Is it possible to change a person. How can a person be changed and can a person be changed

Many of us are confident that we have magical powers that can change another person. Hoping for this, we invest an incredible amount of time and emotion, and in the end we are only disappointed. Yes, a person can really change. But only in one case (read carefully!).

When I got out of a difficult relationship, I mentally held on to them for a decent time. That is, I understood that there would be no point, but it still seemed to me that I could fix something.

When the fog of euphoria cleared, I began to see everything psychological characteristics another person. Deep down, I always knew them, but like most of us, I was confident that love is capable of anything that a person can change.

I searched for articles on addictions, character accentuations, the nature of infantilism and manipulation, and so on and so forth. She threw it on her page, showed the person: “Look here, look! Here's what's going on! In you, this is how everything is arranged in you! "

Can you guess what I got in return? That's right, aggression and "she's a fool." How do you want? What you point your finger at to a person hurts. All special behaviors are psychological defenses against mental wounds. These are strategies of behavior developed over the years that allow you to exist relatively comfortably in the world without being integral individuals.

Now I can say with confidence that a person can change. A person can really change. But only in one case (read carefully!) - WHEN YOURSELF WANTS IT.

You probably think that you will become the very motivator for whom, for whose sake, in spite of which your close person want to change? Do not flatter yourself. Your influence is no more than the weather outside the window. They may adapt to you, take an umbrella in case of bad weather, but change their beliefs, and even more - the structure of their personality - for the sake of clouds outside the window ... Are you in yourself?

Now, if the person himself suddenly ceases to be satisfied that during the rain he is sad, and in the heat he suffers .... When he gets tired of himself, that he is deeply unhappy, unsuccessful, that life is not going the way he wants, or something else ... Or, what God does not joke, in a dream, an insight will visit that “I’m somehow shitty living” ... Then that's it. Maybe.

But you will already be far from the epicenter of the explosion ... And it would be better for you to be far away so that it is not covered with a blast wave ... Because admitting that “I myself was the cause of everything in my life” is a very difficult test. As a rule, the cause of failure is assigned to the one who is near ... Or was near ... While that person still passes long haul to understand with whom everything begins in our life ... If he wants to go ...

Donald Walsh wrote that "the best we can do for a man in love is to provide him with a large portion of ourselves." This is not anger, not revenge, not "look how you will be without me." It is a calm conviction that each person has the right to be that and to be with what he has in himself. Even the fact that you are temporarily (and this is always temporary) in a couple does not give you the right to change the other person.

We are responsible only for ourselves. We are born separately from each other and will leave on our own. Each of us has our own life and purpose.

Your will only applies to your life. And there is no need to pretend to be the Lord, thinking that you have the right to influence the fate of another person. Leave the other alone, take care of yourself.

Psychologists have a principle - not to solve client problems without asking. Yes, in fact, without a request, he has not yet become a client.

Therefore, you should also follow this golden rule of the universe: do not interfere where you are not asked. I emphasize that an adult, mentally healthy (and it is not for you to judge his health) person is able to deal with his problems or ask for help if he cannot solve them.

Become the creator of your destiny - this is the best thing you can do in life. If someone needs to change next to you, this will happen. You will become a motivator by the very fact of your realization.

If your path does not attract or inspire another person, then this is great - he obviously has his own path. And those whose paths lie near yours will go next to you.

Some are called weak-willed, purposeless, others - stubborn, uncompromising and courageous. But how do the characteristic features of a person develop? In this article I will talk about how to change your character and behavior for the better.

What is temperament

This is a collection of opinions and attitudes towards various issues, as well as traits that affect all aspects of life. Through him, values, worldview, as well as an approach and implementation of intentions are formed.

Etymologically, the ancient Greek word "χαρακτήρ" had a different interpretation, it was used to determine the unique signs of a coin in minting and meant "to a sword, I brand", but over time it passed into the everyday lexicon with the meaning of "devil, omen".

In psychology, there are several interpretations of what character is. This is:

certain, typical behavior;
a set of motives and methods of action;
reflection of the inner world in the outer.

