In such cases, the tips below will come in handy.

Rule # 5. Learn to say no

Always remember that you have the right to set priorities for yourself and plan your personal time. You have the right to say no and not feel guilty about rejection. A well-defined waiver will allow you to insist on your own and keep your boundaries of comfort intact.

Usually people are afraid to say no for the following reasons:

• are afraid to offend or anger, refusing to comply with the request;
• afraid of losing a good or supportive attitude;
• believe that it is rude and impolite to refuse.

In the case of a manipulator, such fears, to put it mildly, are irrelevant, since he always pursues his only goal - "to ride someone on horseback." That is why all our worries about the refusal to communicate with such aggressors are groundless. Only with the help of disagreement can you "win back" your personal space and rights.

Use these tips to refuse:

1. Show your irritation or dissatisfaction with the request or request. By showing your feelings, you will make it clear to the interlocutor that his intrusion into your territory is unpleasant for you. Use the phrases “it makes me a little angry,” “I'm not interested in this,” “I can only do this when absolutely necessary,” etc. to express your emotions.
2. Say no and give a clear and concise justification for your refusal.
3. Suggest a solution to the problem.
4. Pause for the other person to speak. Listen to him calmly.
5. Repeat your refusal - say the word "no", and then say exactly what you refuse to do, briefly explaining why you will not do it.

Following this simple rules, be persistent and consistent. Your tone should not inspire the manipulator with even the slightest doubt - this way you will not let him drag you into the discussion.

Make it a rule to do just what you think is necessary for you (that is, what you want to do is obliged or what benefits you).

Rule # 6. Take your time when dealing with a manipulator

One of the favorite methods of manipulators is to catch their victim by surprise. They try to get an immediate action or response, because when they are pressed for time, it is easier for them to achieve the desired result and control you.

That is why, when communicating with such people, you need to use the time factor to your advantage - this way you can distance the psychological aggressor, and it will be more difficult for him to achieve what he wants. Try to tell him one simple, but very effective phrase in such situations: "I'll think about it after." Taking such a pause, you will be able to realistically assess the situation, weigh the pros and cons, and think over the tactics of refusal.

Rule # 7. Warn the manipulator of the consequences of his invasion

In response to the treacherous or boorish intrusion of the aggressor into your personal space, or to the unwillingness to hear "no" from you, tell your opponent about the possible consequences of his actions. Be firm and confident in your statements, convincingly formulate the possible consequences of the current situation. Such rebuff is very effective in dealing with manipulators and can not only take them out of the game, but also make them treat you more respectfully.

Rule # 8. Give the offender a fight

Some of the manipulators can go as far as outright insults, blackmail, or intimidation. They tend to focus in this way on weaker individuals who are passive or compliant.

With all their formidable appearance in their souls, all aggressors are cowardly. According to many studies, such abusers were themselves victims of violence, and their offensive behavior is only a mask.

That is why if you show composure, firmness, calmness and self-confidence, then the manipulator is likely to back down. This rule works in all areas.

Remember that the manipulator will quickly move away from you if you show him that you are immune to his attacks and influence. With simple yet powerful counter-manipulation techniques, you can make him pass you by. The favorable result of their application in practice will give you the opportunity to make the aggressor feel that the boomerang launched by him will definitely return to him. As a result, he will secretly fear you, respect your personal space, and, if possible, try to avoid communication with you.

How to resist a manipulator? If you think that you are being manipulated, do not rush to blame it on paranoia. Relatives, loved ones, colleagues, and bosses are trying to manage us.

And everyone has their own trump card in their sleeve! How to resist manipulators who achieve their goals at your expense?

Sometimes it is difficult to understand that your feelings are being played to please your goals. Cunning lies in wait at every step. Even in the ranks of the closest there are notorious blackmailers.

Here's an example: you came to visit a compassionate mother and declare that you intend to marry a graduate neighbor. Mother screaming "On this one?" clutches at his heart, groans, gasps, and towards evening he finally takes to bed.

And you, of course, decide to postpone the engagement, because parental health is sacred. Think about how many times your parents reproached you with their nerves and gray hair for unreasonable decisions? But this is one of the most ingrained and classic manipulations.

