Male egoism in relationships: how to deal with it and manage it? Selfishness - what is it and how to deal with it - psychology - your life - catalog of articles - bachelorette party. Is selfishness always bad?

The goal of human life is to defeat one's egoism, but it is very difficult to understand how to do this and, most importantly, why. In this lecture, Oleg Gennadyevich Torsunov describes the stages of egoism, manifestations of egoism in human relations, the distribution of egoism depending on gender, explains when we truly show freedom of choice, and when freedom of choice is illusory. Having understood what problems and abysses false egoism can lead us to, and how to deal with it, it will be easier for us to navigate in life.

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00:00:01 With love to you. Ayurveda radio. So, good evening, dear listeners once again, I will not get tired of greeting you all those who are going to listen to the amazing lectures on the development of the mind of Oleg Gennadyevich Torsunov, and only live, and only on the waves of Ayurveda radio.
Hello, Oleg Gennadievich.
O.G.: Good evening.
Presenter: Please tell us, today we have the twentieth broadcast, what will we talk about today?
O.G.: Today we will talk about selfishness.
Host: About selfishness. This is very important, because I personally have enough of it.
OG: (laughs) This in itself is not an insult to oneself, because egoism can be different, that is, false egoism, this means a connection with matter and self-interest. There is true selfishness. It is a connection with the spirit. That is, in general, egoism, that is, self-esteem, has a spiritual nature. This is a feeling that is embedded in the soul, that is, it is our essence. We feel like a person - this is a manifestation of selfishness. And, since we are here in the material world, we are very strongly attached to matter. The very attachment to matter is possible due to the presence of a very subtle material element in matter, which is called false egoism or ahankara. And false egoism is nothing but an energy that replaces our self-esteem in this material world, that is, this spiritual self-esteem here, in the phenomenal world, as it is also called, is replaced by a subtle material element that does not leave us. even after death, because actually after death there remains a subtle body that separates from the gross body that rots.

00:02:15 And then the subtle body goes through life, but it should be understood that the subtle body just consists of the mind, intelligence, psychic energy and self-esteem, that is, human egoism. That is, selfishness is something that is inherent in us from birth, in fact, when a child is born, the properties of selfishness are very strongly manifested in him, it is very strongly manifested in children, and the goal of human life is to defeat selfishness, that is, we must defeat this strong desire to enjoy , we must develop in ourselves the desire to serve, the desire to sacrifice ourselves, to care for others, the desire to help others. And not just desire, we must also learn this, because egoism even hinders learning.

00:03:08 For example, my students learn to pick up stones. In the first stage, they place a stone on the patient and tune in to make it fit. What do you think, at the first stage of selection, who do they select?
Host: For myself, of course. I saw it, Oleg Gennadyevich, all the stones they picked up are perfect only for them.
O.G.: Yes, and it lasts quite a long time, and the person wonders how it is: he sort of picked up another person, and it turns out that it was picked up for himself. So we often, most people sincerely believe that they care about a loved one, doing some deeds, doing something, doing something ... But in fact, in this case, they mainly care only about themselves. I was listening to one lecturer who was giving a lecture on nutrition. He talked about the dangers of cucumbers. And he told so fascinatingly what a harmful product it is. And I can see if any product suits him, and I looked: cucumbers do not suit him. He concluded that this is a catastrophically harmful product for everyone, and all the products that he glorified, again, they are suitable only for him. And this is the first stage of doctors, psychologists, writers, artists and all creative people, various other specialties related to the relationship between people, the first stage is that no matter what a person does, all this belongs only to him. That is, he cannot see the world through the eyes of truth, he sees through the eyes of his own egoism.

00:04:58 For example, I often noticed that artists paint people in their paintings that are very similar to them, or to their relatives. And this is not even hidden when you walk through the Tretyakov Gallery, the specialist says, for example: “Here this artist painted his wife instead of Mary Magdalene.” Of course, who is he then? This artist acts as Jesus Christ, it turns out. And so on, this historical facts, many people, psychologists often, a person, for example, is engaged in psychology and he sees a person and begins to tell him how people around him treat him, he thinks that people around him will treat him like that, because he himself feels such an attitude towards to this person.

00:05:58 That is, false ego is a force that very severely affects our attitude to life, our attitude to this world, that is, we very much depend in our attitude on whether we experience happiness or experience suffering from some object that touches us. It's no secret that men and women - they are very dependent in relationships on whether they have bodily harmony or not. That is, the boss always selects for his employees those who mentally harmonize with him, that is, this means that their egoism coincides. In the same way, the relationship of people in a team, this is how they select personnel who are precisely in the position of egoism or subtle material opposition to the world around them.

00:07:00 In fact, egoism is a primitive thing, it means only one thing, this is what suits me and the rest does not bother me, that is, I do not care about everything else that does not suit me. The most interesting thing is that, for example, in men and women at a certain age, 50-60 years old, this can occur: the sexual feeling will lose its strength. And in this case, if they have not developed spiritual, more elevated relationships, people cease to show any interest in each other. That is, they simply become like strangers, that is, if their relationship is built on this egoistic feeling of “I” and “mine”, then it is interesting to note that some certain age comes, and a person sees a stranger in front of him. That is, he lived with this person all his life, and suddenly it turns out that he does not need this person at all. He does not feel any interest in him, he becomes completely cold towards him, and this person is completely indifferent to him. But this causes shock to a loved one, because he thinks: “How is it, I lived for this person, I tried for him, I did everything for him, why doesn't this person need me now? Why, what is the reason? And the reason is that it is relationships between a man and a woman that can be built ... A woman, for example, takes care of her husband in order to experience pleasure from this, that is, she does not always do it purely disinterestedly, sublimely. Or a man takes care of a woman also in order to experience pleasure, because the subtle matter of relationships is woven in such a way that when a man, for example, takes care of a woman, he himself experiences happiness from this. In the same way, a woman, when she takes care of her husband, she experiences happiness from this. And this is the illusion of this world. That is, people who are not able to selflessly at least somehow live, act, they really do not understand how far they are from each other in relationships, and so on.

00:09:20 Sometimes there are such amazing situations in life - I think it's amazing situations - when a person enters a certain state, when a portion of happiness is habitual... we all live on the energy of habitual happiness, do you know about this? For example, you say: “Today I have good mood"- what does it depend on?
Host: I don't know.
O.G.: It depends on the fact that every second the oversoul, that is, the highest personality from the heart, gives us a certain portion of happiness, that is, this mood, which we should experience good, that is, we do something good in life or do not do at the moment. But fate is bound to give us a good mood in any case.

00:10:10 Well, it turns out that this is not so. Each person has situations when fate stops giving this good mood and these states are called stressful. A person falls into depression, into strong tension, into irritability, into shock, into panic. In stupefaction, in cooling, and various states arise in him, which can be described in different ways. But the idea is the same - he stops feeling happy. But the most amazing thing is that at this time, when this happens to a person, it is very clear who is a real friend, who is not real, who is a real relative, who is not real. Because people who lived purely on your portion of happiness, ate it next to you, they suddenly - once - become strangers. They turn away. You become not interesting to them, that is, they become people who live somewhere far away from you at this moment.

00:11:07 As soon as happiness begins to emanate from you again, they again appear closer, start shu-syu-shu, giggle and so on, as if nothing had happened before, as if they hadn’t quit, as if they hadn’t left, did not betray, did not get angry, and so on. That is, such amazing metamorphoses with people arise for the sole reason that these people do not need you, that is, not a person who is in the body, but they need those bodily functions that bring them some material, gross material or subtle benefit. material. Thus, selfishness is a rather serious thing that must first be studied in oneself, because often people live to a fairly adult age and do not understand this feeling in themselves - selfishness. That is, they do not understand what it is, but in fact it is a force that permeates, firstly, the entire body, and, if we talk about the body, then bodily pain arises only as a result of selfishness. That is, selfishness is a force that always causes only pain. That is, any sensations - there are generally five types of pain: bodily pain, pranic pain, sensory pain, mental pain and pain in the mind. All these five kinds of pain are all related to selfishness. And the most amazing thing is that, depending on gender, even selfishness is distributed in different areas our psyche is different.

00:12:53 For example, bodily pain - what do you think, who is more inherent, a man or a woman?
Host: Probably a woman.
OG: Yes, a woman experiences much more bodily pain than a man. Therefore, purely physiologically, if the conditions of life are the same, people began to live in deer skins, then a woman should be given a softer skin to wear. Because she will experience more suffering from the same clothes, from the same conditions than a man, and this is a purely physiological fact related to the distribution of false ego in the psyche.

00:13:42 Further, pranic pain, what do you think, is there more in prana, in psychic energy there is more egoism - in men or women?
Host: Men, probably.
O.G.: Yes, in men. Because men like to do things only for themselves. Well, let's say his wife says to him: “Wash the floor,” it is very difficult for him to wash the floor. But if, let's say, he needs to play football, then he runs and plays, it's not hard for him, although he spends twenty times more energy on football than on cleaning the floor. On the other hand, a woman is very inclined to work for others, so often women are nurses, nannies. If a man is placed as a nurse, he will go all out, they will force him: “Go there, bring that,” he will go all out, he will not do this. But a woman with pleasure is always ready to serve someone with her actions, actions.

00:14:40 We now have feelings next to prana. Who has more selfishness in feelings?
Host: For women.
O.G .: Well, of course, because feelings are six times stronger, egoism is more in women ...
Host: And not at nine? I heard at nine.
O.G.: At six. And in feelings there is more selfishness in women. And this is due to the fact that a woman is woven from sensual activity, and therefore a man must accept many things as a fact that this does not apply to him, for example, feelings are in contact with the outside world. And in the apartment the outside world - what is it? This is wallpaper, this is clothing, how the furniture looks, how the apartment itself looks, and therefore for a woman it is six times more important than for a man what color the wallpaper is, what color the furniture is, and so on. Therefore, accordingly, a woman should be given priority in all this, given the opportunity for a woman to choose all these things, out of a sense of tact, so that her feelings are calm. Further, if you take the mind. Who has more selfishness in their minds, men or women?
Host: For men. Logically: man - woman - man - woman.
O.G.: In the mind of egoism, it's about the same - in men and women, but a woman's mind is stronger. But in the mind of egoism is much more in men.
Host: Mind.
O.G.: Yes. But if the mind is connected with feelings, then women have more egoism in their minds, because feelings are connected with the mind. But there is a lot of egoism in the mind of men. And therefore, a woman must, there are such rules, they come from the mental constitution. So, let's say a woman commits some act, she must ask her husband's permission so as not to excite his psyche. Conversely, if she asks permission, she, by doing this, evokes positive feelings in him, for example, she says: “Can I go to a lecture?”, He says: “Of course, go,” and if she goes, it evokes positive feelings. On the other hand, let's say she goes to a lecture and does not tell him, then in this case the lecture is given by the enemy, the hostile topic is discussed at the lecture, and the act itself is also hostile. As a result, no matter what she explains to him, after coming from the lecture, it will all be bad, wrong, nonsense, some kind of nonsense, and so on. That is, a man will say this not because he wants to say so, not because he is stupid, but because his psyche works this way.

00:17:37 Presenter: We immediately have a question: the listener writes: “What is the manifestation of false egoism in the mind of men?”
O.G. It manifests itself in the point of view, that is, the male point of view cannot be curtailed. There is no point in proving to your husband that he is wrong, and everything else, you can set him up in relation to yourself, that is, you can make him, for example, appreciate and respect a woman, and then he will basically accept his point of view only because that she is in the right mood for him. This is the only way to communicate with men in relation to the mind. But I'm talking about all this on a different topic, I understand that now there will be many questions about egoism. Because in fact, you always want to know about what lies closer to the body.
Host: What worries me personally.
O.G.: Selfishness is a sore subject of our life, the most sore subject.