The last definition seems interesting, it implies that a person is trying to find a balance, to adapt to the way society and society work, but does it individually, not like the others, since he is guided by his own attitude.

From here comes the main feature: the temperament is always unique, there are no two completely identical people, although there are similar ones. Therefore, it is customary in society to talk about "good" and "bad" disposition, although this only means that someone behaves inappropriately to generally accepted norms that are formed on the usual lines of behavior of the majority. Another public cliche is "spineless", although healthy man can not at all have a temperament, he is just soft, compliant. The desire to adapt to society and meet its expectations leads to the fact that individuals ask themselves how to change their character for the better.

The traits that are included in this set reflect a person's attitude to the following:

To people. They are distinguished by introverts and extroverts, sociable and secretive, responsive, respectful, as well as suspicious, silent and even rude.
To work. They talk about hard workers (workaholics) and lazy people, initiative, ambitious and down-to-earth, passive.
To yourself. They are selfish, self-centered, proud, proud and modest people. Positive quality self-esteem and self-esteem are considered - this is a healthy manifestation of self-conceit without vanity and without self-flagellation, victim syndrome.
To things. Such characteristic features can be called sloppiness and neatness, frugality.

In addition to these four groups, the attitude towards money and consumption (greed, stinginess, waste) remains interesting; to the beloved (romance), to the Motherland (patriotism).

How it is formed and when it is not too late to correct the character for the better

There are features that can be called congenital. Of course, they are not born with characteristic features, but there are physiological prerequisites for their development. For example, if a child's brain is working very actively, then they say that he quickly grasps (on the fly), notes the flexibility of thinking, the desire for knowledge. There are, on the contrary, children who have thoughtfulness from birth - they usually do not fall down and do not get bumps from the very first steps, even if they went relatively late.

But on the formation of temperament in to a greater extent affects society. In childhood, these are first parents and relatives, then kindergarten teachers and peers, in school years- teenagers and teachers. In most cases, behavior is copied, the baby learns the norms - what is possible, what is not. That is why it is so important what example relatives set for the younger generation.

The most productive time for character development is between 2 and 10 years of age. During this period, the child's mind is the most inquisitive, he is inclined to learn new things, but he is not yet well adapted to thoughtful analysis, therefore, to a greater extent, the child simply repeats.

But it's never too late to change. The best conditions for change are to move to a different environment. For example, moving, entering a university, changing jobs. It is not only communication with people, but also the complexities of the new environment. There are other "laws" and norms, here you need to adapt to the majority. Usually a person, getting into such a place, over time is partially re-pollinated. If he does not have flexibility, then they say about him that he is principled, uncompromising, although this only means that he does not adapt to the environment.

Some traits also appear at a later age - after marriage and the birth of children. These are two important stages when you have to get rid of selfishness and pride. Patience usually appears, a certain tolerance for the feelings of loved ones.

Another mechanism of appearance characteristic features Is the development of habits. This is how parents act when they first force them to brush their teeth, ears, clean up after themselves from the table in the morning and in the evening, and then they note the cleanliness of a family member, since he long time performed the usual actions and now cannot live without them.

What makes up character

If a son in childhood is similar in behavior to his father, then this is only 7% of the genetic predisposition, and everything else is a repetition of habits. Children strive to be "like adults", they choose the person who commands the greatest respect in them. So they dream about the profession that their idol has, learn the words they pronounce. But in the course of life, many factors act on each of us.

Upbringing

This is one of the most difficult processes and the more naturally it takes place, the more better result... From childhood, the foundations of social norms are instilled - these are etiquette, patriotism, love for animals and nature, respect for the elderly and everyone around them in general. At the moment, an awareness of other people's boundaries is developing - you should not take toys in the sandbox, you should not hit, pinch and scratch.

But there are also insidious mistakes in educational process... Excessive desire to protect from missteps, custody can lead to a syndrome of learned helplessness. This is the name of the behavior of an adult who is afraid to change something, to start a new business, because in childhood he was told “You won't succeed”, “You will quit anyway”. An overly patronized boy, especially if he was raised in a female family without a father, can become very gentle, easily offended. And a girl who was told that she should be an adult and independent can grow into a woman who does not have feminine features - gentleness, caring.