Women are great at managing their spouses., pouting and resenting their delays at work. As soon as a beauty grumbles at the stove and goes to sleep in splendid isolation, the next morning she is taken to the store for new shoes and a dress. She has nothing to wear at all!

Even children - and those wonderful blackmailers and they clearly learned from their parents. Remember how not long ago you yourself convinced them: "If you don't turn off the TV, you won't get ice cream." And now they themselves are demanding payment for school fives.

Take a closer look at the bosses? Frequent nagging, public ridicule, dissatisfaction with the pace of your work - all these tools are in use in those who want to keep the situation under control. The motive for any manipulation is the desire to dominate everything and lead your life..

1. The first step is to change your tactics and your style of play. If the wife usually crushes, and you immediately concede (because it is more expensive for yourself), then now change your behavior dramatically.

Whatever the cost to you. This kind of shock therapy can also affect the manipulator. Why did the victim suddenly flutter?

2. Try to ignore the blackmailer... Usually you make excuses, promise to fix everything on time, get pity and agree with your guilt? Now look into the void, not paying attention. It is also helpful to blink your eyes and pretend that you do not understand at all what is at stake.

3. Try changing the subject if you feel pressure during a conversation. Distract the manipulator's attention with any news, anecdote, or a comment not in the subject. “Yes, I understand that you want to entrust this difficult matter to me ... Oh, and you have a leak here. I will now advise you such a master, he is just a miracle! Here we had a renovation ... "

4. Heal the wounds get rid of complexes and fears... It is very easy to play on emotions. For example, your deep sense of guilt allows the person you did wrong to twist ropes out of you. And you are glad, because, as it seems to you, you atone for the offense.

5. Don't go into debt both financial and psychological. If you owe someone, then you almost become a slave in his hands.

6. Take time out. If the request is difficult, don't agree right away... Say what you think, but heed the advice.

7. In stores do not use the services of consultants... Your catchphrase: "Thank you, I'll figure it out myself."

8.Examine your pain points... What particularly bothers you? Perhaps your husband constantly declares that you are a slob and a lazy person? And it hurts you so much that you refuse lunch with your friends and run to scrub the apartment before his arrival?

Let go of the desire to be the most better man in the world. Do what you yourself want, and once again think about whether it is worth living next to a manipulator.

9. Manipulate only those who "are glad to be deceived themselves." Improve your self-esteem, strengthen. Become too tough for all sorts of blackmailers.

10. In any story you can find a mutually beneficial compromise... Maybe there is some reason in the parents' suggestions?

What if you're really in too much of a hurry to get married? Make small concessions (for example, postpone everything for a month), but also demand a return from them (be polite to the bride).

11. Express and explain your opinion... Do you have a personal position? Here the wife thinks that it is necessary to rearrange the refrigerator, and she cuts every day, pressing on the most painful: “Are you a man or not? Maybe I should hire a worker? "

And you just don't like this idea. So say: “And it's convenient for me when the refrigerator is in this corner. So he does not block the window, and I admire that flower bed in the morning. " Perhaps this will sober up the spouse.

12. Do not forget, very often manipulators do this unconsciously. They do not understand what harm they do, how they hurt you. Sometimes a simple conversation can solve a problem.

Today we will talk about its types and techniques. Manipulation is not a direct threat, but an impact on a person through tricks, psychological pressure on weak points. And at the same time, manipulators force you to do what you would not want.

Manipulation is everywhere ...

Most often, we are not talking about strangers, but about those close to you: these are your friends, family members, children, bosses, employees at work. Those. the people you interact with on a daily basis.

In the process of manipulation, a person feels guilty, awkward, a feeling that he is being deceived.

Manipulators never persuade or ask. But they say something like that, and you start to do what this person needs. Manipulators have many tricks to influence. And the first thing they need is to hook you. To do this, the manipulator must be an excellent psychologist or just know you well: your weaknesses, your fears, what you can be caught on (for pity, guilt, responsibility, flattery, recognition, pride, glory).