00:18:38 But I want to talk about something else, I want to devote today's lecture not to egoism, but to the fight against it - these are different topics.
Presenter: What is selfishness and how to deal with it.
O.G.: The point is that you need to understand one thing. Egoism is a fierce enemy of a living being, our fierce enemy. And only even in the Bhagavad-gita it is said that the insatiable enemy of egoism, that is, the supreme personality of God, tells his servant that egoism is the number one enemy of the living entity. The purpose of our life is to defeat him. If we are able to selflessly begin to act, to live selflessly, not from the positions of egoism - many cannot even understand what it is - that's what the problem is - then in this case a person wins his fate. Fate is woven from events, actions that come from the depths of our mind. Suppose a person has some desire. Well, let's say I wanted to do something, go somewhere, and so on. Or we have events and actions that we are obliged to do, for example, Natasha is obliged to come to organize broadcasts here, that is, this is her job. So? Required. What do you think, what is it connected with?
Host: With responsibility.
O.G.: It is connected with your destiny. The fact is that according to the fate of a person it has already been determined where he will be, according to his fate, this is connected with the power that comes from our hearts, from the inside. There are two manifestations of fate. The first manifestation is desires, our desires, the second manifestation of destiny is the events that take place. Your work here is an event. Therefore, all these things are connected with our past karma, that is, that which comes from the past. And they don't really point to our freedom of choice. You do not have freedom of choice, it is not strongly manifested in whether to work or not to work, you just come and work. Without thinking about it, but when fate is running out, then it can again set some limits and you will have the freedom of choice, you will choose whether to work or not.

00:20:56 Similarly, let's say a person wanted to eat. He goes and eats. Freedom of choice somehow manifests itself here, no?
Host: He can choose what to eat
O.G. No, we're just talking about what he wanted to eat. Freedom of choice is not manifested in any way, and therefore fate does not change unambiguously here, fate changes only in that case. If a person exhibits activities that are free from desires. For example, he wants to eat, and he says: “I will not eat, I will fast,” let’s say, right? Or, let's say, an inner voice tells him: "Don't go to work today," and he thinks: "No, I'll go." – and he goes. That is, in this case, a person chooses, acting disinterestedly, regardless of his desire, a person thus overcomes his own destiny, therefore, this is the idea of ​​freedom of choice. Freedom of choice does not mean, as some think, "I choose to leave my wife" or "I choose to leave my husband." Or "I choose to use drugs." This is not freedom of choice, all these things, actions are based on desires. It never happens that a man, from the standpoint of reason, leaves his wife, or from the standpoint of reason, uses drugs, or, from the standpoint of reason, stops going to work that brings him the means to live. Or from the position of reason, he overeats at night, which brings him death, that is, a tendency to serious illnesses. All this happens not from the position of the mind, but from the position of the activity of the senses and the mind. And, therefore, when a person indulges his feelings, such a person is called selfish.

00:22:54 People often don't understand: “What does selfish mean? I, for example, am not selfish,” they say. It is very easy to check if a person is able, for example, to do what he does not want to do, but it is necessary, it is his duty. Or he does something that will bring happiness not to him, but to someone else. For example, he is walking down the street and he bought himself a delicious pie. He is hungry, he wants to eat. He bought a pie. And as soon as he bought, a hungry old woman appears in front of him and says: “Give me a pie to eat, I really want to eat a pie,” let's say. What should he do at this time?
Host: Two options.
O.G.: Actually, there is only one option, because if he does not give a pie, then this means that he does not show any freedom of choice. Because if he does not give, then this means that he is being led by his feelings, that is, by the energy that is associated with his fate. Freedom of choice is manifested only if he gives a pie. And there it will already work - how he gives it, with what disinterestedness, how much with love, and so on.

00:24:19 I had this situation: I was late for work, I ran. And a woman took me by the hand: she was blind. She left the house, and it was in the center of Moscow, a big movement. And she says to me: “Son, I want bread, I want to eat, please, there is a shop across the road, buy me bread.” And I ran through the cars for bread, to buy bread for my grandmother. I bought her sliced ​​bread, sliced ​​already. Blind, I think how she will eat. And she was in shock, she did not understand what it was. “Son,” he says, “I asked you to buy bread, and what did you buy me?” I say: "This is bread, it's just sliced." And she thought, felt it, then realized that it was bread, calmed down, went. And I was already running to work at this time further. The idea is what: when the very idea of ​​​​buying bread for your grandmother arises, how is this possible, you are late for work, you have the first feeling of dissatisfaction - what is it, why is it, some kind of grandmother now, I’m late for work, if at another time, then I'd be happy to buy it. And the second feeling - I looked at her eyes, her appearance showed that she is really hungry, people pass by, no one needs her. She moves her hands through the air, trying to catch someone to buy her - she herself will not go across the road, she will be hit by a car. Thus, the idea is, when you show some feelings that are not connected with egoism at all - this is a feeling of selflessness, a feeling of compassion, a feeling of kindness, a feeling of caring - when you start to show such feelings, then these feelings make you do some that is a selfless act.

00:26:27 These are the actions that need to be performed, for example, the wife behaves very scandalously, what should be done? Natasha, what do you think, if the wife behaves scandalously, what should the husband do?
Host: I don't know, I've never been in such a situation.
O.G.: Well, the husband behaves scandalously - what should be done?
Presenter: Calm down and the husband, looking at her, should also calm down and then talk.
O.G.: You see, you speak from the position of a false ego.
Presenter: I say: I have plenty of it.
O.G.: Everyone has plenty of it. You need to go to your husband and try to ask his forgiveness, although you may not be to blame, ask him for forgiveness, despite the fact that he will continue to scream. Take his hands, hug him, say, "I'm sorry," very humbly. And such activity brings true happiness, because when a person acts boldly in this way, he causes the deepest satisfaction in a loved one, and only in this way can a seed of faith be sown in the heart of a loved one.

00:27:44 Thus, a truly happy relationship is possible only when a person begins to perform such actions in his life. He acts completely against common sense. ordinary people. That is, he takes, for example, begins to dig up the lawn in the spring in front of his house. Or not at home, just somewhere else he starts planting trees. And when people come up: "What are you doing here?" - "I want everyone to feel good, so that everyone goes and rejoices." He feeds the poor, feeds the birds, and so on. There are many such deeds that bring happiness. But happiness does not have a selfish nature in this case, it has a different nature - disinterested. And it has an eternal nature in fact, because those types of happiness that are associated with egoism, they end, and this causes severe suffering. For example, when a person feels that he is aging and women stop paying attention to him, and this is what he lived for, it was their looks that brought happiness, then in this case he begins to experience terrible suffering, only because he was attached to such a feeling. . But on the other hand, if a person lives spiritually, he is not interested in how they look at him and evaluate his body, then in this case the person will never experience such coming and going suffering, he will always experience only happiness. Therefore, it makes sense to think in order to win, to overcome this disease - this disease, by the way, which is called egoism - you need to think about how to overcome it. And the main rule in the victory over egoism is that a person must do the exact opposite thing in relation to what he wants to do.

00:29:42 For example, this is often the way to do it. For example, in the morning you want to sleep, but you have to get out of bed; in the shower you want to wash with warm water, but you need to wash with cool. Next, you want to eat more, but you need to eat less; I want to say a sharp word to my husband, but I must forgive; I want to get angry at the child and click on the ass, but I need to explain it very gently. That is, “want” and “need” are always in the exact opposite relationship, and it is when a person acts “as it should” that he cultivates true egoism in himself and becomes the owner of imperishable happiness. That is, those things that come through such behavior are never destroyed. For example, if a mother and father raise their child from the standpoint of true egoism, that is, how do they behave? Strict enough, because when you behave strictly with a child, this is not a very happy situation for parents, because he is often offended and not inclined to give them his love, for example, it happens, but he grows up to be a good decent person, and sincere feelings then he shows them to them, because he understands that they built something imperishable, something eternal in relations with him. Parents often spoil their children, but this is a manifestation of pure selfishness. But spoiling children and being cruel are two sides of the same coin. On the other hand, the two sides of another coin are to truly love children, disinterestedly, and treat them strictly and decently, courteously, with respect. These are two sides of another coin, which leads to imperishable happiness in relationships with loved ones, with children. Therefore, one should understand all these things, that the first primitive, simple way to work with your egoism is to do the opposite things. But not always we can do the opposite things, for example, we cannot deprive ourselves of vital energy. Therefore, a person should eat only what he likes, what suits him. But sometimes a person likes to eat something that does not bring happiness, that does not elevate consciousness, but, on the contrary, drags down. For example, it is meat food. A person must overcome the egoistic desire to eat meat food and must say “no” to himself, this is the idea, because this will lead to a weakening of the action of selfishness in our psyche. The fact is that meat food is filled with the egoism of an animal, and when a person eats it, he acquires this energy, because we are very close in evolution, and we begin to perform actions similar to animals, and so on, that is, we adopt animal consciousness from them when we eat meat food.

00:32:57 On the other hand, plants are very far from us in evolution, their life is quite cold, they live like in a dream, this is described in the Vedas. And therefore, this does not affect our character badly, on the contrary, our character becomes stronger, because it is harder for plants to live than for animals, imagine - plants perform austerities. The less developed the psyche of a living being, the harder it is for him to live. Therefore, eating vegetable food, we acquire asceticism in our psyche, when we eat meat food, we acquire in our psyche, on the contrary, a tendency to indulge our feelings, desires and actions. This first property is to do something that is somewhat unpleasant, but that brings happiness. These actions are described in the Vedas, they must be strictly followed.

00:33:53 Some people invent how to educate themselves. For example, they don’t eat dumplings for a dispute, or jump from an elastic band from a bridge to a dispute, they also seem to bring bodily suffering, but in the Vedahna it is described that such actions bring happiness, on the contrary, in the Vedas it is believed that such actions bring suffering. Therefore, the Vedas recommend strictly adhering to those rules for performing austerities, that is, overcoming egoism, which exist in the scriptures. And those are the things that bring happiness. For example, women are advised to fight egoism, not bodily egoism, but pranic egoism. Well, for example, women are not recommended to get out of bed too early, because this destroys hormonal functions and infertility can occur. It is good for a woman to get up at five, six in the morning, not at four, not at three. Or, let's say, it is recommended that women fight pranic egoism, she should try to do all sorts of things around the house - cook, wash, clean, and so on - this gives a woman vital energy, makes it possible to overcome herself, her bad fate. On the other hand, men are advised to fight bodily egoism: they must get up early, be sure to sleep on hard - women are advised to sleep on soft, men should sleep on hard. Further, men should wear simple clothes, there is no need to show off too much in this regard unnecessarily. Etc. On the other hand, men are not recommended to perform pranic austerities unnecessarily, in the early stages of the struggle with themselves. For example, they are encouraged to do the gymnastics that they like, and not the one that brings too much anxiety. But when a person develops as a person, he must do the opposite of those things that he could not do before. For example, a developed woman gets up earlier, and a man begins to do those exercises that he does not like, defeating himself.

00:36:20 The next type of fight against selfishness is donations. In order to defeat his egoism, a person must understand that in addition to “I”, there is also the concept of “mine”. This concept of "mine" is very important, because when a mother does something for her son - it is not a donation - do you know about it, Natasha? She does it for herself. Or doing something for his daughter. She sincerely does, thinks: "Here, I'm doing this for you, you should be grateful." This is a fact, but it is not a donation. Because this action belongs to the concept of "me, mine", which is also selfish. Therefore, the real donation is when the mother feeds the child of another parent. Or when she does not for her own, but for another who has nothing to do with her in life. We need to understand this idea – what is a donation. Because when we make a real donation, the degree of influence of karma or fate on us cools down very much. In fact, one should understand that each person's sins come in bundles, in such groups. This "staining" of sins is called karma-vasana or knots of sins. In a person who is not selfish by nature, these nodules are very small, that is, they come in small doses, karma comes in small doses and he experiences difficulties in life, but they do not have such a massive nature, such a grouped massive nature, there are not so many patterns that destroy his life . This happens only to those who make many donations, because when a person does not make donations, then his sins come out of the heart in a different way, they come out of the heart in such groups, strong knots, and his life is filled with difficulties, troubles. Imagine how life goes on for a person who has huge property, that is, huge factories, huge factories, he has a lot of things. An ordinary person is robbed - his wallet was stolen, and a person who has a whole factory has his factory taken away from him - do you understand the difference in the manifestation of karma? It's one thing - a wallet is pulled off, and another thing - the whole factory. It's gone, the factory, it doesn't belong to you. As a result, a person experiences very strong suffering, a very large knot of karma comes out of his heart, and a person experiences terrible difficulties in life. All this happens because a person did not fight his egoism, did not make donations. That is, the more property a person has, that is, those objects that belong to him - the idea is “mine”, the factory is also “mine”. Imagine, one “mine” has two shirts, two trousers, some kind of small closet, there is a bed, a chair, a table - everything! Everything is “mine”, he has nothing more “mine”. And he has a small plot, a vegetable garden, where he digs all day long, tries to live with it, feed his life with it.