Environment

Here culture, religion, as well as living in a city or small village matter. Usually values and attitudes, norms of behavior depend on this. Comparing an Eastern woman brought up in Muslim traditions and a Western woman, we see a big difference in temperament. How character changes when you move does not mean that fundamental beliefs will be shaken.

Sphere of interest and work

When choosing a job, some people want a mobile place - communication, travel, while others like numbers and privacy. With a hobby as well: a pedantic and scrupulous person is more likely to be engaged in embroidery, collecting car models, and a hot-tempered, energetic person loves sports, extreme.

The search for new interests is one of the ways to influence the character. If you do not have enough perseverance, you should start weaving from beads, collect puzzles, try yourself in knitting.

Also, in the course of changing jobs or looking for a hobby, the circle of friends changes, new people appear who involuntarily want to imitate. But, unlike childhood, an adult is able to analyze what exactly attracts me to this personality, what its features I do not yet possess.

Is it possible to change character during life

Of course, our qualities change. Some evolve, becoming from primitive and one-sided (children and adolescents are characterized by idealization and a critical mind, the division into black and white, good and evil) into deeper and more multifaceted. The second - give way to the opposite or completely new.

Earlier in psychology, it was believed that the temperament develops completely by the age of 25, but this is not the case. The personality of a person undergoes changes at a more mature age.

Is it possible to change your character on your own

Different people are prone to change in different ways. Some are more receptive to change, others less. But in any case, you will need to do quite serious work on yourself, which includes introspection and subsequent behavior correction. Remember, too, that habits shape our qualities, and often quitting smoking and drinking or exercising daily can make a big difference in our lives.

An effective way to solve the problem is to contact a specialist. Sign up for mine, and I will help you understand yourself and give advice on adjusting your personality.

Psychologist Daria Milay's recommendations: how you can change your character

Depending on the psychological type are selected individual programs... But if you want to start adjusting yourself, you need to be guided by the following tips.

For the better

Weigh your pros and cons, do it as openly as possible, being alone with yourself.
Find a reason to change. Is laziness getting in the way of your job search? Rudeness - to have a love relationship? You need to motivate yourself, find a goal.
Read thoughtfully good books... The classics brought up their generation on novels, in them there is a large share of moralizing - evil and vices are usually ridiculed or punished, virtue triumphs.
Develop self-control. Restrain angry outbursts, negative emotions. This is very useful in life.
Seek help from friends and family, ask what traits they consider excessive or overdeveloped in you.

Sign up for a consultation

To tougher

Discipline yourself. Set a goal and achieve it, make it a habit to run in the morning or drink only one cup of coffee, start taking a contrast shower, if necessary - go on a diet or exercise.
Write down the qualities that you want to see in yourself.
Be resistant to manipulation and provocation.
Try to smile - a positive outlook on the world helps you achieve your goals.
Fight with your complexes and fears, most of them are a figment of your imagination.
Learn the word "No" and use it when it is beneficial. Enough charity at work, delays, blockages and weekends spent there, defend your point of view and rights.
Love yourself. This is the ability to declare yourself. Only a woman who cares about her body, health, moral satisfaction is able to feel genuine interest from the outside.

Can a person change his character beyond recognition

If you need not only to correct the image, but also to completely change it, literally "start from scratch", then you should act according to the recommendations:

Perform a personality analysis. We are confident that you will find traits worth keeping.
Accept all your pros and cons. Only after realizing the opportunity will come to change something. It's never too late to be new.
Look around. Is there a person in your environment that you should look up to?
Visualize. Imagine yourself renewed - what are you?
Change your environment: wardrobe, apartment, city, friends, work.