For example, how to distinguish between hidden manipulation, when a person is flattering in order to get something from you, and sincere admiration? Very simply - this is your feelings. When the admiration is sincere, you experience joy, delight, and nothing negative is mixed with this feeling (feeling of awkwardness, embarrassment). The words spoken also matter: the manipulator, with flattery, will never say words of gratitude. Those. the one who flatters, he does not give thanks. And the words "thank you", "grateful" does not say.

• Sincere gratitude: “Thank you for coming last weekend and helping me at the dacha. It was a great help for me. I'm very grateful to you." How will you feel? Joy happiness. There will be no unpleasant aftertaste, no obligations.
• Manipulation: “You helped me last weekend - it was great. You always help me. And now I have so many things to do at my dacha that I don’t know how I’ll cope with them. One hope for you. " How will you feel? Blame.

Why do people manipulate others, because you can directly ask for something? Often they are not allowed to be proud, or they are simply not trained to ask for help.

One of the most common manipulations is when a wife manipulates her husband (the woman is her partner). “What a beautiful dress in the store! I wish it would look beautiful on me! " What will a man feel after this phrase? Will it feel good? No, he will feel irritated, the obligation to buy. Many men are resistant to this kind of manipulation since childhood. A man simply may not understand what a woman wants from him. He may be ready to buy this dress, but he really doesn’t understand what they want from him.

When manipulating, you will not wait for gratitude from the person, because he did not ask you for anything, he manipulated you. Those. you yourself decided and did it yourself - what to thank you for?

When you are asked for something, and you feel guilt, fear, embarrassment, or other negative feelings, you are being manipulated!

Manipulation techniques

We have already covered a couple of manipulation techniques above. Let's analyze a few more of the most popular ones that are used at work, at home, etc.

• The technique of accidental information leakage. Someone tells you something in secret.

Example: "I accidentally found out that at work everyone was given an award, but you and I were not given." Those. a colleague at work, knowing that you have a combative character, manipulates you so that you go to your superiors to "knock out" an award for yourself and for her.

• The technique of concealing a piece of information. When the manipulator gives you incomplete information about something.

Example: "Honey, I punctured the wheel." Although, in fact, she drove into the fence, damaged the bumper, hood and wheel.

• Technique of assumptions + distrust. When a manipulator shares his assumptions with you, they lay a grain of mistrust in relation to other people. And you cannot verify it.

Example: New coworker at work. The manipulator informs you: “I heard that the new girl was stealing on former job so she was fired. " As a result, you already have in your head distrust of the new employee.

• Acceptance of someone else's assessment of the situation.

Example: our television is Channel One, Vesti, NTV.

And if you acted in agreement with this assessment, for example, did not go on vacation to Egypt, because they said on TV that it was dangerous there, the manipulator achieved his goal. The money remained in the country. This is a typical case of how the state is manipulated.

How to resist? Those. you need to think with your own head. You need to listen to someone else's assessment, there is always some truth, they do not lie completely on TV. And then ask yourself, “What do I think? What could really be there? "

• Blackmail. The person is blackmailing you. This is pure open manipulation.

Example: A person knows that you were late for work yesterday, and the authorities did not notice it. And then at work there is some kind of trouble due to the fault of the manipulator, and he tells you: "Cover me in front of the authorities, I didn’t say that you were late for work yesterday."

• Demonstrating weakness and helplessness that makes you feel sorry or guilty. This is often a parent-child relationship. Children are very fond of making their parents feel guilty, and vice versa.

Examples: "I'm weak ...", "I can't figure it out without you, because it's very difficult here."

Those. as soon as someone starts to complain that he is all poor unfortunate, immediately be on the alert - they are trying to manipulate you!

• Best friend.

When you meet a person, and he immediately becomes you best friend, on the first day of acquaintance. Remember, there are no such cases. Such an instant "love" does not happen! Sudden love, trust, friendship - this does not happen - you are being manipulated!

New personalities always take time to build trust and friendships. It simply cannot be otherwise.

Therefore, if suddenly a sudden love or friendship has arisen in your environment, most likely it is a manipulator.

• They say the word "everything."

“Well, they do it all the same! Everyone is celebrating it! Everyone is wearing it! Why don't you do that? " These are typical manipulations. You must separate yourself from everyone if you want to be a person and live your life, and not the one that is imposed on you from the outside.

