I'm afraid to tell my parents, they will swear a lot. Eternal threesome: how to help a child? What to do if a triple comes out in a quarter

I got two triples in a quarter, although I was always a good girl .. I don’t know how to behave .. I’m in shock, and I’m very afraid to tell my parents, they will swear a lot and even beat .. Is suicide a way out?
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Fallen Angel. , age: 15/20.03.2014

Responses:

Dear angel, first of all, you are not a fallen one! And why worry so much about some triples, now it seems to you that studying is the most important thing, but believe me: there are more important problems, compared to which these triples are real nonsense. Many generally have only threes in quarters in all subjects, and they are glad that at least not twos, you don’t have to take an example from them, I’m sure you are a diligent and smart girl, so you’ll fix everything in the next quarter. Tell your parents that you will study more in the next quarter and you will definitely get 4 in a year. And set that goal for yourself! Advice on how to get good grades: learn something assigned at home (theorem, paragraph, verse, etc.) in advance and raise your hand (teachers usually ask who wants to answer), take reports and messages (usually one gets fives for them ), go for extra. classes in lagging subjects (if you have such at your school). Then you will have several 4s and 5s in the journal, if you get 3 or 2 for independent, etc., then as a result, the annual in the quarter will be 4 and the annual 4, if in the other quarters, except for one, there are 4. Good luck !!! And don't try to do stupid things because of school nonsense! All the best in life awaits you! Many write that life began only after school, so you can’t deprive yourself of the opportunity to see the world and a lot of interesting and beautiful things in the future!

Julia, age: 03/26/2014

Lovely girl!

I'll tell you a big secret: school grades in real life mean NOTHING. True true. Losers become businessmen, and excellent students work for a penny - and this happens all the time. It is important for your parents that you study well - ok, try to study well. But don't be upset by a few triples. When they start arguing, don't make excuses. Silently listen. Ask for forgiveness. Be patient, friend. You will still have a wonderful life, honestly!

All the best to you!

Ekaterina, age: 30 / 20.03.2014

Suicide is by no means an option! Got triples - work on the bugs! They wrote correctly, a lot of two-three students took place in life, try, study, work with teachers. Next quarter you'll be good again!
Help of God! and courage when explaining to parents!

Elena, age: 36 / 03/20/2014

Talk in advance with the parent who is more able to understand you. Threes is not the end of the world. Everything can be fixed. The subjects are more complex now, perhaps you just need help, classes with a tutor in some subjects. You do what you can. But there may be factors that you cannot control. This is where parents need help. Refer to your classmates. Ask them, what are their marks in these subjects mostly? This is what is happening now in schools: textbooks have been changed in some subjects. Textbooks are extremely unsuccessful, experts say. My child is in 7th grade. The physics textbook is designed in such a way that children cannot figure out how to solve problems on their own. Most of the class goes to extra classes. Also an extremely unsuccessful textbook on the Russian language. Most of the tasks have to be done using the Internet. I don't know, maybe you have other Russian textbooks. Talk to your mom about it. This is not your fault. Just need some help and study guides where the material is explained in a more accessible and sensible way. There is nothing to be afraid of. Figure everything out, study on vacation, and fix everything. Not unsolvable problems. Well, and, in the end, if the triples are honest, if you didn’t cheat, then the triple is also an estimate. It is not always possible to study equally well in all subjects. In any case, this is no reason to give up. I had a friend of a professor who said: I know more than any academician. Because I have knowledge different areas at least three. It is impossible to be excellent at everything. This is absolutely normal. The main thing is that you have an idea about some branches of knowledge, and this is already good.

Olya, age: 42 / 03/21/2014

Listen, triples matter only while you are in school, as they said above - grades do not decide in life, that's for sure. Talk really heart to heart with the parent who is more gentle. I would do that. Whatever it is, be patient. Do not be afraid. Suicide is not an option at all, you haven’t even lived yet - you haven’t seen the beauty of the mountains, you haven’t seen the eyes of the guy opposite, who are in love to infinity, you haven’t seen your children, you haven’t lived just yet - you haven’t enjoyed the beauty and miracle of Life. There are dark, even black stripes. Just be patient. think that this will pass, that this is not forever. Everything will be fine, stay strong and don't give up!

Maria, age: 03/26/2014

The word "troechnik" in Russian has a certain and rather capacious meaning. It's not just a kid getting a "3" for something, a mark that annoys a lot of parents. This is practically a stigma and a school status, a kind of social assessment child, which is easy to get, but difficult to change. “What is a triple, neither this nor that,” many parents exclaim irritably, “it would be better if I got two, it would be clear that I simply didn’t learn it.” We often associate the “three” mark with dullness and the lack of any abilities, which in itself is very traumatic for a child, especially if his triples are a chronic phenomenon.