00:40:10 Another option is a person who has factories, plants, workers - this is also "mine", also property. So the question is: which property is more burdensome? Which one causes more sins, greed, suffering, which one? Suppose a little was taken away from me, there was nothing, but still ...
Presenter: I had nothing - I didn’t lose anything.
O.G.: And if a person had a large factory, and he was taken away - can you imagine what a tragedy it is. For life, this is a huge tragedy indeed. Therefore, a person must understand this: when a person has a large plant, he must make large donations. And when a person has a small property, it is enough for him to make small donations, and both will be happy. So the question is: who finds it easier to be happy? The one with a big factory, or the one with a small property? The Vedas say that it is easier for a poor person to be happy. But to understand this is very difficult, it seems to us that this is not so. But, let's say a person decided to live a poor life, now he has already made a decision. Will he stay in Moscow, no? Where will he go? In nature, where the birds sing. The Vedas describe a heavenly place, what a description of heavenly places. Birds sing there, trees grow, fruits grow big.
Presenter: Milk rivers, kissel banks.
O.G.: Yes, the shores are jelly – that is, the village is actually described. At least summer, at least half a year is already a paradise.
Presenter: At least, at least in the south.
O.G.: At least in the south, yes. If you are a poor man, what difference does it make where you go. And you live in the best place, because if you take the best place, where it is calm, quiet - there is not much business there, there will not be especially rich people there. Where do rich people live?
Host: In smoky cities.
O.G.: Yes, where you can earn a lot of money. Thus, when a person refuses unnecessary acquisitions, he can immediately live, do his favorite thing, pray to God every day. For us it's a vacation, for us it's a paradise - to live at least five days in this way. And people can live like this all their lives - calmly, without worrying about anything, lead a calm life measured.

00:42:52 Thus, one can see what a big difference there is between a person who is free from striving for wealth and a person who strives very strongly for it. That is, a person striving for wealth spoils, destroys his life. He is constantly tense, he is running somewhere, he does not even have time to talk with his relatives. He constantly lacks something in life, he is constantly dissatisfied with something, he misses the opportunity to raise his children normally, he cannot fulfill his duties normally. On the other hand, a person who does not strongly strive for wealth pays attention to everyone, attaches importance to prayer in his life, relationships with people, and so on. Look: the amazing thing is, a person who strives for wealth actually does not get anything in life, because happiness is in relationships, happiness is between people, it is not between a person and a bill, it is between people. When a person strives for money, he rushes around all day, earns money - does he develop deep relationships with loved ones? No. On the other hand, if a person does not strive for money, what else should he strive for? He strives for relationships, works on relationships, but if a person is completely ... there are lazy people who do not strive for anything at all - this is death. But we are talking about a non-lazy person, a person who has chosen the right principles in life: he calmly works for the benefit of everyone, calmly wishes everyone happiness, develops relationships, and so on. And such a person can have a great position in society, and everything works out for him when a person is not selfishly disposed, the truth itself opens before him.

00:44:38 For example, there was such a Vedic saint Bhaktivenoda Thakur, he had nine children, a wife, nine children. And do you know who he was?
Host: Judge.
O.G.: Yes, he worked as a judge, and not just a judge, but a regional judge by our standards, and he spent only three hours at work, and he dealt with several dozen cases in three hours a day. The rest of the judges did exactly the same work in eight to nine hours, and not once did he make a mistake, that is, he never made a mistake to give his verdict, he absolutely knew what happened there, and he put his conclusion, who to punish, who to pardon . And do you know what he did the rest of the time, what was his schedule?
Presenter: I devoted myself to my family and God.
O.G.: Yes, that is, he slept only three or four hours a day, he prayed to God for six hours a day, and spent several hours a day with his family. Imagine what a person - this is considered a holy person, he wrote many spiritual books, and he is glorified by this. And he created a whole spiritual tradition, it still exists, he revived it more precisely.

00:46:08 So, what is the idea? The fact that a truly disinterested person is completely happy, he can even occupy a very high position in society, there are no problems, and he will not even have much time for this, and in fact everyone will need him, because even when he renounced the world, they tried to keep him at work, they did not let him go, they did not want him to leave. A man who worked only three hours a day, everyone left him at work. Thus, it is necessary to understand the idea that this selfless activity, the desire to perform austerities, the desire to pray to God, the desire to act for the benefit of the people around - this activity has an imperishable nature, that is, when we get rid of our selfishness, we gain tremendous power. When a person is completely freed from selfishness, he becomes completely holy and completely happy, because the only thing that prevents us from being holy in this life is selfishness.

00:43:13 Egoism is a force that creates a connection with the six enemies of man. The first enemy is called lust. This is the lowest manifestation of egoism, lust is associated with the lowest center of a person, which is located in the region of the coccyx. Lust breeds anger. Anger is located there, in the region of the coccyx, the same mental center. Further, the next enemy of a person is greed, which is connected with the next mental center, which is located in the navel, that is, the svadhisthanachakra, there is a stronghold of greed. Lust, anger, greed are considered the three gates to hell. That is, a person who falls under the influence of lust, anger, greed, no doubt ... "Under the influence" means that a person constantly thinks about it, constantly thinks about money, how to earn money - he will go to hell according to the Vedas. If a person constantly thinks about the opposite sex, how to have sex, cannot get distracted from this, he will go to hell. Further, if a person is constantly angry, does not love someone, constantly discusses someone, thinks: “This bad person, he ruined my whole life, ”and so on, such a person will end up on the lower planets too. Thus, such forces are called enemies, that is, the enemies of man - those that spoil fate, destroy fate. Enemies are not those who put spokes in our wheels, enemies are those who spoil fate, destroy it. Further, the next enemy of man is an illusory understanding of things, this is also connected with egoism. The person is in an illusion. Why is he in an illusion? Because he does not understand the meaning of life. Suppose a person can consider the meaning of the life of his loved one, constantly thinking: “How is it, why does he not love me”, - constantly tears, snot and everything else. This is all due to the fact that he is in an egoistic concept of understanding life, he wants to enjoy a close person, and a close person does not want to be enjoyed, this is the idea. And the whole life collapses in such a person who is in an illusion. But, as soon as a person begins to serve God, he serves a living being who has no egoism, he is immediately filled with non-egoistic energy, as a result, happiness comes in the life of such a person, he experiences great joy. It is not even necessary, for example, a person tunes in to God, he can tune in to the Divine energies. There are twenty-six qualities of a saintly person: truthfulness, simplicity, kindness, compassion, and so on. Twenty-six qualities. A person tunes in to one of the qualities - he is filled with Divine energy, again he experiences happiness. Further, there are other options for how to do this: a person, for example, tunes not to God, not to character traits, he tunes in to fulfill his duties simply to the people around him - again he experiences happiness, because this energy also has a divine nature - the fulfillment of their duties. Etc. That is, a person can get out of the illusion only if he defeats egoism, there is no other way.

00:50:32 The next enemy is called envy. The fifth enemy, the terrible enemy of man. Envy means that someone has more happiness, not that it somehow manifests itself differently, just if a person is successful, and we don’t like it, then we have envy for him. Often a person does not think that he is envious, but he simply sees successful person, who, for example, said something smarter, did something better and the person begins to envy. Women often envy those women who have good husbands, or, for example, good children. Men often envy those who have a better job, and so on. This is envy. Envy is a terrible feeling that destroys a person's life. Each enemy destroys life in its own way. There is also a sixth enemy - madness. Envy can only be overcome by an unselfish life. It is necessary to wish happiness to a person, to overcome oneself, and then a person can be happy.

00:51:30 Next, madness is also an enemy. What is madness? Madness is when a person commits some act that brings him to inclined plane. Let's say he got drunk, did drugs, raped, killed, robbed, and all the rest. These actions are terrible, that is, they collect sins in a heap and roll this heap out of the heart. As a result, a person can no longer overcome, he has such insurmountable events. Let's say a woman cheated on her husband. What happens next, let's say the husband found out, stopped loving, left the family and that's it - the snowball rolled further - he drank - and the snowball rolled, as a result, life lost all meaning. That is, one act is difficult - and that’s it, and hello, and life has gone downhill, it also happens.

00:52:30 Thus, each enemy has his own manifestations. If a person is constantly in lust, then he is in mental restlessness, he has strong inner restlessness, irritability. If a person is angry, then he loses his memory of the good qualities of another person, that is, he gets into a state in which it is very difficult for him to understand what is happening, he cannot correctly assess the situation when a person is angry. If a person is in a state of greed, then he has a mental state similar to thirst. Thirst means that he always lacks something in life, he is always drawn somewhere, he cannot stop, he is being carried somewhere. When a person is in illusion, then in this case he experiences a state of deep internal anxiety, he has an anxious feeling that something is not right, that is, he is enveloped in a state of fear, his fears begin to overcome him. If a person is in envy, then he is actually deprived of happy moments of life, a person is deprived of happiness, that is, he is forbidden to be happy. When a person is envious, he never experiences happiness at all, he constantly thinks about the happiness of another and as a result loses his own. And when a person is in a state of insanity, he thus dooms himself to premature death, that is, in this case, the possibility of premature death confronts him in his fate, his life. Thus, the six manifestations of enemy energies that lead a person to a bad fate are all associated with selfishness. Therefore, a person should do his best all his life to try to fight every second with manifestations of egoism in his heart, which is expressed in the form of desires that one wants to fulfill, is expressed in the form of actions that must be done in spite of everyone, which is expressed in the form of our some kind of bziki , some of our character traits, as we call it. All this is called egoism, and all these forces must be destroyed in yourself as much as you can.

00:55:07 There are three ways to destroy egoism in oneself. The first way is asceticism. The second way is donations, and the third way is prayer. Our time has come to an end.
Host: I think. That it is pointless to sum up, because all this was a great summary, told by you in this last hour. Come on, Oleg Gennadievich, let's take a serious approach to holding a consultation for our radio listeners.
O.G.: Good.
Presenter: Dear radio listeners, stay with us. Next we have health and relationship counseling.

For example, some people are constantly trying to make everyone believe that their own world is better, while others are always unhappy with something. Still others may talk about themselves for hours, making you feel like you're less important. These selfish people love the idea of ​​"one for all and all for one", but only when that "one" is themselves.

They will dislike and devalue you if you do not show your "superiority". If you have met someone who is very selfish, or perhaps you have a selfish friend or partner, Faktrum offers several specific ways to stand up for yourself.

1. Admit they have no respect for others

The first way to deal with such people is to be realistic. It is important to understand that a selfish person may not consider your needs from the very beginning. Sometimes such people are noble and charming, but more often they are thoughtless and inattentive. This is due to a lack certain skills or desire to be. Knowing this gives you a clear understanding of where you are in the relationship.

2. Give yourself the attention you deserve.

Selfish people are emotional vampires. They crave your attention but don't give it back. In order not to be left emotionally exhausted, give yourself the attention you gave an emotional vampire. For example, if you have any discomfort in appearance, go to a hairdresser or a boutique. It's called "self-gratification" and it's a great way to boost your self-esteem. Giving your attention to a self-centered person is not virtuous. He needs you only to emotionally recharge and feed on your energy.

3. Stay true to yourself - don't stoop to their level

Selfish people put pressure on you and try to piss you off. Don't allow it. Don't play their games, don't get involved in a situation you have no control over. Do not give in to provocation!

Try to be true to yourself. It is very difficult to be kind to self-centered people who are crazy or do bad things to you, but imitating them is not an option. You can alleviate any feeling of anger towards them by focusing on positive traits of his personality. Remember that you are a tactful and loving person.