How to resist manipulation?

Let's take a look at a few common techniques.

1. Technique of endless refinement.

When a manipulator emotionally demands something from you or accuses you of something, you need to find out as closely and accurately as possible what is happening to him. At the same time, without entering into any wrangling, excuses or explanations with him. Those. you will be called upon to resist, but you must firmly hold on to the position of the "boring person." Ask the endlessly, go into the details - what do they still want from you?

Constantly ask clarifying questions: "I understood you correctly that ...", "What do you mean?", "Do you really think that this is so ...". Once you start asking questions, communication shifts from manipulation to intellectual communication.

The technique will also allow you not to lose your temper. After all, when they are trying to "knock you out of the saddle", to press your sick "buttons", you just need to switch to the mind.

2. Technique of external consent.

The technique is very effective against criticism, when you are openly rude, rude, just "run over". Examples: "You are a headless fool!", "You do not understand anything about this!", "Why did I agree to this at all ?!"

Those. manipulation is calculated on the fact that you will now emotionally explode and feed the manipulator himself with your energy. Or maybe you will also do something that is required of you.

How to respond to such manipulation? Just agree with the manipulator, do not give him a chance to continue the manipulation: "I agree with you", "Give me the opportunity to correct / prove to you ...", "I will think about your words." The main thing here is not to merge into irony or sarcasm - this will make the person even more angry.

3. Technique of repetition.

In response to attacks in your direction, you answer the same phrase all the time. This technique works great with children, because they can be unbearable just to the point of disgrace: "Buy a toy ...", "Mom, please buy me this car." Your task is to tell the child the same phrase, you can different types: "Sorry I can not".

Those. always the same phrase for any attacks from the manipulator.

4. Answer with the phrase "If I do it, it will not be me."

Example: The husband says, "Well, how much can you get ready, come on quickly!" You say, "If I do this, it won't be me anymore," or "I can't, because slowness is part of my personality," or "This is not consistent with my ideas about myself."

5. Technique is calm.

Those. when you are under pressure, they run over you, it is important to remain calm. In this state, you will be able to reason sensibly and answer the person sensibly.

6. Preliminary training on a foreign field.

If you know some weaknesses behind yourself (for example, you can put pressure on your guilt, you always help everyone without fail, or always responsibly fulfill all the roles that are given to you), then start breaking your usual role-playing image, break your rules.

And when you practice this, then when the manipulator tries to put pressure on your weak point, it will no longer work. You will know - I don't always do this, sometimes I break my rules - manipulation won't work.

7. Do not accept obligations that are imposed from the outside.

You need to proceed from the fact that you are bound by obligations first of all to yourself. When they try to impose some obligations on you from the outside, immediately say to yourself "Stop!" Even if you lose something from this. But it is not worth fulfilling other people's obligations.

8. Relationship in a couple.

When your partner tries to manipulate you, you need to clearly understand that the person will not stop this business until you indicate this. Tell your partner openly: “I can live without you, without your love / help, even if it is very difficult. But I will live without you if you don't stop doing this and this ... "

Those. make it clear to the person that you don't like being treated like this.

9. "Do it immediately!"

Another well-known manipulation technique, but already from marketing: promotions, sales, only today, only this week, etc. When someone demands your immediate consent to some action.

How to resist? You need to insist on detailed explanations of why you should do this and not otherwise. And when a person cannot clearly explain it to you, this is definitely a manipulation.

Let's sum up

• To avoid manipulation, act atypically. If you are a predictable person, you are very easy to manipulate. If you live like everyone else, according to the standard, you can be manipulated like “you don’t want to do”. Because your actions are stereotyped.
• Try to diversify your life. In the most common situations, behave atypically.
• Always respond appropriately in any situation.
• Be prepared for open disobedience, go against the crowd, against the majority, and meet the resistance of others. You will be disliked / hated when you begin to violate accepted norms and go beyond.
• If you want to achieve anything in your life, you have to be a person. A non-standard personality, different from others.

I believe that people need to be manipulated only in two cases: if they are children or old people, i.e. you are responsible for them. In other cases, live openly, without manipulation. Even at work with employees, be they wrong.