Of course, this is not as scary as being a loser and not keeping up with school curriculum. However, like all minor chronic troubles, constant triples greatly affect the child's self-esteem and the attitude of the school team towards him.

It seems that he taught and studied, and was present at all the lessons, and again 3-4 mistakes in the dictation, there are a lot of shortcomings in the math test, and the text that was repeated all evening was barely told in the lesson.

There may be several reasons for such a situation, when a child not so much does not keep up with the school curriculum, but falls short of his own capabilities: self-doubt, poor visual memory, inattention, fatigue, difficult relationships with classmates. The reason for the "triples" may also be banal myopia, which neither the child himself nor his parents suspect: sitting on the third or fourth desk, he simply does not see well what is written on the board. Finding and solving all these problems takes a lot of time. And this is a must do. However, it must be understood that the longer the child is in the state of "triple", the more difficult it will be for him to get out of this state, so measures to solve this problem must be taken immediately. As you know, “saving the drowning is the work of the drowning themselves” and you yourself can and should help your child, first of all.

Rule 1

Don't fight triples all over school subjects straightaway. Choose either the item that is most meaningful to you at the moment, or the item that the child will choose. It may be better to start with a subject that you are better at. Start doing it regularly and calmly, not paying attention to failures or the fact that as a result of your studies there are no visible changes in school grades. Chronic diseases are not treated quickly, and the result will definitely be. Sometimes improving grades in one subject automatically entails changes in the child's performance as a whole.

Rule 2. Evaluate the work of the child in your own way

Any, even the slightest success greatly affects self-esteem and is a powerful motivator. But what if the child has a constant "three" at school? Start your own rating scale, for example, not from 1 to 5, as in school, but from 1 to 10. This will allow you to more accurately track changes in the work of the child. For example, for the dictation again three, but this is according to the school scale, and according to ours, at home, we have risen by one point, because. errors are no longer five, but four, or they are less serious, in your opinion. If there is no improvement in terms of errors, find it in something else: the work is written neater, cleaner, etc., which means that the mark goes up on our scale. In this way, you will remove the feeling of complete failure from the child.

Rule 3. Set specific and realistic goals for your child. The child has difficulty accepting the general wishes of parents "study well to succeed in life." put in front of him specific tasks, for example, to reduce the number of mistakes in a dictation from four to three, etc. Rejoice with him if it worked out, despite the fact that the school mark has not changed. Do not set goals that are obviously impossible in the near future, such as writing a math test for five.

Rule 4. Teach your child to evaluate their work

Teach your child to adequately evaluate their own work. This is generally a very useful skill in life. Ask him to rate his own work. If you think that the child has overestimated her, calmly explain to him why you do not agree with him. If you do it tactfully, he will agree with you and give himself a different mark. If not, do not scold: next time he will be more objective. Having calmly thought and put a “three” mark on himself, the child will then not perceive it so painfully from a teacher at school.

Rule 5. Scold less, praise more

This is perhaps the most famous and at the same time the most difficult wish. It's hard to keep cool after parent meeting, where each teacher told you: it’s bad, it doesn’t work out, he didn’t finish his studies, he couldn’t, he is silent in the lessons, etc.

However, remember: even Dale Carnegie wrote about the low effectiveness of direct criticism. Try and find at least something small in your child's studies for which he can be praised. Let your school grades not change, but you and your child have been writing home dictations for a whole week and have never missed it - this is already a reason for joint joy and pride.

Rule 6. Set a "limit" on criticism

It is probably impossible not to scold and criticize the child at all. Therefore, it is very important to know a certain measure here. If you scold for another triple in math, don't notice the triple in reading or music. If you scold for a triple in Russian, do it once, and not constantly during the day and do not remind about it in the future. If you criticize and scold a child a lot, he will simply cease to perceive your speech (especially for boys) and become insensitive to criticism. The only real result of this will be your frustrated nerves.

Rule 7. Criticize the work, not the artist

This is also a well-known but rarely followed rule. When analyzing the work of a child, you need to monitor your language, how and what words you use. After a little practice, you will learn to automatically say “five mistakes were made in the work” instead of “you made five mistakes”, “written dirty and illegible” instead of “you wrote dirty and illegible”, etc. The assessment should be related to a specific object, for example, to writing assignment by history, not to the child who made it. At the same time, all of the above refers to negative assessments, positive ones can be safely addressed to the child himself, who was able to do something better than last time.

Rule 8. Teach your child to ask you what he does not understand

It is believed that the ability to ask is the basis of knowledge. Asking a clear, articulate question is worth a lot.