4. Remind them that the world doesn't revolve around them.

An egocentric person can be so self-centered that he forgets to consider the thoughts and feelings of others. Sometimes you need a little reminder that the world doesn't revolve around him. For example, instead of throwing a tantrum and yelling, “You never listen to me; you always do things your way,” try saying, “I really need to talk to someone about something that’s bothering me. Can you listen to me"?

5. Don't give them the attention they crave.

This is a powerful strategy for dealing with extremely selfish people who do not seek equal relationships with others. The trick is to listen to the egoist without offering the degree of attention they crave. In a conversation with them, your words should be insipid, non-committal comments.

For example, instead of saying: “Poor thing, what did he do to you?!” - say: "Yes, this is life." This will throw them off balance for a while. Remember, attention is your treasure. If you don't give it to them, they will most likely walk away.

6. Talk about topics that interest you

Bring whatever interests you to the conversation with the egocentric person: carpentry, cooking, politics. For example, if he says, "You won't believe what my friend told me!" - answer something like: “By the way, do you know how much Bill Cosby costs?” The more random topics that are not related to the topics of a selfish person you bring up, the better.

Keep your real interests in mind no matter what, and you will see him try to hide from you when he realizes that you are not interested in his self-centered stories.

7. Stop doing favors

Selfish people always ask for favors, but never rush to help themselves, when you need help. For them, this is normal. While it's important to be tolerant and give a selfish friend or partner a chance to change, it's also important not to encourage their selfishness, especially if it causes you pain or discomfort.

Therefore, when a selfish person asks too much of you, you need to declare yourself and make it clear that your feelings are not appreciated. If you get into a position where you have to defend yourself, keep it short and to the point, because selfish people are not the best listeners.

8. Reduce the time you spend together

Once you realize that someone is too selfish towards you, time to do the legs. Spend as little time with him as possible. Stop answering all calls and answering all messages. You may have already experienced many reactions from these people, from disinterest in you to hysteria and anger, but you persevered. It is better to spend your personal time alone than with people who suppress their egocentrism.

9. Actively look for friends

Give up bad habit let selfish people get attached to you. Instead, you should look for new friends who will pay as much attention to you as you do to them. You can make connections by going out more often and connecting with new people at charity events or volunteer centers.

10. End the relationship

If, after all your efforts, you have not succeeded in changing a selfish person, you may be dealing with a narcissist. Narcissists are not only selfish and self-centered - they are generally incapable of feeling sympathy for others, but they can purposefully use you.

This is harder to deal with than the average selfish person. In this case, you can offer him to get qualified help. But if that doesn't work, cut all ties with him and end the relationship for good. Life is too short to tolerate selfish people and toxic relationships that suck energy and happiness out of you.

6 months ago

Psychologist Svetlana Oleinik tells about what egoism is, when it can be useful and how to behave next to a selfish man.

Svetlana Oleinik Psychologist, female coach, tarot reader, numerologist

What is ego and selfishness?

Since childhood, we have been taught that the word "egoism" is something bad, and being an egoist was equated with treason and betrayal of loved ones. Without even understanding what it is, we began to be afraid of it. "No, I'm not selfish! I think about people!” - so we say, internally condemning this quality of personality, believing that unselfishness is the key to a correct attitude towards oneself and the world.

"Ego" from Latin is translated as "I" - this is the part of the human personality that is in contact with the outside world through perception. Agree, there is nothing wrong with the definition. It doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman - this part of the personality helps people to separate themselves from the environment, to realize themselves as an individual. Precisely because there is an ego, we understand that "this is me, but this is no longer me - this is another person." At the same time, this same part connects us through relationships with other people. Relationships are where our individuality comes into play. Here is such a paradox - the ego separates us and connects us with the world at the same time.

Can we do without ego? No. And even if the spiritual teachings call for giving up the ego, it is a good start to study your ego and what you are going to give up. There are a lot of hoaxes and substitutions of concepts about this. The ego is part of the personality, and the personality is not static. If a person lives, changes, develops, then the ego also develops. The idea of ​​oneself and the world is expanding, the attitudes and beliefs that underlie the personality and create this very ego are changing. Giving up your identity is not the best idea, is it?

The word "egoism" is the same root from "ego". Selfishness is when a person's life is aimed at satisfying his personal desires and needs. Is it bad? Here the answer is not so clear cut.

We are all very afraid that we will not be accepted and will not be loved. And how often do we choose sacrifice as a way to show ourselves in the world just to earn love? Someone may now have an internal protest: "I'm doing this disinterestedly!". But are you sure that your sacrifice was really so necessary and that people asked you for it? To answer this question, you need a fairly high level of honesty with yourself. Very often we ourselves do not know our true desires and needs, but in fear of not being an egoist we do not even dare to look there. We put our lives on the sacrificial altar of family, children, work, believing that this is better than being selfish and living for ourselves. But the thing is that only those who know themselves and their ego, know their desires and allow themselves to desire, can truly, out of abundance and out of joy, give something to people.

Selfishness is natural and when it does not develop into self-centeredness, it helps us. Why do airplanes ask for emergency situations put the mask on yourself first, and only then on the child? After all, pure selfishness. We must first think about the child. Only the question is not not to choose the child at this moment, but to choose yourself. And the fact is that if you have access to oxygen, then you can put a mask on a child. But a child is unlikely to put a mask on an adult if he loses consciousness. It turns out that selfishness potentially saves the lives of both. Let's not confuse selfishness with vanity and pride. Egoism is just one of the stages in the development of our personality, because we all know that the most important and most difficult thing is to accept ourselves and life as it is.

And if the word "selfishness" still sounds difficult to understand, let's add the word "healthy" to it. Through healthy selfishness we really develop. Without love for ourselves, we cannot become happy, we cannot build harmonious relationships, we cannot be realized. But to love yourself is pure selfishness.

Why do we have such a negative attitude towards male egoism?

Because many of us have the belief that a man "should". But he shouldn't, he can!

From childhood, boys hear that being a man means not showing your feelings and desires. “Men do not cry”, “a man must endure” - all these attitudes sometimes do not let you hear the call of your own desires. Healthy male egoism is an understanding of who he is and what he wants.

To be honest, women at all times chose leaders, those who had the strength and charisma to lead. And this strength comes from inner truth men. From his conviction that he wants and can. Heroism is born from here, and this should not be confused with sacrifice.

Next to such a man, a woman learns to respect masculine qualities in general. A leader always has a strong personality, and therefore a strong ego. Is it then necessary to fight male egoism? No, because then you will struggle with the personality of a man. Healthy male and female egoism is the key to a healthy relationship, where there is respect for each other's desires and their own personal boundaries.

It is bad when egoism turns into egocentrism - then we really become arrogant in relation to the world, believing that it owes us and that the world revolves around us. No one owes us anything, and the world just is.

At the core of egocentrism are often unprocessed grievances. And it's not just men who do this. What to do in this case? Ask yourself an honest question: “Do I want to be in a relationship with a person who is very offended inside and all the time compensates for his offense by belittling and manipulating other people?”.

If we talk about egoism as a quality of a person, then it grows out of such a concept as EGO. Ego is the ability of an individual to separate himself from the surrounding world and oppose himself to it, that is, constantly compare and evaluate. Egoism works in the interests of the individual, this is its inalienable quality, as it helps to self-determine and act independently, showing will and character. Usually not very positive reviews are associated with the term "egoism", however, in psychology, egoism is considered useful property person. Within certain limits, of course.

Selfishness as a character trait constantly pulls the blanket over itself. He struggles to ensure that the EGO to which he belongs easily satisfies all his desires. Any resistance, obstacle or inability to get what you want provokes anger and indignation, which, from the point of view of the egoist, are quite reasonable.

The scope of the spread of egoism of an individual is clearly distinguishable by the example different types society. Take groups such as human society, Wolf Pack and a swarm of bees. Each individual member of his society is aware of belonging to it, but defines his own role and the roles of his fellows in different ways. In the bee family, everything is subordinated to the interests of the queen, since she is the key to the existence of the swarm. Ordinary bees work in good conscience and die without regret, without showing any selfishness; for them, the fulfillment of their duty is the meaning of life, and no one has the thought of evading duties. The queen, on the other hand, is busy 24/7 with the reproduction of offspring and caring for the well-being of the colony. At the level of a particular member of this society, egoism does not exist in principle. But it manifests itself at the level of the whole society, when a swarm attacked from the outside begins to defend itself, acting as a single whole.

In wolves, each wolf in the pack has its own position and status - from the leader to the outsider. And they regularly confirm their status by moving up the hierarchy or losing positions. Everyone wants to take a more prestigious place, seeing their rivals in other tribesmen, but no wolf wants to become a loner. The leader himself is not for them, since even the leader realizes that one cannot survive in the forest alone. Thus, although each member of the pack is individual and has personal egoism, he is forced to humble it before the needs of the whole group. The weak, the crippled, or outsiders are dealt with ruthlessly and quickly, believing them to be a dangerous burden.

In human society, which has reason and spirituality, unlike animal society, moral norms operate. In the modern world, the law prohibits the destruction of incompetent citizens, the disabled, the elderly, as well as moving up the hierarchical ladder using absolutely any methods and tools. All people feel that they belong simultaneously to many groups - family, work collective, state, political movement, religion, public organization, etc. - and everywhere a person is aware of his individuality, has certain personal aspirations, wants to acquire one or another benefit from activities in a group . Every person is selfish. At the same time, a community of people who are internally equal can show group egoism, acting together on behalf of the entire group, for example, as in national conflicts. Here already people forget about personal egoism, caring about the benefit of the group. Distinctive feature human society is the ability to infringe not only personal selfishness in favor of the group, but also the ability of the group to sacrifice their interests for the sake of benefits on a wider scale. An example is the cooperation of states in the face of the threat of terrorism or the conclusion of truces between warring clans in the face of a common danger. A person, possessing egoism at the level of an individual and any social group, is also aware of his belonging to the human race, to a living species that inhabits the planet, and is able, if necessary, to pacify egoism on any scale - from individual to interstate and even interspecies. The introduction of quotas for hunting and fishing, deforestation and the release of pollutants is not politically and economically beneficial, but it helps to save the world and enables all living beings to escape destruction.

Types of selfishness

As already mentioned above, egoism can be individual and group. It can also be hidden or explicit. If, with obvious egoism, a person declares: “I am a star, I demand admiration and submission,” then with hidden egoism, a person tries to put others in a dependent position with the help of pity: “I am a victim, I suffer! Whoever does not support me and does not bring me relief, that disgusting executioner, worthy of universal censure. Often this is used by children feigning tantrums, physically weakened and unhealthy old people, as well as those who avoid serious responsibility. Hidden egoism, as a rule, does not cause reciprocal aggression and a desire to resist someone else's pressure, therefore such "victims" very skillfully manipulate others in their own interests.

F. Lersh singled out the following types of egoism:

• self-defense;
• maintaining the standard of living;
• self-assertion.

The selfishness of self-defense is a basic instinct. Even the most calm and well-mannered people can turn into maddened savages when there is a danger to their lives. This is clearly seen when extreme situations, when the crowd runs to the exit, crushing everyone and everything in its path.

In The Theory of Justice by J. Rose, egoism of the following types is described:

1. "Everyone owes me", where members of society serve the interests of the individual.
2. “I never owe anything to anyone”, where someone, acting in their own interests, does not take into account any social norms and prohibitions.
3. "No one owes anything to anyone", where everyone acts in their own interests, not recognizing any rules or restrictions.

Post-traumatic selfishness appears when, after suffering an injury or injury, a person realizes that he has become less productive and valuable in some area, but does not want to come to terms with this.

Psychologists also distinguish age-related egoism associated with the stages of personality formation.

Intellectual selfishness means that one fanatically adheres to his ideas, considering them to be the very truth. He refuses to listen to others and does not accept other points of view and concepts. With such egoism, a person closes in on his ideas, existing, as it were, in a separate world.