3 traits to get rid of

There are qualities that are worse than the rest, these are:

Laziness. It makes you put off until tomorrow what you can do today, but what you need to do yesterday. Fighting it is not easy, for this you need to instill self-discipline. Just do it by making a written plan for the day, routine, or tasks. These may include sports, cleaning, cooking and other household chores, reading books, teaching a foreign language.
Low self-esteem. Self-confidence and the right level of self-sufficiency can be instilled by finding Good work having done something that you could not decide before, for example, a parachute jump or a tattoo. External changes help women well - updating their wardrobe, changing style, fashionable haircut.
Negative thinking. These are phrases that begin with “I don’t”: “I don’t know how,” “I cannot,” “I’m ugly,” “I’m not smart enough for this,” “I don’t have the skills,” and so on. You can't get results without trying to get them.

Changing character: 5 steps to success

Follow the instructions step by step, each step should be completed with the utmost honesty and thoughtfulness.

Analysis

You can keep a diary for several weeks, but write down not the events, but the qualities that you showed in situations. For example: "Today I was too lazy to go to the gym" or "Because of my adherence to principles, I did not agree with a colleague, and we screwed up the project through my fault." Here, there should be a place for positive traits, this is very important, for example: “I made cupcakes for work, a programmer from the next department said that I was very economic and feminine, I invited them on a date”. After a month, you can write down all the qualities in two columns - pros and cons.

View from the outside

Look at someone who behaves in a similar way. It is usually easier to assess others than yourself. Remember, the same may be said about you.

Role model

Create a collective image - self-confidence like a sister, cheerfulness like a college friend. These can be familiar or well-known personalities, idols.

The control

Set goals and achieve them. The habit is fixed for three weeks - this is your minimum when testing self-control. To make things easier, you can encourage yourself or make a schedule, use a calendar.

Good deeds

There is no need to look for grandmothers with packages to transfer them across the road. IN good attitude every person needs. Compliment, offer whatever help you can. Set a goal for yourself to collect at least 10 thanks a day.

Conclusion

In the article, I talked about whether it is possible to change a person's character according to psychology and how to do it. Let's watch a video to complete the topic.

We all have such a friend - a person in our life, about whom we always say: "If only he ...". From month to month, from year to year - we love them, care, worry about them, but when we turn off the light or hang up, we think to ourselves: "If only he ...". Maybe this is your relative. He may be depressed. Or his heart was broken. Or he's depressed. Maybe he doesn't believe in himself. But every time you see him, you try to fill him with love and confidence, you praise his new Spider-Man T-shirt and sing the praises of his new super haircut. You inadvertently admire him and give out some unsolicited advice, recommend a book or two, but think to yourself: "If only he had believed in himself ..."

Or it could be a friend. He can constantly get stuck somewhere. Or drink. Or deceive your partner. Or constantly spend all your savings on a weird hobby like go-karting. You pull him out of this and talk heart to heart, as befits good old comrades. Or maybe you offer to look at the balances in the bank or even give loans - and more than once. But in the meantime, in the backyard of your consciousness, the phrase sounds:

"If only he pulled himself together ..."

Or it could be even worse. This could be your husband / wife / boyfriend / girlfriend. Or even worse - your ex-husband / wife / boyfriend / girlfriend. It may be over long ago, but you still continue to hope that this person will somehow change. As if there is some special information that they have missed that will change everything. Maybe you even buy them books that they never read. Or drag them to a doctor they don't want to go to. Or maybe at two in the morning you record them with tearful voice messages like:

"Why am I not good enough for you? !!?"

Well yeah, as if it ever worked ...

We all have such a person in our life. It hurts to love him. But losing it also hurts. So we decide that the only way to save this neurotic is to somehow change him.

"If only he ..."

This spring, at the end of my meetings with readers, I did a short blitz from the Q&A series. And always in every city at least one person got up, told his / her story for a long time and confusedly, and then asked: “How can I make him / her change? If he had only done this and that, then everything would have become easier. "

You cannot force a person to change.

And in every situation, my answer was the same: nothing.

Can you change a person by your example?

Of course, you can inspire him to change with your experience. You can nudge him by telling him something. You can support him in his endeavors. But you cannot force him to change. This is because getting someone to do something, even for their own good, involves either coercion or manipulation.