Make it a rule for yourself to always calmly and without unnecessary words (“how can you not understand this”, “I told you a hundred times already”, “you didn’t listen to me at all”, etc.) to answer the child’s questions at home tasks. It is better that you explain the same thing ten times than he does not ask you once when he needs to. Many parents are so annoyed by what they think are stupid questions of the child or his incomprehensibility that he avoids asking them and is left alone with incomprehensible material on the school curriculum.

Many learning difficulties and "triples" in primary school associated with preschool. The poor development of the child's speech prevents him from reading well, and this, in turn, affects the whole study as a whole. Underdevelopment of fine motor skills leads to problems in writing, drawing and reading. In the first grade, children are not given marks, and when suddenly in the third or fourth grade a child turns out to be a chronic C student, this is very surprising for some parents.

If your child's first grade is not easy, it may be worth not only reviewing his current work and hastily correcting mistakes, but paying closer attention to his studies. This will help him subsequently not slide into permanent triplets. As you know, it is easier to prevent some problems than to fix them later.

Sometimes your parents may seem like enemies to you, but in fact they are yours. best friends. If you are afraid to tell them about a bad grade, then remember that they will only be upset or angry for a short time and only because they care about you and want you to have a good grade. Telling your parents honestly about the bad grade can help mitigate the consequences of such a conversation.

Steps

Part 1

Review your report card. By looking at the report card, you can determine in which subjects you have excellent academic performance. In addition, you can see which items need to be pulled up. If you do not understand something or you disagree with something, talk to the teacher. You will need to talk to your parents about your grades, so you need to understand what's what.

Think about why you get bad grades. Write it all down possible reasons for which you've been getting poor grades lately. The first thing your parents will want to know is why you got bad grades. Be prepared to explain these reasons to them. Do not lie. Below you will find possible reasons for poor performance:

Talk to the teacher. If you know you're going to have a low grade in a term or semester, talk to your teacher about how you can improve your grade. Be honest with your teacher about why you are failing.

• Ask if you can get an extra grade by completing an assignment.
• Get your teacher's opinion on your progress. Teachers have a lot of experience in dealing with underperforming students and can give you reasons for your underachievement that you didn't even know existed.
• Ask for advice on how best to study and assimilate the material of the subject.

1. Make a plan to improve your performance. Use all the information you got from reviewing your report card yourself, as well as the teacher's advice. Thanks to this, your academic performance will improve significantly in the next semester. When you talk to your parents, show them your plan. This will show that you acknowledge the mistakes you have made and are ready to take action to correct them. Parents will see that you are behaving like an adult who sees your mistakes and is ready to do everything possible to correct them. This makes parents more likely to believe your promise to improve their performance. The following are ways to help improve grades:

   Make up your daily routine. Everyone is different, so it's important to have a schedule that's comfortable for you to follow. Write a schedule that includes space for homework and rest. You can immediately start doing homework after school or take a break for a couple of hours, and then do your homework. Choose what suits you.

   • Start doing your homework at the same time every day. If you learn to follow a set schedule, your academic performance will improve significantly.

2. Set realistic goals for yourself. Think about why good grades are important to you. What do you want to do in the future? Many students want to additional education and get hired Good work. Have you already decided where you will study after graduation? If you already know what you want to be, you can focus on learning the subjects you will need to know in the future. Find out what are the admission requirements for educational institution. Also, find out which GPA certificate is considered the most preferable for admission.

   Part 2

   Conversation with parents

   1. Don't try to hide your report card from your parents. Although you may have such a desire, resist the temptation. If you try to withhold grades from your parents, you will show your immaturity. However, if you are willing to tell them honestly about your achievements and failures, you will show yourself as a responsible person. In addition, if your parents find out that you tried to hide the truth from them, they may become very angry, which is unlikely to please you.

      Talk to both parents at the same time. Even if you have a trusting relationship with one of the parents, it is worth talking to both dad and mom right away. This will show that you are ready to admit your mistakes and discuss them with your parents. Thanks to this, you will be able to win the respect of your parents.

      • Tell your parents that you have bad grades before showing your diary or report card. It is better to hear bad news than to see it on paper. The reaction of the parents will not be so harsh.

   2. Explain the reasons for your poor performance. Parents need to know why you think you got bad grades. This will show that you are open to dialogue with your parents. Tell us about your strengths and weaknesses. Show the list of reasons you have compiled and discuss it with your parents. Be honest with your parents.

      Show your parents the action plan you made to correct bad grades. Tell your parents what you plan to do to improve your grades. Explain to them each of your actions and why it should bring results. Show your plan in writing so parents can see what you are willing to do to improve your grades. Ask your parents for advice on what else to do on this list.