Allocate female and male egoism. The difference between them is that a man thinks: “I am super, and I don’t care about the rest”, while a woman thinks: “I am super, and everyone should be concerned about this.” In modern society, unfortunately, such selfishness is encouraged. If a century ago the roles of a man and a woman were considered in the context of family relations, in interconnection and complementarity (and not in any way separately), now the culture of maintaining a strong family and long-term relationships is deliberately obscured, if not destroyed. A successful man is positioned not as the head of the family and support, a reliable and skillful householder, but as a self-sufficient, independent person not burdened with any obligations. A woman, on the other hand, sees the role of a business woman, a fatal beauty, even a banal kept woman, but in any case far from family life, as more prestigious. The presence of children, which in traditional cultures was considered an indicator of the success of a relationship, is now seen as a complicating factor in life. When a couple decides to raise a child, both agree to devote a significant part of their lives to this process, that is, they give up part of their selfish plans in favor of caring for offspring. Modern young people prefer to “live for themselves”, and those who still have a child are hardly ready to consciously sacrifice their personal time, strength and energy for the sake of his upbringing.

A special kind of egoism is altruistic. Altruistic selfishness implies the mutual benefit of the expectations of the individual and society. For example, someone can give another the right to his property, because he does not want to maintain and take care of it, although he continues to use it. An altruistic egoist can give up a good position to a colleague, because he does not want to overwork, travel on business trips and report to his superiors. He may accept someone else's point of view or a risky plan only because he wants to maintain his professional reputation and does not want to ultimately be responsible for mistakes and breakdowns. He can also, on the contrary, take on some responsibility that others have abandoned, just to test his own guesses or test a new theory. Altruistic egoism makes a person keep something that is important only for him, which others do not claim, and give up something that, in the opinion of an altruistic egoist, is of no value, but is quite useful to others. As a rule, altruistic egoists are people of non-standard views, creative personalities, idealists, even white crows. Their selfishness does not extend to those areas in which ordinary egoists boil; for them, self-esteem is more important than the assessment of society, and the desired material values ​​can take on the most unexpected embodiment (for example, antiques bought at a flea market, or a collection of thematic magazines).

Reasonable selfishness. It happens?

There is also the concept of rational egoism, which came from ancient thinkers. It has already been briefly discussed. Reasonable egoism implies cooperation between the individual and society through finding the golden mean in mutual claims. It is precisely the fact that a person is intelligent that makes him understand the benefits of belonging to a group and identifying the group's successes with his own. N. G. Chernyshevsky, developing the theory of rational egoism in his work, emphasized that the happiness of one individual is impossible without the well-being of the entire society in which he is located.

Another concept close to egoism is egocentrism. There is a big difference between the two, although they are sometimes confused. Egoism is somehow based on the interaction of the individual and society. The egoist, comparing himself and others, feels his superiority; comparing his successes with others, he feels himself more successful and talented, and listening to someone else's opinion, he looks for flaws and weaknesses in it in favor of his judgment. The egocentric does not need company, he is asocial and self-sufficient. For him, there are no other people like him, that is, with similar needs, who know how to do something or who have some kind of opinion and knowledge. The egocentric is alone in his universe, the rest of the people for him are decorations and tools to achieve their own goals. If the egoist sees those around him and recognizes their existence, then the egocentric knows in the world only one animated and rational being - himself beloved. In fact, egocentrism is no longer a character trait, but a mental disorder.

The selfishness of geniuses

A special kind of egoism is professional, expressed in the desire for excellence only in a specific area of ​​activity; it is inherent in people who have devoted themselves to a particular occupation. These are workaholics and fanatics of their work, ready to willingly sacrifice everything else for the sake of their favorite pastime. In the case of obvious success, such selfishness often results in "star fever". Main indicator the presence of selfishness of this type - the inability to admit defeat, envy of those who are more successful, and absolute confidence in one's superiority. Of course, there are many gifted people in the world, even geniuses, but some retain a relaxed atmosphere around them, while others, due to selfishness, are blinded by their own greatness. Here are some diverse examples of brilliant personalities from history.

Leonardo da Vinci , for example, was extremely secretive: he did not sign his works, leaving only identification marks. He did not recognize any authorities and was absolutely confident in his abilities. In communication he was cheerful, witty, eloquent, liked to speak in riddles and metaphors, although he preferred loneliness. To amuse his comrades, he often invented all sorts of mechanisms in the form of animals and birds that moved and sang.

Albert Einstein , according to eyewitnesses, was smugly cheerful. He did not tolerate when someone nearby was sad, did not take failures seriously and did not get upset over trifles, he joked a lot, considering humor to be a cure for all ills. He could not stand lies, injustice and violence, considering the most disgusting word in the German language the word Zwang - coercion. The scientist believed that only a maniac obsessed with one thought can achieve true success, therefore, in ordinary life he was extremely calm. Einstein was not blinded by his successes and admitted that he could very well be wrong. The scientist's doctor recalled that Albert could not stand posing for artists, but if one of them said that a portrait would help him cope with the need, Einstein immediately agreed. Albert Einstein was a humanist, pacifist and ardent anti-fascist.

Mikhailo Lomonosov , being a native of the peasant class, until the end of his days remained, according to eyewitnesses, a muzhik and straightforward person. Being at court, he did not join the imperial retinue, because he did not know how to hypocrite and intrigue, directly expressing everything that he thinks about him to the face of a person, from which he often suffered. He experienced injustice very keenly, watching how people who were completely undeserving of them were showered with awards, and those who had talent remained unclaimed due to personal hostility or low birth. By nature, he was secretive and unsociable, even suspicious, made acquaintances with difficulty, but had a fighting character, passionately and boldly speaking out against those whom he considered his enemies.

Mikhail Kutuzov had by nature surprisingly developed caution and cunning. Relatives and those around him often reproached him for slowness and even cowardice, although in fact, under the guise of calmness, complacency and slowness, a detailed multi-way calculation was hidden. Kutuzov's cunning was not banal utilitarian, but rather artistic. He hated other people's advice, but he never spent energy on arguments, thanks to which he could maintain normal relations with almost everyone. In the circle of relatives and friends he was sensitive, even sentimental, but he did not feel any pity for foreign invaders, showing amazing stamina and courage on the battlefield. He was also categorically against the shedding of blood of a Russian soldier in the name of the liberation of Europe.

Napoleon Bonaparte , according to eyewitnesses, from childhood he was ambitious, wayward and painfully proud, preferred solitude. There was even a case at school when they wanted to punish him, but this had such an effect on his pride that little Napoleon had a nervous attack, due to which the punishment had to be canceled. At school, the boy was distinguished by his love for work, from an early age showing a phenomenal memory for numbers and topography, but the teacher German language considered Bonaparte "a perfect blockhead". It was also noticed that this person was extremely strict towards himself and those around him, in case of missteps towards his subordinates he was harsh and rude in his statements. To the painful, he was impressionable and quick-tempered, easily fell into anger. There is an amazing description of the personality of Napoleon from his contemporary Madame De Stael: “I saw him for the first time when he returned to France after the Treaty of Campoformia. As I recovered somewhat from my sense of embarrassed surprise, I clearly felt a sense of dread. However, he did not then have any power, he was even threatened by the dark suspicions of the Directory, they looked at him rather sympathetically, with benevolent caution, so the feeling of fear that he inspired was rather the result of the special influence of his personality on almost everyone who approached him. . I saw people very worthy of respect, I also saw cruel people, but in the impression that Bonaparte made on me there was nothing that could remind me of one or the other. I noticed quite soon, on the various occasions when I met him during my stay in Paris, that his character could not be defined in the words we are accustomed to use: he was neither good nor evil, neither meek nor cruel in the ordinary sense. Such a being, without equal, was more than an ordinary person, his figure, his mind, his language bear the stamp of an alien nature ... Instead of a calm attitude, with more frequent meetings with Bonaparte, a feeling of timidity grew in me every time. I vaguely felt that no movement of the heart could affect him. He looks at the human being as a phenomenon or thing, and not as similar to himself; all the rest are numbers for him. The strength of his will lies in the imperturbable calculation of his egoism, he is a dexterous player for whom the human race is an adversary and to whom he tries to checkmate ... Whenever I heard him speak, I was amazed at his superiority. This superiority had nothing to do with the superiority of educated and cultured people, with the assistance of science and society, such examples can be set by France and England. His speeches showed knowledge and the ability to assess circumstances, just as a hunter knows his game. In his soul I felt a cold, sharp sword that wounded and chilled, in his mind I felt a deep irony, from the influence of which nothing could escape - neither great nor beautiful, not even his own glory, since he despised the nation, applause which he sought. He did not stop at either the means or the end, he did not have the involuntary either in good or in bad. For him, there was no law, no rule, ideal and abstract, he looked at things only from the point of view of their immediate utility, the general principle annoyed him as stupidity, as an enemy. His contemporaries saw or heard in him jerky speech, short decisive gestures, an interrogating, imperative and absolute tone, and you will understand how everyone, as soon as they come into contact with him, feel the powerful hand that falls on them, squeezes them, oppresses and does not release." Despite this description, Bonaparte loved his family very sincerely and deeply, taking care of his relatives throughout his life. He was very fond of children - his own and nephews - amusing himself with them at breakfast so that the lady of state assigned to the children was horrified.

James Cameron , the legendary film director, nicknamed "Iron Jim", has a difficult character. Actors note his dictatorial approach, uncompromising and explosive temperament, a tendency to risk health, both the health of the actors and their own. While working, he keeps a nail gun at hand, with which he nails the mobile phones of the crew members that are not turned off to the door. Often leads actresses to tantrums. There is even gossip that the director suffers from a split personality, since in his free time this person is the soul of the company, but as soon as he sits in the director's chair, a cruel tyrant crawls out. On set, he demands unquestioning obedience and often gets angry. Cameron is an atheist by religion. When asked who he would like to meet from those people who have ever lived on Earth, he replied: “With Jesus Christ. Just to understand how it all happened, how he inspired this idea to so many people.

Nikola Tesla , nicknamed the Lord of Lightning, had a genius of a special kind. As a child, he read a lot at night, setting himself the goal of becoming "a creature higher order”, developed his willpower, often bringing himself to exhaustion and falling into a trance. Tesla had many oddities and phobias, was touchy. The scientist refused to accept Nobel Prize, awarded to him jointly with T. Edison, considering him a deceiver and the main detractor of alternating current, for the use of which he himself advocated so much. He always wished for the good, but he created inventions that could destroy the world. He cooperated with many countries in the field of weapons production, believing that the latest weapons should not be given to only one of the parties, which would lead to an imbalance of power. For this, the governments did not like him. Many people know that the inventor was an adherent of eugenics - the concept of universal selection - believing that people with physical and mental disabilities should not have offspring so as not to ruin the gene pool of the nation. He even put forward the idea of ​​forced sterilization of such patients. Here are some of the scientist's comments:

• « Be alone, in it is the secret of invention; be alone, only in it ideas are born. Most people are so wrapped up in the outside world that they don't notice what's going on inside them.».
• « Our faults and our virtues are inseparable, like force and matter. If they separate, the person no longer exists.».
• « Battles between people, just like battles between governments and nations, are invariably the result of misunderstandings in the broadest sense of the term. Misunderstandings are always caused by an inability to appreciate and respect another point of view.».
• "It's not the love you receive that matters, it's the love you give".
• « Every living being is an engine that drives the wheels of the Universe. Although it would seem to affect only its immediate surroundings, the sphere of external influence extends to an infinity of distance.
• “Money is not as valuable as people give it. All my money was invested in experiments with which I made new discoveries that could make human life a little easier.
• “When we talk about man, we mean the concept of humanity as a whole. Before applying scientific methods study of its motion as a whole, we must accept it as a physical fact. But can anyone doubt today that millions of individuals of an innumerable number of types and characters constitute one organism, a single whole? While everyone has the freedom to think and act, we are held together like the stars in the firmament, we are inseparably linked. These connections cannot be seen, but we can feel them. For centuries, this idea has been proclaimed in the virtuosity of the wise teachings of religion, perhaps not as the only means of bringing peace and harmony among people, but as a profound basic truth. Buddhism expresses it in one way, Christianity in another, but both religions say the same thing: we are all one. Moreover, this one human being lives and will continue to exist. Personality is short-lived, races and nations disappear, but Man remains. This is the profound difference between the individual and the whole.».