To do this, it is necessary to intervene in life in such a way that boundaries will be violated, which then will harm the relationship - in some cases it will harm more than it will help. Often, broken boundaries go unnoticed because they are violated in the name of good.

Is it possible to change a person without manipulation?

Vasya lost his job. Now he is lying on the couch with his mother, crushed and pitying himself from day to day. And then mom starts sending out his resume. And she also starts yelling at Vasya, calling him names and accusing him of being a loser. Maybe she'll even throw his game console out of the window, just to give him another motivating kick. And if the mother's intentions are quite good, then this act may seem to many to be a dramatic and at the same time noble manifestation of tough love, but this type of behavior will ultimately have the opposite effect.

This is a violation of boundaries.

This is taking responsibility for the actions of another person and his emotions, and even if all this is turned with the best intentions, still violating the boundaries destroys all relationships completely.

If you look at it from the other side. Vasya regrets himself. He is trying to find at least some meaning in life in this cruel and heartless world. And then my mother suddenly comes and smashes his game console to smithereens, which just yesterday went and looked for a job for him. This not only does not solve Vasya's problem with his belief that the world is cruel and heartless, and he has no place in it, but it is also another proof for him that something is fundamentally wrong with him. After all, if Vasya hadn't been so bad, he wouldn't have needed his mother to go and look for work for him, would he?

Instead of realizing that: “Hey, everything is fine with this world, and I can handle it,” the lesson is: “Well, yes, I’m a grown man who still needs his mommy to do everything for him - I always knew that something was wrong with me. "

This is how our best intentions to help someone turn out to be a complete ruin.

Is it possible to change a person without violating his boundaries?

You cannot force the other person to be confident or respect yourself or take responsibility - because the means that you use to do this destroy that very confidence, and with it, respect with responsibility.

Is it possible to change a person without taking responsibility for his life?

In order for a person to really change, he must feel these changes within himself, choose them and control them himself. Otherwise, it all makes no sense.

Most often, my work is criticized for the fact that, unlike many other authors who write on the topic "help yourself," I do not tell people what to do. I don’t put everything on the shelves from A to Z, and I don’t give out dozens of tasks at the end of each fucking chapter.

But I don’t do it for one simple reason: I cannot decide what is right for you. I can't decide what exactly will make you yours the best version... Yes, even if I could, the fact that I was telling you what to do and not you to yourself would rob you of all the emotional benefits.

People who are fond of the world "help yourself" live in it, because they are chronically unable to take responsibility for their own choices.

Millions of people float through life, looking around - in search of an ideal or company or a set of principles - with which they would know exactly what to think, what to do, and what to give up. But the problem is that any value system will eventually fail. And any definition of success will end up being foolish. And if you are addicted to other people's values, then you are doomed from the very beginning to feel lost and non-unique.

So if someone like me comes on stage and tells you that for half of all your savings they will take responsibility for your life, telling you what to do and what to value, then he should add that “I am not only I will perpetuate your original problem, but I will also kill you by doing it. "

Trauma survivors who have been abandoned, humiliated, or who feel lost have been able to cope with the pain by relying on a worldview that promises them hope. But until such people learn to generate this hope for themselves, choose these very values and take responsibility for their own experiences, nothing will really help them heal.

For some, intervention and words like: “Hey, here are my values on a silver platter. Add fries? " only root the problem, even if it's done with good intentions. (Objection: active intervention in someone's life may be necessary if a person poses a danger to themselves or others. When I say danger, I mean a real danger - drug overdose, unpredictability, cruelty, or hallucinations that they live with Charlie at Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory).

How can you help people?

That is, if you cannot force someone to change, because interfering in their lives and shifting responsibility for their choices will eventually backfire, then what can you do? Can a person be changed? How to help?

1. Lead by example

Anyone who has ever experienced a meaningful change in their life is bound to notice the ripple effect in their relationship. You stop drinking and going to parties, and then your drinking friends decide that you are ignoring them or that you are kind of "too good" for them. But perhaps, suddenly, at least one of all these party-goers will think: "Damn, maybe I should give it up too?" and jump out of this party boat with you. And this will not happen because you intervened and said: "Hey, dude, hare thump on Tuesdays", but simply because you yourself stopped drinking, and it inspired others.