      Find out what grades your parents think are bad. You must clearly understand which grades for parents are bad and which are good. This way you will know what they expect from you.

      Focus on the positive. When talking with parents, mention the positive aspects of the report card. Even if you have not only good grades in the report card, pay the attention of parents to positive side your progress. This can sometimes be hard to do, but try to focus on your accomplishments. You can draw their attention to good behavior or impeccable school attendance.

      • Pay attention to even minor improvements. Did you manage to improve your grade in any subject? You already long time Do you maintain a satisfactory level in the exact sciences?
      • Don't let bad grades overshadow your hard work. Of course, there are good grades in your report card that parents should pay close attention to. Also think about bad grades. Parents don't like your history grade? What was your grade in this subject last year? You may have improved your grades this year. If so, tell your parents about it. Also, promise them that you will do your best to improve your grades!

   3. Don't think that your parents will be very angry with you. Your parents were also children, so they are unlikely to be too harsh. Parents most likely remember that they got bad grades too, so if this is your first time, ask them to be understanding. Remember, if you talk to them calmly, you will cause less resentment and show your best side.

      • Be polite and show respect even when you are upset. Chances are your parents will get angry when they hear about your bad grade, but don't let yourself be angry in return.
      • Be prepared to accept punishment from your parents.

   4. Be an optimist. Bad grades are not the end of the world. The more you can improve your grades. Besides, you already have a plan to solve this problem! Promise your parents and yourself that you will do your best to follow through with your plan. Your academic performance should be very important to you.

      • Do not give up! Even if you are very upset, do not give up. Don't tell your parents, "I can't improve my grades! I'm a loser! I am stupid! It's impossible!" It is unlikely that with such thinking you will be able to maintain a positive attitude. If your goal seems unattainable, try breaking it down into smaller ones. Say to yourself, "I will try to write well on the test and improve my grade by at least one point." Achieving these small goals will help you improve your academic performance.

   5. Ask parents to talk to other parents or your teacher. Perhaps you think that the teacher is the reason for your poor performance. Be honest. Don't blame the teacher without good reason. This will only make the situation worse. However, if you know that other students also do not understand this subject well, or the teacher does not prepare you for independent work and tests in this subject, inform your parents.

   6. Ask your parents to help you improve your grades. Tell them honestly that it's hard for you to stick to a daily schedule. Ask your parents to supervise you. Promise your parents that you won't start to resent if they control the implementation of the plan you have drawn up. In addition, parents can help you in the following ways:

      • Parents can explain difficult material to you in easy to understand terms. Sometimes teachers and textbooks present the subject in a way that is difficult to understand. Parents know you better, so they can explain the material to you more clearly.
      • Parents can help you make memory cards.
      • Parents can ask you questions about what you have learned.
      • Parents can check your homework and correct mistakes.
      • Parents may give you extra tasks (outside of school) so that you practice more and can better understand the material.
      • You must understand that your parents are busy people and they cannot devote much time to your homework. So be grateful to your parents for any help they give you.

   7. Ask your parents to hire a tutor. A tutor will help you improve your grades. However, remember that tutoring services are usually expensive. Don't be discouraged if your parents can't comply with your request.

      • Your classmate who knows the subject in which you have poor grades can act as a tutor. In this case, you will receive the help you need, and your parents will not have to spend a lot of money on a tutor.

   8. Tell your parents about your current grades. If you honestly tell your parents about the grades you get, they will not be surprised by the low scores on the report card. Show them your independent and control work. Ask your parents to review your homework over the weekend. This will allow them to monitor your progress.

      • By doing all your homework on time, it will be easier for you to identify what you do not understand. If you received bad grade on control work, discuss with your parents what is the root of the problem, and also how you can correct the negative assessment. This will help you cope with any difficulties you face at school.
   • If one of the parents understands you better, talk to them first. Then talk to both parents at the same time.
   • If your parents are upset, stay calm. Don't start a quarrel. This will only make the situation worse.
   • Talk to your parents in a reasonable tone and listen to them. They just want you to be fine.
   • Release steam. Beat a pillow, ride a bike, play a computer game, or listen to music. Avoid fights with your parents.
   • Be prepared to accept reasonable punishment. This will show that you are serious about the current situation, and that this will not happen again.
   • Remember that your parents will always love you for who you are, even if you get a bad grade!
   • Tell your parents that school is difficult and that their support and help can help you improve your grades.
   • Pay attention to the positive things. Promise to fix bad grades.
   • Show the report card to your parents. Your parents will get even angrier if you try to hide your true grades. Therefore, do not fake estimates. Let your parents know what you are going to do to improve your grades.
   • Don't say, "My classmates are constantly talking and distracting me." This will show that you are trying to avoid responsibility. Be honest and be prepared to take responsibility for your wrong actions.
   • Prepare for the worst case scenario, but at the same time, stay positive.
   • Some parents expect a lot from their children. Ask your parents for help if you don't understand something. They will most likely be willing to help you.