All talented people are selfish, if only because they try to protect their right to their favorite activity, the right to do it in a way that is more convenient for them. Obviously, the more gifted a person is, the more strange and incomprehensible he seems to others, the more unusual habits, strange hobbies and hobbies, even phobias and addictions he has. How deep the selfishness of a gifted person can be judged only in each specific case, but often we are ready to forgive true geniuses even the most inveterate selfishness in exchange for the amazing fruits of their talent.

age selfishness

All people are selfish by nature. varying degrees, however, at each age stage in a person, egoism manifests itself a little differently. Depending on age, egoism can be childish, adolescent, mature, post-adult and senile. Psychologist Eric Erickson in his writings identified as many as eight stages in which the main character traits, positive or negative, are formed.

Children's egoism is the most obvious and most natural. Children are selfish not because they want the whole world to revolve around them, it's just because they perceive reality that way. The realization that the people around them are the same feeling and understanding beings, having their own desires and views, does not come to the child immediately, it largely depends on upbringing. Children, spoiled by parental affection and universal indulgence, do not outgrow their original selfishness, transferring it into adulthood and facing big problems. If a child is constantly praised, convinced that he is “the most unusual, exceptional, gifted, etc.,” then he will believe in this as a dogma, and in relation to the rest he will feel chosen.

The second option for the emergence of egoism in children is excessive guardianship and indulgence of whims. When adults do everything for the child, give him everything on demand, then the kid also accepts the rules of the game, realizing that this is how it should be. He does not learn anything, but only demands. When, having matured and found himself in a different environment, he is faced with a refusal or a statement: “You are an egoist, you live only for yourself,” he is perplexed: after all, before that, compassionate parents and other relatives only did what they lived for him. So what's wrong?

From early childhood to adolescence, it is important to explain to the child that acting in a group, having comrades, communicating with peers as equals is not an infringement of his living space, but a fun, profitable and useful skill. Many children in the process of communication begin to understand this themselves, some have to explain and even give examples, but in any case, children's egoism is a natural and passing phenomenon, with proper education.

Teenagers are selfish already consciously. At the age of 12 to 16, a person chooses a place for himself in a group of peers, everyone seeks either to take a higher position, or to hide from society altogether, not wanting to contact him. At this age, a person's self-esteem is laid, his leadership skills or, conversely, asociality. A teenager is constantly under the close appraising attention of his friends and acquaintances, their opinion is of paramount importance to him, so everyone strives to stand out, show their uniqueness and fill the price. Those who do not meet the "standards" become outcasts. Such loners express their protest in selfishness: “Oh, you don’t like me, am I not like that? Great, I don’t owe you anything, I don’t need you, I like myself the way I am, and I don’t care about the rest! Usually such teenagers, refusing to do housework, help their parents, or communicate with their comrades, say: “I won’t do this because I don’t want to. And point. Or: “But I will do it or I will do it this way, because I want to do it that way.” Those who have achieved recognition among their peers and have “star selfishness” cherish their ideal image, declaring that “it’s not a royal thing to take out the trash, walk with your younger brother, go for bread, etc.” In any case, teenage selfishness is associated with the process of socialization, it is a strong stress that young people transfer from schools and yards to their families. Outside the home, a certain behavior is required from a person, which is not immediately adaptable and not for everyone, so at home he wants peace and care, and not new nit-picking and rules. Teenagers are vulnerable and need approval from relatives, but within reasonable limits. By providing the necessary comfort zone to your maturing child and explaining to him that the opinion of his comrades is not the ultimate truth, you can smooth out his selfish inclinations and maintain normal relations. The circle of friends and acquaintances may change, but the family will always remain the same; realizing that he will always be valued and loved in the family, a teenager will outgrow his selfishness much faster.

Often, children, seeing that their parents also do not meet the “standards”, for example, do not earn much or are not authorities for other adults, try to move away from them so as not to fall into the number of “losers”. Many children aged 13–16 are embarrassed by their parents, do not introduce them to their comrades, so as not to spoil their own image. This selfishness is a defensive reaction, a way to maintain one's status. If relations in the family are tense, teenagers move away from it, they can even run away from home to the company where they feel comfortable. If the relationship in the family is more or less trusting, then selfishness can be mitigated or overcome by explaining to the child that love and support, accepting him as he is, will only be there, and the rules and clichés outside world are too volatile and do not guarantee success even if they are perfectly matched.

Psychologists say that by the age of 15, an individual develops his personality, his psyche, and character. If before this period a person does not outgrow his teenage egoism, then he will remain in him as a part of himself. This vulnerable EGO, forced every day to prove its right to exist and confirm its status, seeking approval and recognition, will be with a person until old age.

The selfishness of an adult from 16 to 40 years old is associated with his search for himself in life and self-expression. Choosing a profession and building a career, creating a family, making money and buying property - during this period a person shows his egoism in a variety of ways, since everyone has different vital interests. Someone strives for everyone's attention, someone wants to retire, for someone, relationships with a spouse and children are important, and someone is working on defending a dissertation. In other words, if a person does not try to separate from society, but feels like a part of it, then it is very important for him to feel useful. Sometimes egoism turns this awareness of usefulness into an idea of ​​exclusivity, that is, into an opinion about one’s super-usefulness, uniqueness and super-value, which is why a person begins to have problems in relations with others. Someone is convinced that he does something better than others, knows more, is more talented, etc., therefore he should have more privileges and a head start over the rest. Naturally, this is not always the case in reality.

Another form of selfishness at this age is an attempt to avoid communication. A person knows that he cannot live up to accepted standards for some reason ("I'm too bad" or "I'm too good for the rest to understand me"), and tries to limit all contacts. In any case, he feels a sense of resentment from the fact that he cannot be accepted as he is; he complains about everyone and everything, blames anyone for his troubles, but not himself. Egoism is manifested in the fact that the personality itself does not strive for change; no matter how bad or good a person considers himself, for himself he is more significant than those around him, therefore they must change and adapt.

After forty years, a person undergoes a rethinking of values, an assessment of the lived period, an attempt to sum up some results and draw conclusions. At this age, a person usually understands whether he has succeeded as a person or not, whether he has achieved success in something or not, whether he is independent or dependent on something. Realizing that old age is just around the corner and it will not be possible to change the status quo by 180 degrees, many people either become discouraged or try to quickly catch up on what they have not yet had time to do. At this age, egoism is associated either with a desire to take a new place in life and society (“I hunched over you all my youth, let me live for myself”) or resentment and anger due to the lack of the desired recognition and evaluation (“I worked all my life from a call to call and got nothing. Of course, if a person has taken place at work, is happy in the family and has achieved what he wants, then he is satisfied enough and will not pull at him at night, whispering in his ear about wasted time.

In old age, selfishness manifests itself most clearly. But if parents can control and educate young children and are authorities for them, then old man any attempts to control him will be met with hostility, and he will respond to the advice of children and relatives with the well-known saying that eggs do not teach chicken. Senile egoism is twofold. On the one hand, sick and weak people require attention and care, and on the other hand, they are offended by excessive guardianship. The elderly do not want to feel like old people, they want equal treatment, they want to feel independent and needed, not to be a burden, but due to age, not everyone succeeds. Yes, there are cases when people lived to deep gray hair, while maintaining a cheerful disposition, efficiency and a bright mind, but in most cases old age is weakness and loneliness, which an aging person is afraid of even more than death. From this fear comes egoism. It is especially difficult for the relatives of those people whose mind has weakened over time and the person can no longer soberly assess his physical and mental state. Sick people consider themselves healthy, and it is impossible to convince them of this. Psychologists know that with age, the psyche becomes less plastic, people become stubborn and conservative, perceiving any innovations or changes as a threat to their usual life. It is almost impossible to cope with senile selfishness; if a person has not suffered from an inflated EGO throughout his life, then by his advanced years, egoism will appear on his own, if a person was selfish before, then with age you will not envy his environment. Often, due to selfish behavior, old people are left alone with living relatives, they suffer greatly from this, but their selfishness does not give them a chance to make contact and get along with the rules of the new generation.

In most cases, senile egoism "eats" those people who during their lives have not filled their lives with anything. inner world. Spiritual interests, a favorite thing, awareness of the meaning of life - all that a person relies on when the external, material loses its meaning, when he is left alone. The ability to occupy yourself, find a new goal, find the strength to change something in yourself for the common good, get close to people who value you for your personal qualities, the ability to stoically endure difficulties and not complain, not blame others for the troubles - all this will not work. selfishness to take possession of you in your declining years.

Benefit or harm

Many people will say that selfishness is definitely harmful. But is it really so? We have already talked about the theory of rational egoism, which combines the interests of society and the individual, as well as the egoism of a child, which helps the baby to define himself as an individual.

Each of us has his own personal space, body, range of important interests, that which forms the basis of his life, his personality. Often society invades this intimate zone for one reason or another. Few people love when strangers poking their noses into our personal lives, inquiring about what we don't think they need to know, doing for us what we want to do on our own. EGO does not tolerate such interference, so it protects its personal space through egoism. For example, a mother asks a child to clean up the room, because, from her point of view, there is a total mess, but from the point of view of the child, this is his Universe. Let a little chaotic, but his own. Mom acts for reasons of hygiene - after all, one cannot live in a littered room - but the child sees in this act an invasion of his personal life, an attempt to rebuild his worldview. Or another example: colleagues at work gossip about your personal life, ask tactless, from your point of view, questions, scribble memos to superiors with juicy details... In the days of the Soviet Union moral character worker was a matter of state, so the personal life of the Soviet worker was under the close eye of the party (Komsomol, pioneers, etc.), but now every person has the right not to tell anyone about his life. But the scope of our personal space, protected by the EGO, can include not only the details of our personal lives, but also official information necessary to move up the career ladder, any property that provides an advantage over competitors, a secret technology or skill that, when disclosed, lose their value or become dangerous ... In this case, selfishness - both of an individual and of any company, state - acts as an engine of competition. main slogan natural selection in nature - "survival of the fittest" - imbued with selfishness; interspecies egoism is the engine of evolution, and man, as part of nature, is also subject to it. This does not mean that you can cripple competitors, unleash wars of annihilation and eliminate anyone who gets in your way, however, without selfish motives, there would never be healthy competition. Not in the economy, not in politics, not in society. Selfishness is not a totally negative phenomenon, it is part of our nature, it just needs to be used within reasonable limits. Not to say that the history of mankind is saturated with humanism, however, egoistic messages gave mankind such phenomena as the monopoly of the state apparatus on the production of banknotes, which was an important factor in uniting small communities into single state; struggle for political independence, which inflicted on world map many new countries, including the USA; competition in the field high technology put forward a limited number of companies that ensure the proper quality of products, for example, in the field of aircraft and rocket manufacturing, etc. Selfishness for protective purposes can manifest itself in politics as voluntary self-isolation. Countries such as Japan and Bhutan, thanks to isolation, have preserved their national culture, and Switzerland, which has maintained neutrality for more than a century, not only avoided two world wars, but also became a political mediator, representing the interests of countries that do not have diplomatic relations. The competition of minds and views of individuals has given the world many philosophical schools and trends, outstanding scientists and their inventions, talented craftsmen and works of art. The selfish message of “being better and being ahead of the rest” pushed many people and their communities to great accomplishments. As long as this healthy selfishness did not cross the boundaries of morality, did not infringe on the rights of the other side and did not threaten rivals, it certainly brought benefits. Useful selfishness can be compared to a temple, which, although built in the name of God, full of wisdom and perfection, is nevertheless intended for ordinary people who could come there and receive benefit. Therefore, having caught yourself in selfishness, think about it: will the desired benefit bring you personally or will it benefit someone else?

Age of selfishness

The 21st century has already been dubbed the century of selfishness. Modern society infected with this phenomenon everywhere, but few sound the alarm and look for a cure. Sometimes one gets the impression that selfishness is not a natural phenomenon like an ordinary viral epidemic, but a kind of weapon of mass destruction artificially planted in society with the permission of governments and international organizations. Egoism is a degeneration of spirituality, it has nothing to do with intelligence or physical indicators, which are so fashionable now to study, count, evaluate and compare. However, a society of egoists will absolutely eat itself, because each person will turn into a small cancerous tumor, leaving not a single healthy cell that can survive. It is not worth saying that the “infection” occurs at the level of each consciousness separately, because from early childhood egoism is cultivated in people as a norm of behavior. Someone will object that this is not so, that there is also spiritual education, religion, Sunday schools, cultural traditions and simply moral people-teachers who share their invaluable experience. But looking around the entire human society as a whole, it becomes clear on which side the advantage is. There have never been many highly spiritual people who promote the ideas of altruism, humanism, universal love and compassion among the masses, but today such people can be called an endangered species. What is going on? The next stage of evolution and natural selection, where Homo sapiens gives way to Homo ambitiosus, or has mankind simply outlived its usefulness as an intelligent species? Mass media, mass printing and the Internet only accelerate this process.