2. Instead of giving answers, ask the right questions

Once you realize that by dumping our answers on others, we are immediately sabotaging the benefits of those same answers.

Can you change a person with the right questions?

You must realize that the only way to help a person is by asking the right questions. Instead of saying, "You should fight for a promotion," you can say, "Do you think you are being paid well?"

Instead of saying, "Stop putting up with the way your sister is behaving," you can say, "Do you feel responsible for your sister's bad behavior?"

Instead of saying, “Stop pooping in your pants — that's disgusting,” you can say, “You know what a toilet is? Do you want me to show you how to use it? "

Asking people questions is difficult. This requires patience. And the mind. And tact. But that is precisely why it may be so useful. When you pay a psychiatrist, you are really just paying for the right questions. This is why psychiatry is “useful” for some people - because they think that the specialist has given the answer to all their problems, but all they got are more questions.

3. Offer unconditional help

This does not mean that you cannot give people answers. But these answers must be found by themselves. There is a huge difference between me when I say, "I know what will be best for you" and you, when you come to me and say, "What do you think will be best for me?"

Is it possible to change a person by respecting his choice?

Some respect your autonomy and will. Others don't. So, more often than not, the best thing you can do is just make it clear that you are open if the person needs you.

Classics: “Look, I know that you are going through difficult times right now. If you ever want to talk, let me know. "

But you can be more specific. Several years ago, a friend of mine had problems with his parents. Instead of giving him advice or telling him what to do, I just told him about some of what I thought were similar problems that I had with my parents in the past. It was not my goal to get my friend to accept my advice, or do what I did, or even give a damn about what I had.

It was his choice.

I just made a suggestion. Left it out there somewhere. If it could be useful to him, he could use it. If not, that's not bad either. Because when we do that, our stories have value regardless of ourselves.

I’m not giving him advice. It is my experience that gives a chance to his experience.

Respecting his right to choose and take responsibility for his experience. Nothing and no one interferes with his choice. Because in the end we can only change ourselves.

Of course, Vasya may have a lovely job and one less prefix, but until his self-identification changes along with his feelings about himself and his life, he will remain the same Vasya. Only with an even more anxious mommy.

Writer. Thinker. optimist
Translation: Nata B.

If you find an error, please select a piece of text and press Ctrl + Enter.

Can a person change internally? A question that everyone has asked themselves at least once. Not wanting to change the state of affairs in life means the fact that the individual is ready to come to terms with his fate. Painful problems, disagreements, misunderstanding of oneself - these and other complexes completely take away the mood to act and feel the taste of personal freedom. What do many want? To become rich, to gain recognition from others, to open your own business, to be independent. How can you change internally and will it help you achieve your own goal? You will find the most valuable things for yourself in our article.

How to change internally and start living over again?

It is a fact, but often the obstacles on our path to success are not people, the politics of the country, but ourselves. - that's what builds everyone on the shelves and allows him to make changes for the better or for the worse. Someone will ask: "I need to completely change, but the character is genetically built, by upbringing." Not certainly in that way! If change is really what makes you happy, then the choice is clear. “Thoughts and perception of the surrounding world are material,” it is difficult to disagree with such an expression.

Every event, thought, word, movement is formed from the inner philosophy of the personality. They are a direct reflection of their own experiences, experiences, dreams. Decision is the main key to personal success. and start to change - such a decision must be supported by motivating actions.

Being honest with yourself is the main rule! Each word and thought should be supported by actions, otherwise the personality will be "conserved". Many psychologists say: “Who, no matter how you yourself, love yourself more than other people. Such love should be for the good. To learn from your mistakes, to stop thinking about what others are saying, to rejoice at small victories, and finally to praise yourself - such symptoms are guaranteed to get rid of imaginary prejudices. "

A counter question is posed- can a person change internally if symptoms of chronic self-rejection are evident? It is necessary to remember how often a person praises himself for victories in a certain area, approves of the risk of changing the course of affairs, or completely suppresses it. And, most importantly, how strong are the experiences when a person finds himself in awkward / non-standard situations in society.