DatsoPic 2.0 2009 by Andrey Datso

In elementary school, most children do well in their academic responsibilities, and C's are rare. But as soon as the loads begin to increase, the performance of some children drops: triples appear in the quarters.

For some parents, this becomes a signal to take up the belt, to refuse the child to watch cartoons, play games and walks, and receive long-awaited gifts. But is it worth it to do just that, and how can you help your child improve academic performance?

As a rule, threats and punishments bring some effect, but it quickly fades away as soon as the terror stops. At the same time, the relationship between the child and parents deteriorates, the child lives in constant stress, which does not add to his success in school and in life. If you really want to help your child cope with academic problems, you should give up terror and start acting differently. To begin with, you just need to look at the life of the child from the outside, at the schedule of his day and the circumstances under which he is engaged.

Maybe his grades have gone down because he doesn't get enough sleep and goes to bed too late? Maybe you do not deny yourself the pleasure of listening to music or watching your favorite series at full volume while he is doing his homework? Or did problems with academic performance begin after some dramatic event in the family after a sharp change in environment or life circumstances? - If you suspect something like this, you should first of all eliminate the obstacles that can prevent the child from doing normal work, normalize his life, and relieve psychological stress from a change of scenery or other circumstances that influenced him, if any. If there was a divorce, there was a death of one of the family members or the appearance of someone new - it is worth discussing this with the child, if necessary, contact a specialist to obtain psychological help. If the problem is solved, the child's academic performance will recover by itself.

In the case when the situation or the case becomes the reason for the decline in academic performance, as described above, other symptoms are also observed - some changes in the child's behavior, his apathy, or vice versa, irritability, and all this usually does not go unnoticed. But what to do in a situation if there were no stresses and problems, if the child behaves as usual, and just “rolled down to triples”? - In this case, it makes sense to start studying with the child on your own and consult with teachers who teach those subjects in which the child has ceased to keep up. In addition, in this situation, it makes sense to think about the need to hire a tutor - especially if it comes to a child who is in middle or high school and already clearly understands that he is not a humanitarian or a supporter of exact sciences. Additional lessons help in such a situation - the tutor will find an individual approach and present the topic in a more detailed and simple presentation, which will allow the child to understand it better.

First of all, do not swear, but treat this with understanding and sympathy, try to communicate with the child on this topic and find out his opinion. Maybe he himself will tell you exactly what is the reason for his school problems.

It is necessary to put the child's workplace in order, if necessary. The student should have his own desk with good lighting, with drawers for textbooks and books.

If there is a suspicion that the student has something wrong with his health, you should contact the pediatrician, who will prescribe examinations and express his suspicions, if any.

Poor performance in school can be inherited genetically. Remember, maybe you also suffered from similar problems in childhood, or did the second parent have those? If yes, then also remember how you managed to overcome these problems - this will be the best help for the child.

It is worth considering one more thing. Schoolchildren have this feature: their academic performance is most directly related to how his relationships with peers are, and how he feels at school as a whole. like respected guys, explicit and implicit leaders usually have decent academic performance. It is relationships that form the desire to learn and the desire to be on top, and if something happens in this area of ​​\u200b\u200bthe child’s life, academic performance can drop sharply. At the same time, there may also be a tendency to skip classes, unwillingness to go to school in general. In such a situation, it is necessary to find out with whom the student is friends, how his relations with peers develop, and if there are problems in this area, help him, either with advice, if they help, or by contacting a specialist - a child psychologist. It is impossible to ignore such a situation, since problems with peers or with one of the teachers can result in hatred for the school as a whole, and then academic performance will collapse in all subjects, and it will be extremely difficult to restore the child's interest in learning even when transferred to another school.

Another reason may be dislike for the teacher of a particular subject or for this subject itself. Often here we are talking about the mindset of the child, as already mentioned above: he is a humanist, a mathematician or a “technician”. Banal dislike for the teacher is neutralized through conversations and explanations, and the problems of the mindset are solved by attracting a tutor.

Be that as it may, but for the most part, the problems with the child's academic performance are easily solved - if you do not fall into aggression, find out the cause of poor progress and help the child solve this problem. Try to feel and understand your son or daughter, build a trusting relationship, and everything will work out.