It's hard to say how exactly it all started, but now we have what we have. In the last century, it was barely possible to defeat the "brown plague" and abolish racial segregation in the United States, when new misfortunes fell upon the world in the form of another wave of nationalism, religious confrontations and interethnic conflicts, where not only the Israeli people declare their chosenness. The end of the 20th century was marked by a real collapse of world religions. Islam began to be torn apart by radical currents. Catholic Church, which admitted some sins from its past, has acquired new scandals of a very unflattering content. Orthodox Church turned into a commercial shop, selling goods on the side, far from saving the soul, and serving citizens, like a notary's office - according to the price list. Many Buddhist spiritual centers have begun to go into the shadows, not allowing tourists and pilgrims to visit them, and ancient knowledge and texts taken out of the monasteries into the world are deliberately distorted for the sake of financial profit. Many pseudo-religions and sects simply flourished against this background in a riotous color.

The consumption policy pursued in the West, which turned a living person into a statistical unit for calculating GDP, may have coincided with the globalization of world economies for a reason. Having lost part of their individuality in the form of economic and national isolation, European countries faced with the loss of their own culture. The dominance of migrants, foreign labor, the policy of tolerance led to the fact that it became impossible for people in Europe to unite around something (country, language, nationality), as a result, everyone became, as it were, for himself, surrounded by hostile and alien elements. Instead of defending the interests of their people or culture, everyone alone vehemently cares only about his shirt, which, as you know, is closer to the body.

Slogans such as "take everything from life", "we live once", "it's better to apologize than to ask for permission" are indicators of modern moral values. The opportunity to unite or act together in such a world is almost absent, man is a wolf to man - that's new policy. Careerism, dirty technology and "black PR" have become commonplace. And this applies not only to people individually, but also to entire states, political entities that are ready to split the world into parts for the sake of individual benefits, almost in the truest sense of the word. This whole situation, unfortunately, is accompanied by a crisis of statehood itself. Where people are concerned only with personal interests, it is difficult to talk about work for the common good or a feat in the name of the Motherland. Armies, having become commercial, instead of the true interests of the people, now protect the interests of officials, since it seems absurd to a simple man in the street to voluntarily shed blood for incomprehensible ideals, and a mercenary will fulfill any order, the main thing is that the result be paid. Corruption and crime flourish within the state apparatuses. In order to maintain the appearance of a healthy political environment and stay at the top of the power pyramid, governments create multiple fictitious parties that are used as one-day firms, preventing people from making their choice and gathering real opposition. Many states at the turn of the century completely ceased to exist, mired in civil wars deliberately provoked with the help of national contradictions. Czechoslovakia and Yugoslavia have already been poisoned by the poison of national egoism, the Soviet Union and Ethiopia have disintegrated.

All the movements described above in the world political arena naturally take place in the struggle for world resources. Interstate selfishness is a very ancient phenomenon, known since the times of the civilizations of Egypt and the Sumerians, but only recently this selfishness has reached its apogee. Reasonable selfishness, which manifested itself in the last century, when countries entered into alliances and took into account the balance of political forces in the world when developing their own strategy, has now faded. Open attacks, unjustified interference in foreign sovereignty, widespread arms trade, violation of early agreements, non-fulfillment of obligations and double standards - these are the fruits of selfishness in the very high level. If you look at the distribution of natural resources, only a few countries have a wide range of them: Russia, the USA, Canada, China, South Africa and Australia, and the USA contains only 20% of the world's resources of the planet, and 40% is consumed; Western Europe, Canada, Japan share 20% of resources and consume 30%, developing countries have 35% mineral resources world, and consume only 16%. In total, it turns out that the developed countries in the United States, Canada, Western Europe and Japan have 40% of the resources and spend 70%. Almost twice as much. And these appetites keep growing and growing.

In the context of the struggle for world resources, arose in the highest degree egoistic theory of the "golden billion". In the 70s of the last century, a major study was commissioned, which showed that the resources on our planet would only be enough for 1 billion people. The customer of the study was the so-called "Committee of 300", representing the 300 richest and most politically influential families in the world. In this privileged billion, the members of the Committee included the population of the United States, Canada, Western Europe, Japan and Israel. And in accordance with this, programs were developed to reduce the population of countries not included in this list. The programs are quite official and active, including not only birth control, but also almost undisguised genocide. The birth control policy was officially applied in third world countries - India, Iran, Singapore; in China, it was abolished only in 2016.

Humanity entered the 21st century disunited and full of mutual suspicions. But nevertheless, a society saturated with egoism, although it suffered huge losses, has not yet come to its edge. A mass culture that glorifies selfish lifestyles and thoughtless consumerism is opposed by many people - both famous and not - public organizations and representatives of world religions who have remained true to the original ideals of humanity and compassion. Whose truth to accept and in which direction to move is a choice that each individual must make, and preferably before another catastrophe strikes.

How to deal with selfishness

Egoism, as already mentioned, is a problem of a spiritual nature, which means that it must be solved by appropriate methods. Asking how to deal with selfishness, many immediately imagine seminars and trainings, visits to a psychologist, various programs scheduled by day, but selfishness is a character trait inherent in all people from the very beginning, so “one-time therapy” will not help here. A person will have to eradicate egoism for a long time and thoroughly, having spent his whole life on this struggle.

There are two ways to cope with your egoism - the way of the mind and the way of the spirit. The first involves conscious self-control, a constant reminder to oneself that it is impossible to separate from society and satisfy one's ambitions without looking at others. The second method is more subtle and involves the development of spiritual qualities in a person: generosity, trust and openness, rejoicing (the ability to rejoice in the success of others), etc. The first method will not be able to completely eradicate egoism, but for people who are pragmatic, unemotional and with an intellectual mindset, it will help find the optimal balance between their claims and the rules of society. The second method is more effective, but a person will need to reconsider his worldview and change internally, make a revolution of consciousness, which not everyone can do.

Perhaps a very effective technique in the fight against selfishness is the development of generosity and the ability not to become attached to material things, whether they are purchased items or the results of your work. Giving gifts without thinking about their value, borrowing things, sharing something with friends, charity and volunteering - these actions directed “from oneself” will save a selfish person from the fear of being left with nothing, wasting everything to the last crumb for the benefit of others. The egoist associates himself with everything that he calls "mine". For such people, sharing and helping is a very difficult task, because it is like cutting a piece from your own flesh. It seems to an egoist that if he gives in at least something, he will lose everything at once: having donated a ruble, he will lose a million, and having given a piece of bread, he himself will begin to starve. In the one who asks, he sees the same egoist who, instead of a piece, will take away the whole loaf, and instead of a copper, he will steal a wallet. Naturally, you need to start small. As the process progresses, the fear of loss and distrust of people will melt away, allowing the person to develop trust and detachment.

Charity is a great way to develop generosity and humble your selfishness, but this tool must be used carefully and consciously. Today, there are countless charitable foundations and organizations in the world, funds are constantly collected for some purpose and in someone's support, but rarely the giver and the receiver stand face to face, discussing what exactly the donated funds will go for. And this is not about corruption and deceit, which are already enough, but about the fact that needy victims can be such on their own, shifting all the care of their salvation onto other people's shoulders. The hidden selfishness of such victims, asking for help, puts pressure on the guilt of people who have the means, although the victim herself did not lift a finger for her own salvation. And so it turns out that a compassionate benefactor simply puts a passive dependent on his neck, who, not striving for improvement, hangs his legs rather and will beg each time again and again. Yes, and start to reproach.

To maintain balance in society, simple moral rules must be observed: goodness should be rewarded, evil done should be punished, orderliness should be encouraged, and passivity should be punished. When receiving help, in response a person should at least feel gratitude; if the victim takes it for granted, then, most likely, the efforts spent will be in vain and will not bring positive results. Encouraging such selfish petitioners, the benefactors do not help them, but harm both themselves and the one who asks, since they themselves receive nothing in return, and the victim is corrupted even more by their own inaction.

Another pitfall is pseudo-charity. When someone provides help not out of compassion, but out of a sense of their own superiority, in order to maintain their image and create an image of a caring and noble person, then his selfishness only swells. Respect in the eyes of society and the status of a philanthropist for such a person is more valuable than the real fate of those whom he supposedly cares about. Moreover, donations in this case are not always of a monetary nature, it can be presented as a disinterested service to a profession or a significant activity in society. In extreme cases, such non-monetary egoism develops into narcissism: the doctor begins to identify himself with the right hand of God, the scientist - with the Creator, the policeman - with the law, the judge - with justice, the official - with the absolute monarch. Giving such egoists rights and privileges, society expects a reciprocal benefit, but egoists perceive the benefits granted to them as their own and are not going to thank anyone for this. In general, the lack of gratitude is, in the words of chemists, qualitative reaction to selfishness.

The fight against egoism is further complicated by the fact that it is simply impossible to destroy it under the root, since it is part of the person himself. Separation of oneself as a person, determination of one's personal space, one's individual inclinations, directions of development and activity - all this is impossible without basic innate egoism. Realizing that it is pointless to pull the blanket over oneself, that serving for the benefit of others is wonderful, a person nevertheless understands that this should not be done to the detriment of oneself. If I myself will need, I will be sick, I will not have any skills and rights to do something, then what is the use of me?

Drawing a conclusion from the above, we can conclude that egoism should be used for good, engaging in conscious self-improvement. If serving society is the goal, then the instrument must be in good working order and sharp. The solitary egoist cherishes himself for his own sake, the humane egoist educates himself for society. The higher the requirements for oneself, the more benefit and more good such a person can give. By sacrificing their knowledge and talents to the world, such people make certain demands on society, but not for the sake of pleasure, but for the sake of more efficient work. Many geniuses, as we have already noted, had their oddities, which nevertheless provided them with the comfort necessary for work.

Spiritual growth, self-development, improvement are the most worthy human activities, especially if they are carried out for the benefit of all. The consumer society that prevails today excludes this possibility, allowing only the receipt of benefits, and not their distribution. The meaning of life in such a society is reduced to the satisfaction of basic and selfish needs and an even greater decline in spirituality. To overcome classical egoism at the level of a state or the whole world, without overcoming it at the level of each individual mind, is a utopia. Until people understand that caring for one's own welfare is not a goal, but only a means to achieve another goal - the common good - that the requirements for a person as a rational being and a member of society should not be externally material, but moral and spiritual in nature. , until then the world will teeter on the brink of decay, like the unstable core of a radioactive element.

Selfishness Test

This test will not give an answer to the question of whether you are an egoist or not, but it will help you roughly evaluate some of your qualities that indicate a selfish nature. There are 42 statements in the test; indicate the degree to which your opinion is consistent with each statement. The questions are divided into six blocks, count the number of points for each of them. So, let's begin.