People are more often accustomed to reproaching themselves over trifles about their own appearance, mental abilities, which demonstrates the chronic hostility of their inner world. This theme is perfectly emphasized by the statement: "Until you can, attempts to change will be meaningless."

The ability to appreciate your individuality is a pass to the world inner freedom... How can a girl change internally when she doubts her femininity? How to become a different guy if he has not formed a strong and confident character in himself? Very hard! The challenge will be to look deeply into your soul and find what you should fight with.

Effective practice for the formation of a holistic personality.

Here the topic will be touched upon - how to change internally according to the method of psychologists. These tips will be the starting point for a new "I":

1. Make a list of all the things that interfere with full breast life.

Finding the "root of evil" in everything that happens is the main task that can turn perceptions around.

2. Write a motivation letter to yourself, but in the future.

Does the student see himself as a travel photographer? Does a woman want to find a second half? It is important to indicate those actions that the person is ready to perform at any cost.

3. Assess the scale of the desired future.

What transformations are possible from a certain action? Are there barriers that can be eliminated or mitigated?

4. Admit your mistakes.

Working on mistakes was relevant not only at school, but at any age! Find ways to solve them, eliminate the risk of repetition of fatal situations that destroy internal integrity.

5. Constantly write down doubts that arise on the way to a new "I".

Character laid down over the years, lifestyle and behavior are stumbling blocks that can nullify all attempts. Everyone, by nature, strives for a comfort zone. Tranquility attracts symptoms such as fear, anxiety. Fighting with oneself, others - necessary measures that shape character. It is important to know that many prejudices are artificially created by the mind.

6. Speak out loud what you want.

“I can,” “I can do it,” “nothing can stop me” - such remarks embody the energy for action inside. An additional plus in karma will be. Love for the world, relatives, loved ones, does not give place to negative weaknesses.

1. Change the perception of the world and the meaning of life.

Famous trainer for personal growth Robert Kiyosaki once said in his lecture: "You need to abandon the outdated framework that oppresses your dreams." It is difficult to disagree, because they are on the way to the desired goal. parents, friends, the whole society are able to transform a person's view of the world and himself. Relatives are not always objectively able to give good advice to succeed in a specific business. What can be done? Stop relying on other people's principles!

2. Have your own hobby.

Hobbies bring new colors to life and allow you to escape from the moral burden. Is being busy taking too much time on the road to success? Ideally! It's also great when you manage to make entertainment an additional source of income or recreation.

3. Do not judge or evaluate other people.

First of all, it is optimal to start with yourself - this will allow you to save inner world and balance. Nerves, worries from a lack of understanding with a friend, colleague will not lead to anything good. The best way- to understand the opponent and occasionally interact with him. If a person is dear - find a compromise. Someone brings to life, negative, is a "weighting stone" - avoid it as much as possible.

4. Do not postpone important actions until later.

Even if the idea is practically unattainable, it will be a bad idea to completely abandon it. If there is a need, it's time to implement it. You cannot justify idleness, because during this time it is possible to translate some stages of the strategy into reality.

5. Do not despair over trifles.

"The first pancake is lumpy" and "attempts to justify the whole way" - these statements complement each other. In fact, failure is our helpful helpers. Each attempt is a kind of experience, moral preparation, not to stop on the path of one's own development. It takes a lot of determination, especially if the result is worth it! The strong will not allow himself to "slow down" the gas on the road to the intended goals.

Can a person change internally? Definitely yes! With every effort, the desired becomes apparent and there is no doubt about it! Of course, you won't start them right now, but at least be honest with yourself! Share this article with your friends / family / loved ones if it became useful to you.

Character, habits, values, interests, beliefs - all this can be changed in a person. Changes can be conscious or unconscious, abrupt or smooth, but they happen constantly. They are positive and negative, associated with the development or degradation of the personality, for something or after something.