Block I

1. I am sincerely interested in the life of my friends and relatives, I ask how they are doing.
Always - 3
Sometimes - 2
Never - 1

2. If someone nearby is depressed or in a bad mood, I will definitely try to listen to him and somehow help him.
Always - 3
Sometimes - 2
Never - 1

3. I don't like it when others take me away from urgent matters for the sake of solving my own problems or having heart-to-heart conversations.
Yes 1
Sometimes - 2
No - 3

4. I feel good about the mood of the people around me, as well as how they treat me.
Always - 3
Sometimes - 2
Never - 1

5. I never show my disappointment and do not complain in public, I prefer to keep all emotions to myself.
Always - 3
Sometimes - 2
Never - 1

6. I get annoyed emotional people who either “load” everyone with their problems, or tease when they have fun.
Always - 3
Sometimes - 2
Never - 1

7. I am interested in knowing the inner world of my interlocutor, his ideas, worldview and feelings.
Yes - 3
Depends on the interlocutor - 2
No - 1

Block II

8. I don't offer help unless the person asks for it.
Always - 3
Sometimes - 2
Never - 1

9. I do not ask for help myself, I try to do everything on my own.
Always - 3
Sometimes - 2
Never - 1

10. It is difficult for me to offer someone help, even if I see that the person needs it.
Yes 1
Sometimes - 2
No - 3

11. Helping others is more difficult for me than pleasant.
Yes 1
Sometimes - 2
No - 3

12. I love teaching people something new, sharing my experience, I don't keep secrets.
Yes - 3
Depends on information - 2
No - 1

13. I hate it when they offer me help: it seems to me that they doubt me.
Always - 3
Sometimes - 2
Never - 1

14. It’s easier for me not to help, but to do all the work for someone else.
Always - 3
Sometimes - 2
Never - 1

Block III

15. It is difficult for me to speak in public, I do not feel that the audience understands me.
Always - 3
Sometimes - 2
Never - 1

16. In the company of strangers, I do not feel constrained.
Always - 3
Sometimes - 2
Never - 1

17. I am not interested in the internal motives of people's behavior, I judge them by perfect actions.
Always - 3
Sometimes - 2
Never - 1

18. I am always glad to listen to a person, to be a vest for tears and sympathize with him.

Always - 3
Sometimes - 2
Never - 1

19. If I have made a decision, then I do not wait for approval or reprimand, but I act.
Always - 3
Sometimes - 2
Never - 1

20. I do not have a trusted person, so I do not trust anyone with my secrets and secrets.
Yes 1
Depends on the situation - 2
No - 3

21. Sometimes I feel alone in this world, underestimated and misunderstood.
Always - 1
Sometimes - 2
Never - 3

Block IV

22. I willingly agree to some activity purely out of interest or pleasure.
Always - 3
Sometimes - 2
Never - 1

23. I make sure that all my work is rewarded: if payment is late or incomplete, I make a claim
Always - 1
Sometimes - 2
Never - 3

24. I love giving gifts more than receiving them.
Yes - 3
Depends on the situation - 2
No - 1

25. I do not consider the outcome of the case successful if I do not get something beneficial for myself from the result.
Always - 1
Sometimes - 2
Never - 3

26. The interests and needs of other people are more priority for me than my own, I try to provide comfort to them, and then to myself.
Always - 3
Sometimes - 2
Never - 1

27. I do not chase after praise, and when someone is praised in my presence, I do not feel the desire to be in his place.
Always - 3
Sometimes - 2
Never - 1

28. I lend and help, even if it is to my detriment.
Yes - 3
Depends on the situation - 2
No - 1

Block V

29. In a dispute, I try to put myself in the place of the interlocutor and understand the essence of someone else's point of view, even if it does not coincide with mine.
Always - 3
Sometimes - 2
Never - 1

30. If my opinion does not coincide with someone else, then I will not even listen to him.
Yes 1
Sometimes - 1
No - 3

31. I listen carefully to the interlocutor and ask him again if something is not clear to me.
Always - 3
Sometimes - 2
Never - 1

32. I do not change my decisions, even if new circumstances are discovered or a different, more reasonable point of view appears.
Yes 1
Sometimes - 2
No - 3

33. In a dispute, it is more important to come to the truth than to defend one's position.
Always - 3
Sometimes - 2
Never - 1

34. I listen to others, but their opinions have little influence on my decisions.
Always - 1
Sometimes - 2
Never - 3

35. I admit that there may be several solutions to a problem, and all of them may be correct.
Yes - 3
Depends on the issue being addressed - 2
No - 1

Block VI

36. I build my environment not according to the personal qualities of people, but according to their attitude towards me.
Yes 1
Depends on the situation - 2
No - 3

37. I try to think well of others, my own image and reputation are of little interest to me.
Yes - 3
Sometimes - 2
No - 1

38. I know how to rejoice in the success of my comrades, envy does not gnaw at me.
Always - 3
Sometimes - 2
Never - 1

39. Even having quarreled with a friend, I continue to consider him my friend.
Yes - 3
Sometimes - 2
No - 1

40. I believe that pride and self-esteem are the qualities of worthy people, and they are not inherent in petty, weak-willed and stupid people.
Yes 1
Depends on the individual - 2
No - 3

41. I like to work in solitude, do individual activities, I am not a team player.
Yes 1
Depends on the situation - 2
No - 3

42. I do not tolerate violence and coercion, rudeness and rude treatment of people.
Yes - 3
Depends on the situation - 2
No - 1

results

Unit I Questions 1 to 7

• Points from 7 to 11 Focusing only on one's own feelings, callousness and inattention to the state of others.
• Points from 12 to 16 Attention to the feelings and moods of others, the ability not to dwell on personal experiences.
• Points from 17 to 21 The ability to subtly feel the mood and emotions of other people, deeply sympathize and empathize.

Unit II Questions 8 to 14

• Points from 7 to 11 Rejection of someone else's support, inability to explain or teach something, the habit of relying on oneself.
• Points from 12 to 16 Providing assistance only when necessary, as well as accepting it, demanding independence both from oneself and from others.
• Points from 17 to 21 The joy of helping, the ability to lend a friendly shoulder and share any experience.

Unit III Questions 15 to 21

• Points from 7 to 11 Closure, distrust of people, unwillingness to show understanding to others and to be understood by oneself.
• Points from 12 to 16 The ability to communicate and make friends, while keeping your inner world secret.
• Points from 17 to 21 Sociability, the ability to understand other people's motives and easily trust people with their secrets.

Unit IV Questions 22 to 28

• Points from 7 to 11 Orientation to personal benefits and interests, even if they run counter to the public.
• Points from 12 to 16 Willingness to sacrifice something for the sake of the environment, but without harming oneself.
• Points from 17 to 21 Orientation to the needs of the environment, willingness to sacrifice a lot for the sake of the common good.

Block V Questions 29 to 35

• Points from 7 to 11 Unwillingness to accept or listen to someone else's point of view, uncompromising proof of one's own rightness and upholding one's views.
• Points from 12 to 16 The ability to listen and understand the interlocutor, as well as stubbornly defend their views.
• Points from 17 to 21 The ability to understand and evaluate someone else's point of view, the search for truth, and not the rightness in a dispute, the willingness to listen to new ideas and agree with one's own wrong.

Unit VI Questions 36 to 42

• Points from 7 to 11 Narcissism, concern for reputation, choosing the environment for the image, rather than friendships.
• Points from 12 to 16 The ability to create a comfortable environment around oneself, to show attention and interest to people, but not to lose face in their presence.
• Points from 17 to 21 The desire to be in the company and make friends, the ability to respect and please people, regardless of their attitude towards you.

How to get rid of selfishness and love yourself - this is the most controversial statement of our time. Nevertheless, egoists are very unhappy people. Why can such a conclusion be drawn?

Terminology

After examining the most popular dictionaries of our time, we can conclude what egoism is. This is not a quality, but rather a life conviction that positions itself as a person’s desire to benefit from everything by any means. A selfish person focuses solely on his feelings, needs and experiences. The inner ego of such people is insatiable and constantly demands more. It is impossible to say about an egoist that he is modest or satisfied with life. He constantly wants to have what others have.

Is selfishness always bad?

Some argue that egoists are people who truly love themselves. But is it really so? Alas. To be a complete egoist is to constantly experience tension from the thought that you are missing something, you are deprived, others are better and more necessary. The desire for peace and comfort, which constantly haunts the selfish, does not bring him what he wants. In fact, the egoist loves neither others nor himself. Often such people are lonely and deeply unhappy. In the trends of the modern world, knowing how to get rid of selfishness is vital.

However, it is worth noting that the share of this character trait is inherent in every living creature. This is one of the mandatory facets of psychological healthy person. It is important to balance this quality with others and behave accordingly. But we will talk about how to do this at the end. Now we need to understand why it is so difficult to get rid of egoism.

A struggle that few endure

In fact, to wonder, and selfishness, is already half the battle. A person must recognize that he urgently needs to start working on himself. However, the struggle with this facet of personality begins with the expansion of consciousness. This is difficult, because you have to learn to think first of all about the needs of others. Moreover, one must realize that the problems of a person are not the most important, and there are more serious things that need attention. In addition, the egoist will have to accept the fact that not all of his actions will benefit him. The last one is perhaps the most difficult.

Manifestation of selfishness

According to psychologists, selfishness in the modern world is not a vice, but a fashion trend. This word is used to name countless restaurants, nightclubs and various shops. In Ukraine, for example, there is even a special loyalty program for regular visitors to fast food restaurants, which is called “EGOists”. What is her message? Eat for your ego. By the way, this is the slogan of this program.

The most clearly considered quality is revealed in family relationships, because at home people become what they are. Egoists in the family are real kings, to whom everyone owes everything. Often, over time, tyranny appears in the family.

If a suspicion creeps into a person that he is too focused on himself, it is worth considering how often he is ready to give up his own desires in favor of others, how much and often he talks about himself and whether he knows how to share the latter. By the way, selfishness is often compared with greed.

If we talk about how to get rid of selfishness, the advice of a psychologist will be more than ever useful. Experts recommend doing this in four stages.

1. Stop limiting your mind. The boundaries that an egoist sets within himself do not allow him to live to the fullest, because they barely go beyond his own nose. Basically, the selfish person has no idea what other people might be experiencing. So how do you expand your own consciousness? Learn to listen to others and hear their difficulties. Think about what kind of nice things you can do for people close to you.
2. Communicate without the pronoun "I". The best way how to get rid of selfishness is to teach yourself to talk about your person as little as possible. It is important to stop imposing your opinion on people and be sincerely interested in what is happening in people's lives.
3. Love someone other than yourself. Psychologists recommend getting yourself a pet first. The main difficulty of this step is that you cannot get away from the animal. You need to take care of him constantly - feed, clean and play with him.
4. Find satisfaction in what you have. If we talk about self-love, then the biggest problem is to learn to be content with everything you have.

In search of how to get rid of selfishness, you can find different tips, but it’s worth remembering that the work on yourself will be long and laborious. Where does selfishness come from?

origins

Before you get rid of selfishness in a relationship, you need to find the cause of its occurrence in order to prevent a relapse. As mentioned earlier, the ego is a part of the subconscious that helps to stay mentally healthy. It corrects the perception of the external world by evaluating, planning and comparing with past experience. In fact, the ego beautifully shapes the inner man. It is only important not to give him full power. Why?

At times, the ego influences in such a way that a person begins to desire what he really does not need, and with the necessary, the situation changes radically. This can be illustrated with a simple telephone example. Now hardware stores are full of various gadgets, and for little money you can buy the most common push-button phone for calls and SMS. Great option, right? But here's a friend's touch branded smartphone. In fact, you just need to make calls, and you know that other functions will not be used, but the inner ego is indignant - buy one like a friend's, or even better, even a model higher. This is the difference between what is needed and what the ego imposes.

Knowing how to get rid of selfishness, you can make your life easier. And the phone example is proof of that.

Lack of selfishness - is it possible?

Unfortunately, there are those who misunderstand the principle of working on self-love, and instead of learning to love themselves and others equally, they begin to live for the benefit of others. Of course, it is important to think about the benefits for the people around you, but you should not forget about the ego either. Remember that it is a balanced attitude to everything that makes it possible to remain a mentally balanced person.

conclusions

Of course, everything described above is a huge work and constant self-control. But in fact, pacifying your ego is not so difficult - you just need to look at the world more broadly. Any person, even the closest one, can be interesting if you constantly recognize him. The ability to put the interests of others first is also not so difficult to acquire. The main thing is to have an irresistible desire to learn it. Remember how others react when they see that they are being shared and thought about. If you set aside just one day and completely devote it to your loved one, you can see how it blooms, and you become brighter and happier in your soul.

How to get rid of selfishness, every member of the family should think. The phrases “I didn’t say that it’s easy with me”, “you owe me”, “I know better, don’t interfere”, “I can handle it without your help” and everything in this spirit. Any signs of selfishness will only spoil the relationship between loved ones and be reflected in the rest of the family. Remember that self-love should be in every person, but in equal proportion with modesty, self-sacrifice and love. Otherwise, happiness will not be a guest in the home of proud people.