People change under the influence of their social environment and environmental conditions. Unwittingly, we adopt the habits and manners of those with whom we often communicate. Close people can even finish phrases for each other, pronounce something at the same time.

Although these factors are usually attributed to external ones, they are associated with internal features personality: and a mechanism of imitation. We strive to match the reference group, the authoritative person. And copying someone's habits is the easiest way to get close and to please.

External influences are more susceptible to those people who have not yet decided on their own in life, have not revealed their personal potential, have not understood themselves. As a rule, these are children, adolescents and infantile adults. This category of people can change for the sake of someone. But it should be not just someone, but a person respected by them.

Internal factors

Internal factors include human nature. People from birth are endowed with different properties of the psyche, and qualities. When successful, there is a gradual disclosure of potential, maturation and development corresponding to the essence, the nature of a particular person. The need for self-determination, self-realization and self-actualization is the main inner force of change.

In this case, people change for something or after something. For example, when they understand that the previous way of life harms them, spoils their health. Or when they understand that certain qualities, habits, and skills are lacking for the desired profession and standard of living.

Change and willpower

External factors act as external motivation. It is less stable than intrinsic motivation. Changes for the sake of someone are less likely to end in success than changes for the sake of oneself, for personal well-being and harmony, or after traumatic events in life.

Thus, the treatment of alcoholism or drug addiction will be more successful if a person who has received an overdose is scared, recognizes the problem and agrees to full-fledged rehabilitation. Alcoholics rarely change for family, friends, employer, or loved one. There can be only one exception: without this person, the addict is much worse off, he literally will not survive without him.

Motivation is more important than. But the changes largely depend on her. The wording “do people change for the sake of or after something” already suggests that we are talking about the conscious work of a person on himself. Only with the help of complex and prolonged work on themselves do people get rid of indecision, rudeness, naivety, isolation, talkativeness, aggressiveness, etc.

You've probably noticed that all of the above are character traits. Yes, the person is the best amenable to change. And the phrase "I have such a character" is an excuse for laziness. Character, habits, patterns of behavior can be changed. Yes. This is hard. Therefore, strong motivation specific goal- this is the main condition for success.

Change and genetics

Not everything in a person lends itself to change. For example, temperament cannot be changed either. But you can correct those qualities that seem undesirable. It is practically impossible to change what is genetically inherent in a person. For example, abilities, inclinations and individual predispositions to something.

But it is important to understand that inclinations only push, pull a person towards something. Behavior depends on the personality itself and the environment that surrounds it. It is up to us to decide which of our tendencies to indulge and which to keep tight.

It is also interesting that in every person there is something like a computer program. Talents and inclinations manifest themselves strictly at the time when this should happen. If you try to develop something in yourself earlier, then nothing will come of it. It is important not to stop analyzing your own development, to track sensitive periods for favorable changes and work on yourself. Not all qualities and abilities are noticeable in childhood, for example, an artist's talent can manifest itself by the age of 20-30.

Some researchers believe that even such traits as irritability and sociability, the ability to build and maintain close relationships, are inherited. The ability to overcome or adapt is also genetically inherent, but this can also be developed if desired.

And even the very ability to change has a genetic component. Not all people naturally have great opportunities for change. But this only means that it will be a little more difficult to change oneself than for those who are endowed with different genetics.

Outcomes

Do people change for the sake of or after something? Yes, but more often after something. Namely, after life becomes unbearable, when circumstances press against the wall, when it becomes hard to breathe, when a person becomes disgusted with himself, when there is only one left - there are a lot of options for unfavorable scenarios.

The second important condition for change is a strong type nervous system and strong character. It will take years to change the personality. This will require motivation at the beginning of the path and its maintenance throughout the work on oneself, a lot of energy, a strong will. Strong people can change not only after something, but also for something. They have enough spirit.

Is it possible to fix, change another person? No. But you can help someone who wants to change and work on himself, is ready to accept help.

Well, if you are not satisfied with someone from the environment, then there are three options: change yourself, accept him, leave. By the way, in some cases, the risk of separation can turn into an intrinsic motivation for change.